Closed Captions

So I've been reading a local paper here in Chicago called The Red Eye a lot lately and they have this segment in there called Captions. Basically they put a picture up and you can text in a caption for the picture. If it's what they consider the best one then they feature it in the next day's issue along with your name. Well by chance a couple of weeks ago one of my captions actually was chosen. The image is below.

You may have to click on it to read clearly. But basically it's a pic of Ryan Seacrest with his hands in his pocket on what looks like a red carpet. My caption read: "I would take my hands out of my pockets but I didn't get my manicure this morning." Then my name is to the right of it.

So I thought it would be fun to do something similar on this blog. I'll see what types of random and hopefully funny pics I can find online. Then I will see what kind of caption I can come up with for each. Don't worry I'll try to keep it clean for the most part or maybe not. LoL. Also, I usually come off the top of the head so I can't guarantee the captions will be 100% funny. But I've been told that I tend to crack myself up and laugh at my own jokes often. So if nothing else this will be entertaining to me. LOL.

Alright Here we go!

"I know I'm a bit new to this going down town thing. I mean I've heard of eating pussy but no one ever told me it would eat you back!"

Shaq: "Sorry Lebron I put on a little weight over the off season. But we can still make a run for the title this season. Look I can finally knock down my Free throws!!"

No one really knew that Notorious B.I.G. believed in Hinduism. Well he was reincarnated into this deer, but he's still spitting his same lyrics "Big is lookin to hurt what's under that skirt!!"

"Before I started taking Viagara I was only able to make women rise using magic. But now when the time is right I can rise to the occasion as well." ;-)


Girl: **Reading Cue Card in obvious reading voice** You may not believe it, but it is true, if it was not for his shirt I wouldn't have been attracted to him."

"Dammit grandma stop being a light weight. This is the last time I take shots of Patron with you."

"Hey dude remember that stripper from the bachelor party last night wearing the mask? Look at your bride's tongue ring. Doesn't it terribly look familiar?"

Guy Pointing:"Damn homie you see the ass on shorty right there she thick as hell!?!" Last guy on right: Nigga put on your glasses that's Olive Oil!!

Guy: "I know you can't wait to get me home can you?" Girl: **Laughs** "Have you ever hear that how a man dances is similar to how he performs in bed?" **Shrugs** "Good thing I have a vibrator."

"Damn weed has me with the munchies and I only had enough money for 5 bags of snacks. But if I throw this book hard enough at the vending machine glass it may break and I can get more."

"Thanks girls for adding more songs to my I-Tunes for me. This new shit by Jigga is off the Heazy for Sheezy! Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey Goodbye!"

"I should've known not to trust her hating ass. How the hell did I let her convince me to do the Stanky Leg down a runway anyways?"




"Not only do I use this to take the whole family's blood pressure. But truth be told this thing doubles as a penis pump for your dad."

"She's not quite Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazard. But hell, she's close enough. Besides at my age I don't get too many of these opportunities."

Man: **Does Bird call** "What Happen to that Boy?" Woman: "Honey let's go! I told you that no matter how many times you do that stupid bird call you will not be ballin like Baby from Cash Money Millionaires."

"Ladies and gentlemen I am broadcasting live from atop a 7-Story building where I will attempt to be the first reporter to end his fear of heights on Live television."

Okay that's all I could find online. Hope you got at least 1 or 2 laughs out of those. Hell I got more than a few while writing. LoL. I'll try to find more random pics for another of these posts at a later date.

--C-Recks--