What's In a Name?

"You got a bad name like Dick Butkis" - J-Ro of the Alkaholiks from "Another Level"

For those who don't know, Dick Butkis was a Hall of Fame linebacker for the Chicago Bears. As a life long Bears fan, I've always known who he was, but it wasn't until I heard this song that I had ever analyzed his name. And yes, it had to be hard growing up with a name like that. (Kids can be so cruel). I myself have a rather unusual name. I mean, a black man in America named Andreas? Can't say that I've run across any other black man with my name. As a matter of fact, I hated my name when I was a kid. (Like 5 and 6). I wanted to change my name to Michael. Thank God I came to my senses. No offense to any Michael's in the audience, its just that I have a unique personality. And thus my unique name fits me. Plus I think its kinda cool to be named after my mom Andrea. (Yes I know I'm pandering, but hey, Christmas is coming up, and I can always use the extra brownie points. Lol).

With all of that being said, I want to nominate Heath and Deborah Campbell of Hunterdon County, NJ, as the worse parents in the world. I've never met Heath or Deborah, but after reading this, I think you'll agree with me. Heath and Deborah have three children. The oldest being a son named...(wait for it)... Adolf Hitler Campbell. I swear I'm not making this up. Young Adolf turned 3 recently. Like all parents, Heath and Deborah wanted to get him a birthday cake with his name on it. They contacted their local grocery store, and tried to place an order for the cake. But there's one simple twist. Heath and Deborah asked for his entire name to be placed on the cake. Well, needless to say, the store declined their request.

Heath and Deborah were eventually able to get the cake of their choice at a Wal-mart in Pennsylvania. I don't know how this story made it to the public square, but Heath did an interview in which he said "I think people need to take their heads out of the cloud they've been in and start focusing on the future and not the past." Well Heath, I must tell you that when you name your child after someone who is, almost, single handedly responsible for the murder of 6 million people, its sure to raise more than an eyebrow or two. It actually trips me out that this dude is claiming some kind of ignorance about the response to his and his wife's actions. Heath made a further mockery of himself by asserting that "There's a new President and he says that it's time for a change; well then it's time for a change. They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did."

While that might not be the case, you have to admit Heath, there's a certain racist element to naming you child Adolf Hitler. When that issue was brought up, Deborah Campbell revealed that 12 people attended the party, including several mixed children. As Heath exclaimed "If we're so racist, then why would I have them come into my home?" Well Heath, I can't explain the logic behind that decision. However I will say this about your "possibly" racist tendencies. Its bad enough that you named you son Adolf Hitler Campbell. But when your wife gave birth to a daughter a year later, you and Deborah decided to name her................(wait for it).................. JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. (I shit you not). Now Heath, can I be real with you? I might have been able to let you slide with the whole Adolf thing. Not my preference, but to each his own. But picking "Aryan Nation" as your daughter's middle name; well, that just slaps of an agenda. A RACIST one! Their third child's name is Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. I can't say that there's anything overtly racist about that name, but given Heath and Deborah's track record, I will be doing some investigating.

Heath said that they named their son Adolf Hitler because "no one else in the world will have that name." Well Heath, you're probably wrong. I'm sure that somewhere in this world of 8 billion people, some other racist MF had the very same idea as you. They just didn't call their local grocery store and try and order a birthday cake with his name on it. I understand the concept unique names, but can we draw the line somewhere? I blame Hollywood for this crap. You know, the people naming their children such things as Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter), Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon's son), Diva Muffin and Moon Unit (Frank Zappa's daughters), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's son), and Zuma Nesta Rock (Gwen Stefani's daughter).

Again, I understand the need to want to name your children something unique. But as a parent, you're supposed to put your children's needs ahead of your own personal agenda. And there's no way you can't say that young Adolf wouldn't have an easier time going through life as Michael Campbell.

-DrizaDre-