Just a Friend??

"Oh baby you, you got what I need...but you say he's just a friend, but you say he's just a friend"



We all laugh when remembering the above video for Biz Markie's song just a friend with him sporting a Mozart wig and singing off key. Although in his 1989 song he chose to approach the subject in a comical sense, what the knowledge that Biz was dropping back then is still relevant over 20 years later. In fact, I would venture to say that the "just a friend" problem continues to be a crucial problem or burden in today's relationship world.

I'm sure most of us have been here before in one way or the other. Whether you're in a relationship and have a "platonic" friendship with a member of the opposite sex or if you're single and have a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Regardless of which situation you fall into either way somehow Biz's words will hit home.

Another comedic take on the situation came from comedian Chris Rock. His stance was "women have platonic friends, while guys have women that we just haven't f**ked yet." His words not mine. Check the video below (Sorry for the low quality).




Regardless of which side of the fence you're on this is one subject that we can never get away from when it comes to men, women, friendship and relationships. I've definitely been in this situation before and had to deal with it from both sides of the issue. However, I won't go into that too much on this blog. But if you'd like to hear more of my view point and stance on the issue I cordially invite you to continue the conversation via @TheJadedNyer's Blog Talk Radio Show airing tonight at 9pm CST, 10pm EST. Click the link below to check it out.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thejadednyer/2010/03/16/mars-vs-venus-can-men-women-just-be-friends

I've been invited to be a guest host and speak on this very subject. We'll delve deep into it and address topics such as: If you're both single can you really just be friends, what is considered 'just a friend' anyway and is there ALWAYS sexual tension involved? So it should definitely be a good convo. Unfortunately, I'll be dolo as my blog brother will be at work and unable to lend his viewpoint. But I'll do my best to hold it down. Please tune in, call in and give your perspective, visit the chat room, and follow along via twitter @crecks.


--C-Recks--

Diamonds Are Forever??

I was listening to the radio last week and a caller called in saying how much she adores her boyfriend, how great of a guy he is, and how much she was in love with him, etc. Well she went on to say how they're now talking about getting engaged. She then explained that the rings he was looking at just weren't flashy enough. And how she works for a big P.R. agency and she can't be seen with some small engagement ring.

Now I was married once and I remember when I proposed to my ex I was like 19 years old. I was going to school and working 2 jobs. I could barely afford to pay attention let alone the bills. So I would say the original ring I purchased and proposed with was maybe $300 at most. But it was what I could afford at the time. The next year I got a better job and prior to getting married upgraded the engagement ring to something that was more expensive. But it really really didn't make a difference about the ring because at the time we were so in love.

So I have a question: Is it the size of the ring? Or is it the love in your heart that really matters?

Or is it that the ring should be a reflection of the love?

Well each of you reading can formulate your own answers to the above questions. We all have our own opinions and I guess since I have the floor I'll share mines.

First off although it may not seem like it at times (based on some of my previous blog entries), I actually do believe in Real Love, marriage and all of the wonderful things that come along with it. So with that said I think it's a beautiful thing when a couple is in Real love and progress from dating, to engagement and eventually to marriage.

So with that said let's examine the ring. We know that the ring is a symbol of a woman's promise to give herself in marriage to the man in the future. Also, we have all heard the traditional price to spend on a ring is 2-3 months wages or salary. Well I have always heard this, but I never knew where this statement came from. Well according to Wiki this guideline originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds. So basically this guideline has to be one of the most successful and long running marketing schemes to date. In fact, the slogan "A Diamond is Forever" coined in 1947, was recently named as one of the best slogans of the 20th Century. So, 100 plus years later we're still going by De Beers guideline and increasing revenue for the diamond industry.

Now I'm not trying to approach this subject from a cheap man's perspective. I honestly feel like if you love the woman and truly want her to marry you then you should go all out and show her how much, but within reason. I feel like when purchasing a ring a man should take some things into consideration just like any other major purchase. And I'm sure we all agree that purchasing an engagement ring is a major purchase. So this is no different than purchasing a house or a car; therefore, you should consider a number of questions. For instance, can you really afford this ring? What if she doesn't accept? Then what is the return policy? How will you pay? Cash or credit? What about the wedding itself? Will you have to pay for the wedding? Or are you lucky enough to have her parents follow tradition and pay for the wedding?

"On average, US couples spend $28,732 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $14,366 and $35,915 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring." "The average cost of a diamond engagement ring is $3,500 to $4,000."

Although all men would love to propose with the biggest Flinstones' rock on her finger, sometimes it's just not feasible. Let's add a real world example. Recently singer Beyonce who's married to rapper Jay-Z openly discussed details of her marriage. "In eschewing tradition, Beyonce didn't want an engagement ring, as it is "just material and it's just silly to me." Instead, the lovebirds got matching tattoos on their ring fingers of the Roman numeral IV — a digit not only significant because of her wedding date. Beyonce was born Sept. 4; Jay-Z, Dec. 4. "What Jay and I have is real," she said." Now imagine that. Jay-Z can afford to buy anything he wants, including the most expensive engagement ring imaginable. Now to refer to the opening example, I would say that Beyonce has a much bigger image to keep up than the young lady at her little PR agency job.

All I can say is that in this economy knowing what I make I would hate to be in a relationship that is heading towards engagement. Unless I was lucky enough to have a woman that will say something like Beyonce I would seriously have to wait until I saved up enough money. However, I would potentially run the risk of being consider one of those guys that want the milk without paying for the Cow. So what is a guy to really do? But there are so many factors to consider when you're trying to choose that perfect engagement ring. Just know that if you don't represent correctly she probably won't be the person you hear it from. You should be more concerned about the external pressures. Yep you unfortunately you should be worrying about "what will so and so think of the ring?" She may even be fine with the inexpensive ring initially, but may quickly change once people get in her ear.

Her girls: "Girl it's nice and we happy for you and happy he finally popped the question lord knows we thought the day would never come, but damn all this time and that's as much as your man loves you? That ring is a lil' small aint it?"

The Scavengers: "So you say you engaged huh? Well I can't really tell from the ring you're wearing. If I was your Fiance' you'd be wearing a real ring."

Her Dad: "You know I don't really like the boy anyway. And if he can't even buy you a suitable ring then I can't understand how he's going to take care of you."

You can trust and believe that by the time all of them finish talking you'll be hoping that you haven't passed the 30 day return period yet. Bottom line is this I'm not hating on a man that can buy his potential wife a $25,000 ring or better. I'm simply saying when did the focus of love and marriage get switched to how much the ring you buy is worth? If I love you unconditionally then whether I'm rich or poor or somewhere in between that love is going to be the same. If I can't get you that 5 karat diamond engagement ring to begin with then I ask you to accept this 1 or 2 karat. I know that you're worth more than gold and diamonds. And I promise I will upgrade this ring as time goes on and as my income increases. But maybe that's just me.

Basically when I plan to get married again I want to have that Grandmother and Grandfather love. I don't know what happen but people have gotten away from that. You know your grandparents started out with basically nothing but love, that is if they even got an engagement ring back then. But your grandfather did what he could when he could and eventually got her a ring and by time we were old enough to know grandma had a beautiful wedding ring. But as much as they went through they still had that Real Love. That unconditional Love. No matter how bad things got or what flaws the other person had they still stuck it out and took "til death do us part" to heart. So if you have that type of Love, then the type of ring you have doesn't matter, nor does any other material thing. Because you can't put a price on love. I'm just saying, I'd rather have Love that's forever than a diamond that is supposedly forever.

But as for the subject at hand. However you feel about the engagement ring I just feel like it's a conversation that each individual couple should discuss. Communication is key. Make sure you're on the same level when it comes to engagement, proposal and marriage. If you know that your potential fiance' will want an expensive ring then you better get on the grind and start saving for that ring. Or perhaps you can use Jay-Z and Beyonce as a way to get out of having to buy a ring and getting a tattoo instead. I dont recommend trying it unless you got Jay's type of money. Or maybe you can use the line that Method Man said in the song "All I need" Featuring Mary J. Blige, "Word life you don't need a ring to be my wife." But to be honest I doubt either will work but good luck with that!

--C-Recks--

Don't Quit Your Date Job

Since I began searching for a new job a few months back I have gone through the entire process from beginning to end. Likewise I have been single for a while and dating off and on for a while as well. I recently just started thinking about the 2 processes and began to notice some similarities between job hunting and searching for a mate. These thoughts led me to me conclude that the 2 are almost one in the same. I know it may sound a bit odd but let me go ahead and break it down for you.





Apply
When you find a job that interests you the first step to obtaining that job is to apply for it. So you submit your application whether it be in person or online. Well when you're looking for that special someone you have to sort of start with an application as well. When you first meet that person it's like applying for a job. You're letting it be known that you're interested in the position (in this case being their man or woman) that is available. So you go up to that person and introduce yourself have a brief conversation and depending on how well it goes one of two things will happen. You will either get that person's phone number or you will leave yours with them. However, if that initial meeting didn't go well your application (phone number) will most likely immediately be trashed.

Therefore, first impressions are always important. Most people think to only dress up for the interview. But even when just submitting a job application the way you dress/look when you drop off or fill out that application is crucial. If you come in looking like you want and deserve the job then you're most likely to reach the next stage in the hiring process. But if you don't dress the part most likely the person that takes your application will discard it and not forward it on. And when you do submit that application you will receive the same response all the time. "We will review your application against those of other qualified applicants and if we find your qualifications meet our needs we will contact you." In dating terms this essentially means don't call me I'll call you.


Phone Interview
Once you've submitted your application you have to await a call back. Now what will be taking place in this time is a brief review of your qualifications. Although it was a short encounter again first impressions are everything. So once it has been determined that you are a potential candidate for employment an initial phone call will be made. Now just like an in person interview you must be prepared for this phone interview. Make sure the call is uninterrupted. You don't want to have your phone blowing up on the other end and constantly be putting the other party on hold.

During this phone interview you will be asked all types of questions regarding your education and present and past dating history and experience. Including the length of those relationship and why your employment was terminated with that previous employer. Also, you will be asked about your best and worst qualities, your good and bad habits, your hopes/aspirations, etc. If it wasn't asked on the initial application the "have you ever been convicted of felony?" question will come up. Basically they want to know what you will bring to the table. What will you do to add to or improve an already successful (single) operation. It is important to answer these questions carefully and honestly as they may come up again if you make it to the next stage in the interview process. The phone interview process may take place over a number of phone calls and conversations as the prospective employer gathers information on you and determines whether to invite you to interview with them personally.


In Person Interview
Once the employer has conducted the telephone interviews they will either determine that you're not qualified enough or that you may have potential and invite you to interview in person aka on a date. When the date and time has been set it is important that you again prepare for this interview. Review your responses to the previous phone interview questions as they may come up again and you want to make sure your answers are the same. Also, you must dress even better than you did when you submitted your initial application. This is your opportunity to show them that you can dress the part. Even if the meeting is informal you still want to make a good impression. So once you arrive and greet your perspective employer your interview will begin. Most of the same questions will come back up but you will be judged more on your ability to answer the questions honestly, correctly and confidently. If you successfully impress the prospective employer in this stage of the interview process then you may be invited for a 2nd interview. As you converse and speak you try to get a feel for the person asking the questions. You get smiles, nods, and even the occasional laugh. However, once the interview is done you're still never quite sure how you did. You may feel as if it was your best ever. But again, you can never predict the thoughts of the person interviewing you. So they leave you with those parting words. "Thank you for interviewing with us today, we have a few other candidates to interview and we'll be making our decision by next week." This again means don't call me I may call you.


2nd Interview
So you breezed through the in person interview and passed with flying colors. Well when you get that call back please don't assume that it is to offer you the position. In fact, you're still quite a ways from the finish line. This call back is most likely going to be an invitation to interview a second time. Now with most employers the second interview is with someone higher up such as a manager or CEO. However, in dating terms you will have to be interviewed by "the friend(s)." So you may be invited out with her and her girls or him and his boys. The purpose of this interview is for the employer to get the approval or disapproval of their friends. This interview is actually harder than the 2 previous ones. The reason being, that you are being evaluated and scrutinized by 2 or more individuals. Not to mention you are not privy to what information has already been told about you to those friends. Therefore, they could have a preconceived notion about you to begin with. However, your goal is to charm the hell out of those friends with hopes that they will give you a good review and their approval of you being able to succeed in this position.


Job Offer
The time has come!! With glee and joy you answer your phone, check your mail box and e-mail awaiting response on the job. But when it comes don't get your hopes up too high. That management position you were seeking you don't yet qualify for. However, there is an internship position that is available. It is non-paid, and there are no "benefits." But if you work very hard in this position you can eventually get promoted to higher positions and reach that desired level. Are you still interested in working for this employer? If not trust there is another ready and willing applicant that will start off doing whatever job they have to just to be employed.


Career Path
Unfortunately you didn't nail the position you were seeking. However, the bright side is you are now employed by a great employer and as stated you do have potential to move up if you do a good enough job. There will be regular review of your performance monthly. Below are the stages of progression you will go through before achieving your desired goal.




Intern - Dating
Entry Level Position - Exclusively Dating
Sr. Associate - Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Supervisor/Manager - Fiance'
Executive - Husband/Wife


Disclaimer
Make sure that you re-read the disclaimer that was on the bottom of the application you originally filled out.


I certify that the information contained in this application is correct to the best of my
knowledge. I understand that to falsify information is grounds for refusing to hire me, or
for discharge should I be hired.

I authorize any person, organization or company listed on this application to furnish
you any and all information concerning my previous employment, education and qualifications
for employment. I also authorize you to request and receive such information.

In consideration for my employment, I agree to abide by the rules and regulations of
the company, which rules may be changed, withdrawn, added or interpreted at any time,
at the company's sole option and without prior notice to me.

I also acknowledge that my employment may be terminated, or any offer or acceptance
of employment withdrawn, at any time, with or without cause, and with or without
prior notice at the option of the company or myself.




So in other words keep in mind that at any point during this process and even after being hired and promoted your ass can and will be kicked to the curb. Or as Donald Trump would say "You're Fired!!!"


--C-Recks--