Child Abuse

By the title of this post you're probably automatically thinking that I'm referring to some sort of physical or verbal child abuse. First off I must say that I am in no way making a joke or mockery of child abuse. However, as horrible as those types of child abuse are, I think there is a child abuse that is over looked. Whenever, I see this behavior exhibited I want to immediately get on the horn and call DCFS. There are certain parents that suffer from what I'm going to refer to as: IknowyougotnotalentbutIdon'twannahurtyourfeelings. I would form that into an acronym but it would probably look like something my son typed. (IKYGNTBIDWHYF) LoL. For an example please check out the video below.



We've all seen it, season after heart wrenching season on the show American Idol. the new season just began earlier this month. I like some of you, used to look forward to this show just to see the opening weeks auditions. I just wanted to get a quick laugh at the talentless individuals that make fools of themselves. Well probably 3 or 4 seasons ago I could not take any more. I just had to ask myself where are these kids parents at? Although it's funny to watch, it's really more sad than anything. It began to feel like I was watching a child get beat over and over. I mean I've seen a kid or 20 get spanked before in my lifetime. Initially it's pretty funny (don't judge me for laughing), but to see them get spanked over and over and over eventually saddens me.

Whenever I watch the show auditions I'm always left wondering who let them go on this show? I mean who heard them sing and actually encouraged them to go audition? Well if it was friends I don't fault them. Maybe they just wanted a good laugh or something to blog about. However, when I see the parents consoling their crying kid after Simon rips them a new one, I just have to Shake My Head. Then it amazes me that the parents have the nerve to get upset and say that "the judges are wrong and can't recognize talent if it bit them in the ass."

Well I have a message to those parents. Yes we all love our kids and we want them to think they are the best and encourage them to be the best at any and everything they do. However, as parents we must be realistic. At a certain age (I would say by the teenage years) this has to stop. By this age you and your child(ren) should be able to understand that there are some things they're great at, some they're just average at, and some thins they just suck at. Therefore, when you hear them sing and you can barely stand it, what makes you think others will enjoy it?

Unfortunately, I don't know what all of my son's talents hidden talents will be 10 years from now. His grand dad taught him to play drums. So, I know at 5 he can already play a mean set of drums already. And when I say play I mean like really play not just banging them to make noise. I was amazed when I first saw him doing this. As a producer, I can play the hell out of a drum machine and make a tight beat (See Left). However, I'm not coordinated enough to play a set of drums. Lol. Also, I wish I could put it on here, but I got pics and video of him lip [rapping] syncing to a song and holding this microphone. Sorry, but I got a rule about not posting pics or videos of my son anywhere online. But trust me It's too hilarious. I've never taught him any of this showmanship, but I can see he's a natural performer.

In the end I think it boils down to if you love your kids you have to love them enough to be honest with them. Yes it may be hard for me to sit my son down and tell him that he's not that talented in a certain thing. However, I would rather him hear it from me someone that loves him, than someone that loves them. It's far better than letting him go on TV in front of millions of people to only embarrass his damn self. I would be more than glad to help him develop whatever the talent he lacks skills in. But to fill his heads with lies knowing he is no good to me would be child abuse.

Speaking of abuse. No offense but even Joe Jackson's non parenting ass had sense to beat his kids until their talents were flawless. LoL. Now that is truly not funny and of course extreme. But I tend to just think of it in terms of your child liking or being in love with a girl or guy that you clearly see just isn't into them. They obviously don't see it, but are you going to sit back and let their heart constantly be broken over and over as they get rejected by that person? Or are you going to Man Up and just say hey son or daughter they're not into you like you are them. But don't worry you're wonderful regardless and there are others [talents] that will appreciate you the way that you should be? But then again perhaps it's just me and my keep it real mind state.

Well to all you American Idol fans have fun watching the new season I'm sure there will be plenty laughs to be had at more talentless kid's expenses. But don't feel bad when you're on the floor breaking your back to laugh. Because behind it there is a parent to blame. So to those parents I must say Shame On You!

--C-Recks--

Diamonds Are Forever??

I was listening to the radio last week and a caller called in saying how much she adores her boyfriend, how great of a guy he is, and how much she was in love with him, etc. Well she went on to say how they're now talking about getting engaged. She then explained that the rings he was looking at just weren't flashy enough. And how she works for a big P.R. agency and she can't be seen with some small engagement ring.

Now I was married once and I remember when I proposed to my ex I was like 19 years old. I was going to school and working 2 jobs. I could barely afford to pay attention let alone the bills. So I would say the original ring I purchased and proposed with was maybe $300 at most. But it was what I could afford at the time. The next year I got a better job and prior to getting married upgraded the engagement ring to something that was more expensive. But it really really didn't make a difference about the ring because at the time we were so in love.

So I have a question: Is it the size of the ring? Or is it the love in your heart that really matters?

Or is it that the ring should be a reflection of the love?

Well each of you reading can formulate your own answers to the above questions. We all have our own opinions and I guess since I have the floor I'll share mines.

First off although it may not seem like it at times (based on some of my previous blog entries), I actually do believe in Real Love, marriage and all of the wonderful things that come along with it. So with that said I think it's a beautiful thing when a couple is in Real love and progress from dating, to engagement and eventually to marriage.

So with that said let's examine the ring. We know that the ring is a symbol of a woman's promise to give herself in marriage to the man in the future. Also, we have all heard the traditional price to spend on a ring is 2-3 months wages or salary. Well I have always heard this, but I never knew where this statement came from. Well according to Wiki this guideline originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds. So basically this guideline has to be one of the most successful and long running marketing schemes to date. In fact, the slogan "A Diamond is Forever" coined in 1947, was recently named as one of the best slogans of the 20th Century. So, 100 plus years later we're still going by De Beers guideline and increasing revenue for the diamond industry.

Now I'm not trying to approach this subject from a cheap man's perspective. I honestly feel like if you love the woman and truly want her to marry you then you should go all out and show her how much, but within reason. I feel like when purchasing a ring a man should take some things into consideration just like any other major purchase. And I'm sure we all agree that purchasing an engagement ring is a major purchase. So this is no different than purchasing a house or a car; therefore, you should consider a number of questions. For instance, can you really afford this ring? What if she doesn't accept? Then what is the return policy? How will you pay? Cash or credit? What about the wedding itself? Will you have to pay for the wedding? Or are you lucky enough to have her parents follow tradition and pay for the wedding?

"On average, US couples spend $28,732 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $14,366 and $35,915 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring." "The average cost of a diamond engagement ring is $3,500 to $4,000."

Although all men would love to propose with the biggest Flinstones' rock on her finger, sometimes it's just not feasible. Let's add a real world example. Recently singer Beyonce who's married to rapper Jay-Z openly discussed details of her marriage. "In eschewing tradition, Beyonce didn't want an engagement ring, as it is "just material and it's just silly to me." Instead, the lovebirds got matching tattoos on their ring fingers of the Roman numeral IV — a digit not only significant because of her wedding date. Beyonce was born Sept. 4; Jay-Z, Dec. 4. "What Jay and I have is real," she said." Now imagine that. Jay-Z can afford to buy anything he wants, including the most expensive engagement ring imaginable. Now to refer to the opening example, I would say that Beyonce has a much bigger image to keep up than the young lady at her little PR agency job.

All I can say is that in this economy knowing what I make I would hate to be in a relationship that is heading towards engagement. Unless I was lucky enough to have a woman that will say something like Beyonce I would seriously have to wait until I saved up enough money. However, I would potentially run the risk of being consider one of those guys that want the milk without paying for the Cow. So what is a guy to really do? But there are so many factors to consider when you're trying to choose that perfect engagement ring. Just know that if you don't represent correctly she probably won't be the person you hear it from. You should be more concerned about the external pressures. Yep you unfortunately you should be worrying about "what will so and so think of the ring?" She may even be fine with the inexpensive ring initially, but may quickly change once people get in her ear.

Her girls: "Girl it's nice and we happy for you and happy he finally popped the question lord knows we thought the day would never come, but damn all this time and that's as much as your man loves you? That ring is a lil' small aint it?"

The Scavengers: "So you say you engaged huh? Well I can't really tell from the ring you're wearing. If I was your Fiance' you'd be wearing a real ring."

Her Dad: "You know I don't really like the boy anyway. And if he can't even buy you a suitable ring then I can't understand how he's going to take care of you."

You can trust and believe that by the time all of them finish talking you'll be hoping that you haven't passed the 30 day return period yet. Bottom line is this I'm not hating on a man that can buy his potential wife a $25,000 ring or better. I'm simply saying when did the focus of love and marriage get switched to how much the ring you buy is worth? If I love you unconditionally then whether I'm rich or poor or somewhere in between that love is going to be the same. If I can't get you that 5 karat diamond engagement ring to begin with then I ask you to accept this 1 or 2 karat. I know that you're worth more than gold and diamonds. And I promise I will upgrade this ring as time goes on and as my income increases. But maybe that's just me.

Basically when I plan to get married again I want to have that Grandmother and Grandfather love. I don't know what happen but people have gotten away from that. You know your grandparents started out with basically nothing but love, that is if they even got an engagement ring back then. But your grandfather did what he could when he could and eventually got her a ring and by time we were old enough to know grandma had a beautiful wedding ring. But as much as they went through they still had that Real Love. That unconditional Love. No matter how bad things got or what flaws the other person had they still stuck it out and took "til death do us part" to heart. So if you have that type of Love, then the type of ring you have doesn't matter, nor does any other material thing. Because you can't put a price on love. I'm just saying, I'd rather have Love that's forever than a diamond that is supposedly forever.

But as for the subject at hand. However you feel about the engagement ring I just feel like it's a conversation that each individual couple should discuss. Communication is key. Make sure you're on the same level when it comes to engagement, proposal and marriage. If you know that your potential fiance' will want an expensive ring then you better get on the grind and start saving for that ring. Or perhaps you can use Jay-Z and Beyonce as a way to get out of having to buy a ring and getting a tattoo instead. I dont recommend trying it unless you got Jay's type of money. Or maybe you can use the line that Method Man said in the song "All I need" Featuring Mary J. Blige, "Word life you don't need a ring to be my wife." But to be honest I doubt either will work but good luck with that!

--C-Recks--

Only the Names Have Changed

Recently a close relative of mines made a decision to change her first name. Although people change their names all the time it was the reason why she changed it that disturbed me. You see her name given at birth is what one would consider to be more "ethnic" (if there is such a thing). Basically, she's black and her first name pretty much distinguishes her as a black female just by hearing or reading the name. This was actually her second name change, because she just got married a few years back. Therefore, she no longer used her maiden name. That last name, which is the same as mines is also usually considered a black last name as well. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a black sounding name. However, many think and studies actually do show that people with black sounding names have a harder time receiving call backs when submitting resumes and job applications.

So my relative made the decision to change her name to a more "White" sounding name in an effort to better her chances of obtaining a job. Now the logic behind her decision does make some sense, but it still disturbed me nonetheless. The main reason is that yes we already know that being black we have some what of a dis-advantage when it comes to getting jobs in Corporate America. Therefore, we have to work hard to attempt to match the skills, education and qualifications of our white counterparts. However, what if the very first item on the top of your resume automatically eliminated you from being a potential candidate for the job? Now I'm not saying it happens all the time but believe it or not some employers are actually discriminating against black applicants prior to even seeing them face to face.

Now some of you out there may be reading and saying No Way! No employer would discriminate against an applicant especially based on just their name. Well lucky for me I have evidence to prove that some companies do just that. In a CBS news article there was an actual study done to test this theory. In the study [real] comparable resumes with equal skills, education, and qualifications were utilized. However, the names on the resumes were changed so that they represented "black sounding" names (i.e. Tisha, Shaniqua, Laquita and Jamal) and "white sounding" names (i.e. Emily, Beth, Molly and Matthew). Nine names were selected to represent each category: black women, white women, black men and white men. Last names common to the racial group were also assigned. Four resumes were typically submitted for each job opening, drawn from a reservoir of 160. Nearly 5,000 applications were submitted to over 1,300 help-wanted ads in the Boston Globe and Chicago Tribune from mid-2001 to mid-2002. No single employer was sent two identical resumes, and the names on the resumes were randomly assigned, so applicants with black- and white-sounding names applied for the same set of jobs with the same set of resumes. So what do you think the results were? Keep reading you may or may not be shocked by what you read.

"The authors found black-sounding names were 50 percent less likely to get a callback than white-sounding names with comparable resumes. White names got about one callback per 10 resumes; black names got one per 15. Carries and Kristens had call-back rates of more than 13 percent, but Aisha, Keisha and Tamika got 2.2 percent, 3.8 percent and 5.4 percent, respectively. And having a higher quality resume, featuring more skills and experience, made a white-sounding name 30 percent more likely to elicit a callback, but only 9 percent more likely for black-sounding names. Interviews were requested for 10.1 percent of applicants with white-sounding names and only 6.7 percent of those with black-sounding names. Even employers who specified "equal opportunity employer" showed bias, leading Mullainathan to suggest companies serious about diversity must take steps to confront even unconscious biases - for instance, by not looking at names when first evaluating a resume."

So there you have it concrete evidence that a name can in fact prevent you from even getting a call back. Now I don't know about your employment status, but I recently found myself in the market for a new job. All I must say is thank God that I still have my current job. Because in today's economy the job market is very competitive. Although there are a number of jobs hiring, it is obvious they are more precise when selecting candidates for positions. In my opinion, employers are no longer willing to take a chance on applicants that aren't highly qualified for the open position. Where as in the past employers may have contacted someone that showed some promise but didn't necessarily have all the qualifications. Trust me I have an e-mail box full of denial letters from companies that say something like "we have chosen to go with an applicant that better suits the qualifications and skills associated with the position." Now in an attempt to compete effectively for a better job I have chosen to continue my education and I am even willing to take an entry level position to acquire more skills and experience. However, to think that even with more experience and education that my last name (which as I mentioned is traditionally a "black name") may be the what determines if I get my dream job is absolutely ridiculous.

Prior to going to finishing college I did fear certain things on my resume stood out as an identifying factor of my race. Ironically, my name wasn't one of them. However, I was more focused on the school I graduated from. I went to 3 different High Schools before graduating (Don't worry I wasn't a bad kid or anything like that. LoL). The first High School was of mixed races maybe 60% black 40% white/other. The second High School was all white maybe 20 blacks total. Finally, I graduated from a school that was all black only white people were the few teachers that braved the drive to the hood. So, I was always fearing that potential employers would see that school listed on the resume and automatically assume that I was black and discard my resume. But my name was just my name and never did I think it could prevent me from receiving a job.

Now I don't have any direct evidence that I personally have ever been passed over for a job. But what if I could pin point my name as a real hindrance to obtaining employment? Would changing my name be the answer? Well I thought about this and to be honest even if it guaranteed me a 6-figure salary job I couldn't and wouldn't do it. When I even thought about the idea it reminded me of something. Now I know this is extreme but it's the first thing that popped into my head. Blacks changing their names to obtain jobs equivalent to our white counterparts just reminds me of slavery. As we know slaves were forced to change their names to that of their masters and what their masters preferred to call them. The best known example of this is the story of Kunta Kinte in the epic movie "Roots." One of the most memorable moments in the movie was when the Master was whipping Kunta and telling him to say his name was Toby and not Kunta. Yet Kunta would not budge, even after being whipped repeatedly he knew his name, and regardless of what he wouldn't denounce it. But when you look at the us as blacks changing our names in order to gain favorable employment from corporations (masters) isn't it an eerie similarity? And by the way you don't have to work at UPS to be an Under Paid Slave. LOL.

So, I've taken a stand like Kunta and vowed to keep my name as is. However, the next question is this. What about when you have kids? Will you purposely name them so their names don't sound "too black?" Well in all honesty when it was time to name my son this was a subject that came up between his mom and I. Basically to keep it real we said we don't want to name him something "ghetto." So, with that in mind we eventually decided to name him after me. I didn't want him to be a Jr. but I also didn't want to give him a stereotypical black or "ghetto" name. Therefore, naming him after me was a happy medium.

I'm in no way saying that there is anything wrong with having a black sounding or even what some would consider a "ghetto" name. Each parent has a choice to name their kids whatever they want. Also, I don't believe your name has anything to do with who you are or what you will grow up to be. However, there are some names that some of you parents are truly out of line for giving to your kids. I'm sure if you're keeping it real you will admit that you know someone (or maybe it's you) with a ghetto ass name.

Now all of the names are very unique, some very pretty, some cute in theory, others are confusing, but all are definitely identifiable as black names. For example, you can be watching the News on TV not even paying attention really, but you overhear that there was a shooting and the reporter says "eye witness Deshante Jones gives his reaction." Okay wait... You can't tell me that upon hearing that you're not going to automatically know this is about to be a black person. Then again, you may as well say a ghetto black person because you know the media is going the find the most ignorant person they can find to be on TV and tell the story. If you know Deshante you may get a shout out after he describes what he witnessed. LoL. Here's another example to further illustrate my point. Say you find yourself at a College graduation. This can even be an Ivy League School like Harvard University. But say you've sat and watched one hundred or so white students cross the stage to receive their diploma and then the speaker says this name. "Laquita Simmons." Again... You can't tell me that you won't automatically assume the person is a black female. Not to mention your biggest clue before she even crosses the stage is the bombardment of screaming, yelling, and shouting "You Go Girl!!," and "That's my baby!!" from her family. LoL.

In closing, as bothersome as it is that some are changing their names to obtain employment it's even more bothersome that they have to. Unfortunately, as much as we don't want to admit it discrimination still exists in our society. This doesn't just apply to black people. I'm sure there are plenty of other races that endure the same decision about changing their names and what to name their children. But for those of you job searching I wish you all luck as well. I will leave you with a short list of ghetto names that I found interesting and broke down by categories. If you see your name or the name of someone you know here please don't take offense. But to really keep it real I'm not the one to blame. However, these are pretty timid I'm quite sure you all know of some truly Ghetto Names. So, I welcome all to comment back with their best ghetto names they've heard or perhaps have. Also, I've included some familiar names you've probably heard before and their African meanings.

Ghetto Names by Category

Alcoholic Drinks - Chardonay, Alize, Tekeyla, Martini, Champagne

Cars-Lexus, Mercedes, Porshe

Countries- India, Chyna

Continents - Asia, Afrika

Jewels - Diamond, Krystal, Ruby
Music - Lyric, Melody, Harmony

Misc. -Miracle, Blessing, Destiny, Princess, Unique, Precious, Queen, Kandi,

African Names/Meanings

Aisha - Life, She lives

Ayana - Pretty flower

Badu - One who is strong, powerful

Beyonce - Beyond others

Jabari - Brave

Jamal - Elegance

Jamar - Handsome

Jamila - Graceful, Pretty

Jelani - Mighty

Keisha - Favourite

Keyara - Beautiful River

Kima - Love

Kisha - Pretty

Kya - Diamond in the Sky

Lateefa - Gentle, Pleasant

Latoya - Praised Woman

Malika - Queen, Princess

Monifa - I am Lucky

Monisha - Solitary Life

Myeisha - One who is Loved greatly

Nakeisha - Her Life

Nia - Purpose

Nichelle - Victorious Maiden

Raashida, Rasheeda, - Righteous

Raquell - Precious

Rasheed - Wise Adviser

Ranyshia - Pretty Little Angel

Raniesha - Princess

Shaquille - Pretty

Takiyah - Pious, righteous

Talisha - Damsel arise

Tamika - People

Tanisha - Born on Monday

Tavon - Nature

Tevin - Son of Kevin

--C-Recks--