Exit Strategy

If any of our faithful readers recall, on inauguration day I had a job interview. I needed suggestions on what excuses to use to call off. If you didn't read it check it out here. Well in that post I revealed how shaky things were at my job. I didn't go into details at the time. But just know when I say shaky I'm talking shakier than a man with Parkinson's at the craps table having an epileptic seizure during an earthquake. LoL. (No offense to anyone with any of those ailments, I was just illustrating my point).

Basically after 5 years of dedicated service can these MFs wrote me up last month on some you got til the end of February to get your #s up or we're going to replace you. I took that one on the chin and in front of my boss I first laughed, then shook my head, signed the write up, and walked out of his office. If you only knew how deep this got. I'm the only black person left. They fired the only other black person about 4 months ago. So I knew I would be next at some point. To be real I been on the grind for the longest probably about a year and a half on and off trying to get the hell out of this place. But for the last 6 months I been on the grind non-stop. I've been on several interviews, but just having no luck so far.

Well good people, I am thrilled to report that I just got a call from the company I interviewed with inauguration day. And they offered me the position!! I will be starting on Monday February 16th. I plan on giving my notice sometime tomorrow. So here's where I need a last bit of help from you readers. I'm trying to figure out how I should exit. Below are the choices I'm throwing around in my head.

1. Give them a regular letter of resignation tomorrow, put in my final week next week and leave respectfully and honorably. Thank them for 5 years of employment, and just say goodbye.

2. Give them my letter of resignation tomorrow detailing how bogus, racist, and discriminatory they are/were and forward a copy to the EEOC.

3. Show the hell out! Curse everyone that I didn't like out. Bitch slap a couple people I really couldn't stand, and do something to mess them up somehow. Nothing crazy like putting a virus on the computers or anything. But just something funny like taking all the damn toilet tissue out the place. LMAO. There was a skit on The Dave Chappelle show where he quit his job after he thought he knocked Oprah up. If you haven't seen it, check below he showed his ass in that skit. I mean literally showed his ass! LoL. (Thanks for the link Malika)

Chappelle's Show

Dave Gets Oprah Pregnant

Charlie Murphy Videos
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy
True Hollywood Story

4. Wait until next Friday right before 5pm and throw them the deuces. Most jobs fire you without notice and wait til 5 damn pm to let you go. 2 weeks notice my ass. Feel free to take up to 2 weeks to notice I'm gone!!

Wait I better subtract a finger. LoL

5. Can't think of anymore so feel free to get creative and give me suggestions or ways you've quit bad jobs in the past. I'm all ears. LoL.

I want to thank those of you, including friends and fam that wished me good luck and maybe even said a prayer for me. I Thank God for this blessing especially in these tough economic times. The saying "He's may not always be there when you call, but he's always on time" definitely applies to my situation. Also, a special thanks to my bff. She was there from day one helping me grind, update and fix my resume, find jobs for me to apply to, and motivate me to keep going after each denial.

Just keep in mind most of my blogging was done from work. So there may be a slight hiatus after I start on the 16th. So hopefully my brother will be able to hold this down and keep the blogs coming regularly. I will update you on next week as to how I made my exit. LoL. Lastly, I'm not really a New Year's resolution person. Well I don't write them down at least. But this year I had 4 main things I wanted to accomplish. Number one was to finally find a new job. So that makes one down, and a second in the works. I'll update more on those as they're accomplished.

Thanks again to all.

--C-Recks--

Off Da Hooky!!

Many of you are off of work today in observance of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. Unfortunately, I'm not as lucky as some of you. My job doesn't give me the option to have this day off, so I'm here still slaving. And yeah I'm kinda hating on y'all on the low. LoL. However, I do plan on calling in sick tomorrow.

Yes we all know that tomorrow is the day we've been waiting for since November 4th. Yes the inauguration of our nation's first black President Barack Obama will take place tomorrow. Some of you lucky individuals will have the opportunity to attend the historic event in person. I will not be in attendance, so for those of you that do attend, I look forward to hearing all about it. So you're probably wondering why am I calling off then?

Well the reason I plan on calling off is because I have a job interview tomorrow. Now I won't front things at my job are on very thin ice, and at times I feel like I weigh 500 pounds. For this and many other reasons I have been trying to find a new job. So, as ecstatic as I was when I got that call back after my phone interview to interview in person, I was still reluctant. The reason being that the only date they had available for this interview is tomorrow. Yep the same day as the inauguration. Just in case you're still wondering what's the big deal I'll break it down even further.

I'm the ONLY black person in my office now. Tomorrow is the inauguration for our first black President. Therefore, I feel like regardless of what excuse I use to call off, in their minds they'll be thinking "bullshit, this nigga is just calling off because of the inauguration." Well that is false I will actually miss the majority, if not all of the inauguration due to the scheduled time of the interview. But it's cool I got my DVR set to record. As much as I'd like to watch live, unless Barack is going to hook me up with a job I'm going to have to check out the DVR version of the inauguration. LoL.

But this whole calling off tomorrow got me to thinking about excuses and reasons used to call off from work. I don't call off too often, but the times I have I'm sure I've used some type of excuse that they just had to accept as truth. For instance, my brother and I took a road trip to St. Louis, Mo. back in November to watch the Chicago Bears play against the St. Louis Rams. After drinking during tailgating and during the game, we knew we weren't driving back home to Chicago. Which meant I would have to call off work on Monday morning. Well since I was quite intoxicated it was nothing for me to wake up early that morning and in my best sick voice call off. I mean technically I was sick right? Plus sick voice and hang over voice pretty much sound the same so no one could tell the difference.

Funny thing about that story is when I came back to work that Tuesday a co-worker of mines asks me "Did you go to the game Sunday?" I immediately said no. Then she goes "oh okay I just asked because I went and someone told me you may have been going." Dammit I forgot I told one person in advance I may be attending the game. Also, I remembered my brother saying he was on the Jumbo Tron and he was excited about it. So I'm thinking to myself I hope she didn't see me on the screen as well. Luckily, this is someone that I'm cool with so she wouldn't snitch on me. I hope. But I just found it funny.

Now as a general rule I try not to call off with excuses that involve any type of emergency for fear they may come true. For instance, I've never really used the whole "my son is sick or had an accident" excuse. Only because I would feel horrible if something were to happen to him or if he got sick after me saying so. However, I won't hesitate to claim I'm sick or something that has to do with me.

So to be honest I have no clue what excuse I will be using tomorrow when I call off. I may just freestyle it as the phone rings and come off the cuff. I'm good like that. LoL. But I tried to find some info online that would be informative but this is all I got. "The top three reasons healthy employees call out sick, something 35% of workers admit to are personal errands, appointments, catching up on sleep, and simply relaxing, according to hiring managers surveyed by CareerBuilder.com. They had some bizarre excuses used by some employees, but they were simply stupid excuses that would never fly or even be believed by the stupidest of managers. For instance "I was sprayed by a skunk, I was spit on by a venomous snake, or a hit man was looking for me."

Needless to say I won't be using any of those dumb excuses. However, I'm curious to know what excuses you guys would suggest for me to use? Also, what are your most outrageous and or frequently used excuses to call off from work? (That worked of course). Hopefully, the whole interview on inauguration day will have some significance and I'll land this job. Wish me luck y'all. Below is a funny clip about black people calling off from work by D.L. Hughley. Classic Material. The part I'm referring runs from about the 1:00 to 1:45 minute mark.

**** UPDATE ****
For those of you that may be wondering what excuse did I come up with to call off today here it is. I left a voice mail saying this. "Hi _(Manager)_ I'm calling because I just dropped my son off at Pre-School and on my way to work they called me and said I had to come back and pick him back up because a bunch of kids were sick. My son was just sick last week so I don't want him to be exposed. My son's mom and grandparents are out of town so I'm the only one available to watch him. I will try to see if I can find a sitter and come in later I will let you know."

I called later. "I was unable to find anyone to watch my son so I will just be in tomorrow morning any questions or suggestions you can call me at #...."

The interview went very well. Hopefully, I'll have some good news come next week. But we'll see tomorrow the reaction I get for me having called off today.

Thanks for everyone's advice.

--C-Recks--

Black to the Future

It's late afternoon on March 23, 2050.

"Grandaddy. I need some help with my homework". Jesse, a cute little girl of 9 snuggles up to her grandfather.

OK baby, what do you need help with.

"You know that President that just died? Well we need to do a report on him. Our teacher told us to interview someone who was alive when he was President. So I figured I would interview you".
You mean President Obama baby?

"I guess" the little girl shrugs.

OK, well what do you want to know?

"I don't know. Tell me about when you voted for him and stuff like that".

OK. Well, it's actually a very funny story. See, I was in Chicago on that Saturday before the election. I was absolutely determined to get back to Los Angeles to vote. I mean, this was going to be historic, and I didn't want to be sitting on the sidelines for this moment in history. So I left Chicago on Saturday evening. I was supposed to go bowling with my brother Cory and my nephew Cory, but they wouldn't let us. Some snake league was bowling. In hind sight, its probably best that I didn't get the chance. You'll understand why later.

Anyway. I left Chicago that evening, and back in the day I actually drove cars. Not how you guys have flying cars now, I actually had to steer and drive myself. So I drove all the way to Denver, Colorado. I made it there on Sunday evening. From there, I had to drive to Salt Lake City, Utah. I didn't make it to Salt Lake City until Monday afternoon. I would have caught a flight from Salt Lake to Los Angeles, but your grandfather isn't the flying type. So I bought a ticket to ride the bus. Well, the company the ran the buses back then was called Greyhound, and let me tell you that they were the absolute worst. I got on the bus, and the bus was supposed to leave at 6:30 p.m. Well, at 7 p.m., the bus was still sitting in Salt Lake. And as a matter of fact, the driver put me off the bus so that they could put on some other passengers.

I was so upset. It really was beginning to look like I wasn't gonna be able to make it home in time to vote. But I got a bright idea. I called someone from my job, and I figured out that if I took the bus to San Francisco, I could pickup a car and drive myself to Los Angeles. So I went for it. I made it to San Francisco around 2:30 p.m. that Tuesday afternoon. Greyhound was supposed to get me there earlier, but again, they were the absolute worst company back then. Probably the reason they are no longer operating this many years late.

So I left San Francisco at 3 p.m. Well unlike today, we had a such thing as traffic back in my day. And San Francisco was notorious for having some of the worst traffic in the country. I can't deny, I was weaving in and out of the car pool lanes trying to pass up some people. Eventually I made some headway, and I was flying. I mean, going so fast that I could have given these flying cars of today a run for their money. I had to drive 344 miles, and I needed to get to my polling place by 8 p.m. It was hectic for sure. I pulled up to my polling place at 7:58 p.m. (Pacific Time) I ran inside. Out of breath, I asked the lady for a ballot. She said "you barely made it". I told her that after all that I had been through, I was happy that I made it at all. She handed me my ballot, and I went to do my civic duty. I finished voting, got my stub and my "I voted sticker" and I went back out to the car.
As soon as I got back in the car, they made the announcement that Barack Obama would be our 44th President. I was ecstatic. I mean, after traveling all that great distance, I had cast the ballot that sealed the deal for Barack Obama.

"No you didn't Grandaddy. You just voted, that's all"

Hey, I'm telling the story not you. Were you there in 2008?

With a big grin on her face, Jesse shakes her head no.

Alright then. Anyway. The most important thing that I want you to take from this story is this; too often our people, back then, believed that their vote was insignificant. And unfortunately, that's exactly what certain segment of our population wanted them to believe. But President Obama reminded people that it was not only a privilege to vote in this country, but a responsibility. And plenty of our ancestors died for us to have just this very privilege. That's why I tried to move Heaven and Earth to get myself home in time to vote. I mean, I knew one day that you and you brothers and sisters would need to hear this story. And most importantly, you one day would tell your own children and grandchildren. Your Grandaddy voted for the first Black President of the United States. I know that it doesn't seem like much now considering that we've had other Black Presidents, including Barack's daughter Malia, but you need to know that on November 4th, 2008, the world did change. President Obama did make it to where we as black people understood that we were important in this country. And yes, we could make a change.
So when you do your report, you make sure you let your class know that though I never thought I'd ever see a black President, I give glory to God that I was absolutely wrong.

"I will grandaddy, I will!!"


-DrizaDre-

Don't Quit Your Date Job

Since I began searching for a new job a few months back I have gone through the entire process from beginning to end. Likewise I have been single for a while and dating off and on for a while as well. I recently just started thinking about the 2 processes and began to notice some similarities between job hunting and searching for a mate. These thoughts led me to me conclude that the 2 are almost one in the same. I know it may sound a bit odd but let me go ahead and break it down for you.





Apply
When you find a job that interests you the first step to obtaining that job is to apply for it. So you submit your application whether it be in person or online. Well when you're looking for that special someone you have to sort of start with an application as well. When you first meet that person it's like applying for a job. You're letting it be known that you're interested in the position (in this case being their man or woman) that is available. So you go up to that person and introduce yourself have a brief conversation and depending on how well it goes one of two things will happen. You will either get that person's phone number or you will leave yours with them. However, if that initial meeting didn't go well your application (phone number) will most likely immediately be trashed.

Therefore, first impressions are always important. Most people think to only dress up for the interview. But even when just submitting a job application the way you dress/look when you drop off or fill out that application is crucial. If you come in looking like you want and deserve the job then you're most likely to reach the next stage in the hiring process. But if you don't dress the part most likely the person that takes your application will discard it and not forward it on. And when you do submit that application you will receive the same response all the time. "We will review your application against those of other qualified applicants and if we find your qualifications meet our needs we will contact you." In dating terms this essentially means don't call me I'll call you.


Phone Interview
Once you've submitted your application you have to await a call back. Now what will be taking place in this time is a brief review of your qualifications. Although it was a short encounter again first impressions are everything. So once it has been determined that you are a potential candidate for employment an initial phone call will be made. Now just like an in person interview you must be prepared for this phone interview. Make sure the call is uninterrupted. You don't want to have your phone blowing up on the other end and constantly be putting the other party on hold.

During this phone interview you will be asked all types of questions regarding your education and present and past dating history and experience. Including the length of those relationship and why your employment was terminated with that previous employer. Also, you will be asked about your best and worst qualities, your good and bad habits, your hopes/aspirations, etc. If it wasn't asked on the initial application the "have you ever been convicted of felony?" question will come up. Basically they want to know what you will bring to the table. What will you do to add to or improve an already successful (single) operation. It is important to answer these questions carefully and honestly as they may come up again if you make it to the next stage in the interview process. The phone interview process may take place over a number of phone calls and conversations as the prospective employer gathers information on you and determines whether to invite you to interview with them personally.


In Person Interview
Once the employer has conducted the telephone interviews they will either determine that you're not qualified enough or that you may have potential and invite you to interview in person aka on a date. When the date and time has been set it is important that you again prepare for this interview. Review your responses to the previous phone interview questions as they may come up again and you want to make sure your answers are the same. Also, you must dress even better than you did when you submitted your initial application. This is your opportunity to show them that you can dress the part. Even if the meeting is informal you still want to make a good impression. So once you arrive and greet your perspective employer your interview will begin. Most of the same questions will come back up but you will be judged more on your ability to answer the questions honestly, correctly and confidently. If you successfully impress the prospective employer in this stage of the interview process then you may be invited for a 2nd interview. As you converse and speak you try to get a feel for the person asking the questions. You get smiles, nods, and even the occasional laugh. However, once the interview is done you're still never quite sure how you did. You may feel as if it was your best ever. But again, you can never predict the thoughts of the person interviewing you. So they leave you with those parting words. "Thank you for interviewing with us today, we have a few other candidates to interview and we'll be making our decision by next week." This again means don't call me I may call you.


2nd Interview
So you breezed through the in person interview and passed with flying colors. Well when you get that call back please don't assume that it is to offer you the position. In fact, you're still quite a ways from the finish line. This call back is most likely going to be an invitation to interview a second time. Now with most employers the second interview is with someone higher up such as a manager or CEO. However, in dating terms you will have to be interviewed by "the friend(s)." So you may be invited out with her and her girls or him and his boys. The purpose of this interview is for the employer to get the approval or disapproval of their friends. This interview is actually harder than the 2 previous ones. The reason being, that you are being evaluated and scrutinized by 2 or more individuals. Not to mention you are not privy to what information has already been told about you to those friends. Therefore, they could have a preconceived notion about you to begin with. However, your goal is to charm the hell out of those friends with hopes that they will give you a good review and their approval of you being able to succeed in this position.


Job Offer
The time has come!! With glee and joy you answer your phone, check your mail box and e-mail awaiting response on the job. But when it comes don't get your hopes up too high. That management position you were seeking you don't yet qualify for. However, there is an internship position that is available. It is non-paid, and there are no "benefits." But if you work very hard in this position you can eventually get promoted to higher positions and reach that desired level. Are you still interested in working for this employer? If not trust there is another ready and willing applicant that will start off doing whatever job they have to just to be employed.


Career Path
Unfortunately you didn't nail the position you were seeking. However, the bright side is you are now employed by a great employer and as stated you do have potential to move up if you do a good enough job. There will be regular review of your performance monthly. Below are the stages of progression you will go through before achieving your desired goal.




Intern - Dating
Entry Level Position - Exclusively Dating
Sr. Associate - Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Supervisor/Manager - Fiance'
Executive - Husband/Wife


Disclaimer
Make sure that you re-read the disclaimer that was on the bottom of the application you originally filled out.


I certify that the information contained in this application is correct to the best of my
knowledge. I understand that to falsify information is grounds for refusing to hire me, or
for discharge should I be hired.

I authorize any person, organization or company listed on this application to furnish
you any and all information concerning my previous employment, education and qualifications
for employment. I also authorize you to request and receive such information.

In consideration for my employment, I agree to abide by the rules and regulations of
the company, which rules may be changed, withdrawn, added or interpreted at any time,
at the company's sole option and without prior notice to me.

I also acknowledge that my employment may be terminated, or any offer or acceptance
of employment withdrawn, at any time, with or without cause, and with or without
prior notice at the option of the company or myself.




So in other words keep in mind that at any point during this process and even after being hired and promoted your ass can and will be kicked to the curb. Or as Donald Trump would say "You're Fired!!!"


--C-Recks--