The Y-Files

Just like most of you I've come across quite a bit of content on the Internet whether it was by chance or some one forwarded me some e-mail. Of that content some is shocking, some funny, some stupid and well others simply make me want to just say WHY? Well this segment is nothing special but it's just some things that make me ask that question. So, I've decided create "The Y-Files" that will display some of the bizarre and some times ignorant things that make me ask the question WHY? Unfortunately, most of the content will have to do with some of the things my people (Black People) do. Some of these pictures and or videos you've perhaps seen before. But if nothing else you'll probably get a laugh, probably shake your head, and ask the same question as me WHY? Well honestly as you continue to read, you may start with why?, but you'll probably finish with who?, what?, where? and even how? before it's said and done. Stranger and more bizarre things have happened. Welcome to the Y-Files... (Cue eerie music).

Well we don't have any eerie music so here's the song "Why" by JadaKiss featuring Anthony Hamilton it still fits the subject at hand.

Why are are black people are so damn innovative but for the wrong reasons? I've never built a soap box racer or anything like that. But as a kid I'm sure I wanted to and I'm also sure that they take a lot of work and even some skill to create. So to this young man I give props for taking the time to create this contraption, very innovative. But my problem with it is why make it ghettofied? Why would you put sub woofers on the back of a make shift bike and ride down the block? No one wants to hear you you blasting Lil' Wayne The Carter 3 or Young Jeezy's The Recession. Now if you're into building cars then go and get into a school that will teach you to the fundamentals of the craft. You never know in the future you could be designing the 2015 Ford Mustang. But instead you have this contraption. I don't know why but every time I look at this I keep waiting for Xzibit to pop out hosting a hood version of pimp my bike.

Why oh Why would you do this to your hair? First off, since when did orange and blue match? When you presented this idea to your hair dresser I would just like to know what she said? But even worse than that when it was done who told you this was cute? Whatever friend talked convinced ya'll asses to make a damn fool of yourselves is truly not a friend. Then, who really loves Kool-Aid this much that they would advertise it in their hair? You are not receiving a cent of advertising revenue for this treacherous fashion statement, so why even go there? Now as for the hairdo below WHY? I can't even believe she got a hair stylist to do this crap. Why would you want a hair style shaped like a helicopter? Oh wait I got one. Maybe her nick name is Bird. Then she lives in the ghetto. So put the 2 together = "Ghetto Bird." Don't act like ya'll never heard Ice Cube say that back in the day. Well this almost makes me appreciate the Kool-Aid. Does the propeller spin? Does she sleep standing up or flying? I'm lost man. Lastly, Why didn't her momma whoop her ass for wearing this out?

Why on earth would someone want their toe nails to be this long? Please tell me. I mean finger nail extensions I get but toes? At first I thought that they were a pair of pink heels until I looked closer. Obviously these are acrylic nails, but how would you walk in these with out them breaking off? How do you wear anything other than open toed shoes? Again, I'm confused I just don't get it. Well next up we have yet another free advertisement. Now I know pop or soda as some call it is refreshing. But do you really love it this damn much that you have to advertise it on your nails? And even if you do why not stick to one product or at least parent company? Even if one of these soft drink companies wanted to pay you for advertising they couldn't because some of the soft drinks are rivals and have different parent companies.

Why man oh Why? I'm sure you may have seen these pics online before. But I have to speak on this. What ever happen to prom being like the precursor to a young lady's wedding? Meaning that they would get dressed up and look beautiful and elegant just as a bride to be would on her wedding day. And the guys would dress to compliment the ladies. However, over the recent years something has changed. I don't know what it is but this younger generation is just off the chain like an escaped slave. Take a look at exhibit A. Now why in the world would you one even go to prom being this pregnant? I'd guess she's at least 6-7 months. Okay perhaps she didn't want to miss it being senior year and all. But then why in the hell would you wear a dress with the stomach cut out? You couldn't find a nice classy maternity dress? I know they make them I've seen plenty celebrities wear them when they're pregnant. And lastly, I'm no OBGYN but it looks to me like this girl has the markings of a C-Section already. So you mean to tell me it's Senior year and you're on kid #2? Why oh why Lord? Okay on to Exhibit B. I'm kind of at a loss for words on this one. I've seen more clothing on strippers at the strip club than what this girl has on. Is there a pole in the picture that I cant see? And the guy. His whole out fit belongs on one of our Man Up Rules. Are those silk pajama pants and slippers? Who are you the black Hugh Hefner? Why is your hair red? Just to match the outfit? Real Talk his ass looks like a new age version of Leroy from Fame. Young people please get your act together.

Why even wear pants at all? I mean if you're this hot and feel like you need to slice up your pants to expose air pockets or whatever you call your self doing, then why not just wear shorts? No one want to see half of your ass cheeks hanging out of your jeans that look like someone ran them through a paper shredder. I just hope this was done on purpose and that you haven't been wearing these jeans daily for like the last 10 years. Because if so you're a few threads away from wearing a pair of daisy dukes.

I know this looks like an ordinary toy gun, or water pistol, however; believe it or not this is a bar of soap ladies and gentlemen. Why on earth you would want to wash your ass with a bar of soap shaped like a gun? I have no damn clue. Are you this damn hood or so much of a thug that even your soap has to be Gangsta? I guess if you're this hard you probably wipe your ass with sand paper instead of tissue.

Now who hasn't been stuck in a car without air conditioning before? I know I have in the dead heat of Los Angeles in the summer. But as much as an idea like this may have popped into my head I would have never thought to put that plan into action. Well not this person. They put an air conditioner in the passenger window and have it running off a generator that's some how attached to the trunk. My question is why? Now granted they may have had these items already (the generator and air conditioner), but even still the effort it took to make this work couldn't have been worth it. I'm sure going to get your AC fixed would have taken much less of an effort and it couldn't have been that expensive. Plus, a sharp turn could easily send this generator or the air conditioner flying to the ground. As for the second image, why would you even bother to put a lock on this car? It doesn't look to be in the best condition, so I'm not sure who would really attempt to break into it. But I guess there's nothing wrong with a little extra security measure.

Now I love a good burger from McDonalds just as much as the rest of the world. Hell, I even had them for dinner last night. And who doesn't love a bag of Flamin' Hots? However, why on earth would you advertise your love for McDonalds or Cheetos on your car? Now if this driver owned a chain of McDonalds or even stock in Frito Lay (which makes Cheetos) then none of us would be scratching our heads, but the likelihood of that being the case is the equivalent to a man fresh out of jail being able to vote on November 4th. The sad thing is that if these people were smart they probably could make money advertising for McDonalds, Cheetos or some other companies on their cars. If you click Here there are companies that pay $200-400 a month or more for just this type of vehicle advertising. But you go ahead and keep on advertising for free it makes a lot of sense. The same applies for the vehicles below. If there's a grown man driving the Sponge Bob car he needs his ass whooped. The Cool "Whip," I guess I get the play on words since "whip" is a slang term for car, it's a "Cool Car." But the Newport 100's car? Why man? Why?

Why do they keep giving ignorant black people reality shows? I mean besides the fact people watch to laugh and they bring in ratings. But not only that why don't they keep it "real" on these shows? Before "Flavor of Love" premiered some years ago most people probably didn't even know who Flavor Flav was. He was a washed up hype man that was in and out of jail and on and off of drugs and probably damn near broke. That was until an appearance on the VH-1 show "The Surreal Life," took him on a wild ride to stardom. Now he has probably surpassed the fame he ever had as a hype man for the rap group Public Enemy. Now that's great for Flav and his 8 or 9 kids I'm not mad at that at all. However, I am mad that the fact that prior to Flavor of Love he probably couldn't even buy a female that was dyme status. But now he's had 2 seasons of this show and is able to pull females that look like Hoops? What kind of Bizarro world do I disappear to when I turn on VH-1? I know the contestants stand to gain possible fortune and fame for going on these shows but damn! If the producers showed me a picture of a female version of Flav and said you are competing for the love of this woman, and that I may have to kiss and or sleep with her to win well let's just say I'd promptly take myself out of that competition. I'm Not hating by any means, but Flavor Flav is not a sex symbol so Why oh why ladies why?

I know this The Y-Files but I'm stuck asking myself what is this? I hope to God it's not a woman. But then again I'm damn near throwing up on myself thinking it's a man. What are they wearing? And I don't know what's in the bag. But if it's more clothes like the ones he/she's wearing I hope they're walking to the nearest trash can to throw them away or to the nearest incinerator to burn them. Why on earth would you dress like this in public? I promise if I was walking or driving down the street and saw this I'd be looking up in the sky for a UFO because clearly we're being invaded by beings from another planet.

Now does this even make any sense? I've heard of thinking "outside of the box" but come on. Why would you put a box on wheels and push a kid around in it like it's a stroller? This can't be safe. It doesn't even look as if the box is secured down. So the slightest bump and this kid is eating pavement. Is she this lazy? I don't see why she doesn't just pick the kid up and carry him. Or better yet he appears to be big enough to walk. I don't know how far she's walking but I'm sure that she could have found better means to transport the child. It looks like a pretty run down area. I know there's always a shopping cart abandonned somewhere in the ghetto. She could have pushed him in a shopping cart and it would have been safer. I don't know if she found that box or just bought a new TV. But if she bought a TV and used the box for the stroller then her priorities are way out of order.

I know that on hot summer days in the hood kids will do stuff like have water fights and open up fire hydrants to keep cool. They even have the little blow up swimming pools for the kids. However, I think they are taking this a little too far. Why on earth would you fill a boat up with water and turn it into a swimming pool? Although I appreciate him being a responsible adult, why is this guy up there like he's a life guard for real? Umbrella and all. What is this a hood version of Baywatch? Is there not a YMCA near by? And what did they do to that one kid sitting in the corner with his arms folded. Why is he mad? Or did they tell him we bought a new swimming pool and brought him outside in his swim trunks to this madness? I'd be quite pissed too.

Why Chris Brown why? I know that you probably have a weight lifting regiment as part of your daily work out routine. But you look to be struggling a little with this one. I'm not trying to talk about the young lady but he had no business trying to pull this move. When he throws out his back and has to cancel his tour he'll understand how bad of a move this was. This little episode must have been during his performance of the song "No Air" because he clearly looks to be struggling to breathe with the Vulcan death grip this girl has on him.

Alright that's all I got for now. I hope you were entertained and yet just as confused as I was by what you saw. But please stay tuned for another episode of the Y-Files. I'll be tackling some of You Tube's greatest. You don't want to miss that.

To Be Continued...

--C-Recks--

Only In The Hood

Well it's about that time that we revisit the hood again. Nothing has changed in the hood. But I just have some more things that you see "Only In The Hood" that I wanted to share with you. I'll once again be your ghetto tour guide. So sit back relax and enjoy the ride as we cruise through the hood. Press play and listen to the theme song as we take this ride.

(DJ Khaled I'm So Hood Remix)

Car Club Meetings

Now I have never been in a car club nor to a car club meeting. But if you ride through the hood you are liable to see at least 10-20 of the same type of cars in a grocery store parking lot. Anything from Cadillacs, Cutlass', Intrepids, Grand Prixs, or Impalas. Don't be mistaken thinking this is a make shift car dealership. This is in fact a car club meeting. Again I have never been to one of these meeting so I have no clue what is discussed or what the purpose of the meetings are. Perhaps it's just to sit around and enjoy looking at the same car and showing off improvements you've made since the last meeting. Or perhaps they stand around while someone reads the car owner's manual aloud to the group. LoL.

Dr. MLK Jr. Blvd

I know Chris Rock mentioned this in one if his bits back in the day but he was on point with his observation. As much as Martin Luther King Jr. did for equal rights and equality for the black race why is it that MLK Blvd is only in the hood? I've personally never seen an MLK Blvd. in the suburbs.

Currency Exchanges

Although Currency Exchanges are every where, there are an abundant number of them in the hood. For hood patrons they're more like one stop shops. You can get it all done at the Currency Exchange. Where else can you cash your check, get your city sticker, pick up/sending money via Western Union, pay bills, get a bus pass, a prepaid cell phone/minutes, stamps, and even a roll of quarters? Although it's cheaper to keep your money in a bank, the convenience of having all these services in one place is more appealing to those in the Hood. I've been to Currency Exchanges at all times of the day and night and I've never seen one in the hood that was not packed. **Warning** Do not attempt to go to a Currency Exchange on the 1st or 15th of the month. This is check day and you will be in a line that's probably out the store and around the block.

Funeral Homes

Yes Every town has funeral homes, but in the hood there seems to be one in every 10 block radius. Unfortunately, the death rate in the hood is higher than other areas; therefore, funeral homes are big business. If you're from Chicago I'm pretty sure you know this famous Funeral Home Gatling's. Also, I'm sure you've attended at least one funeral here as well.

High Gas Prices

This is one phenomenon I never quite understood. How is it that in the poorest neighborhoods that the prices of gas are the highest. I can literally leave from where I live in the suburbs and drive to the hood and see about a $0.50 Cent difference in price per gallon. I guess this is partially why public transportation is the preferred method of travel in the hood.

Reserved Parking Spaces

In climates like Chicago that produce snow local residents are sometimes reduced to having to shovel their cars out from under the snow fall. Well after putting in all that hard work to shovel your parking spot you want to make sure someone doesn't benefit from your hard work and just take your spot. In the hood they've come up with a full proof security system to make sure that once they pull off their parking spot is safe and secure until they return. What is it? Yep just as the picture depicts it's a chair!! Now you may be thinking that the chair transforms into a guard dog or something that will keep others from taking the space. But nope that's not it. It is a simple chair. For some reason this is a practice that works every time. I don't know if it's just the respect for our neighbors on the block or if people refuse to be that down and dirty that they'll let someone sit out in below zero weather shoveling snow only to have their spot taken. Not to mention if someone did that it would be an ass whoopin waiting to happen. LoL. Also in substitute of a chair you may see anything from milk crates, tables, lawn chairs, sofas, and a mop bucket.

Well that concludes this tour and our journey through the hood. Come back again soon as we will be adding new attractions to the tour.

--C-Recks--

I Beg Your Pardon

We have all seen them at some point. Some people fear them, while others detest them and wish they'd go away. Some people even laugh at them, but many more feel sorry for them. It doesn't matter if it's day time or night. They walk amongst us every day. Nor does it matter if it's downtown, in the city, in the ghettos, or the suburbs. They are every where. Although they are not extraordinarily abundant in numbers, you can't seem to avoid them. Whether you're walking down the street, coming out of the store, or even driving in your car. The "signs" of their presence is apparent. Regardless of how you feel about them they're not going anywhere.


By now you're probably all curious as to who or what I am talking about. Well if you haven't yet figured it out this blog is dedicated to the Homeless. Also known as bums, panhandlers, and hobos.

The homeless are the poorest of the poor. So poor that in some instances, they have no choice but to live outdoors even in cold climates. So poor that they're only income and or meals usually come from begging. It is very sad when a person becomes homeless and has no roof over their head or food to eat. I am actually one of the individuals that at times feels sorry for these individuals especially when they are children or disabled. We can debate all day about the homeless and the role the government should play in helping to assist them. But that's not what I'm focusing on. In this blog I want to discuss the panhandling tactics of some homeless individuals.


Although I do empathize with the homeless, I guess the skeptic in me won't always allow me to give to the homeless panhandlers. I guess bottom line I don't always trust my hard earned change is going to food or shelter or whatever they've told me they need the money for. In fact, I have the perfect example. One cold winter night I was in the hood and I had a taste for White Castle's chicken rings. So, I stopped at the drive through. As I'm placing my order a homeless man comes up to the car and said "If you have any change after you pay can you help me out with getting something to eat?" Now again, anyone that knows me knows I'm a big skeptic (Ask my cousin about Cris Angel. LoL). However, since he mentioned food and it was cold out I felt I should help him out. So, I went ahead and ordered my chicken rings, an order of fries, and a White Castle's Burger aka a slider. So, I proceed to window 2 and pay and receive my food. As I get ready to pull off the man is waiting right there after the window 2. As I drive past I reach in my bag, roll down my window, and hand the man the burger.


Now I can't calculate how much change I would have had without buying that burger but it's safe to say that a $0.59 cent white castle burger was about equivalent, and possibly a little more. Well as I hand this man the burger I have the slight feeling that I've done something good. Not really to better the world but at least in this man's life for right now. But that feeling quickly turned to anger when I noticed the look on the man's face as I handed him the burger. The look on his face was almost in disgust that I gave him food as opposed to money. He just looked at me and didn't even say thank you. I was comptemplating going snatching my burger back. But I was so pissed that I said "yeah you're welcome" and just rolled up my window and quickly sped off.


I don't know about any of you, but the 2 things I hate wasting the most are time and money. I was upset that I wasted my money on this homeless man. Some may be thinking it's only $0.59 cents what's the big deal? Well the change I spent won't make or break me but it's really a matter of principal. That change could have gone into my son's piggy bank like the rest of my change usually does. But no I wasted it on a burger for someone that didn't even appreciate my effort. I hate to sound cliche but "beggars can't be choosers!!" No pun intended of course.


But that's just one experience, but I can't lie it definitely didn't make it any easier for another homeless person to get my spare change out of me. Likewise, I saw a segment on an episode of Manswers on Spike TV that had to do with professional begging. In that segment I saw some statistics that made me damn near blow a gasket. It stated that some professional beggars can earn up to $49 an hour, $300 a day, and even $78,000 a year. I was floored to think that as hard as I work it would take me almost twice as long to earn what some of the top professional beggars do. After hearing this story I was done with helping panhandlers. That 50 cents can stay in my own pocket as opposed to helping someone live better than me for free. Watch the video below.

However, there are some homeless individuals that I would consider giving to. For instance, here in Chicago a lot of the homeless will sell a newspaper called The Defender. This is a homeless publication and I believe the proceeds go to help the homeless. Now I don't have a problem giving these guys a buck from time to time. At least they're working for their money, and at least I get a newspaper for my dollar. Also, the homeless that will clean your window I sometimes don't mind giving money. Again they're working for their money. If my window is dirty and they're willing to clean it for some change then it's a fair enough deal. But I will admit that I do hate when they just come up to your car without asking and clean the windshield then expect some money. No one gave you permission to clean my window man. Maybe I wanted that bird crap stain to stay there for a while.

The bottom line is that if they're trying to get money out of me they have to do much more than just hold out a cup or tell me a sob story. In addition, just holding up a sign saying something like "Homeless please help. God Bless" isn't good enough for me either. Perhaps some of you would/will give based on these things and God Bless you for that. However, I'm talking about me here. You want this change you better come with it. LoL. I mean if you're at the strip club and a girl just stands there in front of you and doesn't even take off her clothes or dance is that enough to make you want to make it rain? Well maybe some of ya'll but not me LoL. I worked hard for this money so you're going to have to convince me that it's worth my dollar is all I'm saying. It's no different than any other transaction. Again, no pun intended but maybe they need to try to think "out of the box." LoL. But, I took the time to find a bunch of panhandling signs that are all very unique. I've commented below on them and explained how much I would give and why.

This is a very creative sign. Very colorful and attention getting. The caption is actually funny. I love how they wrote out vibrator as if the letters themselves are vibrating. I'm not too sure if I empathize with the guy though. And I'm not down with contributing to someone else's inner freak especially if I don't benefit. LoL. Maybe he should have included a picture of his wife. If she's ugly then I can understand him wanting to get her a new vibrator asap. LoL. But just based on the comedy factor I'd give him 50 cents. $1-$2 if he could produce a picture of an ugly wife. LoL.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a gambling man. So I wouldn't be able to resist taking this guy up on his bet. I'd bet about $1. He doesn't look that fast and his knee looks to be injured so I would even be willing to give him 2:1 odds on this bet. But I believe in paying up on bets so if I lose I would definitely pay up and even let him keep the quarter. I'm sure it's probably a scam though. I would get ready to throw the quarter and his ass would be dodging quarters like The Matrix. LoL. But if I did win I couldn't see taking his money. But I would let him keep the winning quarter for being a good sport.

Man this guy has my attention already. I feel him 100%. I have been there before. When my divorce finalized I had to give up the house I had bought, fixed up and lived in for almost 5 years to my ex-wife. I was essentially homeless. Thank God my grandmother let me crash on her couch for a few weeks until I found me a new place to live. But when I think back I also thank God I had a job because if I had neither I would have been homeless for real. So to this guy I'd give him at least $5 just because I feel his pain. As the song says sometimes it's "cheaper to keep her." LoL.

This is another comical sign. We all know the story behind New York Governor Elliot Spitzer and his prostitution bust. I'm assuming this guy is in New York. So if I was in New York and saw this guy and his sign I'd give him at least $0.60 just for the laugh. I would give more but I'm not trying to contribute to his prostitution addiction especially not at that astronomical price. If I had a condom in my wallet I would throw that in the plate as well. He will need it if he ever reaches his goal.

First off is it just me or does this guy bare an eerie resemblance to the late great Issac Hayes? Well as for his sign. Depending on how my day has been going I may have to take him up on his offer and tell him off for $2. So for $2 I'd go ahead and get my vent on. First off are you hot or cold? I mean you have a leather coat with the fur on the collar but yet you have no shirt on under it and the coat is unzipped. So make up your damn mind!! Put on a shirt and cover up that taco meat on your chest. Next, get a job stop begging and work for your money!! Lastly, wake yo ass up!! LoL. I mean what have you done to make you so damn tired? It's not like you just worked a 9-5 so you have no reason to be sleep in the middle of the day. And put on some socks man!! Okay I feel better now. That was actually worth my $2. Thanks.

Well if you've ever read any of my blogs and their titles then you know that I like to use the play on words. So this sign is right up my alley. First off the guy is a big guy so he definitely looks as if he can get his eat on. So, just off the funny factor of the sign I would be willing to give him about a buck for a burger or something. He definitely doesn't look to have missed too many meals so his sign must be working. Also, is it me or is he dressed like he works at a Target? I don't know he could be suspect. Maybe he's just on his lunch break and forgot his lunch or something. I would have to pull the sign back if I see a name tag he gets nothing from me. I'm not giving anything to someone that is gainfully employed.

Okay I'm going to walk lightly on this one because I know the secret service may be reading. All I must say is that this man has some balls. So I admire his boldness. However, he was smart enough to make sure his face was blurred out of this pic. But to even whisper those words like the Ying Yang Twins can get your ass locked up if the wrong person hears you. I'm not even going to type them. The picture is clearly not of a black man so to the C.I.A. it's not me. I don't know the date of this picture but if it was recent he wouldn't get anything from me Bush will be out soon anyway. But just for saying what I'm sure a lot of Americans want to say. I'm not saying me personally for Big Brother that's watching. But to this guy I'd give him about $3 buck for his boldness alone.

Now this is another bold move. However, if I was driving along this road I'd have to thank this guy. Apparently the Sheriff's Department are doing some sort of traffic sting and this guy is giving motorist a fair warning to be prepared. So now you can slow down, buckle up, and toss any illegal drugs or guns in the stash spot. If you were ticketed for speeding or no seat belt you're looking at a ticket of at least $25 or more. And if you're riding dirty well you already know that's going to cost you your freedom. Therefore, just on potentially saving me money I'd give this guy $5. And his friend at least a dollar I'm feeling the shirt (see blog entitled 9-1-1 Is a Joke). LoL .

I don't know if this was a shameless plug or what. But I tried to put in this website address and got nothing. So maybe he was just trying to be creative. However, I'm not trying to be funny but he should have put http://www.spareteeth.com/. I see him needing that more than the change. Maybe the tooth fairy will fly past and drop something off in ya boys' cup. LoL. But he seems to be in good spirits about his situation so I would help him out with a dollar.

Okay finally!! This is what I been waiting for. Finally a panhandler that's keeping it real. No sob story here about being down on his luck or nothing to eat. He's putting it out there that he's trying to get money for not just beer, but also pot, and a hooker. Well if I came out of the liquor store from buying a case of beer and saw this sign I'd help him out. One ice cold beer from my case. About $0.75 value. Just a token of my appreciation for this man not wasting my time with a bullshit story in order to get my spare change. Enjoy the ice cold refreshing beer my friend. You'll have to get someone else to help you out with the hookers and weed.

Okay this guy is really going to the extremes to get his panhandle on. I have 2 problems with this guy's tactics. First, this guy is out of order for portraying himself as Jesus.
The robe and collection plate are way too much. Secondly, this sign is way too extreme. It's bad enough I have to worry about eternal damnation when I'm in church and pass the collection plate without contributing. But now I got this guy out on the street trying to condemn me to hell fire if I don't give to him. This guy wouldn't get a dime from me. If you read my blog (E-Mail and Text Forwards) I don't respond to scare tactics especially dealing with Hell. LoL. Also, being a black man white Jesus doesn't scare me much anyways. So, if his collection plate passed my way I'd most likely drop some chicken bones in it like Arsenio Hall on Coming To America. LoL.





So you mean to tell me someone kidnapped your wife and demanded a large ransom or they would harm your wife? Then you scraped and collected all this money to give for the ransom and when you counted it you were exactly $0.98 cents short? Man get the hell outta here. LoL. Even if that was the case if you're going to hold a sign that says your wife was kidnapped then you may as well have gone to the police. Then they would be handling the kidnapping and negotiations so you wouldn't have to be out begging for $0.98 cents. Although I give him props for attempting to be creative, he didn't think his story out well enough for him to get any money out of me. If his wife was really kidnapped I may let him use my phone to call 9-1-1 that's about it.






Hey doesn't this guy look familiar? And wait doesn't the sign look familiar too? I think it's our friend with the kidnapped wife. It's obviously a different day as he's changed clothes. Hey look even his sign has changed. He now needs $0.99 as opposed to the $0.98 cents he needed on the sign before. So did he somehow lose a penny during his attempt to scrape up the ransom money? Oh I get it, the kidnappers called and decided that the ransom wasn't high enough and decided to up it by a whole penny right? Man get this sign out of my face! I didn't fall for it the first time and now that I see you again with the same sign you're definitely not getting even that penny from me.





This sign is a nice attempt of this guy to be clever. However, the one thing he's not thinking about is that on every alcoholic beverage there is a disclaimer from the Government. "(1)According to The Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems." So in other words if you drink you will get drunk and your liver will look like a raisin in the sun if you drink too much. So the Government has done all the research necessary on alcohol and they don't need your help. Nice try though. You get an E for effort, but no money from me.

Now this sign is funny for a couple of reasons. First, I'm picturing big man here in a tight karate
outfit trying to learn kung-fu. Next, I'm trying to imagine a bunch of ninjas coming to the hood to kill this guys' family. I've been to enough hoods to know that even trained ninjas won't go there. So, if a group of individuals wearing all black killed his family I guarantee they weren't ninjas. Now if you subtract the nj from ninjas and add gg in it's place then the sign would be much more believable to me. I know I'm joking about someone's family being killed but I'm following his lead he's the one with smiley faces on the sign. I got a good laugh on this one $0.60 cents from me.

Another keeping it real sign. "Why lie I need a beer." Truer words could not have been spoken. I have to feel him on this one. Who doesn't need a beer from time to time? Again, if I had a beer on me I would definitely be willing to share with this man. Plus it looks hot out so I'm sure the cold beer would cool him off.

Again this guy is keeping it real. However, beer is one thing. I'm not going to support someone's drug habit. I know you're probably like you'll help destroy someone's liver but not their brain from drugs. Well yes it's a double standard but I have that right to choose where my money goes. I'm not forcing the beer down the man's throat. LoL. But back to this sign. I like the fact he is admitting he's not even homeless. If I were homeless and saw his sign I'd come over there and kick his ass. He's taking away from me being able to eat when he just wants to get high.

So the moral to this story a panhandler must be clever and creative to maximize their opportunity for getting money, especially from me. But hell, if a top notch professional beggar can make $78,000 a year then I'm definitely in the wrong profession. I am actually in the process of looking for a new job. So, Don't be surprised if you're walking downtown one day and you see me holding a "Will Rap For Food" sign. I'll have a portable CD player playing my debut CD "Ripped from the Headlines" and have copies of the album for sale (album coming soon, shameless plug I know). But at least I'll be selling you something and not just begging. But for real if you see your boy out there show me a little bit of support. Even if you don't buy a cd I'll spit a hot 16 for you for your spare change. LoL.

--C-Recks--

(Crank Dat Homeless Man)