Man Up!!! Part 12

Welcome back to another edition of Man Up!! If you're new to the site we try to come up with new Man Up Rules each and every Friday. Remember this blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.

Man Up Rule #43:

No grown ass man should ever be caught sucking his thumb!! First off you're too old to be sucking your thumb (the 13 and up rule falls to 12 and up here). Second, it just doesn't look right. What you and your thumb do in the comfort of your own "crib" should stay there and not on public display.

Man Up Rule #44:
Who doesn't like a nice relaxing massage every now and then? I've always been pretty good at giving massages and at one point I wanted to be a massage therapist. However, that was until I figured out taking those classes I'd probably have to give a massage to a man at some point. Well that ruled out this choice of occupation for me. A man should never receive a massage from another man (Image 1). I don't care how much pain my back is in if my only option is to receive a massage from a man then I'll just have to stay in pain. There's always the option of a self massager. (Image 3).

(1)

(George From Seinfeld)

(3)

Man Up Rule #45:
It doesn't matter how stylish these shoes are or the brand name associated with them a man should not be wearing heels (Image 1). They simple were not made for men. The only passes in this case go to Prince (Image 2) his music is timeless and those are twins in the picture man! Also, a 70's pimp gets a pass for having worn platform shoes (Image 3). Lastly, image 4 is a double violation of Man Up Rule #33 notice he is wearing a man purse.

(1)

(2)

(3)

(4)

Brothers' Perspective

--Driza Dre--

--C-Recks--

A Thin Line Between Love and Inmate

With the emergence of the Internet as a tool to find love, there is no wonder why online dating services are thriving even in this recession bound economy. You can find any type of online dating website for whatever your dating preference may be. If you don't believe me just Google what you like along with the word dating and I bet that you find some online dating website that offers it. I have seen advertisements for BBW (Big Beautiful Women), Interracial, Gay/Homosexual, Christian, Ebony, etc. all over the Internet. Well there is a blog soon to come about online dating but I wanted to focus this blog on a specific area of online dating. I recently I saw a disturbing advertisement in a magazine. It was an advertisement for a Prison Internet Dating website.

Now this disturbed me for a number of reasons. First, I started to think that to me the Internet, much like cable television is really a luxury item. So, I began to wonder why on earth are my tax dollars going to anything more than the basic essentials for prisoners? For instance, food, water, bed, and some books. At the time I didn't even have Internet access and was sort of appalled that someone doing time in jail could access the Internet. I was not for sure if this was true or if this ad was some sort of scam so I decided do some research and find out if prison inmates do indeed have Internet access.

Well much to my surprise the articles I came across actually did prove the advertisement to be legit. There really are some states and some prisons that allow for prison inmates to have limited access to the Internet. Apparently those prisons that do have Internet but have strict guidelines and security measures and inmates are monitored while using the Internet. But most prisons choose not to allow inmates access to the Internet. There are many reasons why prisons choose to restrict or eliminate Internet use amongst prisoners. One major reason is pretty simple let us not forget these are criminals. So, there is a greater potential for inmates to use the Internet for criminal activity. The biggest fear is probably the possibility of inmates using the Internet to threaten or harass witnesses/victims and their families.

So what do these Jail Dating websites really do? Well at http://www.writeaprisoner.com/ inmates seek pen pals to write them. So the inmates place an ad on the site that includes details about them (some including the crime they were convicted of) and an optional picture. You can click on the inmate that interests you and there you have it their prison address. Send off your letter and then there you have it you have now made your connection with an inmate. Also, you have the option to e-mail a message and they will download and mail it directly to the prisoner. Seems like a pretty simple process. Also, http://www.prisonpenpals.com/ and http://www.inmate.com/ offer a very similar service. However, there are sites such as http://www.ladiesofthepen.com/ and http://www.cellblockmail.com/ that actually charge you a nominal fee ($5 and up) to receive the prisoners mailing address. The theory behind these websites is simply that prisoners are lonely and communication with the outside world is beneficial in the rehabilitation of the inmate. Also, we all know there isn't much to do in prison and as the old saying goes"an idle mind is the devil's playground."

The problem with some of these pay sites is that some of them are total scams. To be honest if you're really looking for a prison inmate to connect with and write most local and state corrections facilities have websites. For instance, you can search for prisoners inside any Illinois Corrections Facility simply by logging on their website. They list along with the inmate's picture, their full name, age, height, weight, types of tattoos, and the crime they are convicted of and the expected release date. Of course it also lists their inmate # and you can obtain the mailing address if you really wanted to write them. In fact, I would go as far to say that if dating inmates is your thing then this would be a better and safer route than using any of the aforementioned websites. The reason being, that on those websites you have no way to verify if the information listed is accurate. So if John Doe lists on inmate.com that he is in jail for robbery serving 5 years how are you to even know if this is true? It could be that John is really serving 25 to life for murder. I would say verifying the information about the prisoner would be the way to avoid possibly being scammed.

Snail mail or mail sent through the U.S. Postal Service has dramatically decreased over the years. With the ability to E-Mail, instant message, text, and pay bills online, most don't really find a need for postage stamps anymore. Hence, the constant rate hikes on postage stamps. Also, e-mail has become the most preferred method of contact when it comes to mail. To demonstrate this fact I have 2 key examples.

First, my 4 year old son was recently talking to my aunt on the phone. And some how she mentioned she wanted him to mail her some money. Well he agreed and said I will and asked her what's your E-Mail address? No he didn't ask her physical address. At 4 years old he's up to date on technology and has no concept of postal mail.

The next example deals directly with the topic at hand. My brother was recently requested by a female friend of his that was incarcerated to write her in jail. Well he asked me if I had ever written anyone in jail and what should they even say to the person incarcerated. Well I first had to even think when was the last time I even sat down and wrote a hand written letter. To my recollection it had been probably at least 5-7 years. But much like my son was thinking, I said if the letter can't be e-mailed there's a good chance you're not getting it from me jail or no jail. LoL. Well to make a long story short he never sat down and wrote the letter. She wrote him a few times pleading him to write back but he just couldn't do it. Well when she got out of jail the first thing she asked was "Why didn't you write me?" Sadly to avoid hurting her feelings he lied and said he did write and it must have been somehow lost between the mailbox and the prison.

But I think it's safe to say that many people are like me and rarely take the time to write a letter to someone in prison. I'm sure it somewhat has to do with not knowing what to really say to them. This is probably a good reason why some inmates receive little to no mail while incarcerated. But of course when they get out of jail just like my brother's friend did they will ask "Why didn't you write me?"

However, the Federal Bureau of Prisons (The Fed) has come up with a way that can maybe combat this problem. They have introduced a program called TRULINCS short for (Trust Fund Limited Inmate Computer System). This system allows for inmates to have limited computer access where they send and receive e-mails without having to access the Internet. The system is in a limited number of BOP facilities but is expected to be in all facilities by 2011. Basically the way the system works is this. The inmate must request to have a person added to their [prison] approved list of contacts. The system generates a request to that person advising them that the inmate wishes to communicate with them through e-mail. Once the recipient approves they can then begin sending e-mails. All correspondence is monitored, the e-mails can not exceed 13,000 characters (approximately 2 pages), and no attachments can be included. And I'm happy to report that funding for TRULINCS is not provided by tax payers. In fact, funding is provided entirely by the Inmate Trust Fund, which is maintained by profits from inmate purchases of commissary products, telephone services, and the fees inmates pay for TRULINCS.

So, one of my main questions is what is the draw to dating someone in prison? I mean it's a little bit different if you're already with that person and they happen to go to jail then and you just want to stand by your man or woman. However, I'm curious to know, has the dating pool been so depleted that we are now resorting to searching for available bachelors and bachelorettes in jail? Or is it a deeper reason why individuals will search for convicted felons to date? I recall on an episode of the sitcom "Seinfeld" the character George was dating a woman in prison. He stated that it was the perfect relationship because "he knows where she is, doesn't have to worry about the pop in, and has little competition." LoL. Regardless of the reasoning behind searching for a companion in jail I guess the main point is there is someone for everyone. This includes prison inmates. I mean everyone needs love right?

--C-Recks--

Don't Quit Your Date Job

Since I began searching for a new job a few months back I have gone through the entire process from beginning to end. Likewise I have been single for a while and dating off and on for a while as well. I recently just started thinking about the 2 processes and began to notice some similarities between job hunting and searching for a mate. These thoughts led me to me conclude that the 2 are almost one in the same. I know it may sound a bit odd but let me go ahead and break it down for you.





Apply
When you find a job that interests you the first step to obtaining that job is to apply for it. So you submit your application whether it be in person or online. Well when you're looking for that special someone you have to sort of start with an application as well. When you first meet that person it's like applying for a job. You're letting it be known that you're interested in the position (in this case being their man or woman) that is available. So you go up to that person and introduce yourself have a brief conversation and depending on how well it goes one of two things will happen. You will either get that person's phone number or you will leave yours with them. However, if that initial meeting didn't go well your application (phone number) will most likely immediately be trashed.

Therefore, first impressions are always important. Most people think to only dress up for the interview. But even when just submitting a job application the way you dress/look when you drop off or fill out that application is crucial. If you come in looking like you want and deserve the job then you're most likely to reach the next stage in the hiring process. But if you don't dress the part most likely the person that takes your application will discard it and not forward it on. And when you do submit that application you will receive the same response all the time. "We will review your application against those of other qualified applicants and if we find your qualifications meet our needs we will contact you." In dating terms this essentially means don't call me I'll call you.


Phone Interview
Once you've submitted your application you have to await a call back. Now what will be taking place in this time is a brief review of your qualifications. Although it was a short encounter again first impressions are everything. So once it has been determined that you are a potential candidate for employment an initial phone call will be made. Now just like an in person interview you must be prepared for this phone interview. Make sure the call is uninterrupted. You don't want to have your phone blowing up on the other end and constantly be putting the other party on hold.

During this phone interview you will be asked all types of questions regarding your education and present and past dating history and experience. Including the length of those relationship and why your employment was terminated with that previous employer. Also, you will be asked about your best and worst qualities, your good and bad habits, your hopes/aspirations, etc. If it wasn't asked on the initial application the "have you ever been convicted of felony?" question will come up. Basically they want to know what you will bring to the table. What will you do to add to or improve an already successful (single) operation. It is important to answer these questions carefully and honestly as they may come up again if you make it to the next stage in the interview process. The phone interview process may take place over a number of phone calls and conversations as the prospective employer gathers information on you and determines whether to invite you to interview with them personally.


In Person Interview
Once the employer has conducted the telephone interviews they will either determine that you're not qualified enough or that you may have potential and invite you to interview in person aka on a date. When the date and time has been set it is important that you again prepare for this interview. Review your responses to the previous phone interview questions as they may come up again and you want to make sure your answers are the same. Also, you must dress even better than you did when you submitted your initial application. This is your opportunity to show them that you can dress the part. Even if the meeting is informal you still want to make a good impression. So once you arrive and greet your perspective employer your interview will begin. Most of the same questions will come back up but you will be judged more on your ability to answer the questions honestly, correctly and confidently. If you successfully impress the prospective employer in this stage of the interview process then you may be invited for a 2nd interview. As you converse and speak you try to get a feel for the person asking the questions. You get smiles, nods, and even the occasional laugh. However, once the interview is done you're still never quite sure how you did. You may feel as if it was your best ever. But again, you can never predict the thoughts of the person interviewing you. So they leave you with those parting words. "Thank you for interviewing with us today, we have a few other candidates to interview and we'll be making our decision by next week." This again means don't call me I may call you.


2nd Interview
So you breezed through the in person interview and passed with flying colors. Well when you get that call back please don't assume that it is to offer you the position. In fact, you're still quite a ways from the finish line. This call back is most likely going to be an invitation to interview a second time. Now with most employers the second interview is with someone higher up such as a manager or CEO. However, in dating terms you will have to be interviewed by "the friend(s)." So you may be invited out with her and her girls or him and his boys. The purpose of this interview is for the employer to get the approval or disapproval of their friends. This interview is actually harder than the 2 previous ones. The reason being, that you are being evaluated and scrutinized by 2 or more individuals. Not to mention you are not privy to what information has already been told about you to those friends. Therefore, they could have a preconceived notion about you to begin with. However, your goal is to charm the hell out of those friends with hopes that they will give you a good review and their approval of you being able to succeed in this position.


Job Offer
The time has come!! With glee and joy you answer your phone, check your mail box and e-mail awaiting response on the job. But when it comes don't get your hopes up too high. That management position you were seeking you don't yet qualify for. However, there is an internship position that is available. It is non-paid, and there are no "benefits." But if you work very hard in this position you can eventually get promoted to higher positions and reach that desired level. Are you still interested in working for this employer? If not trust there is another ready and willing applicant that will start off doing whatever job they have to just to be employed.


Career Path
Unfortunately you didn't nail the position you were seeking. However, the bright side is you are now employed by a great employer and as stated you do have potential to move up if you do a good enough job. There will be regular review of your performance monthly. Below are the stages of progression you will go through before achieving your desired goal.




Intern - Dating
Entry Level Position - Exclusively Dating
Sr. Associate - Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Supervisor/Manager - Fiance'
Executive - Husband/Wife


Disclaimer
Make sure that you re-read the disclaimer that was on the bottom of the application you originally filled out.


I certify that the information contained in this application is correct to the best of my
knowledge. I understand that to falsify information is grounds for refusing to hire me, or
for discharge should I be hired.

I authorize any person, organization or company listed on this application to furnish
you any and all information concerning my previous employment, education and qualifications
for employment. I also authorize you to request and receive such information.

In consideration for my employment, I agree to abide by the rules and regulations of
the company, which rules may be changed, withdrawn, added or interpreted at any time,
at the company's sole option and without prior notice to me.

I also acknowledge that my employment may be terminated, or any offer or acceptance
of employment withdrawn, at any time, with or without cause, and with or without
prior notice at the option of the company or myself.




So in other words keep in mind that at any point during this process and even after being hired and promoted your ass can and will be kicked to the curb. Or as Donald Trump would say "You're Fired!!!"


--C-Recks--

Only In The Hood

Well it's about that time that we revisit the hood again. Nothing has changed in the hood. But I just have some more things that you see "Only In The Hood" that I wanted to share with you. I'll once again be your ghetto tour guide. So sit back relax and enjoy the ride as we cruise through the hood. Press play and listen to the theme song as we take this ride.

(DJ Khaled I'm So Hood Remix)

Car Club Meetings

Now I have never been in a car club nor to a car club meeting. But if you ride through the hood you are liable to see at least 10-20 of the same type of cars in a grocery store parking lot. Anything from Cadillacs, Cutlass', Intrepids, Grand Prixs, or Impalas. Don't be mistaken thinking this is a make shift car dealership. This is in fact a car club meeting. Again I have never been to one of these meeting so I have no clue what is discussed or what the purpose of the meetings are. Perhaps it's just to sit around and enjoy looking at the same car and showing off improvements you've made since the last meeting. Or perhaps they stand around while someone reads the car owner's manual aloud to the group. LoL.

Dr. MLK Jr. Blvd

I know Chris Rock mentioned this in one if his bits back in the day but he was on point with his observation. As much as Martin Luther King Jr. did for equal rights and equality for the black race why is it that MLK Blvd is only in the hood? I've personally never seen an MLK Blvd. in the suburbs.

Currency Exchanges

Although Currency Exchanges are every where, there are an abundant number of them in the hood. For hood patrons they're more like one stop shops. You can get it all done at the Currency Exchange. Where else can you cash your check, get your city sticker, pick up/sending money via Western Union, pay bills, get a bus pass, a prepaid cell phone/minutes, stamps, and even a roll of quarters? Although it's cheaper to keep your money in a bank, the convenience of having all these services in one place is more appealing to those in the Hood. I've been to Currency Exchanges at all times of the day and night and I've never seen one in the hood that was not packed. **Warning** Do not attempt to go to a Currency Exchange on the 1st or 15th of the month. This is check day and you will be in a line that's probably out the store and around the block.

Funeral Homes

Yes Every town has funeral homes, but in the hood there seems to be one in every 10 block radius. Unfortunately, the death rate in the hood is higher than other areas; therefore, funeral homes are big business. If you're from Chicago I'm pretty sure you know this famous Funeral Home Gatling's. Also, I'm sure you've attended at least one funeral here as well.

High Gas Prices

This is one phenomenon I never quite understood. How is it that in the poorest neighborhoods that the prices of gas are the highest. I can literally leave from where I live in the suburbs and drive to the hood and see about a $0.50 Cent difference in price per gallon. I guess this is partially why public transportation is the preferred method of travel in the hood.

Reserved Parking Spaces

In climates like Chicago that produce snow local residents are sometimes reduced to having to shovel their cars out from under the snow fall. Well after putting in all that hard work to shovel your parking spot you want to make sure someone doesn't benefit from your hard work and just take your spot. In the hood they've come up with a full proof security system to make sure that once they pull off their parking spot is safe and secure until they return. What is it? Yep just as the picture depicts it's a chair!! Now you may be thinking that the chair transforms into a guard dog or something that will keep others from taking the space. But nope that's not it. It is a simple chair. For some reason this is a practice that works every time. I don't know if it's just the respect for our neighbors on the block or if people refuse to be that down and dirty that they'll let someone sit out in below zero weather shoveling snow only to have their spot taken. Not to mention if someone did that it would be an ass whoopin waiting to happen. LoL. Also in substitute of a chair you may see anything from milk crates, tables, lawn chairs, sofas, and a mop bucket.

Well that concludes this tour and our journey through the hood. Come back again soon as we will be adding new attractions to the tour.

--C-Recks--

Man Up!!! Part 11

We took a break from last Friday's Man Ups for a little vacation. But we're back and from that vacation came back with a few new Man Ups thanks to the Taste of Madison. But here we go it's time to Man Up!!! Remember this blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.

Man Up Rule #40:

A man should never feed another man food. I don't care if the man hasn't eaten in over a week, has no arms or is in a pair of handcuffs and is hungry. You better tell him to open up wide while you use the the spoon as a catapult and fling it into his mouth. Other than that his ass will starve to death. LoL. A pass does go to old men incapable of feeding themselves, but have served as real men for at least 60+ years.

Man Up Rule #41:

When you walk into a restaurant or store they usually have a sign that says no shirt, no shoes, no service. Well the no shirt rule applies here as well. If we're not in a setting that requires no shirt such as the beach, swimming, a game of basketball, in a sauna etc. then don't talk to me unless you put on a shirt. You don't have anything I want to see and I don't want someone else seeing me from a distance to even think my eyes are averting from your face. Either put on a shirt or get out of my damn face!! LoL.

Man Up Rule #42:

We previously discussed earrings on Man Up Rule #29. Well if you were one of those men that got your tongue pierced back in say the late 90's to early 2000's you get a pass on this violation. We understand it was the whole phenomenon behind it and you were early adopters. But if you're a man in today's times knowing what getting your tongue pierced signifies then you're in direct violation of a Man Up Rule. Take that mess out of your tongue right now!! LoL. Image #1 below would be a double violation: Don't stick your tounge out when you're that close to another man!

To Be Continued...

Brothers' Perspective

--Driza Dre--

--C-Recks--

A Penny For My Thoughts

I've once again had some things on my mind and I've felt the need to share them with you. Lucky for you the price hasn't changed yet. But times are hard so don't be mad if it's a nickel for my thoughts pretty soon. LoL. But again this will be an on-going topic so look for more to come. And remember my unique perspectives on things are usually a little more twisted the the average. LoL. But with no further ado I bring to you...A penny for my thoughts...

"Just my thoughts ladies and gentlemen." - Jay-Z

I once saw 2 handicapped guys in wheel chairs in an Atlanta, Ga strip club. Now I have nothing against the handicap at all. In fact, I never even knew these 2 guys were handicapped at first. When we first got in and sat at a table they were behind us also at a table. It just looked as if they were sitting at a table. It wasn't until they paid for lap dances that I noticed these guys are handicapped. I believe that I made the comment to my brother "I guess a lap dance would be the only kind of dance they could get so why not." Now I'm never hating at all on anyone especially the handicapped. However, I don't know if these guys were regulars or what but they seemed to get all the love in the strip club. So, not only did they get the parking spaces in the front but the most strip club love. And while the emcee was steady calling all the guys out that were not tipping of course they didn't get called out. And I didn't see them go up there and tip one time. But as they left I was waiting for the d.j. to play the songs "Roll Out" or "Stand Up" by Ludacris. LoL. What? Naw see I was just saying that because you know Luda is from Atlanta. LoL.

Where is this little boys parents? We've all seen him on stickers placed on the back of someone's car window. In the sticker he's usually peeing on something. I've seen him peeing on everything from a car emblem, to sports teams, to the name of Osama Bin Laden. Now my question is why in the hell haven't his parents thought him to pee in a toilet yet? I'm definitely not advocating beating other people's kids because lord knows if someone touches mine it's on. However, if I caught this kid pissing in public I'd have to pull my belt off and hand him more than a few deserved licks. But for peeing on this 4 more years I would actually let him get a pass. LoL

Speaking of peeing. Has anyone ever watched the TV show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel before? Well if you haven't seen the show the basic premise is that viewers write in and come up with dirty jobs and the host of the show Mike Rowe goes and does the job while being filmed on camera. Well over the Holiday weekend I was exposed to something that I feel should be on this show. So here you go Mike Rowe. Who in the hell has the horrible job of cleaning Port-O-Potties? And how much do they make? I don't care if you gave me a fire hose and paid me $100/hour I just couldn't do it. My bladder can be about to explode and some of these things I still wouldn't go in to use. My son put it best. I once took him into a port-o-potty to pee when he was probably only 3 years old. As soon as we walked in and he said "that's just disgusting!!"

Speaking of jobs. There's one job I would say has to be one of the easiest highest paying jobs ever. If you've driven through any highway construction zone then you've seen someone holding this sign that says slow. Now for some reason usually the person holding the sign is a woman. I'm not insinuating anything by that statement I'm just stating the facts. But besides having to stand for long periods of time, maybe having to endure extreme temperatures and the danger factor of possibly being hit this is not a hard job at all. Especially when they're probably making $35-50 an hour to hold that sign. I mean besides the extreme temperatures your average gas station clerk endures the same things for about $7 an hour. They have to stand all day and they can get robbed at any point. I mean I've seen instances where I guess the sign holder was on break and the sign was just stuck in the ground. Now if you can just replace someone's job by putting the sign in the ground that goes to show you that it's not really a required position. I'm just saying.

Anyone that knows me knows that I tend to be sort of a stickler for grammar. Although I make mistakes in spelling at times (you may have caught some in previous blogs) and I talk in slang a lot, for the most part I try to speak correctly. Depending on the setting it can actually annoy me when someone isn't speaking proper English. One of those settings for me is at work. When I'm at work I have to put on my professional hat and speak professionally when I'm on the phone with a customer. Outside of work you'll hear me speaking slang, cursing, you name it. Well a few weeks ago my co-worker was on the phone with a customer. The customer (I could tell from her voice and grammar) happen to be a black woman. The customer had a discrepancy with her account balance and as my co-worker was trying to explain it to the customer she started to get loud and ignorant. Gotta Love my black people. Well it was at the end of the day on a Friday so my co-worker put the lady on speaker phone just so we all could hear her going off. Now I've heard it all said when it comes to bad grammar. However, this lady said a word that I had yet to hear before. She said and I quote "Nuh uhn Lady!! I'm not paying no $7000 the MORE-EST I'm paying is $5000." My ears perked up as soon as I heard it and I tapped my other co-worker (She's black) that was standing next to me listening. I said "Did she just say the more-est?" Not the most but the "more-est?" My co-worker was already laughing but as soon as I said that she busted up laughing and ran out the room so she wouldn't be damn near on the floor. But I guess the customer was pretty damn adamant she wasn't paying the 7.

Speaking of black women. I love ya'll by the way. Shout out to all the black women. LoL. But I recently thought of something. You know how they tell men that the best way to know how a woman will look when she gets old is to look at her mother? Well I have another rule that's along those same lines. Do you want to know how a black woman will look most of the time behind closed doors especially at night before bed time (you know at the hour you may be feeling a little frisky)? Well all you have to do is walk up to that fine black sista whether it be in the club or wherever and ask her to kindly... put on her head scarf. Yep I said it. You know that lovely silk scarf that they put on at night to wrap their hair up. All I can say is if she still looks fine to you in the head scarf then you now know what you'll be in for probably 6 out of 7 nights of the week. If a black woman has enough hair to put a comb through then 9 times out of 10 she wears one of these to bed. Underneath her hair will be wrapped up in a cone head style. The purpose is to eliminate them having to redo their whole head in the morning when they wake up. It's just one of those rules they have like "never going swimming." They'll dip their feet in the water but actually swimming head under the water style nope it's a rarity to see. I didn't watch the but did anyone see any black women on the U.S. Swim team in this year's Olympics? LoL.

I'm not sure who came up with this bright idea but have you ever heard of or seen someone with permanent makeup? Well there are people that get their eyebrows tattooed on in the arch of their choice. This way they never have to get their eyebrows arched. I guess they simply shave them off when they grow. But my thing is this why would you want to risk someone messing up on your tattooed eyebrows. I mean if they're doing the arch and they sneeze or something they may have you looking surprised for the rest of your life. LoL. I believe this works for lipstick as well. So you can get your favorite lipstick color tattooed on your lips permanently. Again, it doesn't make sense if the color you get is red why would you want to be stuck with that one color all your life? I guess you can put another color on top of the red but won't certain colors mixed together make other colors? Didn't we learn in grade school how red + blue = purple? LoL

Alright that's all I got that's another $.07 cents you owe me. The total would be $0.17 cents. Don't forget to tip if you were at all entertained. LoL

--C-Recks--

Bad to the Phone

In the blog Nanny Government my brother mentioned the recent implementation of the hand held cell phone ban in the State of California. Now here in the city of Chicago, Illinois the law has been in place for a couple years already. I'm not one to break many laws but this is one law that I just can't seem to abide by. Recently, someone told me that text messaging while driving is also illegal and you can be ticketed for it just like you can talking on your hand held cell phone.

Now I do have a bluetooth head set. However, I honestly don't talk on the phone that much to even use it. Others that are on the phone a frequent amount of time usually just walk around with their bluetooth in their ear. But I don't. Therefore, if I happen to get a call or need to make a call while driving I will use my hand set. As for text messaging, well that's the purpose of even having the type of phone that I have which is a Side Kick 3. It is designed specifically for text messaging. The qwerty keyboard actually resembles that of a real keyboard. Also, the calling plan I have comes with unlimited text messages. The fact is I'm more likely to send a text message than make a phone call.

According to GSHA.org many of the states have used crash data to back up their reasons for having a ban on handheld cell phones. Therefore, I am not disputing the fact that the laws exist or whether or not driving and talking on a hand held cell phone is dangerous or not. I'm simply stating my case. I'm speaking for myself. This is how I would present my case if I ever got ticketed and had to go to court for using my cell phone and or text messaging.

First of all your honor that's a nice robe you have on. I know it's officially after Labor Day but does that come in white? LoL. I'm just kidding. Well as you know I was ticketed for driving while text messaging. I understand why the law is in place and by no means am I stating that I am above the law. However, I want to let the record show that me text messaging while driving is not at all a distraction to me operating my motor vehicle.

I'm sure you're wondering how is that possible? Well when I use my phone to send a text I don't have to look at the keyboard in order to type. The qwerty keyboard is exactly like a computer keyboard. I sit at a desk all day at work typing on a computer. So I know the location of the keys by memory. If you would like can demonstrate this for you. Now you're probably thinking that's fine that you don't have to look at the phone while you text but how do you drive when your hands are on your phone and not the steering wheel?

Well I'm glad you asked because I also have another unique talent that I can utilize while driving. I have the ability to drive/steer the car with my knee. I used to watch my father do this when I was younger and was fascinated by it. So it was only a matter of time until after years of driving that my brother and I were able to pick up on this nifty trick. Now I know you're probably picturing me driving with my knee and sending a text message and thinking OMG you're going to kill someone or yourself. But actually it's very safe if you know what you're doing. See my left knee steers the vehicle while my right foot covers the brake/gas.

Again, I can only speak for myself when I say I can safely and effectively operate a vehicle in this manner. Simply put I am a multi-tasker by nature and have the ability to do many things at once. Therefore, this ticket that I received stating I was driving while distracted is actually incorrect and should be overturned. In fact, I believe that there are things that distract drivers far more often than a cell phone. Also, those things could potentially cause accidents more frequent than using a cell phone while driving. I'd like to call into evidence a number of these items just to prove my point.

Exhibit A - Watching Porn

Now some may be thinking why would watching porn be a distraction while you're driving? Or you may be thinking that you have to be a damn freak to be watching porn while you're driving. Well when I say porn I'm not referring to watching it in my car. First of all I have no TVs in my car. Second of all it's definitely not that serious. However, those individuals that do think it's that serious should be required to tint their windows. The distraction comes in when you pull up behind them. And of course you're going to automatically be intrigued as to what their watching. Once you find out it's porn the likelihood of you trying to watch is inevitable. So the next thing you know you find yourself tailgating the car in front of you just to watch their TV. But as soon as they hit their brakes BAM!! you plow into their bumper.

Exhibit B - Eating

I remember once my mom told me that she was once riding somewhere with my brother. As he was driving he pulled out a plate of food to eat. Now finger food is one thing but apparently this was a Thanksgiving style plate of food. One that required a fork to eat. She described it as him holding the plate in one hand, the fork in the other, and driving with his knee. The ironic part was he happen to be driving a stick shift. Yet he was able to drive to perfection doing all that. However, there are others that are not as skilled. Therefore even eating a simple hamburger and fries can be a distraction. So, imagine someone driving along eating their lunch and as they take a bite of that burger ketchup squirts out onto their nice suit. The immediate reaction will be to look down and in that split second CRASH!! there is another rear end accident.

Exhibit C - Grooming

When people are running late for work in the morning they're liable to do any and everything thing to save time. Most of the time saving activities involve grooming of some sort. Anything from shaving, to teeth brushing, to hair combing. However, I must fault you ladies for this last distraction. Putting on make up while driving! Now come on. I've seen women take forever to put on make up in the bath room mirror. Not to mention it seems to take the precision of a surgeon to apply some of that stuff. How in the world you put on mascara without poking your damn eye out is beyond me. But the point is that there can be no way you can apply make up in the rear view or visor mirror and drive safely. That's just an accident waiting to happen.

Exhibit D -Pretty Women

Now of course I have no problem with pretty women by any stretch of the imagination. But any guy (straight guys that is) will have to admit that when pretty women will always be a distraction. It doesn't matter if they're driving in the car next to you, walking down the street, or if they happen to be your passenger. The point is that when a guy sees a pretty girl he will look and even stare if it can go unnoticed. I've seen guys (myself included) damn near break they neck to look at a good looking female that they drove past. I've also literally seen guys hang out the car window to look at, whistle at, and holla at a female. So bottom line is that good looking females are definitely a distraction to a male driver.

Exhibit E - Billboards

I know that the purpose of billboards are to grab attention. But most billboards are strategically placed along side highways. However, I will admit some are pretty distracting to drivers. I've seen plenty of billboards that caught my attention. The problem with some is that you have to do some reading to figure out what the billboard is advertising. So imagine traveling 65+ miles per hour and then passing a billboard that caught your eye and trying to figure out what it is says. Exactly!! It will take a lot of concentration. Also, it will divert your eyes from the road for a good amount of time. And if I was driving on this road and saw this billboard of Beyonce in a bikini I'd probably smash into the median trying to look at this sign. LoL.

Exhibit F - Bad Ass Kids

There is probably nothing worse than or more aggravating than a car full of kids. Now if those kids happen to be bad ass kids it's enough do "drive" any one crazy. But when you have 2 kids fighting, another crying, then another throwing stuff at you in the drivers seat I'd say that makes for a distraction. Some skilled/long armed parents have the ability to lay hands on their children (not in the biblical sense) while still being able to drive safely. But other than that you're probably one scream or cry away from slamming on the brakes and taking off your belt.

So, there you have it your honor. If you are going to ticket me for what you consider a distraction to my driving then I would say that you need to start ticketing me and every one else for things that are an even bigger distraction. The things I mentioned are only a few of probably many more that I could name. But you get the gist of what I'm saying. I throw myself on the mercy of the court and ask that this ticket be overturned. I rest my case.

Guilty or Not Guilty? Was my argument convincing enough? You be the judge. LoL

--C-Recks--