"People don't dance no mo' all they do is this..." Goodie Mob
I'm Not sure if Goodie Mob was trying to be prophetic in their statement they made in those lyrics back in 1998, but it seems they were right. I will forewarn you that if you watch the videos on this particular blog that it may take away minutes of your life that you can't get back. I unfortunately was subjected to hours I can't get back while searching for these vidoes. So just know I took one for the team on this one. lol. Also, I apologize in advance if this is a bit long winded.
So as we all know the majority of music (especially rap) these days sucks. And when I say sucks I mean sucks like a vacuum, on a hoe stroll, standing next to a black hole. Sorry for the visual, but I'm sure you got my point now. I just doubt this is what our fore-fathers in hip-hop had in mind 30 years ago when they thought about where the craft would be in the future. This is precisely why I don't like to listen to the radio. The few times I have tuned in as of late, I often hear the ads requesting the citizens to help keep the radio free. They encourage us to call or write our local congressmen about the pay for performance tax. I don't know all the issues regarding the tax, but to be honest I could care less. The radio rarely plays anything I like to hear, so if they have to pay to play that crap then that's what they get for playing it.
So keeping on the topic of (C)Rap music I must admit that I can sometimes barely tolerate most of what falls into this category. But there is a particular trend in rap music that I have zero tolerance for. I'm sure from the title of this blog and my opening quote you realize that it's those Goddamn Dance songs! You just don't know how bad they irk the hell out of me!
Some of you that perhaps like these songs or just don't see my point may be asking yourself but why? Why don't you like them? Well it's simple first off the songs to me are just that...SIMPLE. It sounds like my 5 year old son wrote these lyrics using nursery rhymes as reference. As a rapper I find them highly insulting. Second, upon hearing them and not even seeing the dance I can visualize how stupid the dances look. Lastly, it's just another dumb ass trend. It's monkey see monkey do. So and so wrote a dance song so let me do the same. It's no different than when every rapper was a rock star and made rock songs, or when everyone wanted to rap fast. It's all the same. It simply boils down to No originality!
So when I began to write this blog I figured I can't just go in on the dance songs when most of them I have yet to see. Let me give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I spoke too soon and could perhaps adopt some of these new dance moves the next time I hit the dance floor. Well good people, here come the minutes of your life you won't get back. Sorry to say. I spent hours watching this crap and finding these videos so I hope you enjoy the Uncle Tom Foolery you're about to see.
When I first heard this crap I cringed then I pictured what the dance would be in my head. Well when I finally saw this video my suspicions were confirmed. Just down right ridiculous. Ugh! Not stopping with the success of their first dance song. The follow up single by the GS Boyz is "Booty Dew." Feel free to look that one up yourself if you want to see how it's done. The videos I found may be a little too racy for some viewers.
Now when I first heard this song I was down in ATL back in May. I liked the beat and it was semi-catchy. Well by the time it came to Chicago Radio they of course played it out. And when I heard it was a dance song it immediately went on my do not play list. I get it the motions of the dance mimic what a surfer would do. But it still looks stupid. No thanks.
I'm almost sad to say the originator of this song is from Chicago. I love my city and try to rep the fellow artists from Chi. But I would be lying if I didn't say Chicago puts out a lot of garbage music. Not to mention we try to be like everyone else, so knowing that, this song is not a huge surprise. But watch as this guy demonstrates this dance. The bird flap are you for real? I mean Harold's Chicken (As seen in the video is good chicken but not good enough to make up a damn dance too. I'm mad this grown ass man doesn't even realize how dumb he looks! Damn Shame! Then he mentioned another dance soon to come "The George Jefferson." Oh lord please no!
I personally can't stand Soldier boy so it's no wonder I didn't like this one either. But after the success of the Soldier Boy you should've known he'd be coming with another dance. This looks just as stupid as the first one to me.
I don't want to say this one started it all but it was definitely one of the more popular dances. I recall first hearing of Soldier Boy some years ago from one of my younger cousins. I heard him playing the song from his phone and doing this dumb ass dance. I just laughed at him and thought to myself there's no way a song or dance like that could ever become popular. Well lo and behold 2 years later I eat my words about the popularity. But I don't change my opinion it's still a stupid dance.
I have never seen the movie Talladega Nights before, but apparently this dance is based on the lead character in that movie Ricky Bobby (played by Will Farrell). Perhaps if I saw the movie I would understand the meaning behind the dance more. But I didn't have another 2 hours to spend watching a dumb movie to figure out a dumb dance.
Walk it out
The best thing about this song to me was the re-mix with Andre 3000. Besides that thee song was crap. The dance is just about the same if you ask me. But I guess it's not as bad as some of the more recent ones. I know DJ Unk also did the song "2-Step." But I was unable to find anything depicting that particular dance.
Okay when I watched this video I first thought wasn't that the "Kid n' Play" dance they just did at the beginning? Then I thought was this nigga pretending to jump an imaginary rope backwards? Wtf is this the actual dance? They look like fake break dancers in pants that are way tighter than any man should ever wear. The Jerk? Yeah that's the perfect name for what they look like doing this dance. I'm good on this one.
When I first heard the song I figured well it's Hurricane Cris so typical crap he put out before. I mean I think Halle Berry is fine too (top notch), but she gets her own song? Well I had no clue until doing research for this blog that there was a damn dance to the song. The video is from the Ellen Show and has Halle Berry talking about the song/dance and doing it as well. Halle Berry and any other woman can do this dance all day. She looks good doing it. But no grown ass man should be doing this dance!
Roll Your Neck
Just as indicated on the last dance and most of these dances I'll say it again "No grown ass man should be doing this dance." With that said I bring you a new dance that has yet to hit the national market yet according to the video. It's called roll your neck. Well it's self explanatory. The guys doing it in this video may as well change the name of the dance to "out the closet." Fuckouttahere with this!
Lean with it Rock with it
Again we go back a couple years and see how the dance song craze began. We all remember the lean with it rock. Then Lil' Jon came with snap ya fingaz, which was just another variation of the same dance if you ask me.
Here's the thug version of the dance song. I guess Dro and T.I. were a little too hood to come up with a corny dance song. So they came up with the shoulder lean. I know gangstas don't dance but it's okay to do the shoulder lean. If you say so.
Chicken noodle soup
This I song to me was horrible. I'm not from Harlem nor have ever been. But I guess it was a big thing out there. So of course someone had to come up with a song for the dance. So here we have the chicken noodle soup dance. I still don't know why it's called that. Campbells makes some good soup, but I don't know if that necessarily warrants a song and dance. But then again who am I.
I blame Puffy (or Diddy as some call him) for bringing this dance to the forefront. Honestly, this could've stayed in Harlem. However, after he had the little kids doing this dance in the "Let's Get It" video. Everyone was doing it. Again, as evidenced in the video grown men should never have been doing this dance. The comedian "smokey" described this dance best. It looks like what happens to a crack head after they hit the pipe. LoL.
No disrespect to anyone's gang or anything but again I didn't know that gangstas danced. I'm not sure which crip invented the crip walk, but I guess he made it cool for them to dance. Since then it's become more mainstream and everyone from lil' Bow Wow were doing it. But I people like Xzibit, and Snoop made songs about getting your walk on.
Let's take it back to what like 94? The 69 Boyz were some of the originators and came up with this song and dance for what they called the Tootsie Roll. They took another popular dance "The Butterfly" and created their own variation called the "Tootsie Roll." I'm still not sure why it was called this, but I'm sure the Tootsie brand saw an increase in their sales over the 2 year span this song and dance were popular.
If you ask me Shock G was a mogul in the making back in the early 90's. He already rapped as himself in the group Digital Underground. But then he thought of the bright idea to create an alter Ego named Humpty Hump. Humpty was supposed to be Shock's cousin who got his nose burned and wore the humpty nose/glasses because of that. Humpty also rapped. Many didn't know shock and hump were one in the same person. He then went on to make a song and dance called the humpty hump. He was one of the originators of the dance song. It's funny I've heard this song and seen the video hundreds of times, and he even breaks it down in a verse. However, I still don't know how the dance is done.
Well I'm sure I left out plenty of dances and songs. But the bottom line is that its a trend in rap music that will soon be played out and we'll be on to something new. I'm not hating on them I just don't like them. They have no substance and are all stupid looking. I'm not a big dancer anyways and even if I was these wouldn't appeal to me one bit. Also, I don't go to clubs that often, but the next time I do I won't be participating when these songs come on.
However, I will proposition any choreographers out there to hit me up. firstname.lastname@example.org or @crecks on twitter. Let's come up with a stupid dance move and make a song out of it. You do the dance I'll write and produce the song. We can do it, it can't be that hard. Wait! I already got one! The "Hula Hoop." I can hear the hook for the song now. "Do the hula hoop, do the hula hoop, work them hips 'round like you would a hula hoop. Girl do the hula hoop, do the hula hoop, you can do it too, girl, don't think you too cute!!" The dance moves can mimic something like you would do while playing with a hula hoop. LoL. I'm clowing but I swear I'll write this shit. It would be a ghost written song however for MC Sambo or whoever I could find to be the artist. But I would gladly take the royalty checks for writing it. Matter of fact I'm going to copyright the lyrics today for all you biters out there. LoL. That's it ya'll sorry it was so long.