Thursday, July 23, 2009

My Life According to: Jay-Z

So anyone that knows me they know I will quote a rap song lyric in a heart beat. I feel like in life (mines at least) there is a rap lyric to fit almost any and every situation I find myself in. Don't believe me? Try me. For instance, take say... my son's birth. Instantly the lyric "I resurrect through the birth of my son and live again." Tragedy from T.O.N.Y. by CNN. Going to get my hair cut. "Hair parted with a barber's preciseness." Nas Got yourself a Gun. And finally I'm hungry thinking about lunch time "Ya'll Niggaz lunchin punchin a clock." Jay-Z Can't Knock the Hustle. Basically you get what I'm saying.

That being said when Muze sent me this note entitled "My Life According to Stevie Wonder via Facebook I was intrigued. After reading hers I couldn't wait to do my own. And I'm definitely not "Jockin' Jay-Z," but I had to choose someone with a vast collection of albums and songs. Plus I probably quote Jay-Z more than anyone, so he was an obvious choice. But don't take it all literally because I had to choose a song for every one. Oh and I'm not tagging anyone like the instructions read. But anyone that wants to do this feel free to do so.

So here we go this is "My Life According to Jay-Z"

It aint for everybody... (Jay-Z Voice)... LOL.

Instructions: Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According to (BAND NAME)"

Pick Your Artist: Jay-Z

Are you a male or female?: Dope Man

Describe yourself: Real Niggaz

How do you feel: U Don't Know

Describe where you currently live: The City is Mine / Heart of the City

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: All Around the World

Your favorite form of transportation: Ride or Die / Do u Wanna Ride

Your best friend is: (Always Be My) Sunshine

Your favorite color is: Blueprint / Black Album

What's the weather like: It's Hot (Some Like It Hot)

Favorite time of the day: Anything

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: In my Life Time Vol. 1 / Moment of Clarity / Some how Some way / The Ruler's Back

What is life to you: 99 Problems / Hard Knock Life

Your relationships: Girls, Girls, Girls / You Must Love Me / I know What Girls Like
Your fear: Oh My God / D'Evils / Lucifer / If I Should Die

What is the best advice you have to give: Some People Hate

If you could change your name, you would change it to: Never Change

Thought for the Day: I did it my Way

How I would like to die: F**k All Nite

My soul's present condition: It's Alright / All I Need

My Motto: Money Aint A Thang / What More Can I Say / Can't Knock the Hustle / Show Me What You Got


Wednesday, July 15, 2009


So as I'm sitting at work yesterday and checking out Facebook I happen to notice a couple of old High School people's status messages. They both referred to the death of someone we went to school with. Elliot Thompson. The first name was a name that I knew, but it also could have referred to a couple different people. The last name I had no clue of so I was at a loss as to who they were referring to. So I inquired from one of the individuals as to who they were referring to and what happen. When the girl responded she gave his name and said that he was shot and killed. I told her that the last name didn't ring a bell although I knew of more than one Elliot from high school. She then replied with a description saying he was a barber at a particular barber shop. I replied back that it can't be the same person I'm thinking of and expressed my condolences for his loss.

However, the person I had in mind had the same first name (I couldn't recall his last name) and was also a barber, it was not at the barber shop she mentioned. She replied back that it was indeed the same person and to go to another high school person's Facebook page and he had a picture of him up on his page. Well when I finally got around to checking out the picture it was after work hours. As I'm looking at the picture on my phone. It hit me! Damn That's E.

I went home after that and found the news story online here.

Of course like any death of someone you know it causes you to reflect on the person and memories of the person. Well to be honest Elliot was not even a friend of mines back in high school. I knew who he was and would see him. But we didn't speak and I didn't have any classes with him. Elliot was a couple years older than me and in fact he actually graduated in my brother's class in 1996. After high school he became a barber. In high school believe it or not I had braids. But towards the end of high school I cut off all my hair and began getting hair cuts. Well I was first going to a particular barber at the shop I was at. That was until one day that barber wasn't there and that's when I saw Elliot. Or E-Ness as we referred to him as. I didn't even know he cut hair. But I went to him to get my hair cut and began going to him regularly after that. I believe he even cut my hair for like my prom.

Well for whatever reason I started using a different barber after a while and eventually found myself having my hair cut with the present barber I have now. I've been going to the same barber I have now for probably 8 or 9 years now. My barber has changed shops quite often and of course I would just follow him and go to wherever he was cutting at. From time to time he would relocate to a shop where Elliot was cutting at as well. I would of course say what's up to E and chat with him etc. A couple of years ago my barber had a party at his place and invited everyone in the shop. Of course Elliot was there. I recall kicking it hard that night with him especially. Well eventually my barber changed shops again and then at the end of last year my barber opened his own shop.

This was a great deal as I had seen my barber grinding going shop to shop and he definitely deserved to have his own. Needless to say that slow but surely many of the other barbers he cut with back in other shops began coming over to his shop. Probably a few months ago I went in for a cut and I saw Elliot. To be honest I probably hadn't really seen him since the party a couple of years ago. We hollered for a minute and were asking about each other and what was going on in each others lives. We both spoke about our kids and I remember that he spoke proudly about his daughter and I about my son. Ever since then when I would go to the shop I would see E and say what's up and holla at him for a sec just to see what's good. When I went to get my hair cut this past Thursday prior to going out of town for the weekend I saw Elliot. He was chilling sitting in his chair on his laptop like I often saw him doing. After my cut I walked past him and said what's up and we shook up. Who knew that would be the last time I would shake his hand.

So although I didn't kick it with E often or holla at him outside of the barber shop he was still someone I considered a friend and to be cool with. His death is tragic and very sad. I think about his daughter that is most likely around my son's age and it saddens me even more. Gun violence is so rampant in the city. But when you see and hear about it as tragic as it is we still are distant from it. However, when it hits home it really hits home. It's just such a shame that a young man (age 31), a father has been taken away and most likely over some nonsense.

I hate to sound preachy and we all hear this often. But its true no one is promised tomorrow. The friend or family member you see today can not be here next week. So embrace your loved ones and friends while you still have them amongst you. As Ice Cube said in his song Dead Homiez "Cuz nobody really ever know, when it's gonna be they family on the front row." Real Talk.

R.I.P. Elliot Thompson aka E-Ness


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Closed Captions

So I've been reading a local paper here in Chicago called The Red Eye a lot lately and they have this segment in there called Captions. Basically they put a picture up and you can text in a caption for the picture. If it's what they consider the best one then they feature it in the next day's issue along with your name. Well by chance a couple of weeks ago one of my captions actually was chosen. The image is below.

You may have to click on it to read clearly. But basically it's a pic of Ryan Seacrest with his hands in his pocket on what looks like a red carpet. My caption read: "I would take my hands out of my pockets but I didn't get my manicure this morning." Then my name is to the right of it.

So I thought it would be fun to do something similar on this blog. I'll see what types of random and hopefully funny pics I can find online. Then I will see what kind of caption I can come up with for each. Don't worry I'll try to keep it clean for the most part or maybe not. LoL. Also, I usually come off the top of the head so I can't guarantee the captions will be 100% funny. But I've been told that I tend to crack myself up and laugh at my own jokes often. So if nothing else this will be entertaining to me. LOL.

Alright Here we go!

"I know I'm a bit new to this going down town thing. I mean I've heard of eating pussy but no one ever told me it would eat you back!"

Shaq: "Sorry Lebron I put on a little weight over the off season. But we can still make a run for the title this season. Look I can finally knock down my Free throws!!"

No one really knew that Notorious B.I.G. believed in Hinduism. Well he was reincarnated into this deer, but he's still spitting his same lyrics "Big is lookin to hurt what's under that skirt!!"

"Before I started taking Viagara I was only able to make women rise using magic. But now when the time is right I can rise to the occasion as well." ;-)

Girl: **Reading Cue Card in obvious reading voice** You may not believe it, but it is true, if it was not for his shirt I wouldn't have been attracted to him."

"Dammit grandma stop being a light weight. This is the last time I take shots of Patron with you."

"Hey dude remember that stripper from the bachelor party last night wearing the mask? Look at your bride's tongue ring. Doesn't it terribly look familiar?"

Guy Pointing:"Damn homie you see the ass on shorty right there she thick as hell!?!" Last guy on right: Nigga put on your glasses that's Olive Oil!!

Guy: "I know you can't wait to get me home can you?" Girl: **Laughs** "Have you ever hear that how a man dances is similar to how he performs in bed?" **Shrugs** "Good thing I have a vibrator."

"Damn weed has me with the munchies and I only had enough money for 5 bags of snacks. But if I throw this book hard enough at the vending machine glass it may break and I can get more."

"Thanks girls for adding more songs to my I-Tunes for me. This new shit by Jigga is off the Heazy for Sheezy! Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey Goodbye!"

"I should've known not to trust her hating ass. How the hell did I let her convince me to do the Stanky Leg down a runway anyways?"

"Not only do I use this to take the whole family's blood pressure. But truth be told this thing doubles as a penis pump for your dad."

"She's not quite Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazard. But hell, she's close enough. Besides at my age I don't get too many of these opportunities."

Man: **Does Bird call** "What Happen to that Boy?" Woman: "Honey let's go! I told you that no matter how many times you do that stupid bird call you will not be ballin like Baby from Cash Money Millionaires."

"Ladies and gentlemen I am broadcasting live from atop a 7-Story building where I will attempt to be the first reporter to end his fear of heights on Live television."
Okay that's all I could find online. Hope you got at least 1 or 2 laughs out of those. Hell I got more than a few while writing. LoL. I'll try to find more random pics for another of these posts at a later date.

Monday, July 6, 2009

My 4th Of July: Chilling, Domestic Violence, Racist Cops, and No BBQ!!

So I hope that everyone had a great 4th of July weekend. For the most part mines was good. Well let's just say it was going good up until the actual 4th of July. I got to spend some time with my son and took him to a carnival down the street from us. We had a great time. Although I will say that carnival games are a damn rip off. Who the hell spends $10 to win a man in a toy boat, a bottle holder and some Mardi Gras Beads?? Now unless I can use those beads to...well you get my point it was a Rip OFF!! Next time I'm taking that $10 and taking my son to Toys R Us and tell him to pick something! LoL. But he had fun and was satisfied with his beads and toy boat so I guess that's priceless right?

Well moving on. After my son left on the 4th. I didn't have any solid plans at all really. So I was basically just in chill mode. My aunt had invited me and my mom over to eat so we were possibly going to do that later on. So I'm in my bedroom chillin and just watching TV and on the computer. Basically doing a whole bunch of nothing. Which was fine with me. So as I'm chillin I think I hear some bumping coming from the stairwell. Well it stops shortly after that so I think nothing of it really and proceed back to chillin. Well with a minute or so after that I can hear someone in my Apartment and it's not just my mom's voice. I try to keep quiet and see if I can recognize the voice, but I am unable to. At first it sounds as if they're laughing so I assumed it was one of my other aunts that was supposed to be stopping in town.

So again as I stated I'm chillin. And hopefully it's not TMI but that involved me laying in bed in some drawls and a t-shirt in front of a fan wishing I had a cold beer. LoL. So thinking it may be my aunt at the door I quickly, jump up and throw on some suitable clothes to go out. That's when I see my mom ushering a young white girl into my apartment that's crying and in tears. The young lady is hysterically crying and short of breath and really unable to speak because she's so worked up. Instead of rushing out and demanding to know what is going on I decided to play the back for a bit. Immediately I hear the young lady say she was in a physical fight with her boyfriend. That clue right there told me exclusively to play the back and let moms QB this one. I didn't want her to see another male and react accordingly.

So as I fall back to my room I look out the window and see one of my neighbors a taller man of Indian Decent rushing and jump into a car in a hastily manner. At first I thought nothing of the man and was definitely more focused on what was taking place in my living room. I went back to the doorway and listened. I overheard the girl still crying and trying to talk and my mom trying to calm her down. So in the midst of this she asks to use my mom's phone to call someone. My mom's response was if you're at all injured you need to be calling the police. The girl declined my mom's repeated requests to call 9-1-1 and just asked can she call a friend. Well there was a problem. Apparently her phone was left at the boyfriend's house and of course like most of us now a days she doesn't remember any of her phone #'s. So she's going through in her head trying to recall #'s and each time to no avail my mom was calling the wrong #.

So my mom gets her some water trying to calm her down some and hoping she catches her breath. In between trying # after # I hear my mom trying to get the story from the girl on what happen to her. From my room this is what I heard her describe: I been dating this guy a couple months. He's of Indian descent and he doesn't drink or smoke (weed). I lied to him and told him that I stopped smoking (weed). Well I had been drinking today. He was going through my phone and saw a text message about me having smoked with some of my friends. He got upset and we began to argue. The argument started to escalate and I decided I would just leave. So I began to go down the stairs. The next thing you know he's coming up behind me and choking me! The tears begin to flow again. My mom tried to calm her down and was trying to encourage her to still call the police "if not for you at least for the next girl he may try to do this to." Moms even tried to let her know if it happened this one time he will do it again. She didn't seem to be trying to hear her on that though.

Now at this point I'm walking into the living room closer to my back door, which she came into. She hasn't seen me yet. But she starts to get spooked asking my mom "do you hear something? Is someone coming in here?" She assured her the door was locked and that it was only her son that she was probably hearing. The girl then proceeded to go back to trying to remember a friends #.

Side bar: Okay I have a serious problem. It's probably good and bad. But that problem is I'm too damn suspicious. First off this is a small 6-Unit building. Most of the people in the building I know or have seen. I have not seen this girl before. So of course with the more #s she's not able to remember the more suspect I got. Now I too don't remember any phone #s. My phone is my only contact with the outside world for the most part and if I lost that I would not be able to contact 'hardly' anyone. However, I know 4 phone #s by heart. Those being my mom, my brother, my grandfather, and my son's mom. That's it. I will admit I don't even know my girlfriend's #. Just the area code. Sad I know. So needless to say I began growing more and more suspect with each wrong #. I'm thinking she may have got up in here and her dude waiting outside to try to pull the jack move on me/us. I had a lot of things going through my head so I was on guard for whatever. In fact, I was on twitter before the drama popped of so I ended up basically tweeting the incident live. Check out some of the tweets I received during the ordeal. Some of them may provide some comic relief to a serious situation.

ToshaRenelle@crecks DAMN! I know you thinking, "Why she have to knock on MY door" smh! from TweetDeck in reply to crecks

ADopeFiend@crecks Sound like a crackhead to me. tell er be gone! She gone jack you son! from web in reply to crecks

ToshaRenelle@crecks My mom woulda done the same thing. And I, like you, would've been side-eyeing the hell out of the situation, LOL! from TweetDeck in reply to crecks

ADopeFiend@crecks i mean EVRYONE knows one number at least, I mean ONE number. liesliesLIES! from web in reply to crecks

ADopeFiend@crecks Light that ass on FIRE!!! from web in reply to crecks

1JennaMarie@crecks tell her 2 call 911.. If ur in danger the law has 2 legally transport u to a safe location & tell her to get an ordwr of protection from UberTwitter in reply to crecks

ToshaRenelle@crecks That means she's gonna take him back! Or else she would've called the police before trying to search her brain 4 numbers of friends from TweetDeck in reply to crecks

1JennaMarie@crecks omg.. Let her know that abusive behavior hardly ever changes & it only escalates.. from UberTwitter in reply to crecks

ADopeFiendRT I know a # 9-1-1 by heart. @crecks You know! Hmmmmm keep tweeting b, i need to know what goes down lol. Intriguing! from web

ADopeFiend@crecks If I see kwdkudywiudfyeiu`fg,iuwdg`tdkg,`ugduwy all up on your tweets I'll know that shit just popped off. LOLLOLLOL from web in reply to crecks

ADopeFiend@crecks YO, I GOT YOUR BACK MANNNNN! lol! from web in reply to crecks

nikkig09@crecks sounds funny..... What does she want u to do if she doesn't want to call police and claims to know no ones number.... from TwitterFon in reply to crecks

nikkig09@crecks if I were to lose my phone I wouldn't know a lot of numbers but there's a few key ones I would...i.e Mom, dad, aunt, etc. from TwitterFon in reply to crecks

Thanks for all those that tweeted me during the ordeal.

So finally she remembers a #. Her mom but there was no answer. Then she remembered the friend's # she had been trying to reach but got her voice mail and just left a message. Then she called another friend. That friend answered and she in a panic tells her to pick her up from "the guy's apartment" She told her to get there right away and to call her on my mom's number when she gets there and she'll come down. The girl continues to talk to my mom and I hear her say "He has the keys to my mom's car." That's when I chimed in and asked what kind of car it was. She proceeds to say the type of car (I forget the make and model). Now up until this point I had no clue who the "boyfriend" neighbor was she was referring to. But when she mentioned the car, I asked was it a red car? She said yes. I asked was the guy of Indian decent? She said yes. I then said I saw that guy jump into that car shortly after you came in here. She then started panicking saying that he took off with her mom's car. This is when I realized this had to be my neighbor across the hall from me, since they are the only Indian people in the building.

Well her friend calls about 20 minutes later and she's downstairs. She gets up to go downstairs. The girl was hobbling and crying saying her ankle was sprained. The girl didn't even have on any shoes. My mom put on her shoes to go downstairs and I let her know I'm going too and we walk her down. Her friend is at the door with an upset look on her face. My mom opens the door for her and she walks up to the girl and asks where is he? The girl starts balling again hysterically. Her friend says she's going up there and going to take a golf club to his head. Now it sounds like a great idea to me, but then I notice the girl is about 8 months pregnant. I'm thinking if he choked her out what will he do to you. But that's neither here nor there. The girl then says she's going to call the police on him. Finally someone thinking with some sense! So we walk them outside to the truck where the friend's boyfriend was waiting in. They both thank us. My mom and I walk back upstairs.

This is when my mom tells me her version of the story. She says she heard someone in the hall screaming and some commotion on the stairway. The commotion is what I heard but I didn't hear screaming. She then said she opened up the door and saw the girl crawling up the stairs. She immediately helped the girl into the apartment. As she came in she began to close the door behind them and that's when she felt someone pushing on the door trying to get in behind her. "Wait!!" I replied. "You mean he was pushing on the door?" "Yes." my mom replied. I was heated. I exclaimed I wish you had've said so because I don't care what the situation was aint nobody pushing up in my crib. She replied that everything happened so fast that she just reacted and closed the door and locked it. I let her know that I would be having a chat with the neighbor asap in regards to that.

As I retreated back to my room I looked out the window and I saw that the young lady and her friend were still downstairs in the parking lot. I let my mom know they were still out there and we both concluded that they must've called the police. My mom said she's going to go back down and check on her. I of course accompanied her downstairs. Just as we get outside it starts to rain. Also, the police pulled up just as we walked out. My mom walked up to the girl to check on them. I chose to play the back and waited by the door.

So as the police got out of the car there was the girl, her pregnant friend, the friend's boyfriend and my mom. So immediately the police get in her face and they're asking where is the guy? One of the officers looks over my way and immediately states "Is it that black guy over there by the door?" I'm once again heated (of course I knew it was coming but still heated), I yell back "naw it's not me." See and people wonder why I hate the police. How do you go past the white guy standing with her and assume that it's the black man standing on the side that's the guilty party? I could've just been taking out the trash or something? WTF. And if I was guilty the black instinct in me is to not stay on the scene almost a whole 30 mins. later and wait for the police! Damn idiots! My mom replied "No that's my son, and we're the ones trying to help the girl out!!"

So the racist officer continues to question the girl about the incident and what happen. Of course she leaves the part about the weed out. Then he asks about the guy. "Is he black or white?" She replies "he's Indian." The officer then asks "Is he in this country legally?" I mean come on wtf are there not any American citizens of Indian descent? Next he asked her where he was at? She said he went to work. He asked her where he works. She named the city he worked in. He then asked "where does he work in said city? Is it a gas station?" I mean man do all Indian people work at gas stations? What a racist ass! However, the girl then replied "well yes he actually does." Okay he got that one right but still it was an unnecessary stereotype.

From where I was it seemed like the girl was denying wanting to press charges on the guy. That's when one of the officers left. Then he asked to see her neck. From there he said why don't we just go down to the station and just take some pics to at least document the incident. The girl finally agreed. Her and her friend both gave my mom a hug and thanked her for her help. She asked them to call her later and let her know that everything was okay. The girl got in the police car and they drove off to the station.

So as we walked back upstairs my mom was saying that while they were talking to the cops that the friend got a call and apparently the guy had drove over to the girl's moms house. He had given her a totally different story about what happen and the mom even gave him an okay to keep her car. My mom also said the bruises on her neck were all over and they looked terrible.

After all that drama my mom and I decided to stay in and not even go to my aunt's house. Unfortunately, that has potential to bring a whole new set of drama that we were no longer prepared to endure. We had, had enough drama for the day! So I had no BBQ on the 4th of July!

I made an attempt to knock on the neighbors door but got no answer. My mom stated that the next morning someone from next door knocked on the door and was asking about what happen? She wasn't sure if it was the guy or not but she refused to speak with them given it was so early in the morning. I again attempted 3xs the next day to reach someone there with no avail. But trust I will eventually have that conversation very soon in the near future. I'm sure there are 2 sides to every story. And he can tell his side in court I don't care to discuss that. But I will let his ass know don't ever push up on my door again cuz his bitch ass will have to be fighting a man then. And it may not be the same results as his fight with his girl.

So there you have it. That's how my 4th of July went. I didn't even have to seek it out, drama came knocking right on my back door. I still thank god my son wasn't around for this incident. I could only imagine how he would have reacted. So In conclusion I say this. Domestic violence is real and there are people that go through it daily. I felt very sorry for this young lady. I also had suspicion that she may even go back to the guy. It is a very sad reality. I hope and pray she is able to move on from this guy and hopefully get past this devestating incident. And I hope that the guy gets his in the end. Also I conclude that I still hate the police and that I still have reason to do so. Finally, I conclude that without BBQ it's really not 4th of July. It felt like a random saturday, besides all the drama of course.

I hope that everyone else had a much more enjoyable 4th of July than I did.