Friday, February 27, 2009

Sweetest Hangover

So as you all may know I recently started my new job. I thank all of you that wished me success. A few have asked how the new job was going. So I figured I'd take a little time to give you guys a little update on my new place of employment.

First of all I must say that I don't know why but my family thought my last job was some big G-14 Classified secret mystery. They often referred to me as Tommy from Martin (You aint got no Damn Job Maaaan!! LoL). Especially my brother. But they would often ask me what did I really do? As much as I explained they didn't seem to believe me. LoL.

Well with this new job all of that has changed. It is blatantly obvious as to what I am doing now. In this new position I am employed by a major chocolate manufacturer. I'm sure there are plenty of chocolate lovers out there. But the funny thing about it is I don't really even eat chocolate like that. I mean maybe every now and then, but it's a rarity. Well if chocolate is your weakness this is definitely not a place you would want to work. Much like I could never want to work as a sampler in a beer factory or a P-factory. LMAO.

Let me just tell you when you walk into the building the smell is overwhelming. And don't call yourself being on the Kanye get right for the summer work out plan. You can forget it, because that's not going to work here. They keep chocolate on tap for the employees. In my interview it was about 10 AM and one lady I was interviewing with asked me "Do you need anything? Water, coffee, or chocolate?" I was thinking chocolate at 10 am? Are you crazy? Well apparently she was serious. As you can see from the pics below the chocolate is just in candy dishes around the office and building. There is a lady whose job is to re-fill the candy dishes when they get low.

When I first saw their benefits package I wondered why in the hell the dental plans were so low. But now I realize exactly why they were so low. The reason being is because they're probably helping keep plenty of dentists across Chicago in business.

But so far I'm liking the job. Although there are definitely some characters, the people are really nice. I of course work with mostly all women again. But definitely not as bitter and annoying as at my old job. There are other black people around me so I'm not the odd man out anymore. One thing I forgot about working for larger companies is those damn birthday clubs. By Day 5 they were already recruiting me. And by week #2 I already had to contribute $5 to someone's birthday in my department. They're having some kind of party today. I thought about saying I barely even know y'all yet so why would I contribute. But then I heard someone say that there are no more birthdays til summer. Then I thought well my birthday is in a couple months so a $5 investment isn't too bad as long as I get hooked up come May. LoL.
My longer commute isn't too bad. Far from my 2 minute drive I used to have to the old drive. But it's not as bad as I thought. Well that was until my Ipod went out on me. But I'm still managing for now. Also, my new work space is bigger than at the old place as you can see below. Day one they had my name plate up on my desk made me feel kind of important. Lol. Also they're really high tech with wireless headsets and stuff like that. I was pretty impressed. But I guess a real company doesn't mind spending money. What a concept.

Now my brother and I will never hesitate to take a couple of cheap shots at each other where possible. The only downfall to the job is that I've left him with what seems like unlimited ammunition to shoot me a new nickname when he feels like it. So far I've been called Cory Wonka, R.Kelly (Chocolate Factory), and Candy Man. I'm sure he's not done yet. He's probably saving some of the better ones for later. But if anyone has any good ones for him feel free to join in. Don't worry I'm not sensitive so don't worry about hurting my feelings. In fact I just thought of a good one myself. You ready? Give it up for "Sexual Chocolate!! Sexual Chocolate! That Boy's good!!" LMAO.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Live and in Stereo(type)

Last Wednesday, our first black Attorney General gave a speech honoring black history month. In the speech, Eric Holder made this pronouncement: "Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting, in things racial, we have always been, and I believe continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards." He went on to say that race issues continue to be a topic of political discussion, but "we, as average Americans, simply do not talk enough with each other about race." I found this statement by Mr. Holder to be rather interesting considering that for the better part of the last three months, the vast majority have been celebrating and discussing the fact that we now have the first black President in American history. Whether you are in favor of it or not, Barack Obama's race has been a central theme of a lot of our recent political discussion. Is that appropriate? Is that the kind of conversation that Mr. Holder feels as though we are supposed to be having? Well, if you've been a fan of this blog for any significant amount of time, you know that I'm the political of the Brothers Williams. And I feel as though I've done more than my part to discuss race. But just in case when Mr. Holder was referring to me when he said that we are a nation of cowards, let me do my part to open the lines of communication with the many races of America. (Don't worry, I will handle it with my usual delicate and witty self).

The first place I want to start deals with the recent Hoopla surrounding a particular cartoon. On the very same day that Mr. Holder gave his speech, I came across an article about a cartoon that was supposed to be under scrutiny. I didn't read the article, but the lead of the article had the cartoon. I looked at the cartoon. In case you haven't seen it, here it is:

Now I don't know about you, but I laughed when I saw this. I mean, the people who wrote the stimulus package were no smarter than chimps. Hilarious. Later that day, it was brought to my attention that Reverend Al (Sharpton) was upset about the photo, and his perception that it was a blatant racial attack against President Obama. Now anyone who has lived on this Earth for at least 20 years should be very familiar with Rev. Al's antics. So my immediate reaction was one of indifference. But I had to stop and think for a second. Was the cartoon meant to depict President Obama as a monkey? I couldn't exactly come to that conclusion, so I had to run it past the one person who I knew would surely be offended. My best friend.

So later that night, I showed her the cartoon. And without fail, she immediately was pissed. So quickly, in fact, that it actually surprised me. After a 20 minute discussion about it, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I mean, in no way did I draw the connection between the chimp with two bullet holes in him, and President Obama. So my new question became, is there something wrong with me? I am a pretty laid back kind of guy. I never thought it would take a lot to offend me, but I don't know any more.

Do you all remember the Don Imus fiasco? That was when the radio host referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "Nappy Headed Hoes." When that controversy first broke, I immediately remembered watching their game against the Tennessee Volunteers, and I myself remarked at how the Rutgers women were a little rough looking in comparison to Candace Parker and the Volunteers. Well needless to say, this particular controversy had my best friend up in arms. We had many a conversation in which I was judged to be uncaring to the plight of African-American women. And that's not what it was at all. I just feel that we as black people need to stand up for once, and admit some things about ourselves. We also need to stop being so overly sensitive about subjects. I hope that when Mr. Holder referred to Americans as cowards, he was, without implicitly saying so, referring to black people as well. Much like with this monkey cartoon, we don't have to allow ourselves to be offended. Sometimes, things are as simple as being a cartoon about the people who wrote the stimulus package being as smart as chimps. (By the way, though President Obama called for the stimulus package, the authors of said stimulus package were the United States Congress).

So I want to contribute to the national discussion about race. I want to talk about stereotypes. Starting with my people of course:

1.) Black People love watermelon and fried chicken. Personally I can't stand watermelon. (Or any other melon for that matter). So to anyone who thinks that all black people like watermelon, you now know one who doesn't. Fried chicken on the other hand, I have to admit that I'm guilty of that one. Its not an essential component of my diet, but I am down with the yard bird. (That's what my father calls it).

2.) One of the biggest hurdles to us as black people is the stereotype that we are a bunch of criminals. I have to be honest about this one, we are the source of this stereotype. I myself included. Because this is a snitch free blog, I'm not gonna go into details, but I too have found myself on the wrong side of the law. (Rightfully so). Since then I have changed my life, and I consider myself to be a productive member of society, but that isn't the case for all my fellow brothas. I say that with this stereotype, don't judge a book by its cover. Because the person that you judge as being "safe" just might be the person who's quickest to harm you, and the person who you cross the street to avoid just might be the one who would come to your rescue. Think about it.

3.) Black men make a bunch of babies that they don't take care of. This stereotype is one that I take offense to. Not so much that it is completely untrue, because let's face it, there are far too many brothas who do walk away from their responsibilities as fathers. It offends me because the brothas who do the right things are still lumped into this category. As I said in my last blog, I had a daughter. And if I was given the chance, there's no way on God's green Earth, that she would have gone without knowing me, and being provided for by me. Even still, I have encountered people who are under the impression that I have children scattered across America. NO! Never have, never will. My parents raised me to know that any child I bring into this world, I will take care of. And if not, my father threatened to take me out himself. I just wish more fathers were around to make that very same threat to their sons.

4.) Along the same vane, black men are a bunch of players. Once again this stereotype doesn't fit me. I Love women, don't get me wrong. But for as much as I Love women, I don't think there's anything as good as having one woman who's down for you, and vice versa. The whole "player" lifestyle doesn't seem too appealing. Now unfortunately I am still single, partly due to my own choices, partly due to some circumstance I have found myself thrown into. But regardless, I'm still on the hunt for that one true lasting relationship. And once I find it, I promise you that I won't throw it away on the search for indiscriminate sex.

5.) All black people have rhythm or all black people can dance. Sorry to say, and I am ashamed of this one, I can't dance to save my life. It hasn't always been the case. Back when the running man, and the Roger Rabbit were popular dances, I was like Omarion on the dance floor. However as time has gone on, I just lost the "rhythm" that's supposedly in my genes. Sad thing is that I haven't stopped dancing. I've just got this gangsta bounce or sway that I do. Something I picked up during my many club visits in Atlanta. My best friend says I dance like her grandfather D.B. So whenever we go dancing she always says "Do the D.B. for me". One day I'm gonna get my dancing weight up. Either that or I'll be as old as her grandfather, and my dancing won't be so out of style anymore. Lol.

6.) All black men are well endowed. This stereotype, well I Love it. I mean, what a wonderful thing to walk around and have everyone believe about you. Well, I'm gonna keep it ALL the way real with ya'll. Yes its true. Lol. Moving on...

Now that I've discussed some stereotypes about my people, I want to discuss some about other races. When I say what I'm about to say, I'm just being honest about what my perceptions are about some other races. If you happen to be of that particular race, I invite you to comment and talk about how those particular stereotype makes you feel. Considering that the point of this blog is to open the line of communication, I want to be honest about my feeling:

White People
My biggest stereotype about white people is that they do a lot of crazy shit. Shit like bungee jumping, skydiving, swimming with sharks, you know, shit like that. I have two very good white friends, and they recently invited me snow boarding. Its not my thing. But for the sake of being adventurous with them, I might do it. They say being black on a day to day basis is adventurous enough. (Dodging cops and what not). I wonder if that's why we aren't the thrill seeking type? Or are we just too logical to do those things. Hell, I'm sure that some of you who read this blog are thrill seeking black people, so who knows.

My stereotype for Asians is that ya'll can't drive worth a damn. Well, that and that you're smart as hell. Since I have yet to find an illiterate Asian, I'll tackle the driving thing. I have driven, literally, from coast to coast, and I find that I disproportionately find myself have near misses with Asian drivers. I can't quite explain why. (Please help me with this one).

Native Americans
Indians are a bunch of drunks. This one is, unfortunately, one that I have encountered first hand. I dated an Indian girl last year, and oh my God. She and her friend that I hung out with could drink anyone under the table. I'm not an alcoholic, but it does run in my family. So I can hold my liquor... most of the time. I once even out drank some Irish guys in Connecticut. But not once could I hang with her and her crew. The worst part about this stereotype is how many of them I have come across who have more or less drank their lives away. I'm not saying that this stereotype applies to every Indian, but I believe they are genetically susceptible to alcoholism.

My stereotype of Muslims are that they are religious zealots. I guess that this is the lasting image of 9/11. I know that not all Muslim are that extreme, but to me, there's something about Islam that appeals to people who are more, how do you say, disillusioned with the world. I mean, look at Nation of Islam muslims. Even they, without the violence of course, are anti establishment. Hopefully, at some point, the 90% of Muslims who are not fundamentalist will stand up against the 10% who fly airplanes into buildings. But until that day, I will be continue to be suspicious of men with long beards getting on an airplane. Just being honest.

So that's what I got. I have officially kicked off the Brothers' Blog discussion about race. If you have any comment, feel free to post. Please be courteous in your responses, but let's be honest as well. I believe that we can have an adult conversation about who we are as Americans. Let's just all remember that no matter what ethnicity we put before Americans, its the second part of the hyphenation that's important.


P.S. I had been doing well with not using the N-word. I had been on 3 for a while. But while listening to Deep Cover by Dr. Dre and Snoop, I let one fly. My brother says it counts, but you guys let me know.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Hell's (to the naw) Kitchen #2/3

So if you read in my first Hell's (to the naw) Kitchen post I explained how and why I don't cook. If you didn't get to read it click the link. But basically I told myself that I was going to try and start cooking more this year. I would say that the first meal was a success and I got no complaints from my date. To be honest I definitely didn't expect to have cooked meal #2 & 3 in less than a month. My original goal with the starting to cook more was 1 meal per month. Considering how much I normally cook (never) I figured this would be a hell of a step up.

The opportunity for meal #2 presented itself out of the blue. The same lovely lady that braved my first meal found herself feeling ill a few weeks ago. Well I had the bright idea to take her some chicken noodle soup and orange juice. What better to make her feel better. Then I thought cool I saw Campbell's was on sale that week $1 for big cans (possibilities!! LoL). But then I thought about it. Wouldn't it be extra special if I made her this soup? Having never even thought to take on such a task, I immediately hit up my cooking mentor. She replied that she had a chicken noodle soup recipe for me and would help me out. Therefore, I committed myself to cooking this meal.

After hitting up the mentor throughout the day I unfortunately was getting no response. So when 5pm came I was blowing her phone up like a man smoking at a gas pump (Which I saw recently btw. I see the wildest stuff sometimes. LoL). Now I was on a time constraint and had to have this soup there by a certain time. So when I realized that I was going to have no help I was left with a couple of choices. 1.) Go with the Campbell's Soup option 2.) Cook this meal all by myself, 3.) Just abandon the whole idea and make up an excuse. Perhaps I got sick myself. LoL.

Well after much comptemplating I actually chose option 2. First, I found a recipe online that 'seemed' to be pretty easy. Then I rushed to the store for the ingredients and then rushed back to start cooking. I swear I cut up so many damn vegetables it was ridiculous. Lol. Although time was an issue, I was somehow able to cook the soup, and deliver it. She was very surprised and appreciative of the soup, crackers and orange juice. When she ate it she said that it was good and with that meal #2 was also a success. My mentor had run into some technical difficulties but was proud that I proceeded without her assistance. I am leaving out plenty of details and how nervous I was (which I never am) when trying to pull this one off. However, the results of meal #2 can be seen below.

(Menu: Homemade chicken noodle soup, crackers, and Orange Juice [not pictured])

Meal #3 came about just a couple of days ago. This time there was no special occasion, just another visit/date. The mentor helped me come up with a quick/easy meal that I could prepare after work in time for her arrival. Although I did get talked through this meal I will admit that it came a little more natural than the first 2. It seems as if I am definitely getting a little more comfortable after each meal. This meal turned out great. My date (my new default taste tester) really enjoyed this one and even asked for my recipe. My response was, I couldn't divulge this old family secret, but I can show you her how to make it. LoL.

I had more of the ingredients for this meal left over the next day. So just to show you how comfortable I'm actually getting with cooking, when I came home from work I cooked this same meal again for dinner just for myself. Also, I took what was left to work with me today for lunch. Now I won't count that as meal #4, but I will say that this meal is officially mastered and in my mental book of recipes. See the pictures below.

(Menu: Buffalo chicken wraps, chips & salsa, and Bahama Mamas to drink).

Now I can't promise 3 more meals within a months time; however, with the way things are going I could be up to 1 meal per week sooner than we expect. That's it for me. Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

First Comes Baby, Then Comes Marriage?

I am a father. Yes my babygirl was born premature, and only lived for one day, but in the 5 and a half months her mother was pregnant, I knew that being a father was absolutely NO JOKE! Unfortunately, it seems as though the responsibility of being a parent has become somewhat of a joke. The most glaring example is the "Octomom" Nadya Suleman. The Octomom is the woman in Los Angeles who, though she already had six children, decided that it would be an ingenious idea to implant herself with eight embryos. Yes, I understand that in-vitro fertilization is not an exact science, but lo and behold, all eight embryos were viable and survived to their birth. So now this woman has 14 children.

If that weren't bad enough, Ms. Suleman is an unemployed single mother living with her parents. Children are expensive as hell. No, I didn't get the opportunity to spoil my babygirl, but I have had a front row seat to spoiling of my nephew. (My brother's son). Boy, oh boy. I always crack jokes with my brother and say that the reason he might not have any more kids is because he can't afford any more. And that's just one. Multiply that times 14. How the hell does this woman expect to raise those children on her humble unemployed salary? I know, set up a website, and ask people for donations! If reaching out to the public at large is your major means of supporting your children, maybe you don't need children!

Since then her website has been shut down. This fact was not a publicized event. I believe that she probably wasn't really raising that much money. Would you donate money to her? Even if I had the money available, I wouldn't give her shit. I consider myself very charitable, but why should I feel guilty for the fact that there's a woman who's so irresponsible that she "chose" to give birth to more children than her finances could afford her? Personally, I believe this woman is mentally unstable. When we first heard this story, I'm sure that many of you thought she probably did this for the publicity. Though that may have been a part of her motivation, I think its more so that she's just crazy. Some crazy people talk to themselves, others have hallucinations, this woman, for some reason, continues to have more children. I wish those children the best. Due to my experience with my daughter, I know that their recovery will be long, and tedious. I pray that the neonatal care that they receive is top notch. Unfortunately, I don't believe this is the last that we'll hear of this story.

Now from the ridiculous to the sublime. I turned on the television yesterday, and watched a news story about a 13 year old boy who is now a father. The first thing that I thought was "you have got to be shittin me"! I'm 30 years old now. 13 wasn't that long ago, so I can vividly remember that age. When I was 13, what was important to me was kickin it with my friends, and playing my new Sega Genesis. Don't get me wrong, I was into girls. Hell, I think at 13, I saw, and touched, my first live breast. (And I've been hooked ever since. Lol). But sex? Not even in the top 10 things of importance in my life. Yes I wanted another sibling at that time, but a child of my own, HELL NO!

The boy got a 15 year old girl pregnant, so this wasn't an illegal circumstance per se. But this situation is just obscenely ridiculous. Apparently young Alfie, the 13 year old, was rarely attending school. And as we all know, children who don't go to school find other, more dangerous things, to get themselves into. Unfortunately, now, Alfie has given up his childhood, and also put the life of another child in jeopardy.

I know that you can only do so much as a parent. No parent can be with their child 24 hours a day. But its imperative that we teach our children about the consequences of the decisions that they make. Unfortunately you have these very same children looking at people like Jaime Lynn Spears (Britney Spear's little sister), and Bristol Palin (Governor Palin's 17 year old daughter) and recognizing the kind of attention that they're receiving. And actually, to a larger degree, they're seeing "adults" like Nadya Suleman, and all the attention that they receive for what everyone knows is irresponsible behavior. Children are a blessing. And the sooner we get back to treating them as such, instead of an accessory like a new purse or a nice pair of earrings, the sooner we can begin to improve the status of our American families.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Exit Strategy: Update

So as you all may know from my previous Exit Strategy post I finally got a new job and I start today. I want to thank you all for the congrats and advice on how I should leave my previous job. Well I must be honest with you. Although I asked for advice, I of course had it made up in my head as to how I was going to leave. But I thought I would at least entertain you guys suggestions. So here's how everything went down.

Of course being the professional I am I went with option #1 and typed out my resignation letter below and gave it to my boss on that Friday. You can read it below, but I'm going to interject with what I was really thinking or at least wanted to say in red. Warning, Parental Advisory suggested.

February 6, 2009

Dear Mr. (Boss),

I am writing this letter as my formal notification that I am resigning from my position as (____) with (Company name). Friday February 13, 2009 will be my last day of employment.
I Quit! I should leave today, but I'm feeling nice and giving y'all another week of work from me.

This was not an easy decision to make as it has been a genuine pleasure working for (Company name). The work has been both challenging and productive and I have thoroughly enjoyed working with (Company name's) fine staff of professionals. I will miss my associates here.
As soon as I got the call that I got the new job I didn't have to think twice and immediately accepted. The last 3 years working here have been pure hell. After all the people I was friends with either got fired or quit I couldn't stand coming in daily to these bitter ass women. There are 2 people left I pray find something better so they can escape as well. Those 2 I will miss. The rest of y'all can kiss my ass.

If I may be of assistance in the recruitment, hiring process, or training of my replacement, please know that I will gladly make myself available to this effort.
This next week don't ask me to do s**t beyond my regular job. And you better hope that I will even do that. Well I may pretend to be working; however, I am most likely on the Internet reading or writing blogs as I have been hiding doing the last 9+ months. But since I don't give a damn anymore I will let you know not to disturb me. And if you're really smart you won't ask me to train a damn person, because after I finish telling them the real deal they definitely won't want to work here.

As Jay-Z said. "For the rest of y'all throwin shots at Jigga, you only get a half a bar F**k Y'all niggaz."


CC: Supervisor with her b**ch ass
CC: Owner with his b**ch ass

So I give him the letter sit down in front of him and he says "You're leaving?!?" And keeps reading and looks at the last date as Friday 13th. Then he has to nerve to ask me "You can't give us 2 weeks notice?" I reply "Unfortunately that's not an option for me at this time." Are you f**kin serious? You have the nerve to ask me to give you 2 weeks? I bet when you were ready to fire me at the end of this month I wouldn't get 2 weeks notice of that s**t.

So he asks "Are you getting out of the business or going anywhere I know of?" I reply I'm not going anywhere at all I'm just resigning from here. His face perks up and looked like he wanted to say WTF? I'm not stupid the owner is an old Italian man and I swear he's in the Mafia or something. I got stories I could tell. But his ass is connected and knows some of every one. You think I'm gone tell you I got a new job so he can make a call and f**k my s**t up? Oh hell naw! Hand me a mirror because Someone must've written stupid on my forehead since I last looked in the mirror.

Flustered, he then says "you know when I wrote you up last month it wasn't meant as a bad thing (now I have the WTF face). Last month you did much better, you didn't improve to where it said you should in the write up, but nonetheless you did do much better. So I reply "hmmm that's funny, but also part of the problem because you all don't tell us when we do good. But you're quick to point out when we are doing bad." Plus I could have sworn the damn write up letter said and I quote "If your numbers aren't improved by the end of February we will be forced to replace you." Your words not mines.

He then says "I only wrote the letter because I wanted to motivate you to do better." Wait! Again are you f**kin serious? Because you can't have just told me that with a straight face. But let me get this straight. You want your employees to do better... so let's write them up and threaten to fire them. Okay great strategy. Well guess what? You did motivate me, you motivated me to get the hell outta this damn job and get another!

"Well we hate to see you go and you will be missed, we appreciate your 5+ years of service for the company, some other babbling about how much he always liked me." Extends his hand to shake mines. Blah Blah Blah. What the f**k ever. Save that BS talk because I know damn well your ass didn't like me and don't worry the feeling was mutual. So like a limp d**k there's No "hard" feelings at all.

I Shake his hand and begin to smile big. I was ready to jump up and down in this chair like Tom Cruise on Oprah's show. I Walk out of the office and go back to my desk ready to do a lot of non-work for the rest of the day/week. We had a lunch meeting later that day and my manager announced that I resigned to the rest of the company. The funniest thing is that no one said anything to me the rest of the week. Not one where you going to or why are you quitting or you'll be missed or any of that. And believe me these are the nosiest women in the world so them not asking I found funny.

So on my last day I had planned on bringing donuts or something for everyone. Just as a good parting gesture. But I must admit I also contemplated the stealing of the tissue again and some adding exlax to the donuts, but I'm not that cold. LoL. But I figured since no one really gave a damn why should I. So I came in late my last day, did my last 6 hours, and that was that. I Said my goodbyes to everyone and even gave and received some fake hugs and I will miss yous. The only thing I will miss about this place is that my drive here was only 2 minutes. But I will gladly drive 35-45 minutes to the new job to get away from this place. Peace.

So that was that I kept it professional all the way throughout. Excuse the excessive cursing. I don't normally curse that much unless I'm upset. Well maybe I do, but not all in one setting like that. LoL. But today I start at the new job. Therefore I am not sure how much blogging I will get to do this week. I'm sure I'll have some stories to share from the new gig soon enough though. My brother should be able to hold it down the blog though. I definitely won't be able to do as much reading and he rarely reads so excuse my absence on everyone's blogs and comments. In closing, here are a few pics below I took of my old desk. Have a great week!!

Not sure what my new desk will look like, but hopefully it's much larger than this cramped space.

Goodbye old desk and cramped space. (This is the cleanest it's been since I've worked there. LoL)

This quote was told to me by a good friend last year. I wrote it down and posted it on my monitor. It's been there ever since. It may not have happened last year. But good things come to those who wait. And so far this year is definitely setting up to be that year. Thanks KDW.

Some of my art work. I was very bored back in the day. Thank God I discovered blogging to occupy my time at work. LoL. Oh and no one try to steal my "Black Out" product idea. Patent is pending. LoL.

Finally after removing all of the items pinned up on my cubicle I took all of the stick pins and made a peace sign. So when they walk past my desk they will know I've peaced the hell out. LoL.


Friday, February 13, 2009

Reserve the Right

Well we all know that Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Now if you don't then you obviously don't watch TV, listen to the radio, or use the Internet frequently. Because the advertisers sure aren't allowing you to forget even if you wanted to. So basically if you aren't aware then you do not exist. If I had a dollar for every KY or Lovers Lane commercial that I've heard or seen this month I could afford to make it rain at the strip club for more consecutive nights than it rains in Seattle, WA. But I digress. LoL.

Speaking of Valentine's Day and marketing I'm sure this is one most of you have heard of already. However, I first heard of it a couple of years ago. My best friend sent me a picture message with the caption "Only in Chicago." Well I was at first shocked by the picture I saw and thought it was a joke. So I had to do further research to confirm that it couldn't just be a Chicago thing. Upon further investigating online it seems as if this was a yearly tradition that spanned far beyond Chicago. What is it that I'm referring to you ask? Well take a look at the picture below.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Every year (at least recent ones) the hamburger chain White Castle goes high class for Valentine's Day. From 5-9 pm you and your date can enjoy the famous sliders in a romantic setting. Yes that means they cover the tables in plastic table cloths, put a flower on the table and even light a candle. They even provide servers for the evening. But here's the kicker you must make a reservation to enjoy amenities such as these.


Alright seriously I like to save a buck just like the next American struggling in these economic times. However, I just need to know what man in their right mind is actually bold enough to make this move? I mean on some real I respect they gangsta to even have the balls to tell their woman "I made reservations at our favorite restaurant," and then pull into White Castle. Talk about being in the Dog House, they may as well serve up divorce papers along with this meal. "Would you like to see the dessert menu, and the number of a good divorce attorney?"

Now in the past I've had some women tell me that I don't seem like the romantic type. Ironically, I'm probably the total opposite of what they thought. I guess I was just never given the opportunity to show it. Either that or never wanted to show them that side for whatever reason. However, my sometimes unappreciative ex could attest to the fact that I am definitely romantic. But in recent years (the last 5...yes sad I know. Don't judge me. LoL) I have been single. Therefore, my Valentine's Day routine has been to take my mom out for dinner. But even if all I had was $1 to may name I wouldn't even take moms to White Castle on Valentine's Day. Come on now.

In their defense, from what I read many of the couples that frequent their local White Castle on Valentine's Day may have originally met at the restaurant. As cute as that may be let's be realistic. Plenty of couples meet in many strange or obscure places. However, some of those places don't need to be revisited on a regular or even yearly basis. Here are a couple of extreme examples. Let's just say a couple happens to meet at a friend's funeral. Does that mean every year they should visit the cemetery and have a picnic on the friends grave site? That's creepy as hell. Or how about this I recently saw a couple on Divorce Court and they met in a strip club. She was a dancer and he was a bouncer. Although they were divorcing, what if they had stayed married? So you mean to tell me when they're 70 years old and gray they should be visiting the strip club as part of a yearly tradition? If I see someone's grandma on the pole on amateur Wednesdays I'm going to jail for disorderly conduct that night. Lmao.

In closing, if any of you guys are last minute and haven't made reservations anywhere, please do yourself a favor and cook dinner or order in. Do not under any circumstances call your local White Castle for reservations. But regardless of what you have planned I hope that everyone enjoys their Valentine's Day. Even if you are single and have no Valentine just do something to show love to yourself. It's just another day you'll survive. Hell I have for 5 years strong. LoL. However, I am happy to report that this year I am actually going on a real date for Valentine's Day. I've made reservations at a downtown restaurant with a nice romantic setting. Maybe I will give details at a later time. But I don't plan on breaking tradition, I will still take my mom out maybe for breakfast or lunch though.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Dollars and Sense

I don't know about any of you, but I am no economist. As a matter of fact, I'm not really that great with money. So it makes it somewhat difficult to completely understand the current circumstances that our country's economy finds itself in. I listened to the press conference given by President Obama on Monday, and as much as I root for Obama to succeed as the President, I couldn't really get with his economic stimulus plan. I mean, the last number that I heard about the bill is that it would cost us around 750 billion dollars. Some of that is to jump start the economy, but there's no guarantee that it will work. According to Vice-President Joe Biden, if we do everything right, there's still a 30% chance that all of the money that we're committing to spending will have no positive effect. That's no good. I mean, if you spend 750 billion dollars, you expect that it will drastically improve your current circumstances.

I heard a little bit of math that will show just how much money 750 billion dollars is. If you were to spend one million dollars a day on every day that has existed since Jesus walked the Earth, you still wouldn't have spent 750 billion dollars. Here's the math. Its 2009, but Jesus died at the age of 33. So its been 1,976 years since then. A million dollars spent every day for a years is 365 million. Multiply that times 1,976, and you come up with $721,240,000,000. Tack on another 494 million dollars to compensate for those extra February 29ths, and you have a grand total of 721 billion, 734 million dollars. Almost 30 billion less than what the stimulus plan calls for. I don't know about you, but when you talk about that kind of math, I'm gonna say that it should have better than a 70% chance of success.

Now I know that some of you are gonna say that Bush asked for nearly the same amount for the TARP fund. (Troubled Assets Relief Program). And though I wasn't exactly in favor of handing out that money, it was on a slightly different scale. As I understand it, the TARP money that has been given out is money that at some point and time, when the banks become profitable again, the Government will be repaid that money. Now don't get me wrong, getting money from the Government is like "borrowing" $100 from your mother. Yes you technically owe her, but if you only give her back say $50, and it takes two months for her to get that, its not like she's gonna send Barry Bonds to take out your knees with one swing. (By the way mom, I know I still owe you, just give me a little more time. Lol). Same thing with the government. As all of this was presented to us on Monday, I also was struck by how unsure President Obama seemed about the whole ordeal. I mean, the brotha is usually cool, calm, and well spoken on matters. To me, it seemed like he was just as unsure, and at a loss about the whole mess. That's not a major problem per se, but the President of the United States is like the coach of a football team. Right now the US is down by 30 at halftime, and that speech was supposed to inspire us to come out and take it to the opponent in the second half. Well, what I gathered from his speech is that we're probably gonna lose. Hell, I almost would have appreciated it more if Barack would've just said "Look, things are bad. Bad to a degree that I can't really comprehend. Now I know that you guys elected me to fix the problem. In turn, I have chosen the best in the business. And I believe in these people. I can't tell you everything that they're gonna do, because much of it is beyond my understanding. But I guarantee you that we're gonna take care of this". Now I know that saying something like that is beyond the scope of most politicians, but it would have made me more confident that we could actually erase this 30 point halftime deficit.

So that's just my take on the current economic crisis. A part of me feels that though things are bad, they're no worse than anything we've faced in the past. The difference is that we as a country have made significant improvement in our quality of life since we last found ourselves in similar circumstances. And though we don't want to admit it, we really screwed up by buying $40,000 cars, and $500,000 homes on student loan inflated $35,000 salaries. Its gonna hurt people, but maybe this is exactly what we needed to get back to living the "right" kind of lives.


Monday, February 9, 2009

Myspace Madness

When we first started this blog our cousin made a comment. She said "if you're not making a personal diary on this blog then won't you eventually run out of things to blog about?" Well Cuzzo we're 9 months in and still going strong. As much as we try to not make this a personal blog, there are often times when certain things just get thrown in your lap. Well at that point you have no choice but to blog about them. I have a song I wrote called "Walk in my Shoes" and part of the chorus states "If you take a walk in my shoes and lace em' up/ you'll see that I'm for real man I can't make this up." So here is one of those situations.

Here's the background info: I'm not going to go personally into all of the nitty gritty, but let's just say due to certain circumstances my brother and I aren't the closest with our father. Now in recent months he's made attempts to rebuild the relationship. But to be honest, let's just say as Jay-Z said "It's a slow process and I ain't got nothing but time."

So a few days ago I get a weird text message. After reading it I realize it's a text message sent via yahoo messenger. The message happened to be from my father. So I'm in my head like "who in the hell put him up on yahoo messenger?" Not that he's too old or anything because my mom uses yahoo messenger at times. But for some reason it was just weird coming from him. So the message is general so I go ahead and reply. Then he begins to ask me about my music and when my cd is coming out. So I tell him and give him my myspace link I think nothing of this innocent gesture as I felt if he was really interested he would appreciate seeing the site. He said he would check it out and that was the end of the convo. At least so I thought.

Well I got another of these texts from him last night. I was actually online at the time, so I just went ahead and IM'd him directly through yahoo messenger. He was going on saying how much he liked my myspace page and how professional it looked. Also, he stated that he was looking forward to hearing my CD. Now my father was into music way back in the days. But just like all musicians I guess you just never give up on the dream. So, he was going on about how he wanted to collabo with me (LMAO), how he can help me, about this artist he's producing, and how he knows so and so he can give my cd to. Blah blah, Yada Yada. So in parting he makes this statement. "Who are the ladies on your myspace page?" I'm like I don't know it's a music page everyone gets approved so it could be anyone. Some of them I know some are just myspace friends. So, he closes saying "Well I don't know which were which but Wow!! had me thinking... Never mind talk to you later son." I shook my head as he signed out of messenger and again thought that was that.

So not too long after that I go on to my myspace page to check my messages and play that damn Mafia Game I'm addicted to. LoL. So I notice I have a new friend request and a new message. I get all kinds of friend requests, so I never really pay attention to nor ever visit the pages of some of the clowns that send me requests. As I said everyone gets approved! So when I looked at this latest request. The name first stuck out. But I'm like Oh Hell No this just couldn't be. So I go to my messages and see I have a message from this person as well. I read the message and immediately start to "crack" the hell up like Bobby and Whitney. I go to the person's page and see the main picture and just begin to shake my goddamn head. I begin to read the profile and let out a WTF aloud. Can this nigga be serious?

I'm sure you guessed it by now. But yes my damn father had created a myspace page. Now my father brings about all kinds of hilarity just for no damn reason some times. I've referred to him as dad and father here, but trust he gets called a lot of names by us and neither of those are often spoken. Trust if I got down and personal I would have endless blogs that would have you dying a slow death from laughter. However, this officially took the cake. I immediately got on the phone and called my brother. When I tell him the story we're both damn near in tears. But wait here's the kicker. You ready? The nigga listed his age as 40!! 40? Are you serious? My brother is 30 and I'll be 29 this year. So you were 10 and 11 when you had us? Get the hell outta here. This so reminded me of the episode of Boondocks where granddad was on myspace meeting women. See the clip below.

See this is why certain technologies are dangerous when they fall into the hands of either young children or older people. Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with older people being on myspace. So if any of your parents have myspace pages then more power to them. However, I do have a problem with MY parents being on there. In addition, I would have a problem with my parents frequenting the same club I hit up. I don't want to see pops trying to holler at young girls or mom's (not that she ever would) dropping it like it's hot. There just has to be certain boundaries that are set and respected.

So in an attempt to see if I was alone in this boat, I did some research and just did a quick browse on myspace for people ages 50 (my dad's real age) - 68 (the maximum age field myspace allows). Well apparently within a 250 mile radius of my zip code there were about 3000 people men and women that fit that search criteria. I clicked through a few pages and noticed the majority of them were white people. But I guess I felt a little better knowing that I'm not the only child being embarrassed by their parent.

I just find it funny that I just wrote a blog about being the cool dad to my son as he gets older. I mean I want to be up to date with slang and technology; however, at age 50 my son will be 26. By that time as cool as I would want to still be in his eye, I think I would have just embraced my old age.

I'm honestly still debating on whether to approve this friend request or not. The good thing with having over 1000 friends is that he would be buried in the pile. But there's absolutely no way in hell that he's going in my top friends. I'll keep a running update on how the new myspace adventures are going. I'm sure my brother will have to also state his take on the situation. So this definitely won't be the last you hear of this subject. All I know is if I get a friend request from my mom I'm closing that damn page down quicker than a buffet when a bus load of obese people pull up. LoL. Oh and to my cousin as long as I have gold like this I'll never run out of stuff to blog about. And by the way cuzzo you're in my top friends on myspace, so check your inbox. I'm sure that your uncle sent you a friend request too. So far he only has Tom and some unforsaken victim. LMAO!!


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Exit Strategy

If any of our faithful readers recall, on inauguration day I had a job interview. I needed suggestions on what excuses to use to call off. If you didn't read it check it out here. Well in that post I revealed how shaky things were at my job. I didn't go into details at the time. But just know when I say shaky I'm talking shakier than a man with Parkinson's at the craps table having an epileptic seizure during an earthquake. LoL. (No offense to anyone with any of those ailments, I was just illustrating my point).

Basically after 5 years of dedicated service can these MFs wrote me up last month on some you got til the end of February to get your #s up or we're going to replace you. I took that one on the chin and in front of my boss I first laughed, then shook my head, signed the write up, and walked out of his office. If you only knew how deep this got. I'm the only black person left. They fired the only other black person about 4 months ago. So I knew I would be next at some point. To be real I been on the grind for the longest probably about a year and a half on and off trying to get the hell out of this place. But for the last 6 months I been on the grind non-stop. I've been on several interviews, but just having no luck so far.

Well good people, I am thrilled to report that I just got a call from the company I interviewed with inauguration day. And they offered me the position!! I will be starting on Monday February 16th. I plan on giving my notice sometime tomorrow. So here's where I need a last bit of help from you readers. I'm trying to figure out how I should exit. Below are the choices I'm throwing around in my head.

1. Give them a regular letter of resignation tomorrow, put in my final week next week and leave respectfully and honorably. Thank them for 5 years of employment, and just say goodbye.

2. Give them my letter of resignation tomorrow detailing how bogus, racist, and discriminatory they are/were and forward a copy to the EEOC.

3. Show the hell out! Curse everyone that I didn't like out. Bitch slap a couple people I really couldn't stand, and do something to mess them up somehow. Nothing crazy like putting a virus on the computers or anything. But just something funny like taking all the damn toilet tissue out the place. LMAO. There was a skit on The Dave Chappelle show where he quit his job after he thought he knocked Oprah up. If you haven't seen it, check below he showed his ass in that skit. I mean literally showed his ass! LoL. (Thanks for the link Malika)

4. Wait until next Friday right before 5pm and throw them the deuces. Most jobs fire you without notice and wait til 5 damn pm to let you go. 2 weeks notice my ass. Feel free to take up to 2 weeks to notice I'm gone!!

Wait I better subtract a finger. LoL

5. Can't think of anymore so feel free to get creative and give me suggestions or ways you've quit bad jobs in the past. I'm all ears. LoL.

I want to thank those of you, including friends and fam that wished me good luck and maybe even said a prayer for me. I Thank God for this blessing especially in these tough economic times. The saying "He's may not always be there when you call, but he's always on time" definitely applies to my situation. Also, a special thanks to my bff. She was there from day one helping me grind, update and fix my resume, find jobs for me to apply to, and motivate me to keep going after each denial.

Just keep in mind most of my blogging was done from work. So there may be a slight hiatus after I start on the 16th. So hopefully my brother will be able to hold this down and keep the blogs coming regularly. I will update you on next week as to how I made my exit. LoL. Lastly, I'm not really a New Year's resolution person. Well I don't write them down at least. But this year I had 4 main things I wanted to accomplish. Number one was to finally find a new job. So that makes one down, and a second in the works. I'll update more on those as they're accomplished.

Thanks again to all.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

For the Cool in You

"Cause I am so cool, cool, cool..." Redman "SoopaMan Luva 3"

So last weekend I'm sitting with my son and we're playing video games. Then all of a sudden of the blue he says something that I didn't expect at all. He says and I quote "You know dad you're pretty cool." Well I couldn't help but to put on that Kanye smile as The Game said. well I guess I should say that C-Recks smile, check the picture below.

Don't laugh at me with my kool-aid smile. That pic was taken on election night and I had just used my same drink ticket for the 4th time in a row. I should sell this to Heineken for one of their advertisements. LoL.

Well after he made this statement I asked him why he thought I was so cool? He replied "because you play video games with me and stuff like that, so that makes me a cool dad." Well it is true we do sit around and play his race car video games for hours. So if that makes me cool I'll take it and bask in it for the moment. However, sometimes I wonder will I maintain be able this "cool" status in the years to come.

When I hear people (especially young people) say they want to have a baby or children for some reason my response is always "if you can help it...wait!" That's not to say that I don't love being a father, because it's one of my favorite things in the world. However, it is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Balancing being a parent, working, having social life, and hobbies seems to be a juggling act at times. I somehow by the grace of God am able to do it for the most part. But then there are times when my son reminds me that I'm definitely not 100% in balance. On my way to drop him back off this past Sunday he says "Dad I wish you got fired so you could be with me everyday not just weekends." After gasping, I had to correct what he said. "As much as I would love to be with you everyday dad can't get fired. So let's say I wish you could get a better job and have more free time." He agreed and repeated what I said. Although, I wanted to say no job = no child support which = dad in jail. Not to mention my slim frame is conducive with jail bids and the fact that soap is slippery. LoL.

When my ex was pregnant her and I thoroughly discussed how we wanted to raise our son. Of course we didn't stay together so certain things were altered, but as they said "best laid plans." But that didn't change what I needed to do as a father for my son. I know I'm old (getting old), but I still feel young, so my son confirmed how I feel. I feel like I'm cool as a fan or the other side of the pillow. You pick one of those Stewart Scott one liners. I think I'll always try to keep my ear to the street as my son gets older. I can't have him pulling one over on me because he thinks I'm too old and out of touch with slang and what's going on in his young world.

For example, a while back a friend of mines asked me about a slang word. Now she's older than I am, maybe in her mid to late 30's. She has 3 teenage sons. In the past she's come to me to ask me about different slang words. Well apparently her sons had been using this term around her and wouldn't tell her the meaning. So at one point she's talking with the kids and they used the term and since they wouldn't tell her what it meant she just started saying it too. "Well if that's the case I'm a "Blank" your brother is a "blank" and your dad is also a "blank." So, the kids simply laughed at her and she was still left in the dark. As she's telling me this story I'm like NO! you didn't say that did you? She's like yeah I did why? So I go ahead and explain to her what the term means. She was shocked and says "I'm gone get they asses!" LoL. I laughed but then I thought man I gotta stay on my slang game even when I get older.

Just in case you're trying to fill in the blank, the word she/the kids were saying was Bust Down! SMH!!

Now I realize that I won't always be the cool dad. So I need to bask in this coolness while I can. There will be a time when I will be replaced as his video game buddy by one of his boys. The same goes for when it comes to going out riding bikes, going to the mall, the arcade and all the other cool things we do together. Eventually, dear old dad will not be cool enough to hang out with Lil' C. I'll get the "I'll just call you when it's time to pick me up speech." Or the "Can you drop me down the block because I don't want anyone to see you dropping me off." So when that day comes I won't let my feelings get hurt. I'll just think back and say. "Hey there was a time when you thought I was cool. And trust in 5 or so more years when you're 18+ years old I'm sure I'll gain that status back again."