Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pressing Issues

Sometimes, after the game is when the real fun begins. In this era of the 24 hour news cycle, a player's or coach's performance off the field is almost as important as their performance on. Press conferences are done before and after the game, and in the case of the coaches, during the games as well. The thing that I love is when these press conferences go off the rail. In this blog I want to name my top five favorite press conferences. I know that this is a sports topic, but even if you're not into sports, you will definitely find comedy in these.

Recently, one of my childhood heroes, Mike Singletary, was named head coach of the San Francisco 49ers. On Sunday they lost to the Seahawks. In the game, Niners tight end Vernon Davis was penalized for taunting. In response, Singletary sent Davis to the showers early. This interaction between Davis and Singletary was the backdrop for this classic press conference! My man Singletary came out the gate swinging. With that, its my number 5 most memorable press conference.

Although we've used this video before in one of our Man Up Rules, the Dallas Cowboys made an unexpected exit from last year's NFL postseason. In their loss to the eventual Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, quarterback Tony Romo gave a less than stellar performance. Given that he had gone on vacation to Mexico with girlfriend Jessica Simpson during the team's off week, Romo was under heavy scrutiny after the loss. T.O. to the rescue. Here's my number 4 most memorable press conference.

I don't even know how to really describe this one. I guess Oklahoma St. coach Mike Gundy had just had enough. Oh don't get me wrong, his team won the game. Mike just felt the need to undress the members of the media who were present. And after you watch this interview, you may feel a little naked yourself. My number 3 best press conference.

At the end of the 2001-02 season, the rift between Philadelphia 76ers guard Allen Iverson, and their head coach Larry Brown had reached a boiling point. The point of contention between the two of them will become very apparent when you watch this video. This is no practice, Iverson has my number 2 best press conference.

And drum roll please. My choice for number 1 press conference goes to Dennis Green. Former coach of the Arizona Cardinals. On October 16, 2006, his Arizona Cardinals held a 20 point lead going into the waning seconds of the 3rd quarter against the Chicago Bears. What ensued was probably the second best comeback I've ever seen in my life. (Second only to Frank Reich's 35 point comeback against the Houston Oilers). Well lets just say that Coach Green was not as enthused at what he had just seen. The following is his reaction.

The press conferences has become a an essential to life in sports. I can't imagine having to stand front and center, and field questions from people who believe they can do what you do better than you. Even though they haven't thrown a pitch since their stellar little league season at the age of 11. So as long as there are reporters who ask a player who just lost a game "so how does it feel"?, I'll continue to update my list of the best press conferences.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

To Know or Not To Know

"I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore. And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know. " - Mario Winans.

When this song came out in 2004 I didn't know at the time but I was in a similar situation as Mario Winans was speaking of. Yep I was being cheated on. Well I just now heard the song on the radio and started to think. If I could go back to that situation with my ex would I really want to know? Meaning if I could have found out in advance from her as opposed to the way I found out would I rather have known? Or if say a friend would have seen her would I really want them to tell me? Well regardless of what transpired previously my immediate reaction to this question is still hell yes dammit tell me!! Whether it be from her directly of someone else by all means let me know. Not sure what each of your responses are but my response to the question based on a number of reasons as you'll read below.

Respect my health. First off the obvious reason has to do with my own personal health. If you're out there creeping and still coming home doing the thing with me too I should have the right to know. If we're in a committed relationship then most likely we're not using any type of protection. Now I would hope as you creep out doing your dirt that you would use some type of protection to keep yourself clean. However, regardless if you are or not at least give me the opportunity to make the decision of if I want to risk still sleeping with you.

Help me to avoid the confrontation. Tell me now so that there won't be any surprises. Whatever I choose to do with the information well that's just a consequence of telling. But at least telling me in advance lessens the chances of the consequences being violent. Although, it may not make me any less angry at what you did at least hearing it from you as opposed to catching you or hearing it from a 3rd party will ''hopefully'' keep me from reacting on that anger.

True story: When my ex and I were going through whatever some years back I recall going out to pay some bills. We had 2 cars and our son was in the car with me. So as I make a turn I see a car that looks like hers drive past in the opposite lane of traffic and stop at the light. I thought naw it couldn't be there's a guy driving. But my instinct tells me to just make sure. So I make a U-Turn and pull up on the right side of the car. As I'm pulling up I immediately noticed from the plate number that it's definitely her car. As I pull up next to the car I look over and it's none other than my (then) wife. And some negro driving the car I just made a payment on. Now everything in me wanted to crash into the car and then get out and grab the tire iron out the trunk and start smashing the s**t out of her car. Then probably take the same punishment out on the 2 of them. Honestly, I'm really not violent at all but hey I am human. But again those were just my natural instincts and luckily they didn't kick in. I had to remember I had my son who was not even a year old in the back seat. So instead I pulled up next to the car slowly and as she looked to the right saw my face. The look on her face was priceless. Now I have heard the saying "if looks could kill." Well let's just say that if they could that day her ass would have instantly died in that passenger seat. Thank God I didn't do anything crazy, I turned at the light and let them go on there way. But the point of the story is don't put me in the position to have to claim temporary insanity before a judge because I happen to catch you up.

Don't turn me into Sherlock Homeboy. Why make me go through the motions of suspecting you are cheating and trying to find evidence of this. Next thing you know you got me searching through your phone, e-mails, listening on your calls, checking up on whether or not you are where you say you are, etc. Got me out here like that Mya Song "Ridin'." You know the lyrics "I'm ridin', I'm ridin' past your momma's house. You got me ridin', I'm ridin' past your boys house. You got me ridin', I'm ridin', I'm ridin' tryin to find you..." Yeah that's a horrible place to be right there. But then when I don't initially find anything I look like the crazy jealous spouse. You even make me feel bad for suspecting you of cheating and call me insecure.

Don't make me look like a fool. If you know you're out there doing what you doing and there are others (like your girls or family), know then don't have me around them like everything is all good. Because while I'm still thinking we all in love and I'm steady doing all the things that I would normally do, your friends and or family are saying in their head "poor fool if he only knew." Now the worst of the worst would be to actually have me around the the person you're cheating with. This is just plain foul. Because while I'm being all cool and buddy buddy with them, you both knowing damn well I'm playing myself like a game of solitaire the whole time.

Don't waste my time. If you are so unhappy that you must cheat on your spouse then at least come clean and admit what you've done. Why let the relationship drag on for months and years while you're unhappy and still out there cheating? Doing this is nothing but being stingy and inconsiderate. Basically you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. Although you're unhappy you're still staying. Whether it be for financial, emotional, or other reasons you're still leading your spouse on. In those months you've prolonged the inevitable we could have split, gone our separate ways, and I could have possibly been over it by now. Or I could have dealt with the initial infraction of you cheating and we could have either gotten past it or ended things cordially. But instead you chose to waste my time.

Man or Woman Up!! The bottom line is that yes cheating is dead wrong, but unfortunately it happens every day all day. Yep right now someone's man or woman is cheating on them as you read. It's very sad I know. But we all make mistakes in life some bigger than others. But just like any other wrong doing what you do after is what's going to determine your true character. Will you admit your wrong doing and accept whatever the consequences of your actions may be? Or will you hide your cheating and keep stringing your significant other along? My suggestion is to Man or Woman Up!! What's done in the dark will eventually come to light as they say. And Karma always comes back to you harder.


Monday, October 27, 2008

Inconvenient Convenience

If you're alive today then there's a 99% chance you have either sent or received a text message before. Now I will admit that I love and enjoy the convenience of being able to text as opposed to making a call. Plus since a young kid I've never been that much of a phone person. I was talking to my son (4yrs. old about to be 5) on the phone the other day and after the usual how are you, how was your day, what are you up to I over hear him whisper to his mom "Mom I don't have anything else to talk about." But I can feel him I'd rather be playing than have a long conversation with my dad too. But I'm sure if his spelling game was a little more advanced he'd probably say just text me daddy. LoL.

Well although a text message can have plenty of advantages and they usually outweigh the disadvantages, there are some things that can still bother you about texting. Maybe it's not necessarily the text message itself but there are certain things associated with text messaging that can be erking to some. Or maybe it has more to do with the person that you're texting on the other end. I've just come up with some things that I'm sure we all have experienced pertaining to the text message and well you can decide how you feel in particular about each item.

Text Forwards
I wrote an entire blog about text forwards you can read it yourself. So no need to elaborate too much more on it. But it's a big pet peeve of mines so it tops this list. Just know that if you forward me a text 9/10 you won't get it back. LoL.

Response Time
Is there a protocol as for how soon one should respond to a text message? Now I normally don't read rules and instructions. I usually just take things out of the box and figure out how they work on my own. So is there something is the manual for the phone that states one must respond to a text message in a certain amount of time? I'm sure we've all gotten that text from whoever stating or asking something. Well perhaps you were busy at the time, sleeping or just didn't want to respond right away. But the next thing you know you're getting a call with someone asking "why didn't you reply back to my text?" Now let's not confuse this person with a serial dialer as my brother mentioned in an earlier blog. To be honest I've done this one myself. Then after I call I tend to ask myself if it was this important shouldn't I have just called in the first place? LoL.

Accidental Texts
I was recently got a text from my son's mother and she was telling me how excited my son was to wear the costume I bought him for Halloween. So, I replied back and then I got another text from her that said "I love you too and have a wonderful day." Well it was obvious that this was clearly not for me. However, once you press send on that text message it's over. As much as you hope and wish you could get it back it's definitely too late. But lucky for her I knew that it was sent to the wrong person. A different kind of ex may have taken that text the wrong way. I've made the mistake of texting the wrong person as well. My mom and brother have similar names; in fact, there is only 1 letter different in their names. Not to mention their phone numbers have the same first 5 numbers. So there have been many of times I've accidently text my mom instead of my brother. Although my mom is really cool, I'm glad those accidental texts [meant for my brother] weren't anything too vulgar like they can be at times. LoL.

Text Assumptions
Have you ever gotten this text? "I'll just hit you later you seem busy." If I'm texting you back and we're texting back and forth how can I seem busy? Now if this other person is your spouse or better half that can just sense things about you I can understand such a response. But to just make such an assumption based on reading a text message is to me without merit. The same goes with this one. "You seem upset or mad." How? Did the words come across your phone screen differently than I texted? The problem with reading words is that the reader gets to intepret (whether out loud or in their head) how the words are spoken. No different than when you're reading a book or even this blog. You [the reader] get to choose the tone of what you're reading. The same goes for a text message. And often the reader can make an assumption which can be so off the mark. And you know what they say about when you assume.

Text Arguments
I know that everyone reading has probably had an argument by text. I personally hate arguing at all, let alone via text. Now it could start from something like mentioned above where a wrong assumption is made based on a text message. The next thing you know someone is typing in all CAPITAL LETTERS. And you know what that means, yep they're now yelling at you. And dont forget the exclamation marks!!!!!!! That's showing them you really mean business. Oh wait what about the little mean smiley faces >:-O Is that the yelling one? Well my problem with text arguing is that when I do it I think to myself what am I doing and why don't I just pick up the phone and say what I need to say? But unfortunately once you've started a text argument it's like a 12 round boxing match and you just don't want to throw in the towel. However, there can be an advantage to arguments by text. For instance, you can think more about what you want to say and strategically choose your words. Whether they be the perfect upper cut, a little jab here and there, or even dancing around the ring like Ali trying to avoid further confrontation. Where as in a face to face or even phone argument at times you speak the first thing that comes to mind which usually adds fuel to the fire of an argument. But don't take too long to respond. As stated with response time either the person you're arguing with will think you're ignoring them or even that they won the argument. You may get a text stating "Nothing to say huh? Thought so!!"

Drunk Texting
Now this is definitely one of those times where you probably wish your phone wasn't so technologically advanced and that had an old school brick cell phone. Drinking and texting is definitely not as dangerous as drinking and driving but the results can also be tragic in nature. Have you ever had a little bit too much to drink then sent a text that said something you shouldn't have said to someone you know damn well you shouldn't have even been texting? Well usually when it happens just like most things you do while intoxicated you don't realize what has taken place until the next morning. As soon as you start to reading those texts from that individual the you scratch your head wondering what they're talking about. That is until you open the sent folder and see exactly what you were texting. In response to your discovery you'll usually let out an "Oh S**t!!" and then try to figure out how you'll clean this one up.
Recently Google unveiled "Mail Goggles" which actually helps to prevent drunk e-mailing. When activated Google will require the e-mailer to solve a series of math questions in order to determine that they're in the right mind state to send that e-mail. Once you complete the questions the e-mail will be sent. However, if you can not solve the simple to complex math questions (as previously determined by the user) the e-mail will not be sent. Hopefully for all of us drunk texters out there they'll eventually install a technology such as this in cell phones.

Text Abbreviations
Now luckily I've been able to keep up with some of the younger generation and their text talk as I like to call it. But sometimes even I'm stumped. I mean I can recognize the basics such as LOL (Laugh Out Loud), TTYL (Talk to you later), LMAO (Laughing My ass off), LMAFO (Laughing my f**king ass off), IDK (I don't know), BF (Boyfriend), GF (Girlfriend), BFF (Best friend forever), OMG (Oh My God), BRB (Be Right Back), JK (Just Kidding), BTW (By the Way), Etc. But then again there are some abbreviations that I would never be able to figure out. For instance, FIIK (F**K If I know), I would have never gotten that one. Or FEITCTAJ (F**k 'em if they can't take a joke), which I should know since my grandfather always says this. Also, GTFO (Get The F**k Out) and SWL (Screaming With Laughter). Basically the list goes on. Whatever happen to regular English? Now you have to be able to speak text talk. If you want to brush up on your text talk skills there's a whole list of abbreviations you can check out here. I just wouldn't try to impress your friends with any of those abbreviations unless they've also studied this list. Or you'll probably get a text response back like "WTF" (What the F**k?)

Well regardless of what I like and don't like about texting I won't lie and say I would want to give it up as a feature on my cell phone. Like I said there are much more benefits than there are negative things associated with the text message. In fact, I just ordered the new G-1 (to the left) phone from T-Mobile last week. It should arrive in another week or so. So basically you know that the text messages won't be stopping anytime soon.
So as Lil' Wayne said "Unless ya Feel a lil desperate send a nigga a text message."

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Y-Files

Just like most of you I've come across quite a bit of content on the Internet whether it was by chance or some one forwarded me some e-mail. Of that content some is shocking, some funny, some stupid and well others simply make me want to just say WHY? Well this segment is nothing special but it's just some things that make me ask that question. So, I've decided create "The Y-Files" that will display some of the bizarre and some times ignorant things that make me ask the question WHY? Unfortunately, most of the content will have to do with some of the things my people (Black People) do. Some of these pictures and or videos you've perhaps seen before. But if nothing else you'll probably get a laugh, probably shake your head, and ask the same question as me WHY? Well honestly as you continue to read, you may start with why?, but you'll probably finish with who?, what?, where? and even how? before it's said and done. Stranger and more bizarre things have happened. Welcome to the Y-Files... (Cue eerie music).

Well we don't have any eerie music so here's the song "Why" by JadaKiss featuring Anthony Hamilton it still fits the subject at hand.

Why are are black people are so damn innovative but for the wrong reasons? I've never built a soap box racer or anything like that. But as a kid I'm sure I wanted to and I'm also sure that they take a lot of work and even some skill to create. So to this young man I give props for taking the time to create this contraption, very innovative. But my problem with it is why make it ghettofied? Why would you put sub woofers on the back of a make shift bike and ride down the block? No one wants to hear you you blasting Lil' Wayne The Carter 3 or Young Jeezy's The Recession. Now if you're into building cars then go and get into a school that will teach you to the fundamentals of the craft. You never know in the future you could be designing the 2015 Ford Mustang. But instead you have this contraption. I don't know why but every time I look at this I keep waiting for Xzibit to pop out hosting a hood version of pimp my bike.

Why oh Why would you do this to your hair? First off, since when did orange and blue match? When you presented this idea to your hair dresser I would just like to know what she said? But even worse than that when it was done who told you this was cute? Whatever friend talked convinced ya'll asses to make a damn fool of yourselves is truly not a friend. Then, who really loves Kool-Aid this much that they would advertise it in their hair? You are not receiving a cent of advertising revenue for this treacherous fashion statement, so why even go there? Now as for the hairdo below WHY? I can't even believe she got a hair stylist to do this crap. Why would you want a hair style shaped like a helicopter? Oh wait I got one. Maybe her nick name is Bird. Then she lives in the ghetto. So put the 2 together = "Ghetto Bird." Don't act like ya'll never heard Ice Cube say that back in the day. Well this almost makes me appreciate the Kool-Aid. Does the propeller spin? Does she sleep standing up or flying? I'm lost man. Lastly, Why didn't her momma whoop her ass for wearing this out?

Why on earth would someone want their toe nails to be this long? Please tell me. I mean finger nail extensions I get but toes? At first I thought that they were a pair of pink heels until I looked closer. Obviously these are acrylic nails, but how would you walk in these with out them breaking off? How do you wear anything other than open toed shoes? Again, I'm confused I just don't get it. Well next up we have yet another free advertisement. Now I know pop or soda as some call it is refreshing. But do you really love it this damn much that you have to advertise it on your nails? And even if you do why not stick to one product or at least parent company? Even if one of these soft drink companies wanted to pay you for advertising they couldn't because some of the soft drinks are rivals and have different parent companies.
Why man oh Why? I'm sure you may have seen these pics online before. But I have to speak on this. What ever happen to prom being like the precursor to a young lady's wedding? Meaning that they would get dressed up and look beautiful and elegant just as a bride to be would on her wedding day. And the guys would dress to compliment the ladies. However, over the recent years something has changed. I don't know what it is but this younger generation is just off the chain like an escaped slave. Take a look at exhibit A. Now why in the world would you one even go to prom being this pregnant? I'd guess she's at least 6-7 months. Okay perhaps she didn't want to miss it being senior year and all. But then why in the hell would you wear a dress with the stomach cut out? You couldn't find a nice classy maternity dress? I know they make them I've seen plenty celebrities wear them when they're pregnant. And lastly, I'm no OBGYN but it looks to me like this girl has the markings of a C-Section already. So you mean to tell me it's Senior year and you're on kid #2? Why oh why Lord? Okay on to Exhibit B. I'm kind of at a loss for words on this one. I've seen more clothing on strippers at the strip club than what this girl has on. Is there a pole in the picture that I cant see? And the guy. His whole out fit belongs on one of our Man Up Rules. Are those silk pajama pants and slippers? Who are you the black Hugh Hefner? Why is your hair red? Just to match the outfit? Real Talk his ass looks like a new age version of Leroy from Fame. Young people please get your act together.

Why even wear pants at all? I mean if you're this hot and feel like you need to slice up your pants to expose air pockets or whatever you call your self doing, then why not just wear shorts? No one want to see half of your ass cheeks hanging out of your jeans that look like someone ran them through a paper shredder. I just hope this was done on purpose and that you haven't been wearing these jeans daily for like the last 10 years. Because if so you're a few threads away from wearing a pair of daisy dukes.

I know this looks like an ordinary toy gun, or water pistol, however; believe it or not this is a bar of soap ladies and gentlemen. Why on earth you would want to wash your ass with a bar of soap shaped like a gun? I have no damn clue. Are you this damn hood or so much of a thug that even your soap has to be Gangsta? I guess if you're this hard you probably wipe your ass with sand paper instead of tissue.

Now who hasn't been stuck in a car without air conditioning before? I know I have in the dead heat of Los Angeles in the summer. But as much as an idea like this may have popped into my head I would have never thought to put that plan into action. Well not this person. They put an air conditioner in the passenger window and have it running off a generator that's some how attached to the trunk. My question is why? Now granted they may have had these items already (the generator and air conditioner), but even still the effort it took to make this work couldn't have been worth it. I'm sure going to get your AC fixed would have taken much less of an effort and it couldn't have been that expensive. Plus, a sharp turn could easily send this generator or the air conditioner flying to the ground. As for the second image, why would you even bother to put a lock on this car? It doesn't look to be in the best condition, so I'm not sure who would really attempt to break into it. But I guess there's nothing wrong with a little extra security measure.

Now I love a good burger from McDonalds just as much as the rest of the world. Hell, I even had them for dinner last night. And who doesn't love a bag of Flamin' Hots? However, why on earth would you advertise your love for McDonalds or Cheetos on your car? Now if this driver owned a chain of McDonalds or even stock in Frito Lay (which makes Cheetos) then none of us would be scratching our heads, but the likelihood of that being the case is the equivalent to a man fresh out of jail being able to vote on November 4th. The sad thing is that if these people were smart they probably could make money advertising for McDonalds, Cheetos or some other companies on their cars. If you click Here there are companies that pay $200-400 a month or more for just this type of vehicle advertising. But you go ahead and keep on advertising for free it makes a lot of sense. The same applies for the vehicles below. If there's a grown man driving the Sponge Bob car he needs his ass whooped. The Cool "Whip," I guess I get the play on words since "whip" is a slang term for car, it's a "Cool Car." But the Newport 100's car? Why man? Why?

Why do they keep giving ignorant black people reality shows? I mean besides the fact people watch to laugh and they bring in ratings. But not only that why don't they keep it "real" on these shows? Before "Flavor of Love" premiered some years ago most people probably didn't even know who Flavor Flav was. He was a washed up hype man that was in and out of jail and on and off of drugs and probably damn near broke. That was until an appearance on the VH-1 show "The Surreal Life," took him on a wild ride to stardom. Now he has probably surpassed the fame he ever had as a hype man for the rap group Public Enemy. Now that's great for Flav and his 8 or 9 kids I'm not mad at that at all. However, I am mad that the fact that prior to Flavor of Love he probably couldn't even buy a female that was dyme status. But now he's had 2 seasons of this show and is able to pull females that look like Hoops? What kind of Bizarro world do I disappear to when I turn on VH-1? I know the contestants stand to gain possible fortune and fame for going on these shows but damn! If the producers showed me a picture of a female version of Flav and said you are competing for the love of this woman, and that I may have to kiss and or sleep with her to win well let's just say I'd promptly take myself out of that competition. I'm Not hating by any means, but Flavor Flav is not a sex symbol so Why oh why ladies why?

I know this The Y-Files but I'm stuck asking myself what is this? I hope to God it's not a woman. But then again I'm damn near throwing up on myself thinking it's a man. What are they wearing? And I don't know what's in the bag. But if it's more clothes like the ones he/she's wearing I hope they're walking to the nearest trash can to throw them away or to the nearest incinerator to burn them. Why on earth would you dress like this in public? I promise if I was walking or driving down the street and saw this I'd be looking up in the sky for a UFO because clearly we're being invaded by beings from another planet.

Now does this even make any sense? I've heard of thinking "outside of the box" but come on. Why would you put a box on wheels and push a kid around in it like it's a stroller? This can't be safe. It doesn't even look as if the box is secured down. So the slightest bump and this kid is eating pavement. Is she this lazy? I don't see why she doesn't just pick the kid up and carry him. Or better yet he appears to be big enough to walk. I don't know how far she's walking but I'm sure that she could have found better means to transport the child. It looks like a pretty run down area. I know there's always a shopping cart abandonned somewhere in the ghetto. She could have pushed him in a shopping cart and it would have been safer. I don't know if she found that box or just bought a new TV. But if she bought a TV and used the box for the stroller then her priorities are way out of order.

I know that on hot summer days in the hood kids will do stuff like have water fights and open up fire hydrants to keep cool. They even have the little blow up swimming pools for the kids. However, I think they are taking this a little too far. Why on earth would you fill a boat up with water and turn it into a swimming pool? Although I appreciate him being a responsible adult, why is this guy up there like he's a life guard for real? Umbrella and all. What is this a hood version of Baywatch? Is there not a YMCA near by? And what did they do to that one kid sitting in the corner with his arms folded. Why is he mad? Or did they tell him we bought a new swimming pool and brought him outside in his swim trunks to this madness? I'd be quite pissed too.
Why Chris Brown why? I know that you probably have a weight lifting regiment as part of your daily work out routine. But you look to be struggling a little with this one. I'm not trying to talk about the young lady but he had no business trying to pull this move. When he throws out his back and has to cancel his tour he'll understand how bad of a move this was. This little episode must have been during his performance of the song "No Air" because he clearly looks to be struggling to breathe with the Vulcan death grip this girl has on him.

Alright that's all I got for now. I hope you were entertained and yet just as confused as I was by what you saw. But please stay tuned for another episode of the Y-Files. I'll be tackling some of You Tube's greatest. You don't want to miss that.

To Be Continued...


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ain't Life A Snitch?????

"Jose Canseco just snitchin because he finish"
Hustlin by Rick Ross

Since we were kids, we were always told that "nobody likes a tattle tale". In 2004, that was taken to a new level. In Baltimore, Maryland, a dvd entitled "Stop Snitchin" was released. In it, local drug dealers, and even then rookie NBA player Carmelo Anthony, railed against individuals who cooperated with authorities. (Anthony later renounced his involvement and claimed that it was all just a joke). Though the "Stop Snitchin" campaign has remained controversial, the undercurrents of it are still present in our society. I have never "snitched" to the police, however I am conflicted on the whole process. In this blog, I want to debate the merits of snitchin. For both the snitch, and those who have been snitched on.

Jose Canseco was a great baseball player who burst onto the scene in 1986, winning the Rookie of the Year award. In 1989, with his fellow "Bash Brother" Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco helped lead his Oakland A's to a World Series title. He was also the first person in Major League Baseball history to hit 40 homeruns, and steal 40 bases in the same major league season. (The feat for which Jay-Z's 40/40 club is named). Canseco was on top of the world. But as his superstar status turned into mediocre status, Canseco bounced around from team to team. Finally in 2001, Canseco called it a career. Not so much because he no longer had the ability to play Major League Baseball, but in his opinion he was being blacklisted. See Jose had a secret. And he believed that Owners and Major League Baseball officials didn't want him to reach certain milestones that would enhance his chances of being enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Canseco decided that he would exact his revenge against Major League Baseball by outing those players in the league whom he either did steroids with, saw doing steroids, or in some cases introduced steroids to. In his book "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big", Canseco tells of personally injecting with steroids such Major Leaguers as the afore mentioned Mark McGwire, Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez, and Rafael Palmeiro. He also speculated on probable steroid use by Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds. This book was a revelation for some, and just confirmation for others. Either way, Canseco solidified himself as a pariah within the Major League Baseball community. Canseco's book even lead to Congressional hearings on the Steroid matter.

As a huge baseball fan, I actually supported Jose Canseco "snitchin". Not so much that I felt Steroids were ruining baseball, hell I rooted with half of America for Sammy Sosa to break the single season homerun record. So for me to get on my moral high horse now would be disingenuous. The part about Canseco snitchin that bothered me was that it came purely from a place of revenge. If Canseco just felt compelled to do the right thing, I could understand much better. But Canseco was after blood, and it appeared that he would have sold out his mother in order to achieve vindication.

Now three years after his book release, Canseco seems to have had a change of heart. In a one hour documentary shown on the A&E network, Canseco says that he regrets naming individuals as steroid users. He says that the fire that his book started went way beyond what he ever expected. In my opinion, that's crap. Canseco knew exactly what he was doing. He knew just where his book would lead. Major League Baseball banned Pete Rose for gambling on baseball, and the members of the 1919 Chicago White Sox, or Black Sox as they are known, are still considered banned from Baseball for throwing the 1919 World Series. So where as I could give Canseco some credit for having the guts to come out and speak about rampant steroid use, even if with ulterior motives, I can give him zero credit for going back on it and saying that he had no idea it would lead to this kind of reaction.

What can be said about O.J. Simpson that hasn't already been said? Probably nothing, but I won't let that stop me from speaking my two cents. I found the most recent Simpson trial to be absolutely hilarious. Partly because of the fact that this fool gave the authorities a second chance to fry him, but mostly because of the way he was taken down. In case you've been in a coma for the past year, let me give you a quick recap of the events that took place. O.J., and several other men burst into a room at the Palace Station Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, in order to retrieve memorabilia that O.J. felt was stolen from him. Within hours of the "heist", all the participants were taken into custody. And that's when the fun really began.

In a high stakes game of CYA, O.J.'s co-defendants began cutting deals with the Clark County prosecutors to testify. One of those considered particularly damning to O.J. was Walter Alexander. As stated in this CBS interview, Walter Alexander was a golfing buddy and friend of O.J.'s. As Alexander states, he met O.J. in 1995. Now that is peculiar to me given that O.J. spent the majority of 1995 in the Los Angeles County Jail. My first question is, who befriends an alleged killer fresh out of jail? Well that friendship was quickly abandoned once Walter realized he was potentially facing life in prison for his involvement in the heist in Vegas. Walter testified on behalf the prosecution.

This particular example of snitchin is probably the most common. Its someone who looks at the given situation and says, "shit, I'm not going to jail for him." Much more than in the Jose Canseco situation, I can understand why Walter made the choice he did. While I have some serious questions as to why he would even involve himself with an individual such as O.J., he figured that self preservation was his best choice. I'm sure that given his life as an "alleged pimp," as described by the Associated Press, Walter will have plenty of explaining to do with some individuals from his past. The AP also reported that Walter got a revelation from God telling him to take the plea. Now I'm not one to question anyone's personal relationship with God, but I have to wonder if that was really God speaking to him, or his common sense kicking in? I mean, wouldn't God have gotten in his ear long before Walter was faced with the "difficult" choice of to snitch or not to snitch? (That is the question). I'm guessing God maybe would have spoken to him in 1995 and said "This guy is bad news. Stay as far away from him as you can". Or hell, maybe even further back and said "Pimping is not the way".

To anyone who reads this, and still doesn't quite understand the dilemma some individuals face when it comes to snitchin, there is a television show that will put it in blunt terms for you. Its the First 48, shown on A&E. This show follows detectives in the homicide division as they try to solve murders in cities such as Memphis, Miami, and Dallas. I'd say that this show shines a spotlight, no, make that a flood light on two major components of life. Number one, some crimes are even more senseless than we could ever imagine, and number two, to me, is that the whole "Stop Snitchin" campaign is an abject failure. Why do I say that? Well once an individual gets inside that interrogation room, it takes a strong man, or woman, to ignore the reality of the circumstances he or she is facing. I've seen a lot of episodes of this show, and if there's 25 percent of people who come into that room and don't do some form of snitchin, I'd be surprised.

Most times it seems to be people who want to tell about their minuscule role in the crime, and lay blame at the feet of some friend of theirs. The interesting part they fail to realize is that while telling on their friend, they're sealing their own fate in the process. I recall an episode from Dallas in which a coach of some kind was murdered. The detectives had finally caught someone that they felt was involved in the crime. After some coaxing, the detectives asked the young man, somewhere between 16-19 as I recall, to admit that their intent was to rob the individual, and name the person who did the actual shooting. The young man thought about it, and admitted that he was only there to help with the robbery. The other individual was the one who pulled the trigger. Well at that very instant, this young man sealed his fate. See, in the state of Texas, a murder during the commission of another crime such as kidnapping or robbery, is automatic grounds for the death penalty. (Its what they call special circumstances in some places). Even though this particular young man didn't pull the trigger, had no knowledge that his friend was going to kill this man, his mere involvement in the robbery made him just as culpable. The moral is that when you're snitchin, you might want to have a lawyer present to protect you interests. The police have a job to do, and they don't really distinguish between those who are only 25% at fault versus 100% at fault.

Snitchin has been going on forever. Wherever there is an advantage to be had, an individual will tell all he knows in the interest of self preservation. The code of silence is not as hard to break as it once was. People have too much to lose these days. So if you want to get away with murder, probably literally and figuratively, you might not want to involve the Walter Alexander's of the world in your cockamamie schemes. Because as the GZA put it "I got ya back, so you best to watch your front, cause its the niggaz who front who be pullin stunts".


Monday, October 20, 2008

I've Got a Job to Do...Doo

I want to apologize in advance for this blog. I have to discuss a subject that I really didn't want to touch. But unfortunately I've fallen victim to this on more than one occasion recently and felt it had to be addressed. I apologize if I'm being just a little gross, but I'm sure I'm not the only person to have ever gone through this before. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way let's get right into it. I work a regular 9-5 job like many of you probably do. I don't necessarily enjoy the job but I go to put in my 8 hours and get out of there. I don't like to deal with things at work that I shouldn't have to. For instance, drama, gossip, and this subject I am tackling now.

Imagine this: You've sat diligently at your desk all morning working quietly not bothering anyone keeping to yourself doing your damn job. You've been drinking your beverage of choice off and on all morning (for me it's simply water). Eventually the water starts to settle and fill up your bladder. You want to run to the bathroom but you get stuck on an extended call that can't be interrupted for right now. So as soon as you finish up that call you go running to the bathroom. But no sooner than you open up the door you get hit with it like a punch from Mike Tyson in his prime!!!

Yes that's right the funk from the bathroom has just damn near knocked your ass out like Suge Knight.

WTF?? There are no other bathrooms available, so now you're stuck with 2 choices either damn near piss your pants or hold your breath for the next minute in an attempt to not inhale the toxic scent. So you choose to brave the dreaded Area 51 wishing you had a gas mask. You take a deep breath, run in, quickly handle your business. wash your hands, and run out of the bathroom. You exit feeling like you've been waiting to exhale longer than Terri McMillan. But no sooner than you open the door to come out what happens? Yep you guessed it. Someone is coming in right behind you. Dammit!! Now what's the first thing that they're going to think when they walk in? Yes they are going to think that you're the one that did the terrible deed when in fact, you were simply an innocent victim just as they are about to be. And you just know they're going to say something to someone about the bathroom being funky as hell and they saw you come out last.

Not to put my personal bathroom business out there but I personally have never been comfortable enough to let's say have a seat in the bathroom at work. I understand the concept of when you have to go you have to go but does that really mean just go anywhere? My problem is this. I work in a small office. So in it there are 3 bathrooms. 1 that only the women use, 1 that the few men that work there use, and 1 that's pretty much a uni-sex bathroom. Now keep in mind that these aren't huge bathrooms with stalls and urinals. This is just a simple bathroom. There's a toilet there, a sink and a mirror. So imagine my pain when this situation occurs. It feels like the equivalent of being trapped in the gas chamber. Then just as in the situation I described above someone happens to walk in after me. Of course it so happens I was trapped in the uni-sex bathroom and one of the ladies walks in right after I exit. So great now I'm going to be known as the guy that s**ts at work. And again the same exact scenario has happened to me on more than one occasion so I'm pretty sure by now I have a title or nickname that I have yet to hear.

Here's my problem with the whole thing. It really boils down to respect for your fellow co-workers. I mean who hasn't caught a case of the bubble guts at some point? But see in my case I feel like I'm getting caught up behind a repeat offender. Yep that's right I'm snitchin because much like in the interrogation room they are trying to pin this on me and I'm not taking the wrap for it. Plus I don't even like the lady anyways. LoL. So here's the perpetrator she's an older lady probably late 50's or early 60's, so you know they bowels are probably looser to begin with. But my problem is that she drinks 3-4 cups of coffee every morning. Now come on you should know that coffee can act as a laxative at times. So it's no wonder why she's getting up to use the bathroom all morning. Then next comes lunch time. Now no offense to any one reading that is Hispanic. However, this lady is Hispanic and she usually eats Hispanic food for lunch. You know tacos, enchiladas, beans, rice and what not. Again I'm no expert but beans usually = having to use the bathroom. Now again to each their own. I'm not comfortable doing that but you do you. However, when you get done please warn the next person not to go in after you. You know damn well Lysol Spray or any other aerosol spray is not going to cover up the smell. So either put a sign on the door or at least do like Pops from the movie Friday said "Don't nobody go in there for at least about 35-45 minutes."

Now I've worked at bigger companies before and if you got caught stinking up the bathroom they would actually put you on blast. Even though they had individual stalls in the bathroom, as you know it's never hard to tell [at least for a man] when he's doing #2. So you better believe they would notice who's shoes were dangling under the stall and come back and tell on you just like Ezel from the movie Friday. "Smokey back there taking a S**t!!!"

In conclusion, I again apologize for addressing a rather gross subject. But I had to speak on it. And if you're one of these individuals that stink up the bathroom at work and let someone else take the blame for the horrible smell. Well all I have to say is shame on you. And I hope that the next time you get caught in the bathroom with only 1 square of tissue left. Let's see if you fess up then as you're begging for someone to spare a square. LoL.