Friday, March 6, 2009

"Crown"-ing Glory (Re-Post)

This blog started as a honoring of what I believed was a ghetto staple. Well thanks to some investigating, I discovered that it really is an American staple. The Crown Royal bag.

I got the idea for this blog when a friend of mine told me a story of how she was in downtown Chicago, and a fairly classy lady pulled out a Crown Royal bag (CRB) of change, and paid the meter. Through my laughter, I began to think of all the uses that I have seen of the CRB. For those of you who are not big liquor drinkers, a little background information. (I Love this part, lets take 'em to school).

Crown Royal, or Crown for short, was created in 1939 to commemorate the first visit to Canada by King George VI and his wife Queen Elizabeth. (The parents of Queen Elizabeth II, the current queen of England). It is a Canadian Whiskey, and was distributed by the Seagram's Corporation. Crown was only available in Canada until 1964, when its crown shaped bottle, and royal blue bag made its way to America.

And it is here where we begin our story.

See, growing up as a kid on the south side of Chicago, I have always been aware of Crown Royal. From previous blogs, you may believe it was due to my Grandfather, but honestly it was from a highly sensitive intellect. Either that, or all those alcohol billboards scattered across the soutside of Chicago. And the one that always stood out the most was the velvet looking CRB.
As I've gotten older, that bag began to take on a less elegant meaning. Think something more along the lines of a Scarlet Letter for alcoholics. Well folks, as usual, the Internet has shown me that I had no clue to the full extent the CRB has woven itself into the fabric of America. Literally!
The Crown Royal Quilt

An actual quilt, woven out of CRBs. When I first saw it, I said to myself not bad. However, the inevitable question set in, did the person who made it drink all that Crown? Hell Naw! Impossible. If you drink that much goddamn Crown, there's no way you even have the hand-eye coordination to thread a needle. So to those who've gone to this level of creativity, cheers to you, the Queen would be proud. Grade B+

The Crown Royal Dress

Now the sight of this one was very appealing. I thought the dress was pretty, and the Crown aspect was somewhat subtle. Could I really see someone sporting something like this? No. Much like walking around with a CRB, there is a certain stigma that would be applied to you when people see you. Grade B

The Crown Royal bikini

Now, I'm conflicted on this one. Do I really like the design, or am I just drawn to what being covered? Regardless, this would be an awesome sight at the beach. Only problem is that you can't stare too long. They lock people up, and make them register for certain lists for that kind of foolishness. So without oogling too long... Grade A- (A+ if you're a dime).

The Crown Royal suit

When I saw this one, I almost fell out of my chair. Now the gentleman in the picture is none other than Jerry Rice. Arguably the best wide receiver ever to play the position. Or to some of you, a contestant on Dancing with the stars. (Personally, I've never seen the show). Now, I have 2 schools of thought on this one. Number 1, the extravagance of the suit would actually make Bishop Magic Don Juan blush and put down his pimp cup. So it doesn't appeal to me on that level. Number 2 however, is a little more redeeming. I used to question some things about my man Jerry when he was still playing in the league. And for him to go straight from that suspect nature to Dancing with the Stars didn't help his image in my eyes. But seeing this pic. Well, how can I hate on a man that would support Crown Royal in such a way? Its a pimp drink, he's wearing a pimp suit: Jerry Rice is a pimp! (Well 2+2 is 4 right?) Grade F- if you or I try and pull this off, but A+ for Jerry. Way to man up!

The Crown Royal robber

This one was off the charts for me. A cat that robbed banks and had them putting the money in a Crown Royal bag. Now this activity is one that only a true Crown Royal drinker could undertake. Robbing banks is bad enough, but why would you do so, and limit the amount of money you get to what can be stuffed in a CRB? Grade F-

So as you can see, that which I thought was a hood staple is as American as Apple Pie. This little exercise actually made me feel better about my people. (Black People). We're clearly just reflecting the American spirit. And besides, Crown was made for Royalty, don't we all deserve a little bit of elegance in our lives. Hillary would drink to that.



Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I need to taste this! lol


Just wanted to say, I love your blog. I'm supposed to be taking a nap, but couldn't stop reading. This post was quite funny. I'm a bartender by trade (former bartender) and wanted to leave you a drink receipe for this's called a Royal Flush

Royal Flush
Fill a rocks glass with ice....or a really tall glash if you are a lush!
as much crown as you want (or 2 oz)
peach schnapps to taste ( or 1 oz)
top with cranberry juice

J.Rae said...

not really a fan of crown butttt i do mix it with cranberry or something fruity if i don't have anything else. one of those classy women who owns a crown bag. lmao.