Back In the Day

It's Father's Day 2008. This would be my 5th (6th if you count when the time in the womb) official Father's Day. So far I've spent it having brunch with my son (yes a 4 year old took me out) and taking him on a bike ride to the park. As I'm watching him play on the slides and swings with the other children I'm reminded of a song. "Back in the Day" by Ahmad. In this song Ahmad reflects on the days of his childhood stating in his chorus "Back in the days when I was young I'm not a kid any more but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again."


(Ahmad - Back in the Days)


Well I guess one of the joys of parenthood is being able to sort of relive your childhood through your child. I can't personally go back and relive my childhood; however, every day I spend with or talking to my son is somehow just as good.

For instance, my son's favorite toy is a car. Not any specific car but any car. Yep if it has 4 wheels he'll basically play with it, and the more cars the merrier. Well I'm an "80's Baby" so when I think back I recall my favorite toys of choice were anything He-Man, Voltron, or Transformers (the original not the re-make). I mean my brother and I would fiend for more and more of these action figures. Recently my son was telling my brother about a toy he left at the park and wasn't there when he went back. Well let him tell it someone stole it and he was going to call the police 9-1-1. Lol. Likewise, my brother proceeded to tell him about how one time he left his He-Man toy (Skelator specifically) on the bus when he was a little boy. I actually recall when it happen and my older brother being all broken up over it. I think I may have even offered him my He-Man toy in replacement but it wasn't good enough. Lol.

Now when it came to Voltron, well if you're old enough to remember them the goal was to collect all 5 of the Voltron characters that connected to form Voltron. There was the head/torso, the 2 arms and the 2 legs. Well I remember when my brother and I finally had all 5 we were as happy as can be. Well that was until one of cousins (we still don't have enough evidence to name a culprit) broke one of the legs off the Voltron. Unfortunately, we were never able to form Voltron again. And yes I'm still holding a little animosity towards one of my cousins. (Whoever you are feel free to confess your sins at any time. Lol).

Well moving on, as I watch my son I realize that a child's only job as they see it at least is to play. There's honestly nothing else on their agenda. When I call my son nightly and ask what he did today I get the same answer "I played." And trust me I've seen him get his "play on" and you better believe it's hard work. I've seen him play so much all day that when it's late at night and he's still trying to play he's damn near falling asleep. Lol. But one of the main activities my son loves to do is go out and ride his bike. Unfortunately, he's still on training wheels so I don't ride with him yet; however you can usually find me either running besides or behind him (Kanye work out plan my ass!).

Well when I reflect on my bike riding days there are 2 things that immediately come to memory. Well first is when I was trying to learn how to ride without training wheels. Now I'm certain that teaching your child to ride with no training wheels is a very joyous occasion in both a child and a parents life (probably more so the parent). However, when I think back to my days of learning to ride I doubt my dad would call those days joyous. I specifically recall the day when my dad decided it was time to pull off the training wheels and show me how to ride like the big boys (mainly my older brother). Keep in mind that in those days we either couldn't afford helmets and knee and elbow pads, or kids were just made tougher back then. Lol.

Well all I remember is that it was one of the hardest days of my young life to that point at least. I remember "fallin' " so much Alicia Keys would get jealous. Also, I remember the last fall being the one that made me probably hate my dad for the first time in my life. My grandparents stayed right off of the Dan Ryan express way on the South Side. So to get back to Lafayette we had to cross over the bridge that stretched over the Dan Ryan. Well the bridge was an arch. So you start going up hill and ended down hill. So as my dad held the seat of my bike up the hill with confidence he let the seat go as I descended down hill. I believe he chased after me as my bike road down the hill on 2 wheels. And I'm sure I felt like I was flying and finally got the hang of riding with no training wheels. Well that was until I saw the approaching intersection and began to try to apply the brakes to stop this rolling contraption. Unfortunately as I applied the brakes I yet knew how to stop the bike and keep it from tipping over. Well as the visual probably depicts as I stopped I flipped off of the bike Dominique Dawes (the gymnist) style with the pavement as my only landing pad. Well good people needless to say my arms, knees, feelings, and pride were hurt all with the same fall. I of course cried as my dad attempted to console me, but it was to no avail. At that particular point I came to realize that my father was not superman and could not forever protect me from injury and harms way. I remember breaking away from him and running into the house to be consoled by my mom and grandmother and vowing to never ride again. I'm sure my father felt even worse than I did for all the scrapes, scratches, and falls I took. But I do recall him continuing to tell me with each fall "don't worry son if you fall just get back up and try again." Well needless to say I did just that and eventually learned to ride with no training wheels. In fact, despite the current relationship my father and I have, I can say those words definitely began my preparation for life at an early age. In other words, life is nothing more than a "get back up and try again" roller coaster that you continue ride until you get it right. So for that advice I thank you dad.

Now, I would attempt to add a moral to such a story but unfortunately there is none. All I can say is that in the next year or 2 the only thing I can be assured of is that I'm sure teaching my son to ride his bike without training wheels will be no easy task. Fortunately, I can learn from my father and buy protective gear for the falls and provide encouragement for when he wants to give up. Likewise, there are probably hundreds of stories I can provide of bike riding adventures including my brother and I riding our bikes at a local sand dunes as we called it (but it could've been a landfill now that I think of it. Lol) but this particular story stuck out in my memory.

Now I don't know how many of you have children between the age of say 2 and 11 but if you do well let's just say that it's safe to say that the Disney channel is something we share in common. All I know is that if Walt Disney from the grave wanted to brain wash children and form some sort of evil army he's definitely got the platform to do so. Anytime Hannah Montana can sell out a concert arena quicker than I can chug a beer there is something definitely wrong. Lol. However, all I know is that my son watches the Disney Channel religiously. And when I way "religiously" I mean even more than my grandmother watches/listens to church. And if you have a religious grandmother you know that's a whole hell of a lot. Unfortunately, as a parent there are times I'm forced to watch the channel as well even when I don't necessarily want to. In fact, so much I even start to like certain shows. I will keep them nameless as to not violate any Man Laws. But as long as I don't turn into those of you that watch even when your kid(s) aren't around (you know who you are) I think I'm good.

Well when Disney channel originally hit the scene I remember not having cable except at my grandmother's house. Also I recall feeling like I was too old for Disney. Besides, I liked Warner Brothers (WB) better than Disney anyway. However, just as my son has his beloved Disney channel we had certain cartoons we loved and wouldn't miss for anything in the world. For instance, Voltron, He-Man, Transformers (as previously mentioned), G.I. Joe, Thunder Cats, Ducktales, Darkwing Duck, Tom and Jerry, The Smurfs, Anamaniacs, and all the Warner Bros. Classics. Basically, cartoons were a way of escaping reality in our child like lives. Ironically, when you think about violence on television I don't know how cartoons still receive the G or TV Y ratings. But I guess even back then we as kids somehow knew Wile E. Coyote using an umbrella to stop a ton anvil was fake and never attempted it. Lol.

Finally, my son recently got introduced to the exciting world of video games. He began with his own game system of V-Smile which produces games geared towards education, but still have some of their favorite characters. However, after I purchased GTA IV on PS3 he quickly graduated from his V-Smile to the PS3 and wanted to play GTA (because of the ability to drive real cars). Don't worry he does nothing more than drive the cars as a responsible parent I turn down the volume and make sure he avoids any violence except the occasional breaking of a window to get into a car (I tell him he lost the keys) Lol.

However, in this new era of PS3 and XBox 360 I'm reminded of "back in the day." You know when the original Nintendo first came out (Sorry I wasn't old enough for Atari and "ColecoVision I was an "80's Baby" remember). But after Nintendo (not in order of appearance) then came Sega Genesis, Atari Jaguar, Super Nintendo, Sega CD, Neo-Geo, Sega Saturn, Sega Dream Cast, Nintendo 64, Nintendo Game Cube, Nintendo 360, Nintendo Wii, Playstation, PS1, 2 and 3, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advanced, Nintendo DS, PSP etc.

Well needless to say our parents went through plenty of dollars trying to upgrade me and my brother's game systems year by year as the video game industry advanced. However, this particular memory stands out in my video game history. Gameboy was one of the game systems I mentioned that I just had to have. I remember convincing my grandmother during the course of an entire summer in Chicago to get me one right before going back home to California.

Unfortunately, not too long after going back home to Cali I remember being at the park with my brother and Grandfather John (as mentioned in the blog "The Grandadiest of Them All" June 13, 2008). For some reason I chose to bring my Gameboy, which I had begged and pleaded my grandmother for, to the park with me. And instead of giving it to my grandfather to hold I chose I chose to sit it down for what I thought was nothing more than a minute to 5 minutes at max. And as I went back for it, of course it was gone. As my son said "someone stole it." I'm sure just as he did, I wanted to call the police 9-1-1. But after looking all over the park with my brother and finding nothing I recall going to my grandfather John. Well in true grandfather John fashion he said something similar to this "well Cory (Curry as he could me) if you sat your shit down what did you expect? That's why you gotta keep up with your shit." Well with that statement I knew I need not search anymore and that my beloved Gameboy was forever gone. Having been hurt and upset I simply left with a lesson of "don't sit your shit down." And don't ask me how but I guess it somehow still holds true to this day. Lol. Although that's the one major video game story that comes to mind, believe me there are plenty others. Ask me later to estimate how much money I believe was spent playing Street Fighter II in arcades (but that's another story in itself).

In closing, I believe the innocence of child hood is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I mean to be able to learn, discover, and grow in life on a daily basis is extraordinary. Even greater than that, is to know that if you get it wrong you still have an opportunity to figure it out. Honestly, there are so many aspects to my childhood that I can reflect upon, but these particular points come to mind at the moment. So, make sure you check back there could be a part 2 coming soon.

C-Recks Out!!!

The Grandadiest of them All

With Father's Day on the horizon, I want to tell you about two men that had a profound impact on my life. Unfortunately, neither of which is my actual father. Now don't get me wrong, I honor Curtis Williams as the man that helped raise me, helped to provide for me, and until recently, was the man that I looked up to the most. But in recent years, I've reflected heavily on the things and people that have made me who I am today. And in hind sight, these 2 individuals have played a tremendous role in my life. And for this Father's Day blog, I would like to honor them. My Grandfathers, John B. Williams, and the Grandfather, Porter D. Campbell.

Grandfather John, or as some like to call him, Hundred Cuss word Johnny, was an amazing Man, and not always in a good way. See, my grandfather was an alcoholic. And growing up, I judged him for that. Partly because of things I heard other people say about him. Things that as a kid, I never should have heard. And because of some of those things, I struggled in my relationship with him for a long time. (I'm sorry about that grandfather). But in 1994, we moved back to Chicago from L.A., and I came back a snot nosed 16 year old who thought he new it all and had seen it all. Oh, not to mention that I was in love. Perfect for living with Mr. dose of reality himself.

I will tell you that almost nothing could have been better for my life at the time. See, what I didn't know at the time was that my grandfather less than 5 years left on this Earth. And in his own unique way, my Grandfather proceeded to impart to me many of the lessons that have helped me through some of my toughest times to date.

In June of '95, I spent part of the summer helping my Grandfather do some paint jobs. Lets just say that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into, but I quickly learned. Lets just say that it was a baptism by fire. And it was a fire fueled by Seagram's Gin, paint thinner, and the hottest summer in recorded Chicago history! I was miserable waking up around 6am or so every morning. And then had to carry ladders, drop cloths and 5 gallon buckets of paint in 100+ degree temperatures. Brutal. But you know what, I did it. I toughed it out, and we finished the job. And what did I get for my trouble? About $50 from a $500 paint job. So was it worth it? Absolutely! I can say that the experience helped me to have the work ethic that I have today. And when a job seems a little tough for me, I know that I worked with the toughest boss I could imagine, and I came through it with flying colors. Chalk another one up for Johnny.

We went to his hometown of Starkville, Mississippi in July of '95, and other than viewing him at his funeral, it was the most at peace I ever saw him. That was the first time I ever realized that my Grandfather was a really great person, and it was just some of the circumstances and situations that made him the ornery person that he could be.

In September of, '95, I needed to take my driving test. My Grandfather John said that I could take the test in his car. I was so nervous heading to the DMV on 99th and King Drive. And my Grandfather knew it! So as I'm driving the five miles over there, my grandfather says to me "now Herky, you ain't got nothing to be nervous about. You know what you're doing boss. Just go up in there, and do what you gotta do, and lets go on home." And you know what, that's exactly what I did! And to this day, I remember pulling into the DMV parking lot, and seeing my grandfather standing in the parking lot, smoking one of his cigars with the biggest look of both worry and hope on his face. And I also remember the Cheshire cat smile that hit him when I told him that I passed. Now some of you might believe that since grandfather let me take the test in his car, he would let me borrow the car as needed. Well my friends, you abviously don't know John B. One of the rites of passage when it comes came to my Grandfather is that he had to tell you that his car was in for the night. I know what you're thinking, cars don't have curfews. Well any car owned by my Grandfather did. And other than my Uncle Phillip, every Williams Man, and some of the women, were told that his car was in for the night. I remember my dad hearing it when I was a kid, and I got my fair share of it when I was of age. Its ok Grandfather, it wasn't anything that I needed to be out there doing anyway. Lol

Now there are many more stories that I can share with you about my Grandfather. The time my brother and I made it to where he put salt in his morning coffe instead of sugar,(talk about being salty LOL), the night my Grandfather was drunk and told my brother and I about how he used to run with a gang back in St. Louis called the Compton Hill Angels (a hilarious story for another time) and his Golden Gloves boxing days or his brief stint in the military (hello Section 8). But the last story I want to share has been probably the most endearing to me.

In 1997, I had my heart broken by my first love. I don't recall the circumstances, but my Grandfather somehow brought the subject of it up to me one day. And he said to me "that girl in California broke your heart huh Herky." All I could respond with was yeah Grandfather. Honestly, that is the end of the story. Now I know that might not seem like much, but coming from my Grandfather, that spoke volumes. See, my Grandfather was not the type to have a heart to heart with you. (Unless he was drunk, and in such cases, he loved you like Richard Simmons loves fat white women). Though his words lasted all of 3-5 seconds, I know that my Grandfather, in his own special way, was saying I know you're hurting right now, but its gonna be ok. And the best part about all of it, he was stone cold sober when he did it. I've had many more heartaches with that very same woman over the past 11 years. And everytime, I've thought back on my grandfather's words, and you know what Grandfather, IT IS gonna be ok. And I Love You for letting me know that.

When my Grandfather passed away, I wasn't ready for him to go. I was just beginning to discover and understand who he was. Yet in another life lesson, his death taught me to cherish the time we have with those loved ones who are still with us. And with that, let me tell you about my GRANDFATHER.

See, it might seem strange for you to see grandfather in all caps, but trust me, that script can't even begin to accurately describe the man. I know you all have grandfathers, but Porter D. Campbell is the kind of grandfather that you all would want your grandfathers to take a class from (call it grandfathering 101 & amp;102). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he's perfect. However I will say that he's perfect for me. (And Cory, Courtney, Britt, Brandon, Kenny, Lizzy and lil Cory).

Now I didn't always know this. As a matter of fact, there were times in which I used to ask God, myself and of course my mom, "where did ya'll get him from?"

See, my Grandfather is well versed in, well, everything. And much to our benefit now, but not so much in my teen years, he's more than willing to share that with you. And it used to bother me, until I realized that in many ways, I am the exact same way. (My knowledge is not even close to being as vast as his). So growing up, saying something like: Jesus was a black Man, or the Bulls need to get rid of Ron Harper, or even less controversial statements like I hate cucumbers could start a diatribe that could last, if he decided, until the next day. (Oh, and don't think sleep would save you. My Grandfather hasn't slept since the 60s. Every closed eye ain't sleep).

Now I'm 29, and I understand. My Grandfather only knows one way to be, and that's the way his father raised him. And what was wrong with our relationship when I was younger had nothing to do with who my grandfather is, and everything to do with who I was. I wanted my grandfather to conform to me, and what I wanted.

Silly me, there was as much of a chance of that happening as there was that Grandfather john would give up cursing. For a day. (What can I say, he was addicted, don't judge him).

The fact that my Grandfather didn't conform to me was the best thing possible. I can think back on all those many conversations and, now that I'm old enough, confirm that my Grandfather was absolutely right. And he was speaking to me not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear. And that's just how much he loved me.

I have many stories that I could tell you about my Grandfather, but you need only hear one to understand our relationship. My brother and I used to come and stay with our grandparents for a few summers. Well, my grandfather used to work ALL the time. And when he got home, he pretty much ate, and closed his eyes. (Remember, he doesn't sleep).

So this particular night, my grandfather came home, and cooked dinner for my granny, and my brother and me. I don't know exactly what he called the dish, but all you need to know is that it was doused with ginger.

Well, my brother and I tried. I promise you we did, but we couldn't take it. It wasn't our style. However, we were still young enough to hear the term "finish your food". So my brother and I sat at that table for what I'd say was about an hour or more. I remember trying to first talk my brother into, and then intimidating him into asking grandfather could we have something else to eat. Well, Grandfather was having none of that. He said "if you guys are done, wrap your plates, and they'll be there when you're ready for them".

Well we thought we were golden. Plates are on the back porch fridge, we're done with that. (Plus we grew up with the King of Leftovers, Curtis Williams, so in our minds, those plates wouldn't be in there long. Grandfather would probably finish that up for us).

So late that night, my brother and I started gettin hungry. (We ate very little of the ginger dish). Well I tried to get my brother to go get us something to eat. He was having none of that. So I said fine, lets both go get it. So we went downstairs and tried to gather the necessary items for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Not 2 minutes into making these sandwiches, I looked over my shoulder, and who's standing there? Yeah, Grandfather. (At that moment in time, I didn't realize Grandfather didn't sleep).

The Man said nothing to us!

My brother and I proceeded to put all the items back. Once that was done, we marched back upstairs, stomachs still rumbling. So what was the lesson in that? Well, I still don't know. All I have been able to take from that is that I need to check if there will be ginger in the dish that I'm ordering and that my Grandfather means what he says. Not just when it comes to punishments, but in everything. He is a Man who will always honor his word. And I have to admit, the man has absolutely never let me down. I didn't say he hasn't upset me at times, but he's always done what he said he would.

So to my Grandfathers, I Love You both tremendously. I thank you for all that you have taught me. I thank you for standing in the gap for my own father. I pray that I have made you proud. And don't worry, when the time is right, I know I will be a great Grandfather. There's no way I couldn't be. I had the 2 best teachers ever.

Happy Father's Day to all the Fathers out there. To those of you who just have kids, its time to step up and be their fathers!


--drizadre

Father's Pay!!

Yes it's that time of year again. Father's Day. And for all you dads out there breaking your neck and back to provide and care for your children you need only read this first paragraph the rest will not apply to you. But just keep up the great work, I have nothing but respect for Real Men such as yourselves. So on this Father's Day you fathers by all means fire up a BBQ grill and drink your favorite beer on me. You deserve it for all you do!!

Okay now that we got that out of the way. I also have a dedication for you other fathers. What other fathers might you ask? Well you know the so called fathers that aren't in their children's lives. Some may call them "sperm donors" or "deadbeat dads." I have quite a few expletives that I could use to describe them myself. However, what we call them is not really what this blog is about. My question is this, if you have a child or children and you have no part in their lives, How can you even look at yourself in the mirror each day? How can you go about your day to day lives knowing there is a little person that looks like you and that needs you in their life? Well don't attempt to answer the questions they are simply rhetorical and whatever your answer is won't be valid to me anyway.

Now I will be candid. When I found out my ex-wife was pregnant over 5 years ago I never anticipated 2 years later being divorced, paying child support and only seeing my son on the weekends. It would have been very easy for me to duck my obligations, quit my job, work for cash or part time or whatever trickery you so called men come up with to avoid paying child support. But I didn't I stood up as a Man and faced my responsibilities. I cherish and look forward to each and every weekend I get to spend time with my son. Now I'm not saying that just because I pay my child support and spend time with my son that I deserve a trophy or Father of the year Plaque. In fact, rapper Common said in his song "Retrospect for life" "weekend visits and buying J's (Jordan's) that don't make you a father." I agree with this statement because it's about more than what you buy your kids and that you spend time with them. Besides, what good is spending time if the time spent should be quality bonding?

Furthermore on that point, I personally don't think you should be rewarded for doing what you're supposed to do. Now the men that assume another man's responsibility and are raising some other man's child(ren) those men deserve a round of applause. Even greater than those men raising another man's child(ren), are the single mothers that have to play both the role of mother and father. To you women I don't know how you do it but I give you a level of respect beyond words. I know it has to be difficult to get up every morning go to work, get your kids off to school, work all day, come home after a long day's work, check homework, put the kids to bed and do it all over again. Then add in the fact that you do it all by yourself with no help. Now that deserves a standing ovation!!

Now back to the subject at hand. That's right the "Deadbeat Dads." Now I'm not one to advocate violence. But "beat" seems to be a fitting word as punishment for some of these men. But as much as we'd like to tie them to a tree and let the women and children have at it pinata style that wouldn't necessarily be the "right" thing to do. But there is a such thing called Karma and when karma comes back it's usually 3X's as hard. So therefore, fret not. In fact, I came across an article where last year on Father's Day the Cook County Sheriff implemented "Operation Father's Pay and decided give some Deadbeat Dad's a wonderful Father's Day gift. That's right a pair of shiny new bracelets.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_hb5273/is_200706/ai_n20570794

Now that's what I call Karma baby!!! And for those of you that continue to allude the authorities I'm sure Karma will eventually have his wrath on you as well. And with the help of the trusty Internet I'm sure someone will recognize you and turn you in. While you're here take a look at this list of "Deadbeats" and make sure you don't recognize any of them.

http://www.co.lake.il.us/Sheriff/Person/IndexDeadBeat.asp

In conclusion, I know that the Job of being a father is not an easy one by any means. But all we can do as fathers the best that we can. And if you're trying your hardest your child(ren) will know and in the end respect you for that. But to just blatantly ignore your responsibilities as a parent, well there is absolutely no excuse for such an action. I'll leave you with the words of rapper Ed O.G. "Be A Father to Your Child." Check out the song and video below.

Happy Father's Day to the Real Father's out there handling their business.

Ed O.G. & The Bulldogs-Be A Father to Your Child

C-Recks out!