A Penny For My Thoughts

I've once again had some things on my mind and I've felt the need to share them with you. Lucky for you the price hasn't changed yet. But times are hard so don't be mad if it's a nickel for my thoughts pretty soon. LoL. But again this will be an on-going topic so look for more to come. And remember my unique perspectives on things are usually a little more twisted the the average. LoL. But with no further ado I bring to you...A penny for my thoughts...

"Just my thoughts ladies and gentlemen." - Jay-Z

I once saw 2 handicapped guys in wheel chairs in an Atlanta, Ga strip club. Now I have nothing against the handicap at all. In fact, I never even knew these 2 guys were handicapped at first. When we first got in and sat at a table they were behind us also at a table. It just looked as if they were sitting at a table. It wasn't until they paid for lap dances that I noticed these guys are handicapped. I believe that I made the comment to my brother "I guess a lap dance would be the only kind of dance they could get so why not." Now I'm never hating at all on anyone especially the handicapped. However, I don't know if these guys were regulars or what but they seemed to get all the love in the strip club. So, not only did they get the parking spaces in the front but the most strip club love. And while the emcee was steady calling all the guys out that were not tipping of course they didn't get called out. And I didn't see them go up there and tip one time. But as they left I was waiting for the d.j. to play the songs "Roll Out" or "Stand Up" by Ludacris. LoL. What? Naw see I was just saying that because you know Luda is from Atlanta. LoL.

Where is this little boys parents? We've all seen him on stickers placed on the back of someone's car window. In the sticker he's usually peeing on something. I've seen him peeing on everything from a car emblem, to sports teams, to the name of Osama Bin Laden. Now my question is why in the hell haven't his parents thought him to pee in a toilet yet? I'm definitely not advocating beating other people's kids because lord knows if someone touches mine it's on. However, if I caught this kid pissing in public I'd have to pull my belt off and hand him more than a few deserved licks. But for peeing on this 4 more years I would actually let him get a pass. LoL

Speaking of peeing. Has anyone ever watched the TV show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel before? Well if you haven't seen the show the basic premise is that viewers write in and come up with dirty jobs and the host of the show Mike Rowe goes and does the job while being filmed on camera. Well over the Holiday weekend I was exposed to something that I feel should be on this show. So here you go Mike Rowe. Who in the hell has the horrible job of cleaning Port-O-Potties? And how much do they make? I don't care if you gave me a fire hose and paid me $100/hour I just couldn't do it. My bladder can be about to explode and some of these things I still wouldn't go in to use. My son put it best. I once took him into a port-o-potty to pee when he was probably only 3 years old. As soon as we walked in and he said "that's just disgusting!!"

Speaking of jobs. There's one job I would say has to be one of the easiest highest paying jobs ever. If you've driven through any highway construction zone then you've seen someone holding this sign that says slow. Now for some reason usually the person holding the sign is a woman. I'm not insinuating anything by that statement I'm just stating the facts. But besides having to stand for long periods of time, maybe having to endure extreme temperatures and the danger factor of possibly being hit this is not a hard job at all. Especially when they're probably making $35-50 an hour to hold that sign. I mean besides the extreme temperatures your average gas station clerk endures the same things for about $7 an hour. They have to stand all day and they can get robbed at any point. I mean I've seen instances where I guess the sign holder was on break and the sign was just stuck in the ground. Now if you can just replace someone's job by putting the sign in the ground that goes to show you that it's not really a required position. I'm just saying.

Anyone that knows me knows that I tend to be sort of a stickler for grammar. Although I make mistakes in spelling at times (you may have caught some in previous blogs) and I talk in slang a lot, for the most part I try to speak correctly. Depending on the setting it can actually annoy me when someone isn't speaking proper English. One of those settings for me is at work. When I'm at work I have to put on my professional hat and speak professionally when I'm on the phone with a customer. Outside of work you'll hear me speaking slang, cursing, you name it. Well a few weeks ago my co-worker was on the phone with a customer. The customer (I could tell from her voice and grammar) happen to be a black woman. The customer had a discrepancy with her account balance and as my co-worker was trying to explain it to the customer she started to get loud and ignorant. Gotta Love my black people. Well it was at the end of the day on a Friday so my co-worker put the lady on speaker phone just so we all could hear her going off. Now I've heard it all said when it comes to bad grammar. However, this lady said a word that I had yet to hear before. She said and I quote "Nuh uhn Lady!! I'm not paying no $7000 the MORE-EST I'm paying is $5000." My ears perked up as soon as I heard it and I tapped my other co-worker (She's black) that was standing next to me listening. I said "Did she just say the more-est?" Not the most but the "more-est?" My co-worker was already laughing but as soon as I said that she busted up laughing and ran out the room so she wouldn't be damn near on the floor. But I guess the customer was pretty damn adamant she wasn't paying the 7.

Speaking of black women. I love ya'll by the way. Shout out to all the black women. LoL. But I recently thought of something. You know how they tell men that the best way to know how a woman will look when she gets old is to look at her mother? Well I have another rule that's along those same lines. Do you want to know how a black woman will look most of the time behind closed doors especially at night before bed time (you know at the hour you may be feeling a little frisky)? Well all you have to do is walk up to that fine black sista whether it be in the club or wherever and ask her to kindly... put on her head scarf. Yep I said it. You know that lovely silk scarf that they put on at night to wrap their hair up. All I can say is if she still looks fine to you in the head scarf then you now know what you'll be in for probably 6 out of 7 nights of the week. If a black woman has enough hair to put a comb through then 9 times out of 10 she wears one of these to bed. Underneath her hair will be wrapped up in a cone head style. The purpose is to eliminate them having to redo their whole head in the morning when they wake up. It's just one of those rules they have like "never going swimming." They'll dip their feet in the water but actually swimming head under the water style nope it's a rarity to see. I didn't watch the but did anyone see any black women on the U.S. Swim team in this year's Olympics? LoL.

I'm not sure who came up with this bright idea but have you ever heard of or seen someone with permanent makeup? Well there are people that get their eyebrows tattooed on in the arch of their choice. This way they never have to get their eyebrows arched. I guess they simply shave them off when they grow. But my thing is this why would you want to risk someone messing up on your tattooed eyebrows. I mean if they're doing the arch and they sneeze or something they may have you looking surprised for the rest of your life. LoL. I believe this works for lipstick as well. So you can get your favorite lipstick color tattooed on your lips permanently. Again, it doesn't make sense if the color you get is red why would you want to be stuck with that one color all your life? I guess you can put another color on top of the red but won't certain colors mixed together make other colors? Didn't we learn in grade school how red + blue = purple? LoL

Alright that's all I got that's another $.07 cents you owe me. The total would be $0.17 cents. Don't forget to tip if you were at all entertained. LoL

--C-Recks--

A Penny For My Thoughts

Well I just couldn't resist such a topic. So I'm not trying to show up my brother on this one. My mind just thinks a little different than most. LoL. But you'll get what I'm saying as you continue to read. So with no further ado I give you ... A Penny For My Thoughts...

Or A Jay-Z said "It's Just My Thoughts Ladies and Gentlemen...

I'm no hacker or anything. But if I was I wouldn't waste my time coming up with ways to spam e-mail boxes or come up with stupid viruses that kill peoples hard drives. I'd come up with a way to take one penny from every bank account in the world without anyone finding out. Besides who's gonna miss a penny. Even the cheapest people in the world won't trip if they balance their check books a penny off. But with the millions of bank accounts world wide I may not be rich off pennies at a time but as they say "Slow Motion better than... LoL.*Disclosure- If someone commits such a crime I had nothing to do with planning or executing it. But if someone writes a book, movie or show based on this idea please view the date and time of this blog posting because I want my damn cut. LoL.*


Ladies please don't take this as a complaint because it's far from it. But here's one thing I never understand that you do. Why expose your cleavage on purpose but then get upset when a guy peeks at it. Now I'm not talking about staring like some sick pervert and saying you have great New York boobs like Dave Chapelle. However, I mean simply checking it out. Another comedian Jerry Seinfeld gave men the rule to think of cleavage as the sun. You look at it to make sure it's there and quickly turn from it but never stare at it. Lol. All I can say is men will be men it doesn't matter the instance, if cleavage is on the scene they're gonna sneak a peek. Therefore I warn you to be prepared if you are preparing to put your cleavage on display. Although it will never happen, but if I chose to wear a speedo I wouldn't be upset if women were checking out my package. Lol

I recently heard 50 cent's song 21 questions. On an attempt to catch him up I counted his questions and did you know his ass asked exactly 21 questions? That's not counting those by Nate Dogg on the hook by the way. It was actually 19 then he asked 2 final questions in the bridge of the song. But I'm sorry I think this particular question is a filler at best and shouldn't count. "Are you mad because I'm asking you 21 questions?" You know that shouldn't count. I'm just saying. Now that I think of it I hope this isn't a filler thought. LoL.

If I had one failed marriage where I jumped the broom, would I increase my odds of success on my next marriage by jumping a mop? Or what about a vacuum or dust buster? I know the reason behind the broom is based on a tradition. But don't they say if you do the same thing you get the same results? LoL.

I know the Summer Olympics start this week. And I know they traditionally run the torch across the world to get it to the lighting ceremony. Do you think any of the torch carriers ever thought this. "I'd be the man or woman if I was to light up a blunt and or square using this torch." I would hope it wasn't a black person that ever did such a thing. But unfortunately it only sounds like something a black person would not only comptemplate but actually do. And as ghetto as it is, I know if I saw it on TV after shaking my head and then laughing, I'd have to give whoever was bold enough to do it much props. LoL

Well so far that's a nickel let's see if I can get a dime out of you.

Lays potato chips' slogan is "betcha can't eat just one." But have you ever bought a bag of chips and it seems like it's maybe only 5 damn chips in the bag to begin with? The rest they pumped with air to give the appearance of being full. Then you feel like you would have been better off buying the little quarter bag of chips.

When a pimp retires from pimpin is there some sort of pimp pension? 401k pimp plan? Or does he just get a lifetime cut of what his hoes bring in even their social security checks? LoL. I mean it's just hard for me to imagine seeing an old pimp working in like Walmart or something as a greeter or collecting carts. As the saying goes guess "It's hard out here for a pimp."

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a lot of hats. Usually I'll buy hats to match certain outfits or whatever. But I was thinking this isn't an original concept. In fact if anyone has a grandma that attends or attended church then you know they are the originators. Mainly the older black grandmas, I don't know about you new school grandmas. LoL. But you know she never went to church without that matching hat I don't care how hot or cold it was outside.

I love new technology and all. But the one problem I have with Blue Tooth Head Sets is the fact they're getting smaller and smaller. Now when people use them you can't tell they're using a blue tooth. I know that's the point and that eventually they'll probably be reduced to the size of an ear bud. However, I know I'm not the only person that has seen or heard someone talking and it either seems like they're talking to themselves or to you. Then when you ask if they were talking to you then you're the one that feels stupid for not knowing they were on their cell phone. LoL.

Alright I'm finally at a dime. And last but not least I have a question for the dymes of the world. That's right the extraordinarily beautiful females out there. Is there any reason why your friends are never as fine as you? Or even close to your "10" status? Is there like some underground code that we men don't know about? It's just a big contrast to go from looking at you then ... your girl(s). Now I'm not calling anyone ugly because we're all beautiful in our own way right? But we men have our own speculations as to why you do this. Maybe it's too much competition and if you're trying to get the most attention you wouldn't put someone next to you that will take away from that. Reminds me of how a bride will put her brides maids in dresses not as eye catching and spectacular as her wedding dress. All I can say is don't be stingy if you're a dyme it's okay to let the occasional 7, 8, or even 9 hang with you. Hell you're still the top rung so be confident in your beauty enough to step your friend game up. LoL.

That's it for now make sure you pay your tab before you leave. Tips are appreciated. No checks, Money Orders or C.O.D.s. I do accept paypal though.

--C-Recks--