"Just my thoughts ladies and gentlemen." - Jay-Z
I once saw 2 handicapped guys in wheel chairs in an Atlanta, Ga strip club. Now I have nothing against the handicap at all. In fact, I never even knew these 2 guys were handicapped at first. When we first got in and sat at a table they were behind us also at a table. It just looked as if they were sitting at a table. It wasn't until they paid for lap dances that I noticed these guys are handicapped. I believe that I made the comment to my brother "I guess a lap dance would be the only kind of dance they could get so why not." Now I'm never hating at all on anyone especially the handicapped. However, I don't know if these guys were regulars or what but they seemed to get all the love in the strip club. So, not only did they get the parking spaces in the front but the most strip club love. And while the emcee was steady calling all the guys out that were not tipping of course they didn't get called out. And I didn't see them go up there and tip one time. But as they left I was waiting for the d.j. to play the songs "Roll Out" or "Stand Up" by Ludacris. LoL. What? Naw see I was just saying that because you know Luda is from Atlanta. LoL.
Where is this little boys parents? We've all seen him on stickers placed on the back of someone's car window. In the sticker he's usually peeing on something. I've seen him peeing on everything from a car emblem, to sports teams, to the name of Osama Bin Laden. Now my question is why in the hell haven't his parents thought him to pee in a toilet yet? I'm definitely not advocating beating other people's kids because lord knows if someone touches mine it's on. However, if I caught this kid pissing in public I'd have to pull my belt off and hand him more than a few deserved licks. But for peeing on this 4 more years I would actually let him get a pass. LoL
Speaking of peeing. Has anyone ever watched the TV show Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel before? Well if you haven't seen the show the basic premise is that viewers write in and come up with dirty jobs and the host of the show Mike Rowe goes and does the job while being filmed on camera. Well over the Holiday weekend I was exposed to something that I feel should be on this show. So here you go Mike Rowe. Who in the hell has the horrible job of cleaning Port-O-Potties? And how much do they make? I don't care if you gave me a fire hose and paid me $100/hour I just couldn't do it. My bladder can be about to explode and some of these things I still wouldn't go in to use. My son put it best. I once took him into a port-o-potty to pee when he was probably only 3 years old. As soon as we walked in and he said "that's just disgusting!!"
Speaking of jobs. There's one job I would say has to be one of the easiest highest paying jobs ever. If you've driven through any highway construction zone then you've seen someone holding this sign that says slow. Now for some reason usually the person holding the sign is a woman. I'm not insinuating anything by that statement I'm just stating the facts. But besides having to stand for long periods of time, maybe having to endure extreme temperatures and the danger factor of possibly being hit this is not a hard job at all. Especially when they're probably making $35-50 an hour to hold that sign. I mean besides the extreme temperatures your average gas station clerk endures the same things for about $7 an hour. They have to stand all day and they can get robbed at any point. I mean I've seen instances where I guess the sign holder was on break and the sign was just stuck in the ground. Now if you can just replace someone's job by putting the sign in the ground that goes to show you that it's not really a required position. I'm just saying.
Anyone that knows me knows that I tend to be sort of a stickler for grammar. Although I make mistakes in spelling at times (you may have caught some in previous blogs) and I talk in slang a lot, for the most part I try to speak correctly. Depending on the setting it can actually annoy me when someone isn't speaking proper English. One of those settings for me is at work. When I'm at work I have to put on my professional hat and speak professionally when I'm on the phone with a customer. Outside of work you'll hear me speaking slang, cursing, you name it. Well a few weeks ago my co-worker was on the phone with a customer. The customer (I could tell from her voice and grammar) happen to be a black woman. The customer had a discrepancy with her account balance and as my co-worker was trying to explain it to the customer she started to get loud and ignorant. Gotta Love my black people. Well it was at the end of the day on a Friday so my co-worker put the lady on speaker phone just so we all could hear her going off. Now I've heard it all said when it comes to bad grammar. However, this lady said a word that I had yet to hear before. She said and I quote "Nuh uhn Lady!! I'm not paying no $7000 the MORE-EST I'm paying is $5000." My ears perked up as soon as I heard it and I tapped my other co-worker (She's black) that was standing next to me listening. I said "Did she just say the more-est?" Not the most but the "more-est?" My co-worker was already laughing but as soon as I said that she busted up laughing and ran out the room so she wouldn't be damn near on the floor. But I guess the customer was pretty damn adamant she wasn't paying the 7.
Speaking of black women. I love ya'll by the way. Shout out to all the black women. LoL. But I recently thought of something. You know how they tell men that the best way to know how a woman will look when she gets old is to look at her mother? Well I have another rule that's along those same lines. Do you want to know how a black woman will look most of the time behind closed doors especially at night before bed time (you know at the hour you may be feeling a little frisky)? Well all you have to do is walk up to that fine black sista whether it be in the club or wherever and ask her to kindly... put on her head scarf. Yep I said it. You know that lovely silk scarf that they put on at night to wrap their hair up. All I can say is if she still looks fine to you in the head scarf then you now know what you'll be in for probably 6 out of 7 nights of the week. If a black woman has enough hair to put a comb through then 9 times out of 10 she wears one of these to bed. Underneath her hair will be wrapped up in a cone head style. The purpose is to eliminate them having to redo their whole head in the morning when they wake up. It's just one of those rules they have like "never going swimming." They'll dip their feet in the water but actually swimming head under the water style nope it's a rarity to see. I didn't watch the but did anyone see any black women on the U.S. Swim team in this year's Olympics? LoL.
I'm not sure who came up with this bright idea but have you ever heard of or seen someone with permanent makeup? Well there are people that get their eyebrows tattooed on in the arch of their choice. This way they never have to get their eyebrows arched. I guess they simply shave them off when they grow. But my thing is this why would you want to risk someone messing up on your tattooed eyebrows. I mean if they're doing the arch and they sneeze or something they may have you looking surprised for the rest of your life. LoL. I believe this works for lipstick as well. So you can get your favorite lipstick color tattooed on your lips permanently. Again, it doesn't make sense if the color you get is red why would you want to be stuck with that one color all your life? I guess you can put another color on top of the red but won't certain colors mixed together make other colors? Didn't we learn in grade school how red + blue = purple? LoL
Alright that's all I got that's another $.07 cents you owe me. The total would be $0.17 cents. Don't forget to tip if you were at all entertained. LoL