Testimony Tuesday

Although this is being posted on a Wednesday this was technically done on a Tuesday. Welcome to another Testimony Tuesday. Last week's Testimony was a little off the hook. But we went ahead and broke it down the best we could. Lol. This week we received a couple of emails and then an anonymous comment to the blog. We'll be using that comment for today's "Testimony Tuesday." As always if you have a testimony that you want to share or are seeking advice or our opinions on you can always leave an anonymous comment on our blog or email callmecrecks@gmail.com. Without further ado here is this week's "Testimony Tuesday."

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Dear Brothers',

A friend sent me an email asking my opinion on a situation and I thought I'd ask for your opinions:

What do you do when a friend wants to sleep with you? The friend knows your spouse but they are very very unhappy a home. And they feel that, just for one night and one night only, you’ll give them what they need?
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C-Recks: Aight well I'll start by saying 3 words "game recognize game." Not that I've ever used this particular type of game, but if you've seen 1 you've seen em' all.

Driza Dre: right

CR: The comment doesn't specify, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that anonymous' friend is a female and the friend hitting her up for sex is a male. The reason being because this is only game that a nigga would use.

DD: That's what I was trying to figure out. But it makes a lot of sense to me. Well the first thing I thought was this... It ain't no way in hell this will be a one time thing

CR: Right

DD: So off the top you gotta let yo friend know what kinda situation she's getting herself into. Now she may care, she may not. But in my experiences, women may be comfortable with doing something like that once, maybe even twice. But most women absolutely will not be the woman on the side. And it sounds like that's the kinda situation she's headed for.

CR: Not only that, but according to the letter anonymous' friend is married and the guy trying to sleep with her knows her husband. We don't know if the guy is married as well we just know "it's a very very unhappy home." But I'm sure if they're close friends that she knows the guys significant other as well.

DD: Man, that just sounds like some all around "All My Children" stuff right there. My advice, anything that sounds like a Maury Povich episode, stay away!!! The lie detector determined, that was a lie.

CR: Lol. Yeah I totally agree man. I'd say think of this situation the way skinny brothers like myself think of Jail! Basically that's some shit you definitely wanna stay far far away from. LoL. Trust this guy is running or has run the same game before. And its probably like the wet tissue theory he throws it out there and sees if it sticks. Or if he gets to stick. Lol

DD: Of course. You can't knock the brotha for trying.

DD: And for the person who hit us with this question, honestly, you want to be very careful with the advice you give your friend. Cuz when this all blows up, you don't want to get hit by any of the flying emotional debris.

CR: And for her to even think of asking her friend (anonymous) for advice on what to do leads me to almost think its something deeper going on in her personal home life. Like maybe she's the one that's in a "very very unhappy home." The only reason I say that is because we all know that the average woman whose home life is all good usually wouldn't even think twice about declining this offer over and over until she got tired of it. And then when she did she would just end the friendship because he's obviously not respecting her marriage. So I think the friend may even be looking for some type of support or hoping someone (namely her friend anonymous) will give her the green light and tell her she should go ahead and do it so that she can have an excuse to go through with what she may be wanting to do anyways.

DD: aw yeah. When you know you're wrong, you're always hoping that some how some way, somebody will feel you, and green light your behavior. But that's when you really have to be a "good" friend and tell yo girl, don't go down this path. Good friend doesn't mean Yes man or Yes woman.

CR: Right cuz as a friend you know where this is headed we all do even Stevie Wonder can see that.

DD: On a quick side note, when Stevie passes, who's the new blind person that we can say saw something coming?

CR: Lol. Man Ray is gone too. So IDK good question though I'll think on it. Lol

DD: But back to the nature at hand. I would tell your friend to not go down that path. It ain't worth it. Even if you get one night of good sex, it may blow up, and cost you a lifetime of pain. You just never know. Not to mention the Karma aspect.

CR: Man exactly and as we all know "Karma Karma Karma come back to you harder!" I say anonymous' advice to their friend should definitely not support this type of behavior. If this guy is so "unhappy" at home he needs to get a divorce! Hell with Usher's new song "Papers" its giving people motivation to get divorced. So he needs to go home and put that song on repeat and call an attorney. The same goes for your friend if in fact she's unhappy and considering adultery as well.

CR: Idk how long she's known the guy, but the bottom line is that he's just being a nigga. And **in my Busta Rhymes voice ** "and that's just what niggaz do." Lol. I mean keep it real the nigga is just trying to hit. He's probably been eyeing that for as long as they've been friends and she's blocked or denied all his advances so this is his last ditch effort. And he's now hittin her with the guilt trip trying to weigh on her heart strings.

CR: I can hear the nigga crying now, "I'm so unhappy at home and for 1 night only you could at least make me happy." I'm not hating or knocking his game but nigga please! Or at least that's what I'd be saying if that was my friend. But you act accordingly. Good luck to you and to your friend.

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Well that's all we got if you have any advice to add for anonymous please leave it in the comments. And if you have a testimony you can leave it in the comments or send an email to callmecrecks@gmail.com

--Driza Dre--

--C-Recks--

The First Should Be Last?!?! Part 2

Date: Summer 2005

Location: Chicago (Westside)

"Here you go sip on that."

"What is it?" I replied as I sniffed the strong scent of something that definitely didn't smell appealing.

"It's called a Hennessy Sno-Cone!"

I'll never forget those words. Let me first back track and give some slight background information before I finish that story. I was never really a drinker. For whatever reason... Well I won't lie I know the reason. It wasn't that I couldn't tolerate alcohol, or didn't like the taste of it, or had a bad experience. However, I was in a relationship from age 16 that turned to marriage and the person I was with didn't drink. Therefore, that meant I didn't drink. Oh wait we would get wild and crazy every now and then and drink a wine cooler or 2. Sad I know. My cousin won't let me live the Bartels and James days down. LoL.

Well that summer of 2005, I found myself 25 years young, separated from my wife (soon to be divorced), and feeling like a man that just got out of jail doing a 10 year bid. Free at last, Free at last, Thank God oh mighty!! Well my brother was in town and didn't hesitate to take advantage of my new found freedom and introduce me to some things I had missed out on while "locked down." He started this process the weeks leading up to this particular day in question. You know a beer here, a shot there, and a mixed drink over there. But nothing excessive as he knew that I was still a lightweight.

Well that summer day in the Chi my brother and his boy E came and scooped me up. In the hatch area of the truck they were driving they had a strategically placed cooler full of beer and some other alcohol. Our destination was going to be the West Side of Chicago. A location called the Circle. Which was nothing but a big park that went in a circle and where people went to stunt hang out, etc. As we arrived I noticed my brother's guy E had 2 girls follow us up there. Now this brought a lot of attention to us. Reason being they were both white girls and 1 of them had the Starbucks behind. LoL. Anyways, as we parked, the drinks started flowing. First some pre-mixed Bacardi Long Island Ice Tea. Then some beer, then more Long Island. It was enough to start feeling lovely. It was a hot summer evening. The park was packed; every where you looked there was a hustle man or woman selling something.

That's when someone walked up selling something. I couldn't tell what it was from my angle. But I saw E go over and purchase something for $5. He then walked back over. And That's where the story begins from up top.

"Here you go sip on that."

"What is it?" I replied as I sniffed the strong scent of something that definitely didn't smell appealing.

"It's called a Hennessy Sno-Cone!"

Yes I said it a Hennessy Sno-Cone (See image below).

+

Don't let the name fool you into thinking it was some fruity concontion with a bit of alcohol in it. No. Hennessy Sno-Cone = Straight Henn poured on top of shaved ice. However, it did resemble the sno-cones that we used to drink as kids. Now I had heard a lot about Hennessy mainly through rap lyrics, but I had never tasted it before. Well I go ahead and wrap my lips around the straw and take a first sip.

Stomach meet Hennessy. Hennessy, Stomach.

I must admit that this was not a very happy meeting at all. Inside my stomach it felt more like a KKK member meeting a Black Panther for the first time. It was summer time but it felt like someone had immediately turned the temperature up to HELL as I began to sweat from the forehead profusely. How is it that the drink is making me hot yet it's on ice? Shaved ice no less. Yeah I couldn't quite fathom the reason for that back then.

So not to look like a punk, especially in front of the ladies and big bro and his boy, I kept sipping this drink (peer preasure is a mutha). I remember getting about half way through the drink and then passing it back off to E. I began feeling a little funny and just a bit dizzy. So I remember having a seat in the truck and passing out at some point. I can't recall how much time passed but the next thing you know, someone made a decision to go to Dave and Busters. Well I wish I would've had a vote in this decision because that was the longest and worst car ride I'd ever had in my life. To me it felt like a 30 minute roller coaster ride (loops and all) that just wouldn't end. My head was spinning out of control like some sort of twister and I'm quite sure I was moaning and groaning the whole ride. My brother later explained he thought I was dying. LoL.

So we finally stop and arrive at the place. I contemplated staying in the car and trying to recover from this horrible feeling. But go figure I remembered about the girls and asked their whereabouts. E says "they followed us, we bout to go in now." So I get out of the car. My brother asks if I'm straight. I figured if I could walk, then I was straight. We walked in the place and I remember them going to shoot basketball. I followed and stood there for a second watching them. Well apparently I was now doing way too much moving around because there was a horrible feeling in my stomach.

I look around and spot the men's room. I rush to it as quickly as I can. I found the closest stall and next thing you know I'm puking my guts out. I remember my brother or E coming in and asking was I alright. I couldn't tell who it was as I had my head damn near inside the bowl of the toilet. After that terrible ordeal of praying to the porcelain God, as I had heard it called so many times before making my very own trip to the alter, I walked out feeling 10xs better. I sat somewhere and ended up falling asleep. Not sure how much time passed but my brother came and found me and woke me up to leave. I said bye to the ladies and climbed back in the truck and fell back asleep on the way home.

As horrible as it felt that first time getting drunk one would think that I would have left alcohol alone. However, that was definitely not the case. I still drink to this day. Although my tolerance is much higher than it was that dreadful summer day, it hasn't stopped me from making more than a few collect calls to Earl. In fact, this past weekend as the Jamie Foxx song goes "I had one too many drinks." And believe it or not, once again, Hennessy was one of the drinks that caused my downfall.

--C-Recks--

It's A One-derful Life

Chorus:

"I been looking for the One but she's so hard to find, so I guess I gotta grind, until the stars align, Don't mind, waiting if it's gone take some time, but I wish someone would just show me a sign..."

Verse 1:

"I searched the ends of the earth and still haven't found, someone to hold me down, and wear my crown, I need a queen is that too much to ask? Someone with class, that's gone erase my past? Cuz I done been through (been through) heartache and pain, and I'm getting too old to be trying to play games, and I done changed (changed), my ways a lot, but my heart kinda empty there's a vacant spot, I'm just looking for the one to fill, and come for real, if I'm broke with bills, or holding a mil, still, she gone be there, it's only fair, and I won't even lie it's getting lonely here, I need love like L, sometimes it might fail, and you gone get used like drugs that hypes sell, it's like hell, so I gotta see heaven quick, the rest irrelevant, I want someone that's heaven sent. I want the one..."

C-Recks - "The One"

The above song lyrics come from a song I wrote and produced entitled "The One" which appears on my upcoming album Ripped from the Headlines (Shameless plug I know). Well I have had this conversation with people in the past. But I still question, is there really a such thing as The One? I mean is there really that one soul mate that God created for each and every one of us somewhere out there in the world? Are they searching just like you and waiting for that opportunity for your paths to cross?

These are questions I often ask myself. If you've read anything on this blog that I've written in the past then you know that I often reference the fact I used to be married. Marrying and then divorcing will often cause one to lose their faith in the love and marriage area. So I often question the existence of "The One." Although I'm very content with my current situation, it doesn't mean that I don't have the same human characteristics as anyone else. You know what I mean. The wanting to be loved, and wanting to give your unconditional love to another.

Now I say that; however, I'm not the type that will just settle for any old relationship. Nor am I the type that yearns to be loved so much that I will accept the first or next person the comes along trying to give me their love. Truth be told if I just wanted any old relationship I could have had that by now. But maybe I'm too specific in what I want. Some may call it high standards I just say I'm waiting on "The One."

I mean there's someone for everyone right? At least that's what the advertisements for the Internet dating sites want us to believe. LoL. I recently saw an on-line article stating that world's heaviest man (700 lbs) just got married. Now I'm in no way trying to talk about him or hate on him. But if this man can find someone to love all 700 pounds of him, then there's got to be someone for my buck and some change frame. LoL. If nothing else, I think this guy getting married illustrates one of the greatest things about real love. It shows the fact that it's truly unconditional. When I love again I want someone that will accept me as I am. Flaws and all. Not someone that says "well I really like this about you, but you can stand to change this or that." As the saying goes if you can't accept me at my worst you don't deserve my best." Well who knows when that time will come when my One comes along. But I found some words I wanted to express to her now. Please continue to read on while Ruben Studdard helps co-sign on the previous point.

Ruben Studdard - "Change me"

Dear "The One, "

Where ever you are and who ever you are there are some things I want to say to you in advance. I have so much love to give to you that it's not even funny. And believe me when the time comes I will love you unconditionally as you are. I won't try to change the person that you are. All I ask is that you do me the same. Below I've listed some of the things that make me, well me. They are in no particular order of course.

1. Please accept the fact that I am slim in stature and no matter how much I eat I have never and probably will never be able to gain any significant weight. I've always been this way. Call it high metabolism, good genes, or whatever you want. But please feel free to cook all you want to try and fatten me up as I love to eat.

2. Accept that I drink. Nothing excessive of course. But I mainly drink beer. After a long hard day of work there is nothing better to come home to than you, a great meal and a nice cold beer (or 2 or 4). LoL. But I promise I would never let beer or alcohol affect me or us in any way. Hell I don't even have a beer belly (review #1).

3. I have a son and he is truly my world. We are a package deal. Therefore, if you accept me then you must in turn accept him. He is a lot like me so you should have no problem getting along with and eventually loving him too. But I warn you he gets attached to people fast. So if you don't get to meet him right away just know that's the parental instinct in me. Also, he's a little flirt too, so don't be surprised if he has a bigger crush on you than me. And don't worry me and his mom have absolutely no drama going on. So rest assured that you'll never be put in a drama type situation when it comes to my son.

4. I have a passion for music. I have been into music since a young boy. I really got deep into it when I started to write and perform. I would love to eventually turn my passion into a career. But at the same time I'm rational and know that the odds of that happening are slim to none. So, I still work my regular 9-5. However, being that this is my passion I will always be doing it regardless of whether a career ever begins. So accept that some nights I may be in the studio doing what you may even consider nothing or even a waste of time. But please don't ever say that. I'm just doing what I love. Don't worry I promise that I will never let it take away from the time we spend together. Besides I'm a little talented I even wrote and produced the song above [The One] about you before I even met you.

5. I tend to be like most men and hide and don't show my emotions too much. Well just know that the only reason for that is because I was probably the opposite a long time ago and was criticized by the person I was with for it. So now I'm this way. I know it may seem as if certain things don't move me emotionally, but know that is probably not the case. I have a heart and once I've allowed you in it I can't control certain emotions and feelings. Therefore, if you hurt I hurt, if you cry I cry even if it's not seen outwardly.

6. I am a man of few words the majority of the time. I know I write these blogs and can say and express so much. But on average I don't say too much. You may tell me about your day and have a million and one things to say about what took place. However, if you ask me how my day was, 9 times out of 10 I'm going to respond in one of a few different ways. "It was OK, aight, cool, or deeso." This doesn't mean that I don't want to let you know how my day was or that I'm hiding something. However, if it's not interesting to me I usually won't speak on it. My daily mundane activities at work don't thrill me and I wouldn't expect them to thrill you or anyone else. Every now and then I have something happen that's interesting, but those days are few and far between. However, I will listen intently to every detail of your day and respond accordingly.

7. I'm hard to read. You may never be able to tell what it is that I'm thinking at a particular time. However, please don't try to speculate or assume. If you want to know all you have to do is ask and I will share. Not much upsets me or gets to me, but I can't stand assumptions especially incorrect ones. I hate arguments and fights and avoid them at all costs, even if I have to apologize knowing I did nothing wrong. Most times I probably have something similar to the patience of Job. But making an incorrect assumption will for sure upset me, possibly prompt an argument and test my patience for sure.

8. I'm not ballin and I may never be. If this music thing never makes it to the majors or mainstream, I may be stuck working a typical 9-5 until retirement. I will always work my ass off for the man just to keep what we have stable and try to get more. I may not make 6 figures; however, I will always be striving to make more to provide for us. Even if that takes me going back to school (which I plan to do hopefully next year), starting my own business, or even working 2 and 3 jobs.

9. I know that after we make hot passionate love for an hour or more that you want me to cuddle with and hold you. However, that's rarely going to happen. I may start off that way but most likely I'll end up on my side with about a foot of space between you and I. Please don't think that I don't like holding you or that the sex we just had wasn't worthy of you being held afterward. Neither is the case. I just have a particular way of sleeping. I get hot in my sleep and my instinct is to move away from the heat source. I may move from you, then remove my blankets all in the middle of my sleep. But then I'll probably get cold, so don't be surprised if you find me snuggled up next to you again at some point in the middle of the night. Just know it still won't last long. LoL.

10. I like to dress a certain way. My clothes do not make me who I am. I am who I am regardless of how I dress. I'm not saying that I walk around in bummy clothes or anything. It's quite the opposite. However, my love of hip hop and music pretty much dictates my wardrobe. I know that I am close to 30 and some may say "you should dress your age." But I say I'm doing me. So if that means wearing a hoodie, a fitted hat, and some Air Force Ones, then that's how you'll find me most of the time. It doesn't mean that I'm a thug or hood, because I'm far from it. It's just how I dress. Now that doesn't mean that I don't know how to switch it up given the occasion. I have plenty of casual clothing that I can wear when I take you out on a date. Also, I have suits I can wear when we're going to so and so's wedding, graduation, etc. But please accept this and don't try to force me to wear what you want me to wear.

P.S. There are plenty more things about me, but I will end it with these 10. Just keep in mind that curse (kind of a lot), I look young (not at all like I'm about to be 30 soon), I may or may not want any more kids (I'm on the fence about this one), my credit is bad (divorce hurts more than your heart), I don't attend church (at this time at least), I'm not that handy, Etc.

If you can accept these things about me and not try to change me, then you will have a man that will love and do almost any and everything to make you happy. A man that will love, honor, respect, and cherish your very being. Because just by accepting me for me you will be making me happy. So I would want to return that type of love to you at almost any cost. And we will truly have a wonderful life.

I love you with all my heart.

Love,

Cory.

Now that I look at it all written out like that I guess those are a lot of things to accept. Perhaps that's why there can only be 1, One. Many are called but One is chosen as they say. Depending on the response to this I may post the second verse of the song which goes into a little more depth and reply to it as I did here. We'll see.

--C-Recks--

Eight is Enough!

I want to start out by saying that this is not an indictment against those who are in support of gay-marriage. I have my own personal feelings about it, but due to the sensitive nature of the issue, I choose not to address those feelings at this time. Instead I'd like to talk about the reaction to California's passage of Proposition 8.

I'll be perfectly honest, going into Tuesday's election, I was mentally prepared that if Barack Obama lost the election, there may be some civil unrest in the streets. Protest for sure, slight rioting potentially. Thankfully, that scenario was unrealized. However when I turned on the television to watch the 10 o'clock news, reports rolled in from West Hollywood about protests relating to the, then, possible passage of Prop. 8. Instinctually, I knew that this couldn't be good. I mean, every city has their gay section of town: Chicago has Boystown, San Francisco has, well, San Francisco, and Los Angeles has West Hollywood. So there was no shortage of people in this section of town to draw out for the protest.

Let me give you a little background information on Proposition 8. California voted in 2000 to pass Proposition 22, defining marriage as between a man and a woman. In the summer of 2008, the California courts declared that Proposition unconstitutional, clearing the way for 18,000 same sex couples to get married. Another Proposition was put on the November ballot, Proposition 8, which made an ammendment to the California constitution making it to where only marriages between one man and one woman would be recognized by the state.

The protest of election night didn't bother me at all. I mean, I understood. Here were people who poured their hearts and efforts into defeating a Proposition that they felt was a threat to their way of life. The protest was relatively peaceful, only 7 people arrested, so again it didn't bother me at all. The next morning as I awoke to read news about Obama's landslide victory, I stumbled across an article updating Proposition 8. At that point, it was still too close to call. However, with the NO on Prop. 8 side losing, Gay Rights groups were already preparing to challenge in the courts. I can't remember the exact quote, but the person they interviewed said something to this effect: "The people didn't have the legal right to pass the ban without the approval of the California legislature". My exact words were "What the Hell"? I mean, that makes absolutely no sense at all. How come the people don't have the legal right? A proposition was put forth on the ballot. The people came out in droves and voted to pass Prop 8. Which aspect of this process was illegal in this man's mind? The fact that it didn't have the backing of the California legislature was completely irrelevant. As a matter of fact, that proves that Politics is completely out of wack. The people who we vote and our representatives are supposed to do our will, not have their own personal agendas. So in this case, the people spoke for themselves instead of using a middle man/woman.

Since then, there have been many more protests across California. At some of these rallies, there have been signs and chants. One sign that I saw read "Blacks, Hispanics, if someone violates your civil rights, we don't want to hear it". This sign too made me say "What the Hell"? I understand that Gays are upset that 7 out of 10 blacks voted in favor of Prop. 8., and along with Hispanics, were instrumental in the passage of Prop. 8. But this sign exposed another problem that I have with the Gay Rights agenda. Too often, I've heard individuals compare the plight of Gays to that of Blacks. This in my opinion is Bullshit! The theory of are people born gay or make a choice has not been settled. (No matter what some people would have you to believe). I was absolutely born black. There was no choice made on my part. The science has definitely been settled on that on. Also, other than Michael Jackson, I can't think of too many people who were black, and are now something else. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who once lived a homosexual lifestyle, and now no longer do. So to make a correlation between the two is absolutely insulting to me and my ancestors.

I also heard a gentleman say that before, blacks and whites were banned from marrying. While I admit that this is the closest thing to a reasoned arguement that I have heard, I again have to respectfully disagree with them. Indeed, interracial marriage was illegal at one time. However, when those laws were overturned, the actual definition of marriage remained the same. A black man could marry a white woman, and a white man could marry a black woman. The essential components of what would constitute a marriage remained the same. So just as their earlier arguement didn't hold water, neither does this one.


The last thing that bothers me is how many of these protests are aimed at churches. The Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) were intricately involved in the passage of Prop. 8. The members of the church gave money and time to the cause. They even coordinated with members in Black churches to pass Prop. 8. For that, they have been targeted by Gay Rights groups. To this issue, I say, "What would you expect for churches to do"? I mean, churches follow their respective bibles. I'm no biblical scholar, but the bible is the final word on particular issues for some people. Why would you expect the church to stand for something that they don't believe in? And you can't take that personally. I mean, I lean more Libertarian in my political beliefs. I'm not exactly the staunchest supporter of drug laws we have on the books. If Marijuana legalization was on the ballot, I would probably vote in favor of that proposition. Would I expect the church to come out in favor of it, of course not. I'm realistic. The church is going to follow what it says within it bible, and I don't believe Jesus is in favor of me grabbing a sack of Northern Lights to smoke on the weekends. Yes, if smoking weed is my thing, that's what I'm gonna do. But I would never expect that the church should necessarily sanction my behavior.

In an act that was truly despicable, an extreme Gay Rights group called Bash Back protested a church in Lansing, Michigan. They picketed outside the church chanting slogans such as "Jesus was a Homo". A few of their members blended in with regular churchgoers. During the services, those Bash Back members pulled a fire alarm, and stormed the church stage confronting members of the church and its leadership. Some members put up a banner that read "ITS OK TO BE GAY! BASH BACK!". I hope that, no matter what side of the argument you fall on, this kind of action offends. First off, Jesus was no homo. That's just ridiculous. (And blasphemous might add). Second, when you go into a person's house of worship, you treat it with the utmost respect. Whatever you feel should stay outside those church doors. If you disagree with them, don't bring that into the church. To me, this kind of protest is the most extreme.

I don't write this to "Bash" homosexuals. Honestly, I have members of my family who are gay. I Love them dearly. I even understand why those in the homosexual community want the right to marry. That's not my beef. My beef is that despite their desire for "rights", they still have to go about this in a responsible manner. Marching and protesting is cool. I just wish that some of the rhetoric that is used is less offensive the the members of my community. Just because people are not in favor of gay marriage doesn't mean that those very same individuals hate gays. You can support traditional marriage, and still want gays to be treated fairly. I just hope that we eventually can have an honest, and well reasoned debate on the issue. Everyone's point of view is valid on this issue.


-DrizaDre-

I hope that those who chose to read this were not offended. This was not written as an attack, but rather to address an issue from a mature and rational position.

Diamonds Are Forever??

I was listening to the radio last week and a caller called in saying how much she adores her boyfriend, how great of a guy he is, and how much she was in love with him, etc. Well she went on to say how they're now talking about getting engaged. She then explained that the rings he was looking at just weren't flashy enough. And how she works for a big P.R. agency and she can't be seen with some small engagement ring.

Now I was married once and I remember when I proposed to my ex I was like 19 years old. I was going to school and working 2 jobs. I could barely afford to pay attention let alone the bills. So I would say the original ring I purchased and proposed with was maybe $300 at most. But it was what I could afford at the time. The next year I got a better job and prior to getting married upgraded the engagement ring to something that was more expensive. But it really really didn't make a difference about the ring because at the time we were so in love.

So I have a question: Is it the size of the ring? Or is it the love in your heart that really matters?

Or is it that the ring should be a reflection of the love?

Well each of you reading can formulate your own answers to the above questions. We all have our own opinions and I guess since I have the floor I'll share mines.

First off although it may not seem like it at times (based on some of my previous blog entries), I actually do believe in Real Love, marriage and all of the wonderful things that come along with it. So with that said I think it's a beautiful thing when a couple is in Real love and progress from dating, to engagement and eventually to marriage.

So with that said let's examine the ring. We know that the ring is a symbol of a woman's promise to give herself in marriage to the man in the future. Also, we have all heard the traditional price to spend on a ring is 2-3 months wages or salary. Well I have always heard this, but I never knew where this statement came from. Well according to Wiki this guideline originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds. So basically this guideline has to be one of the most successful and long running marketing schemes to date. In fact, the slogan "A Diamond is Forever" coined in 1947, was recently named as one of the best slogans of the 20th Century. So, 100 plus years later we're still going by De Beers guideline and increasing revenue for the diamond industry.

Now I'm not trying to approach this subject from a cheap man's perspective. I honestly feel like if you love the woman and truly want her to marry you then you should go all out and show her how much, but within reason. I feel like when purchasing a ring a man should take some things into consideration just like any other major purchase. And I'm sure we all agree that purchasing an engagement ring is a major purchase. So this is no different than purchasing a house or a car; therefore, you should consider a number of questions. For instance, can you really afford this ring? What if she doesn't accept? Then what is the return policy? How will you pay? Cash or credit? What about the wedding itself? Will you have to pay for the wedding? Or are you lucky enough to have her parents follow tradition and pay for the wedding?

"On average, US couples spend $28,732 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $14,366 and $35,915 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring." "The average cost of a diamond engagement ring is $3,500 to $4,000."

Although all men would love to propose with the biggest Flinstones' rock on her finger, sometimes it's just not feasible. Let's add a real world example. Recently singer Beyonce who's married to rapper Jay-Z openly discussed details of her marriage. "In eschewing tradition, Beyonce didn't want an engagement ring, as it is "just material and it's just silly to me." Instead, the lovebirds got matching tattoos on their ring fingers of the Roman numeral IV — a digit not only significant because of her wedding date. Beyonce was born Sept. 4; Jay-Z, Dec. 4. "What Jay and I have is real," she said." Now imagine that. Jay-Z can afford to buy anything he wants, including the most expensive engagement ring imaginable. Now to refer to the opening example, I would say that Beyonce has a much bigger image to keep up than the young lady at her little PR agency job.

All I can say is that in this economy knowing what I make I would hate to be in a relationship that is heading towards engagement. Unless I was lucky enough to have a woman that will say something like Beyonce I would seriously have to wait until I saved up enough money. However, I would potentially run the risk of being consider one of those guys that want the milk without paying for the Cow. So what is a guy to really do? But there are so many factors to consider when you're trying to choose that perfect engagement ring. Just know that if you don't represent correctly she probably won't be the person you hear it from. You should be more concerned about the external pressures. Yep you unfortunately you should be worrying about "what will so and so think of the ring?" She may even be fine with the inexpensive ring initially, but may quickly change once people get in her ear.

Her girls: "Girl it's nice and we happy for you and happy he finally popped the question lord knows we thought the day would never come, but damn all this time and that's as much as your man loves you? That ring is a lil' small aint it?"

The Scavengers: "So you say you engaged huh? Well I can't really tell from the ring you're wearing. If I was your Fiance' you'd be wearing a real ring."

Her Dad: "You know I don't really like the boy anyway. And if he can't even buy you a suitable ring then I can't understand how he's going to take care of you."

You can trust and believe that by the time all of them finish talking you'll be hoping that you haven't passed the 30 day return period yet. Bottom line is this I'm not hating on a man that can buy his potential wife a $25,000 ring or better. I'm simply saying when did the focus of love and marriage get switched to how much the ring you buy is worth? If I love you unconditionally then whether I'm rich or poor or somewhere in between that love is going to be the same. If I can't get you that 5 karat diamond engagement ring to begin with then I ask you to accept this 1 or 2 karat. I know that you're worth more than gold and diamonds. And I promise I will upgrade this ring as time goes on and as my income increases. But maybe that's just me.

Basically when I plan to get married again I want to have that Grandmother and Grandfather love. I don't know what happen but people have gotten away from that. You know your grandparents started out with basically nothing but love, that is if they even got an engagement ring back then. But your grandfather did what he could when he could and eventually got her a ring and by time we were old enough to know grandma had a beautiful wedding ring. But as much as they went through they still had that Real Love. That unconditional Love. No matter how bad things got or what flaws the other person had they still stuck it out and took "til death do us part" to heart. So if you have that type of Love, then the type of ring you have doesn't matter, nor does any other material thing. Because you can't put a price on love. I'm just saying, I'd rather have Love that's forever than a diamond that is supposedly forever.

But as for the subject at hand. However you feel about the engagement ring I just feel like it's a conversation that each individual couple should discuss. Communication is key. Make sure you're on the same level when it comes to engagement, proposal and marriage. If you know that your potential fiance' will want an expensive ring then you better get on the grind and start saving for that ring. Or perhaps you can use Jay-Z and Beyonce as a way to get out of having to buy a ring and getting a tattoo instead. I dont recommend trying it unless you got Jay's type of money. Or maybe you can use the line that Method Man said in the song "All I need" Featuring Mary J. Blige, "Word life you don't need a ring to be my wife." But to be honest I doubt either will work but good luck with that!

--C-Recks--

A Penny For My Thoughts

Well I just couldn't resist such a topic. So I'm not trying to show up my brother on this one. My mind just thinks a little different than most. LoL. But you'll get what I'm saying as you continue to read. So with no further ado I give you ... A Penny For My Thoughts...

Or A Jay-Z said "It's Just My Thoughts Ladies and Gentlemen...

I'm no hacker or anything. But if I was I wouldn't waste my time coming up with ways to spam e-mail boxes or come up with stupid viruses that kill peoples hard drives. I'd come up with a way to take one penny from every bank account in the world without anyone finding out. Besides who's gonna miss a penny. Even the cheapest people in the world won't trip if they balance their check books a penny off. But with the millions of bank accounts world wide I may not be rich off pennies at a time but as they say "Slow Motion better than... LoL.*Disclosure- If someone commits such a crime I had nothing to do with planning or executing it. But if someone writes a book, movie or show based on this idea please view the date and time of this blog posting because I want my damn cut. LoL.*


Ladies please don't take this as a complaint because it's far from it. But here's one thing I never understand that you do. Why expose your cleavage on purpose but then get upset when a guy peeks at it. Now I'm not talking about staring like some sick pervert and saying you have great New York boobs like Dave Chapelle. However, I mean simply checking it out. Another comedian Jerry Seinfeld gave men the rule to think of cleavage as the sun. You look at it to make sure it's there and quickly turn from it but never stare at it. Lol. All I can say is men will be men it doesn't matter the instance, if cleavage is on the scene they're gonna sneak a peek. Therefore I warn you to be prepared if you are preparing to put your cleavage on display. Although it will never happen, but if I chose to wear a speedo I wouldn't be upset if women were checking out my package. Lol

I recently heard 50 cent's song 21 questions. On an attempt to catch him up I counted his questions and did you know his ass asked exactly 21 questions? That's not counting those by Nate Dogg on the hook by the way. It was actually 19 then he asked 2 final questions in the bridge of the song. But I'm sorry I think this particular question is a filler at best and shouldn't count. "Are you mad because I'm asking you 21 questions?" You know that shouldn't count. I'm just saying. Now that I think of it I hope this isn't a filler thought. LoL.

If I had one failed marriage where I jumped the broom, would I increase my odds of success on my next marriage by jumping a mop? Or what about a vacuum or dust buster? I know the reason behind the broom is based on a tradition. But don't they say if you do the same thing you get the same results? LoL.

I know the Summer Olympics start this week. And I know they traditionally run the torch across the world to get it to the lighting ceremony. Do you think any of the torch carriers ever thought this. "I'd be the man or woman if I was to light up a blunt and or square using this torch." I would hope it wasn't a black person that ever did such a thing. But unfortunately it only sounds like something a black person would not only comptemplate but actually do. And as ghetto as it is, I know if I saw it on TV after shaking my head and then laughing, I'd have to give whoever was bold enough to do it much props. LoL

Well so far that's a nickel let's see if I can get a dime out of you.

Lays potato chips' slogan is "betcha can't eat just one." But have you ever bought a bag of chips and it seems like it's maybe only 5 damn chips in the bag to begin with? The rest they pumped with air to give the appearance of being full. Then you feel like you would have been better off buying the little quarter bag of chips.

When a pimp retires from pimpin is there some sort of pimp pension? 401k pimp plan? Or does he just get a lifetime cut of what his hoes bring in even their social security checks? LoL. I mean it's just hard for me to imagine seeing an old pimp working in like Walmart or something as a greeter or collecting carts. As the saying goes guess "It's hard out here for a pimp."

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a lot of hats. Usually I'll buy hats to match certain outfits or whatever. But I was thinking this isn't an original concept. In fact if anyone has a grandma that attends or attended church then you know they are the originators. Mainly the older black grandmas, I don't know about you new school grandmas. LoL. But you know she never went to church without that matching hat I don't care how hot or cold it was outside.

I love new technology and all. But the one problem I have with Blue Tooth Head Sets is the fact they're getting smaller and smaller. Now when people use them you can't tell they're using a blue tooth. I know that's the point and that eventually they'll probably be reduced to the size of an ear bud. However, I know I'm not the only person that has seen or heard someone talking and it either seems like they're talking to themselves or to you. Then when you ask if they were talking to you then you're the one that feels stupid for not knowing they were on their cell phone. LoL.

Alright I'm finally at a dime. And last but not least I have a question for the dymes of the world. That's right the extraordinarily beautiful females out there. Is there any reason why your friends are never as fine as you? Or even close to your "10" status? Is there like some underground code that we men don't know about? It's just a big contrast to go from looking at you then ... your girl(s). Now I'm not calling anyone ugly because we're all beautiful in our own way right? But we men have our own speculations as to why you do this. Maybe it's too much competition and if you're trying to get the most attention you wouldn't put someone next to you that will take away from that. Reminds me of how a bride will put her brides maids in dresses not as eye catching and spectacular as her wedding dress. All I can say is don't be stingy if you're a dyme it's okay to let the occasional 7, 8, or even 9 hang with you. Hell you're still the top rung so be confident in your beauty enough to step your friend game up. LoL.

That's it for now make sure you pay your tab before you leave. Tips are appreciated. No checks, Money Orders or C.O.D.s. I do accept paypal though.

--C-Recks--

Marriage Confidential

Well the weather is nice, the sun is shining, and love is in the air. So that means it's that time of year again. Yes it is summer time but actually that is not what I was referring to. I'm referring to the coveted wedding season. But before you love birds jump that broom, stomp that glass, light your unity candle or whatever your tradition is, there is one piece of business you may want to have in order prior to saying your "I Dos."

Now I'm sure you may think you know where I'm going with this, but please keep reading before you assume and dismiss what I'm saying. I know you're probably thinking along the lines of what Kanye West said in his song "Gold Digger." "Shoulda' got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey(your money) If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup WE WANT PRE-NUP!, (yeah) It's something that you need to have Cause when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half." Okay well you partially got me, yes prenuptial agreements are vital in some marriages. But that's actually not what I'm speaking of. I personally think even more crucial than a prenup would be a Confidentiality Agreement (Or as I'll refer to it in this blog CA).

Now you're probably thinking as I did when I got married that hey I'm just a regular Joe or Jane. I work my 9-5 for a minuscule salary just to pay my bills and do a little extra, so why would I need a prenup or a CA? Well I agree that for us regular folk a prenup or a CA aren't really things we think about when we decide to get married. That is unless you think those lucky numbers in the fortune cookies may have a chance at showing up in tonight's lotto drawing. So yes pending luck the average person may not require a prenup or a CA. However, you must admit that the idea of a CA is sort of intriguing. So you may as well continue reading to find out why. Lol

Okay so unless you're working a 6 figure job, or have a position of prestige the CA may not be for you. But for people such as celebrities, athletes, and politicians well it should be mandatory. Why, do you ask? Well I'm glad you asked that question. You see we all know that in a marriage you're joined together with a person that you're supposed to be able to tell your inner most thoughts, fears, and secrets to. Well God forbid you and that person split up or divorce for any circumstances. But if by any chance you do, let's just say that the other person has no obligation or incentive to keep the things they know about you to themselves. So, what's to stop them from spreading your personal and intimate business? The answer is nothing, that is unless you have a nifty Confidentiality Agreement.

So what can the CA really do for you? Actually it's not about what it can do for you but it's about what it can prevent from happening to you. Let's look at some examples. You've probably all seen or heard of Tricia Walsh-Smith aka the Youtube Divorcee'. Well in the midst of a bitter divorce she decided that she was going to air out her soon to be ex-husband's dirty laundry and discuss their divorce. But instead of just telling his friends, family, and or co-workers she took it a little more extreme. In this technological age there is no better way to put someone on blast than by using the Internet. And not just any old Internet site, but with a video on http://www.youtube.com/.

Now I personally feel like she was totally wrong for doing this regardless of how wrong she felt he was being in the divorce. I mean yes he may have told her he can't have sex due to high blood pressure and she may have found condoms, porn magazines, and Viagra but should that be told to the world? That's obviously something personal he didn't even want her to know, let alone the millions of Youtube subscribers. But somehow the media took a liking to this particular video and the next thing you know the video is being played on the news and shows like The Insider. So, what she may have done thinking it was seemingly harmless, has become a huge ordeal. And information that should have remained private has now been exposed on a worldwide level. She's even gone on to do 2 other videos updating the status of the divorce. I even found that she has her own website now http://www.triciawalshsmith.com/ where she is also discussing information about the divorce. So I'm sure some of you are thinking, well doesn't she have the First Amendment right to express herself as she chooses just as long as she's not saying anything that is false and defaming his character. Well based off the episodes of Judge Mathis I've seen in the past you would be correct. Although her husband was smart enough to protect his money by having her to sign a prenup, he did nothing to protect his character from being assassinated. However, if he was really smart he would have had a CA and then he wouldn't be going through what he is now. As soon as this video surfaced on Youtube the judge would have slapped her with a Gag Order quicker than a pimp slaps a hoe that's come up short with his money. Unfortunately, he did not and I'm sure his soon to be ex-wife will continue broadcasting his business and information regarding their divorce until her number of hits drastically decreases and no one cares anymore. Also, I'm sure that with her being an actress and writer that this whole exercise of free speech will land her some type of book, movie, or reality show deal in the end. So kudos to Tricia way to get around the air tight prenup her husband's lawyer drew up. I'm sure she read it and didn't see any CA in there and there we have it.

Now speaking of Book Deals our next example comes from the book "Confessions of a Video Vixen" by none other than Karrine "Superhead" Steffans. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Superhead and her book so I won't get into who all she screwed and what she said about them. I personally never read the book, however; I do recall being in a book store one day and reading an excerpt. Well what I read was pretty shocking to me. She was describing an incident that took place with her then (now ex) husband rapper Kool G. Rap. So if you haven't read the book, basically G.Rap suffered from some sort of seizures and took medication for this condition. However, as she stated he was too masculine to even take the pills and as a result on this particular occasion had a seizure while on the toilet. She then went on to explain how she had to wipe his ass so that when the paramedics came he wouldn't be embarrassed. Now as I'm reading this I'm thinking come on now of all the things to tell you had to go and tell this. I'm sure I am not the only one that had a lot of respect for Kool G. Rap. But I have to be honest that after reading this, it's sort of tainted my view of G.Rap especially his hard core rap image. So again, in the case of Kool G. Rap he could have spared himself some embarrassment had he had a CA when he married Superhead.

Other notable "tales from the ex" as I like to call them include rapper/actor Mos Def's ex-wife Alana Wyatt Smith and her tell-all book "Breaking the Code of Silence." Also, former New Jersey Governor (The Gay Governor) Jim McGreevey's ex-wife Dina Matos McGreevey has a tell-all book called "Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage." Actually, come to find out that her book was only a response to Jim McGreevey's previously released book entitled "The Confession." Likewise, famous Oscar winning actor Marlon Brando's ex-wife Tarita Teriipaia released "Marlon, My Love, My Suffering." Next, there is Marc Anthony's ex-wife Dayanara Torres' book "Married to Me: How Committing to Myself Led to Triumph After Divorce." I doubt if Hollywood actor/director Clint Eastwood felt "lucky" when his ex-wife Sondra Locke wrote her book "The Good, The Bad & The Very Ugly." Former baseball slugger turned Steroid snitch Jose Canseco's ex-wife Jessica Canseco is doing some snitching of her own in her book "Juicy: Confessions of a Former Baseball Wife." R&B superstar Whitney Houston's ex-husband the infamous Bad Boy Bobby Brown is releasing "Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But." Let Bobby tell it Whitney is the one that turned him on to cocaine. Also, there is a book in the works by crooner Tony Bennett's ex-wife Sandra Grant Bennett that may destroy Bennett's good guy image. Lastly, Britney Spears first ex-husband Jason Alexander is even trying to write a book about their 55 hour marriage. This one I don't understand. How many pages can you even fill up surrounding a 2 day marriage? But as you can see if someone will buy it they will write it.

Nevertheless, there are those not fortunate enough to get a book deal. Therefore, they don't hesitate to accept magazine and television interview offers. For instance Tori Spelling's ex-husband Charlie Shanian spilled it all in an issue of Men's Monthly. Also, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's ex-wife Debra Marshall verbally body slammed Stone Cold on Fox News with allegations of physical and steroid abuse. Finally, we can't forget about the unmarried individuals that never even stood a chance when it came to being outed by their exes. Such as, rapper Nas whose ex-girlfriend/baby mama Carmen Bryan wrote a tell all book entitled “Sex, Drugs and Hip-Hop – Oh, and Did I Mention Love?” Also, P.Diddy's ex-girlfriend/baby mama Kim Porter did an interview in Essence Magazine giving details of their relationship and break up.

Now I haven't had the chance to read any of the material listed above, however; I can bet they all have a central theme. One being long ass titles, what's up with that? Lol. But beyond that I can guess the pages are filled with bitter exes telling how their relationship with (enter celebrity name here) was abusive, how they were cheated on, and how they have been caused such distress and or depression because of the past relationship. Oh and I'm sure there will be tales of alcohol and drug abuse and sexcapades mixed in there as well (You have to sell the book don't you?). Now the rest of the book, I'm sure, will be filled with boring background on the person writing it and their childhood. However, in an effort to get to the good parts about that celebrity they married you'll read the whole book as not to miss anything. If anyone has read any of the above material please let me know if I am on point or not with my assumptions. Now I'm not the one to say whether any of the allegations are true or not. But even if they are true, telling the world won't change what happened to you in the relationship. Perhaps it will give you some satisfaction by getting revenge but that's about it. If you really want to get it all off your chest so that you will feel better, wouldn't a therapist be the best person to seek? But wait oh wait! I forgot to mention the Money! Duh! Of course, silly me they're getting paid to write and publish these books. Well at least be man or woman enough to admit that is why you're doing it. So in the continued theme of exes writing tell-all books I predict that we should soon be seeing books by notable exes such as: Juanita Jordan (Michael Jordan), Shaunie Nelson (Shaquille O'Neal), Al Reynolds (Star Jones), Mary Lee Harvey (Steve Harvey), Malaak Compton-Rock (Chris Rock), and Kevin Federline (Britney Spears). That is unless a CA was signed at some point.

Believe it or not, of all these celebrities, I was only able to find one that was smart enough to get themselves a CA. I'm sure there are plenty others that have CAs and we never hear anything about it (which is the point). But this particular celebrity made news because of her CA. So the award goes to none other than Jennifer Lopez aka J-Lo (I'll accept it on her behalf. Lol). Apparently after ending her 11 month marriage with first ex-husband Ojani Noa, Noa attempted to write a tell-all book entitled “The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrait of a Serial Thriller.” I guess what Noa failed to remember or attempted to get around was that he and Lopez had signed a nondisclosure, “non-disparagement” agreement during an earlier legal settlement. So, Noa attempted to black mail or extort (which ever term you want to use) J-LO into paying him $5 million in hush money for not spilling her secrets. Well J-Lo sued him for "violating a confidentiality agreement they had by circulating a manuscript that contained private information about their lives together, report news sources. It was the violation of that agreement that won Lopez the $545,000 - $200,000 in damages for breach of contract, and $348,000 in attorneys’ fees and arbitration costs - along with a permanent injunction against Noa which prohibits him from disclosing any intimate details from their relationship." http://www.celebitchy.com/5120/j-lo_awarded_her_ex-husbands_dough/ You see the CA works like a charm every time. Not only were J-Lo's ex-husband's efforts to write a book telling all her secrets thwarted, but he ended up having to pay her and her legal fees in the end.


So in conclusion, let us take a lesson from all of these celebrities that have been burned by their exes. Unfortunately in today's times divorce rates are steadily increasing. Therefore, I do can easily turn into I don't, I love you can turn into I hate you, and I take this man/woman can turn to get this MF the hell outta my face. LOL. So all I'm saying is we all know car/house insurance is a rip off because on average you won't use it and you're usually paying premiums for nothing but the possibility of something happening. But just in case a natural disaster strikes your home, your brakes go out on your car, you want to be prepared and protected right? Well I say the same goes for marriage. Yes I know with being just the average Joe or Jane that having your reputation ruined may not affect you financially like those celebrities. But hell since Tricia Walsh-Smith started it, who really wants to be on the receiving end of the next Youtube divorce video? I know I wouldn't!! I'd want my skeletons to remain in the damn closet like R. Kelly. Although I've been told by my brother that I could talk Jesus out of getting married, that is not the intention of this blog. If you're confident that your future wife/husband will always keep any intimate details of you a secret, then I say do your thing. No CA needed or required, congrats and my best wishes on a lifetime of marital bliss. However, if you're even a little suspect whether or not the person you're about to walk down the aisle with will sell you out quicker than the new I-Phone then the Confidentiality Agreement may be an option for you. I'll leave you with a quote from one last celebrity that was put on blast in a movie after his divorce, Ike Turner in "What's Love got to do with it."

"Eat the cake Anna Mae"

C-Recks