Diamonds Are Forever??

I was listening to the radio last week and a caller called in saying how much she adores her boyfriend, how great of a guy he is, and how much she was in love with him, etc. Well she went on to say how they're now talking about getting engaged. She then explained that the rings he was looking at just weren't flashy enough. And how she works for a big P.R. agency and she can't be seen with some small engagement ring.

Now I was married once and I remember when I proposed to my ex I was like 19 years old. I was going to school and working 2 jobs. I could barely afford to pay attention let alone the bills. So I would say the original ring I purchased and proposed with was maybe $300 at most. But it was what I could afford at the time. The next year I got a better job and prior to getting married upgraded the engagement ring to something that was more expensive. But it really really didn't make a difference about the ring because at the time we were so in love.

So I have a question: Is it the size of the ring? Or is it the love in your heart that really matters?

Or is it that the ring should be a reflection of the love?

Well each of you reading can formulate your own answers to the above questions. We all have our own opinions and I guess since I have the floor I'll share mines.

First off although it may not seem like it at times (based on some of my previous blog entries), I actually do believe in Real Love, marriage and all of the wonderful things that come along with it. So with that said I think it's a beautiful thing when a couple is in Real love and progress from dating, to engagement and eventually to marriage.

So with that said let's examine the ring. We know that the ring is a symbol of a woman's promise to give herself in marriage to the man in the future. Also, we have all heard the traditional price to spend on a ring is 2-3 months wages or salary. Well I have always heard this, but I never knew where this statement came from. Well according to Wiki this guideline originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds. So basically this guideline has to be one of the most successful and long running marketing schemes to date. In fact, the slogan "A Diamond is Forever" coined in 1947, was recently named as one of the best slogans of the 20th Century. So, 100 plus years later we're still going by De Beers guideline and increasing revenue for the diamond industry.

Now I'm not trying to approach this subject from a cheap man's perspective. I honestly feel like if you love the woman and truly want her to marry you then you should go all out and show her how much, but within reason. I feel like when purchasing a ring a man should take some things into consideration just like any other major purchase. And I'm sure we all agree that purchasing an engagement ring is a major purchase. So this is no different than purchasing a house or a car; therefore, you should consider a number of questions. For instance, can you really afford this ring? What if she doesn't accept? Then what is the return policy? How will you pay? Cash or credit? What about the wedding itself? Will you have to pay for the wedding? Or are you lucky enough to have her parents follow tradition and pay for the wedding?

"On average, US couples spend $28,732 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $14,366 and $35,915 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring." "The average cost of a diamond engagement ring is $3,500 to $4,000."

Although all men would love to propose with the biggest Flinstones' rock on her finger, sometimes it's just not feasible. Let's add a real world example. Recently singer Beyonce who's married to rapper Jay-Z openly discussed details of her marriage. "In eschewing tradition, Beyonce didn't want an engagement ring, as it is "just material and it's just silly to me." Instead, the lovebirds got matching tattoos on their ring fingers of the Roman numeral IV — a digit not only significant because of her wedding date. Beyonce was born Sept. 4; Jay-Z, Dec. 4. "What Jay and I have is real," she said." Now imagine that. Jay-Z can afford to buy anything he wants, including the most expensive engagement ring imaginable. Now to refer to the opening example, I would say that Beyonce has a much bigger image to keep up than the young lady at her little PR agency job.

All I can say is that in this economy knowing what I make I would hate to be in a relationship that is heading towards engagement. Unless I was lucky enough to have a woman that will say something like Beyonce I would seriously have to wait until I saved up enough money. However, I would potentially run the risk of being consider one of those guys that want the milk without paying for the Cow. So what is a guy to really do? But there are so many factors to consider when you're trying to choose that perfect engagement ring. Just know that if you don't represent correctly she probably won't be the person you hear it from. You should be more concerned about the external pressures. Yep you unfortunately you should be worrying about "what will so and so think of the ring?" She may even be fine with the inexpensive ring initially, but may quickly change once people get in her ear.

Her girls: "Girl it's nice and we happy for you and happy he finally popped the question lord knows we thought the day would never come, but damn all this time and that's as much as your man loves you? That ring is a lil' small aint it?"

The Scavengers: "So you say you engaged huh? Well I can't really tell from the ring you're wearing. If I was your Fiance' you'd be wearing a real ring."

Her Dad: "You know I don't really like the boy anyway. And if he can't even buy you a suitable ring then I can't understand how he's going to take care of you."

You can trust and believe that by the time all of them finish talking you'll be hoping that you haven't passed the 30 day return period yet. Bottom line is this I'm not hating on a man that can buy his potential wife a $25,000 ring or better. I'm simply saying when did the focus of love and marriage get switched to how much the ring you buy is worth? If I love you unconditionally then whether I'm rich or poor or somewhere in between that love is going to be the same. If I can't get you that 5 karat diamond engagement ring to begin with then I ask you to accept this 1 or 2 karat. I know that you're worth more than gold and diamonds. And I promise I will upgrade this ring as time goes on and as my income increases. But maybe that's just me.

Basically when I plan to get married again I want to have that Grandmother and Grandfather love. I don't know what happen but people have gotten away from that. You know your grandparents started out with basically nothing but love, that is if they even got an engagement ring back then. But your grandfather did what he could when he could and eventually got her a ring and by time we were old enough to know grandma had a beautiful wedding ring. But as much as they went through they still had that Real Love. That unconditional Love. No matter how bad things got or what flaws the other person had they still stuck it out and took "til death do us part" to heart. So if you have that type of Love, then the type of ring you have doesn't matter, nor does any other material thing. Because you can't put a price on love. I'm just saying, I'd rather have Love that's forever than a diamond that is supposedly forever.

But as for the subject at hand. However you feel about the engagement ring I just feel like it's a conversation that each individual couple should discuss. Communication is key. Make sure you're on the same level when it comes to engagement, proposal and marriage. If you know that your potential fiance' will want an expensive ring then you better get on the grind and start saving for that ring. Or perhaps you can use Jay-Z and Beyonce as a way to get out of having to buy a ring and getting a tattoo instead. I dont recommend trying it unless you got Jay's type of money. Or maybe you can use the line that Method Man said in the song "All I need" Featuring Mary J. Blige, "Word life you don't need a ring to be my wife." But to be honest I doubt either will work but good luck with that!

--C-Recks--

Scavenger Hunt

So I got an e-mail yesterday from a girl I used to talk to a few years back. It was a surprise to even hear from her considering we hadn't talked in over a year. So we e-mailed back and forth a few times and caught up. She asked the usual catching up questions about career, kids, and love life. I answered each question. And in turn asked her the same questions. She answered all in detail; however, when I asked about love life she said uhhhh and hesitated. In the back of my head I'm thinking uh oh that's not good. But she proceeded to tell me she had been with her man for a year now and how things weren't going well and why. Now I didn't ask for all these details, but she felt the need to tell me. So I simply listened to all she had to say but I didn't say anything back to her about her situation. But then I began to think more about it and well now I have this to say.


To my fellas you better get on your A+ Game!!! If you got a good woman I'm telling you now don't slip up. Take it from a man that's been through it before. Let my pain save you from the same fate. There are men out there as we speak that are just waiting on you to mess up. Unfortunately if you've already messed up well you better get it together and real quick. I know this doesn't apply to all women, and I'm no expert but I feel like the majority of women fall into this category here. Those women aren't going to leave their man or cheat on him just off G.P. Women need a good reason in order to just mentally justify it within themselves. The fact is that any average to good looking woman is going to be pursued all day every day by men. Whether she is at work, at the mall, at the grocery store, walking down the street, or on the Internet a guy will be trying to holla. So therefore, if her man is on his job she may hear these advances but they go in one ear and out the other. However, let you start slipping up. Oh you better believe her ears will start hearing it all and worse than hearing it she may act upon what she hears.

Now the reason I call them scavengers is because just like real scavengers in the wild (i.e. a vulture or a hyena) they prey upon the weak, hurt and or dead (which can all be describe the status of your relationship). And as soon as they see an opportunity to swoop in and get your woman they will definitely take it. No man (unless you're a scavenger yourself) appreciates nor really likes the scavenger men. But they're a part of life. And unfortunately you still have to respect they gangsta! As it was once told to me in so many words "Yo chick chose me." LoL. Just look at the example I opened with. Luckily for her man I'm not one of these scavengers or else she would have given me all the info I needed to make my next move my best move.

But again all you can do is be on your A+ Game at all times and set the bar high enough that no other man can even reach what you do or will do for your woman. As they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Or what you don't appreciate someone else will. Choose whatever clever cliche you want to use, but it all boils down to the same thing. Betty Wright gave the female's perspective on the same topic and warned about the "The Clean Up Woman." Well unfortunately these scavengers have constant ammunition they can use to shoot game at your woman. And it comes in the form of song lyrics. We've all heard these songs before. But don't let one of them come on when your woman is next to you and you know you have messed up. Oh do I feel for you. LoL.

So, with that said we've compiled our Top Ten songs that talk about taking another man's woman! (Could be your woman...)


#10 - Chris Brown - Ya Man Aint Me
Even the young'n Chris Brown is no fool when it comes to knowing what to say to get to another man's girl. As you can listen in the song he tells the young lady "giving you things to think about cause I know what's up) Since he aint tryna step it up, don't you think you should give him up?" See a lot of the times the only goal is to plant a seed in the mind. He's simply making a suggestion. By the time he reaches the chorus the lyrics state "Stop tripping, I know you got a man but girl he's slipping, I can see myself gettin in where I fit in." And I'm sure that by the time he gets to the bridge he's managed to change her mind. "You and him aint meant to be together, life with me will be better. Yes, let him leave you'll be doing yourself a favor girl I'm just tryna save you." This was very smooth, he even managed to cover up his actual intentions by making it as if he's playing captain Save Em'.

#9 - Keith Sweat Feat. Keyshia Cole - Love You Better
Keith Sweat has been begging since the the 80's. Well he's back this year with a new album and on it features this little gem of a song. He teams up with Keyshia Cole as he puts her man on full blast. Check out the lines of the first verse: "You need to go and let him know right now. ‘Cuz he don’t even know how to make you smile. Y’all don’t even makin love, see it’s over baby. He spend all his night at the strip club. When what he got at home girl is real love." Now I'm not mad at anyone for going to the strip club but how is he gone put her man's business out there like that. And further more I'm just curious how he knows how much time he spends at the strip club unless he frequents the same establishment. The chorus gets to the point and lets her know what her next move should be. "Go and tell your man that you’ve found somebody new.
Go and tell your man that you’ve found somebody who. Go and tell your man that you’ve found somebody, Who can love you better, I can love you better."

#8 - Jesse Mccartney - Leavin'
Now here's another unique strategy of scavengers. Jesse Mccartney doesn't really have a valid argument in this song as to why she should leave her man (not one that he mentions at least). Therefore, he resorts to flaunting all he has to offer. "You make me want to take you out and let it rain (make it rain). I know you got a man, but this is what you should say." And once again there's instructions on what she needs to say to her man in the chorus. "Why won’t you tell him that... I’m leavin', never to come back again, You found somebody who does it better than he can No more making you cry, no more of them gray skies, Girl we flying on that G-5, G-5
And we're leavin', never to come back again, So call your shorty and tell him you found a new man. The one that so, so fly, The one that keep you high... Don't Stress Girl you deserve nothing but the best." Again I don't know what this girl's man did besides probably being broke but sometimes that's enough to cause you to slip up.

#7 - Sam Salter - Once my S**t (Always my S**t)

Well Sam Salter brings us to another version of the scavenger. This is actually one that you should already be leery and aware of. It's the Ex. Although he should technically be out of the picture lets just say he can easily find his way on the scene especially if you start messing up. His only hope is that you're messing up worse than he did to lose her. And in this song Sam quickly makes it known that he's waiting on his opportunity to get her back. "I heard you found someone new, he's runnin round town just frontin' on you." The 2nd verse gets a little more personal. "Did he see your tattoo? With my name written all over you. I know that he hates me, cause he can't replace me. Cause in the end I'm the one for you." Well it doesn't take long for Sam to re-mark his territory. The chorus goes as follows: "He can't do it like I do, I do, I do, No I don't give a damn who's hittin' it, I don't give a damn who's workin' it, even if he's kissin' it. Cause once my S**t ...always my s**t!!" Unfortunately you can't erase history and if you slipping up history will repeat itself but not to your benefit.

#6 - Joe - Treat Her Like a Lady
#6 was originally going to be a different song by Joe "You Dropped your Dime." However being unable to find the video to go with the song we decided to switch to a different Joe song. Although it's not quite about him taking another man's girl it's still extremely relevant. On "Treat her Like a Lady" Joe is actually doing the same thing in which I am and giving men some advice on how to prevent them from losing their ladies. Joe immediately begins by asking a series of questions throughout the song. " Tell me when was the last time, you brought her roses home from work. Tell me when was the last time, you rubbed her feet when she said they hurt. Tell me when was the last time, you bought a card to tell her how you feel. Don't even know when was the last time, you lit a candle for a late night meal."Yeah I'm sure that will hit home with a lot of you men. But don't for a second think that's it, the chorus pours even more salt into your wound. "How long will it be before you treat her like your queen. And how long will it take, before she starts coming home too late. And how long will it be, before she starts running in the streets. You better take the time to treat her like your lady." A select few of you even get a little reprieve when Joe states "Now if this don't apply to you, keep doing what you do. But if the shoe fits you well, take a minute and just ask yourself." All I gotta say is if you don't listen to me at least listen to Joe.

#5 - Mario - Let Me Love you
Mario didn't hesitate to immediately let the woman know that her situation with her man just isn't what it should be. He opens up the song stating: "Baby I just don't get it do you enjoy being hurt? I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt. You don't believe his stories you know that they're all lies. Bad as you are, you stick around and I just don't know why." As if that wasn't enough to plead his case the chorus to the song goes on to state "If I was ya man (baby you) Never worry bout (what I do) I'd be coming home (back to you) Every night, doin' you right. You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs) Fistful of diamonds (hand full of rings) Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)."

#4 - Jagged Edge - He Can't Love You
"I aint no hata or nothing but he can't love you like I can. Trust me" What a way to start off the song. It definitely sets the tone for JE to not "hate" on her man. Apparently they're playing the role of the Ex and they've let their girl slip away. Now they're trying to pull a move like Sam Salter was in song #7. The chorus says it all: "He can't love you like I love you Baby you know it too. And you should never wanna be with a man If he can't be a man And do the things to you like I can."

#3 - LL Cool J Feat. Boyz II Men- Hey Lover

LL has been writing songs for the ladies since the 80's. Hence the name LL (Ladies Love) But he definitely took it to a new level when he teamed up with Boyz II Men to do "Hey Lover." In a random encounter on the street LL sees a woman and from the onset he plans on taking her from her man. In verse one he states "I gotta take ya from your man that's my mision, If his love is real he got ta handle competition." Then next on his agenda is to build his case as he explains "you only knew him for about 5 months (that's right) besides he drinks too much and smokes too many blunts." Also, he states "I see you at the bus stop waitin everyday your man must think its safe for you to travel that way." But he does digress stating he's not trying to violate her relationship. Although most of L's song is a fantasy of what he would do or say to the woman it's still realistic in the fact that it's exactly how it happens.

#2 - Tre Songz - Can't Help But Wait
The person that wrote and or produced "Can't Help but Wait" must have also had something to do with the aforementioned "Let me Love you" by Mario #5. If you listen they both virtually sound the same. Although the concept is the same, Tre Songz approaches it just a little differently. "I see you, you're with him - he ain’t right but you don’t trip You stand by, while he lies - then turn right 'round and forgive. I can’t take to see your face, with those tears run down your cheeks..." Even though those words sound just the same as all the other songs the chorus is where he differentiates himself. "Girl I can’t help but wait Til’ you get back with him, it don’t change. Can’t help but wait Til’ you see that wit me it ain’t the same. Can’t help but wait Til’ you, see you, for what you really are Baby girl you are a star And I can’t help but wait." So Tre is basically saying he already knows she's going to stay with the guy even though things are bad. But even still he's going to wait for her to see it herself. Just like the others Tre says "And I don’t wanna come between you and your man. Even though I know I treat you better than he can." Then to add insult to injury he flosses a little in the 2nd verse. "You’re a queen, you should be, getting all that someone’s got. You should be rocking the latest in purses, bracelets, and watches, your're worth much more than an occasional I love you." So even after laying out his plan he is going to still be there waiting even when she doesn't choose him. But he still warns her "Get it together you can do better."

Alright we're down to #1. I'm sure you've been wondering what # this song was going to come in. But here it is the #1 song about taking another man's woman. Drum Roll Please..

#1 - Joe - All the Things your Man Won't Do
Well the title alone tells you what the topic of the song is and also explains why Joe comes in at #1 with this song. He gets right into the topic at hand with the first verse: "Tell me what kind of man would treat his woman so cold treat you like you're nothin' when you're worth more than gold. Girl, to me you're like a diamond I love the way you shine a hundred million dollar treasure I'll give the world to make you mine." Then Joe pulls out pure game when he says this line in the 2nd verse "What good is a diamond nobody can see it I hear he got you on lock down but I got the master key!" Bam! He got her right there he doesn't even have to say anything else. But why not keep going while you got her on the ropes just to officially pull her in. "I'll light a thousand candles all around. Show me to the subway, I'll go down. Nothing can be sweeter than the sound of making love." But don't think he's done yet. Joe does a little bit of over kill here at the bridge "I'll make your body cream with my sex machine I won't stop until I hear your mother scream." Making yo momma scream? Damn! Well you can see and hear for yourself why Joe is #1.

In conclusion, I can't say that all the men that fit the category of scavengers even try to do it on purpose. Sometimes it's just a crime of opportunity. No different than a man walking past an armored truck and the back door being unlocked and the bags of money are just sitting there for you to take they may as well be gift wrapped with a bow. Yes they are still committing a crime which is wrong but their intentions from the beginning weren't to rob the armored truck. They've probably never committed a crime in their life, but sometimes when it's presented to them so easy they can't help but to take advantage. So to my fellas out there make sure you take heed. It's never an overnight process and it can be happening as we speak maybe you're just not paying close enough attention. It always starts off as just friends or someone to talk to and vent to about how you messed up. You know an occasional shoulder to cry on. But you better believe the scavenger is simply playing his position just for the time being. But as soon as he sees an opportunity he will swoop in and quickly turn those things she hates about you into reasons why he should be her new man. Please believe it...

--C-Recks--