Bad to the Phone

In the blog Nanny Government my brother mentioned the recent implementation of the hand held cell phone ban in the State of California. Now here in the city of Chicago, Illinois the law has been in place for a couple years already. I'm not one to break many laws but this is one law that I just can't seem to abide by. Recently, someone told me that text messaging while driving is also illegal and you can be ticketed for it just like you can talking on your hand held cell phone.

Now I do have a bluetooth head set. However, I honestly don't talk on the phone that much to even use it. Others that are on the phone a frequent amount of time usually just walk around with their bluetooth in their ear. But I don't. Therefore, if I happen to get a call or need to make a call while driving I will use my hand set. As for text messaging, well that's the purpose of even having the type of phone that I have which is a Side Kick 3. It is designed specifically for text messaging. The qwerty keyboard actually resembles that of a real keyboard. Also, the calling plan I have comes with unlimited text messages. The fact is I'm more likely to send a text message than make a phone call.

According to GSHA.org many of the states have used crash data to back up their reasons for having a ban on handheld cell phones. Therefore, I am not disputing the fact that the laws exist or whether or not driving and talking on a hand held cell phone is dangerous or not. I'm simply stating my case. I'm speaking for myself. This is how I would present my case if I ever got ticketed and had to go to court for using my cell phone and or text messaging.

First of all your honor that's a nice robe you have on. I know it's officially after Labor Day but does that come in white? LoL. I'm just kidding. Well as you know I was ticketed for driving while text messaging. I understand why the law is in place and by no means am I stating that I am above the law. However, I want to let the record show that me text messaging while driving is not at all a distraction to me operating my motor vehicle.

I'm sure you're wondering how is that possible? Well when I use my phone to send a text I don't have to look at the keyboard in order to type. The qwerty keyboard is exactly like a computer keyboard. I sit at a desk all day at work typing on a computer. So I know the location of the keys by memory. If you would like can demonstrate this for you. Now you're probably thinking that's fine that you don't have to look at the phone while you text but how do you drive when your hands are on your phone and not the steering wheel?

Well I'm glad you asked because I also have another unique talent that I can utilize while driving. I have the ability to drive/steer the car with my knee. I used to watch my father do this when I was younger and was fascinated by it. So it was only a matter of time until after years of driving that my brother and I were able to pick up on this nifty trick. Now I know you're probably picturing me driving with my knee and sending a text message and thinking OMG you're going to kill someone or yourself. But actually it's very safe if you know what you're doing. See my left knee steers the vehicle while my right foot covers the brake/gas.

Again, I can only speak for myself when I say I can safely and effectively operate a vehicle in this manner. Simply put I am a multi-tasker by nature and have the ability to do many things at once. Therefore, this ticket that I received stating I was driving while distracted is actually incorrect and should be overturned. In fact, I believe that there are things that distract drivers far more often than a cell phone. Also, those things could potentially cause accidents more frequent than using a cell phone while driving. I'd like to call into evidence a number of these items just to prove my point.

Exhibit A - Watching Porn

Now some may be thinking why would watching porn be a distraction while you're driving? Or you may be thinking that you have to be a damn freak to be watching porn while you're driving. Well when I say porn I'm not referring to watching it in my car. First of all I have no TVs in my car. Second of all it's definitely not that serious. However, those individuals that do think it's that serious should be required to tint their windows. The distraction comes in when you pull up behind them. And of course you're going to automatically be intrigued as to what their watching. Once you find out it's porn the likelihood of you trying to watch is inevitable. So the next thing you know you find yourself tailgating the car in front of you just to watch their TV. But as soon as they hit their brakes BAM!! you plow into their bumper.

Exhibit B - Eating

I remember once my mom told me that she was once riding somewhere with my brother. As he was driving he pulled out a plate of food to eat. Now finger food is one thing but apparently this was a Thanksgiving style plate of food. One that required a fork to eat. She described it as him holding the plate in one hand, the fork in the other, and driving with his knee. The ironic part was he happen to be driving a stick shift. Yet he was able to drive to perfection doing all that. However, there are others that are not as skilled. Therefore even eating a simple hamburger and fries can be a distraction. So, imagine someone driving along eating their lunch and as they take a bite of that burger ketchup squirts out onto their nice suit. The immediate reaction will be to look down and in that split second CRASH!! there is another rear end accident.

Exhibit C - Grooming

When people are running late for work in the morning they're liable to do any and everything thing to save time. Most of the time saving activities involve grooming of some sort. Anything from shaving, to teeth brushing, to hair combing. However, I must fault you ladies for this last distraction. Putting on make up while driving! Now come on. I've seen women take forever to put on make up in the bath room mirror. Not to mention it seems to take the precision of a surgeon to apply some of that stuff. How in the world you put on mascara without poking your damn eye out is beyond me. But the point is that there can be no way you can apply make up in the rear view or visor mirror and drive safely. That's just an accident waiting to happen.

Exhibit D -Pretty Women

Now of course I have no problem with pretty women by any stretch of the imagination. But any guy (straight guys that is) will have to admit that when pretty women will always be a distraction. It doesn't matter if they're driving in the car next to you, walking down the street, or if they happen to be your passenger. The point is that when a guy sees a pretty girl he will look and even stare if it can go unnoticed. I've seen guys (myself included) damn near break they neck to look at a good looking female that they drove past. I've also literally seen guys hang out the car window to look at, whistle at, and holla at a female. So bottom line is that good looking females are definitely a distraction to a male driver.

Exhibit E - Billboards

I know that the purpose of billboards are to grab attention. But most billboards are strategically placed along side highways. However, I will admit some are pretty distracting to drivers. I've seen plenty of billboards that caught my attention. The problem with some is that you have to do some reading to figure out what the billboard is advertising. So imagine traveling 65+ miles per hour and then passing a billboard that caught your eye and trying to figure out what it is says. Exactly!! It will take a lot of concentration. Also, it will divert your eyes from the road for a good amount of time. And if I was driving on this road and saw this billboard of Beyonce in a bikini I'd probably smash into the median trying to look at this sign. LoL.

Exhibit F - Bad Ass Kids

There is probably nothing worse than or more aggravating than a car full of kids. Now if those kids happen to be bad ass kids it's enough do "drive" any one crazy. But when you have 2 kids fighting, another crying, then another throwing stuff at you in the drivers seat I'd say that makes for a distraction. Some skilled/long armed parents have the ability to lay hands on their children (not in the biblical sense) while still being able to drive safely. But other than that you're probably one scream or cry away from slamming on the brakes and taking off your belt.

So, there you have it your honor. If you are going to ticket me for what you consider a distraction to my driving then I would say that you need to start ticketing me and every one else for things that are an even bigger distraction. The things I mentioned are only a few of probably many more that I could name. But you get the gist of what I'm saying. I throw myself on the mercy of the court and ask that this ticket be overturned. I rest my case.

Guilty or Not Guilty? Was my argument convincing enough? You be the judge. LoL

--C-Recks--

We All Scream!!

So this past weekend I was at the Park with my Son. It's sort of a hot day out but not too bad in the shade. So we're at the corner end of the park and we hear that old familiar music playing. As soon as we hear it both of our ears piqued and we look at each other. Almost simultaneously we both say it. "ICE CREAM MAN!!" So I looked around and saw that the Ice Cream Truck was actually a good distance away. We would have had to run (I would run at least and he would ride his bike) to make it there before he left. As I stated it was hot so I told my son we're gonna miss it this time but I promised him that we'll make sure we get some ice cream the next time. Ironically, he was okay with that and we continued to play.

So, the following day my son and I find ourselves at the park once again. Of course we were playing the usual baseball, soccer, riding his bike, etc. As we're playing we hear that familiar sound of the Ice Cream Man driving past again. With the elephant memory my son has he quickly tells me "hey daddy there's the ice cream man remember you said you would get me one next time." Of course I hadn't forgotten it was only the day before when I made this promise. So I told him yes I remember and he's right there so we can get some ice cream this time. We proceed walk over to the ice cream truck and while standing in front of it I ask my son what he wants. He points to the picture of what he wants on the board (Image 1). I tell the man in the truck what he wants and he goes into the freezer, gets it, and hands it to my son. Then I tell him I want a strawberry shortcake bar (Image 2).

(1)

(2)

Well I'll be damned if the guy in the truck doesn't hand me my ice cream bar then say $5. I know the saying goes "We all scream for Ice Cream," but if my son wasn't standing there I would have screamed out WTF? (What The F**K for those that aren't familiar with the acronym). However, I caught myself and instead just said "What? $5?" Yes I sounded just like that character Chris Rock Played. Only thing missing was the "Good Lawd that's a lot of money." In true Chris Rock fashion I was tempted to say how bout you keep the cream and just give me the ice for $1. LoL. So I asked the man how much was each ice cream and he proceeds to tell me $2.50 each. I said $2.50 are you serious? I quickly handed my ice cream back to the man. My son immediately asked me "why did you give it back daddy?" I was about to do the same with my son's ice cream, that was until I looked at his face and I could tell he was ready to devour it. I just couldn't do it to him especially after I promised and he had already held it in hand. Plus when I looked at his it was the larger than normal size bomb pop. Whereas, the ice cream bar they handed me was just the regular size. Not to say it was worth $2.50 but I was willing to compromise. Alright go ahead and call me a push over, but I'd like to see you look into that little face and take away his ice cream on a hot day like that. I'm not that damn cruel. LoL. So, I paid the man the $2.50 and walked off.

Being the inquisitive little boy that my son is (he gets it honest) he again asked "why didn't you get anything daddy?" So before he can start running through possible reasons which he is known to do, I tell him that it was too expensive. He then accepts the answer and proceeds to devour the American Flag colored ice cream. He even asked me "How come no one else got any ice cream?" I answered probably because they knew the price and I was the only idiot to fall fall victim. As I said that another man there with his children walked past and I heard him snicker at my answer. Well as he ate the ice cream I watched as his mouth quickly turns a bright shade of red. He then hands me the ice cream and says hold this daddy you can eat some since it's melting then runs off to go play some more. So I'm sitting there holding a $2.50 ice cream bar watching pennies go to waste with each melting drip. What do I do? Well as not to waste money I do as my son told me and start to eat the ice cream before it completely melts. But all the while I'm thinking about the last time I bought one of those ice cream bars I wanted. It had to be a long time ago but even still I can't recall paying more than $1.25 for it. I mean in some bars I can get a pint of ice cold beer for $2.50. So my question is are times really that hard? Where the local ice cream man is ripping kids off like Big Worm from Friday?

Well I just couldn't let it go. So I had to come home and do some research to find out what was the price of a box of these ice cream bars. http://www.maxdelivery.com/nkz/exec/Product/Display?productId=260059709 As you can see the price of a box of 6 is only $4.89. Even after the new snake ass Cook County sales tax [10.25% The Highest in the country] that's is still only a total of $5.40. Which divided by 6 ice cream bars is only $0.90 cents each. That is the non-sale price. However, some times you can catch a decent buy one get one free sale at the local grocery store. Now I do understand that the ice cream man provides a convenience and therefore should be paid for that service. I mean he's right there with cold ice cream on that hot summer day so you don't have to drive to the store. Also, I know that gas is expensive as hell and to drive around the neighborhoods at 2 miles an hour [like Fresh Prince] stopping and going I'm sure burns a lot of gas. And I know it's gotta be hot inside the truck with the deep freezer in there and that with that side window open they most likely can't have the air conditioner on. But even with all that considered, to make $1.60 per ice cream bar is just highway robbery. The fact that they're ripping off kids makes it even worse. What's next? Chuck E. Cheese charging $20 entry fee and a 2 drink minimum? I mean come on what's the most you as a parent will give your kid to get something from the ice cream truck? I would say $1-$2 at most. So imagine if I sent my son there himself with $2 and he came back like daddy it's not enough. Back in the days our parents could send us to the ice cream truck with $1.00 and we'd come back with 2 ice creams and some candy. If this is the new trend for ice cream trucks I feel for the kids of today. When you can't take a few quarters and run outside when you hear the sound of the ice cream truck, but rather have to break open your piggy bank times are really bad.

But speaking of ice cream trucks and back in the day I'll close this with what is probably the most traumatizing story about ice cream ever. I'll try to make this as short as possible. Alright so I'm about 6 years old which would make my brother 8 and my 2 cousins Trice 7 and Kita 5. It was summer time and all the kids were out playing. Well the ice cream man happen to make a stop in the apartment complex that day. So, we all ran into the house to ask for money for the ice cream man. My mom and my aunt Mel aka Marilyn (Trice and Kita's mom) and my other aunt Phyl were in the house. As we all ran in asking for money for the ice cream they didn't hesitate to give us the money. However, Aunt Mel gave them the money with specific instructions to bring her change back. She may have given them about $2 I think. My brother and I got $1 to split. After receiving the money we all ran off to the ice cream truck. After standing in line we all got our respective ice cream bars. As I stated, prior the inflationary price increase of ice cream $1 could buy 2 ice cream bars. I don't recall what ice creams everyone bought but whatever my cousins got they had approximately $0.50 cent in change left over.

So as we're all sitting there enjoying our ice cream there was a boy that we all knew that had no ice cream. Well he proceeded to ask us if we had $0.50 cent he could have/borrow. As you know my brother and I had exact change so we had nothing to spare. But my cousins had the 2 shiny quarters. Don't ask me how or why but my brother goes and convinces my cousins to give the change to this boy. This amongst other incidents could be the root of my brother and cousin not getting along to this day. Lol. Now it seems like an innocent action and you're probably thinking it's only 50 cent what's the big deal? Well that is because you don't know Marilyn Williams. Next, we all begin to walk home as the boy proceeds to buy his ice cream. As we walked into the house all of us had a mouthful of ice cream. But as sure as sun rises and sets the first thing out of Aunt Mel's mouth was "where's my change?"

We all immediately stopped in our tracks and looked at each other and got quiet for about a minute. Finally my cousin Trice fessed up that they had given the money to a boy for some ice cream. The next thing I know there are F-Bombs and other expletives coming out of her mouth faster than a machine gun shoots bullets. Without having to put a parental warning on this blog I can't go into detail. But something along the lines of "why the F*&k did you give my money to some boy?" would be pretty accurate. So as we all stood there what would happen next would be stuck in my mind forever. After the verbal onslaught she gave, she then grabbed one of my cousins ice cream and wound up like Roger Clemens style and the next thing I know the ice cream slams up against the kitchen wall. BAM!!! Then she grabs my other cousins and it quickly meets the same fate as the first. I was utterly shocked, afraid, and prepared to lose my ice cream next. However, much to my surprise it didn't happen. She stopped at the 2 ice creams, and immediately demanded my cousins to clean up the mess. I remember my brother and I later finishing our ice cream of course out of the sight of our cousins. But I can't for the life of my imagine what would have caused my aunt to snap like that over 50 cent (in change not the rapper if it was Curtis Jackson maybe I could understand). However, I'm sure that if I think long and hard that there was an empty bottle of Sutter Home somewhere in the room.

Luckily for us (me, my bro, and cousins) ice cream prices back then were not as they are presently. I mean if she did all of that over 50 cent then I can't even fathom what may have taken place if she had just paid $5 for two ice cream bars. Lastly, the $2.50 I spent on the ice cream was already bad enough. But if you take a look at the picture below you'll see that my son's nice bright yellow shirt (I know the sidekick camera doesn't do the yellow any justice) quickly turned to yellow with green spots. You see the packaging from the ice cream wasn't even strong enough to hold the blue liquid in the bottom. So the blue part of the ice cream quickly blended with yellow to leave green spots on the shirt. I don't give a damn how much I Shout that stain is not coming out. So there you have it go ahead and add another $5-7 to my $2.50 for one ruined shirt. Basically an ice cream bar cost me close to $10. All I know is that if I happen to see this particular ice cream man again I may be liable to turn into my aunt an hurl something at his truck.

--C-Recks--