Testimony Tuesday

Its that time again. Yep it's Tuesday and we are back at you with an all new "Tuesday Testimony." If you need the background on how this new segment began then please check out the first "Tuesday Testimony" from last week. Well after opening up the floor for new testimonies we've had a subtle response thus far. This week we received 1 anonymous comment and also a couple of e-mails, which is more than we expected. Unfortunately, at this time we can only post 1 per week, so the others may be used for later posts. But by all means keep em' coming in.

Again you can send in your testimony by anonymously commenting to any of our posts or you can send an email to callmecrecks@gmail.com. All emails and comments will remain anonymous. However, as always we will give our honest and possibly blunt opinion. Then we may mix it with a few jokes just because that's what we do. But regardless we'll give you the real deal. Then open it up to the readers and their opinions.

So with that said let's get into today's "Tuesday Testimony." To begin just keep in mind the subject of this letter is not PG-13. It's not XXX but it's probably somewhere between Nc-17 and X. LoL. Just a warning to those that may be a little more conservative feel free to exit now before the elevator doors close! LoL. But by all means don't take offense this is a grown up blog and we're having a grown up conversation. This week's Testimony was sent in via email:
____________________________________________
Brothers,

So about a month ago I caught my guy watching a porno movie. He wasn't doing anything except watching. Now it wasn't anything major because as a woman I know that all men watch porn. But it was a slight shock to see him doing it in front of me. Well he didn't stop watching as I came into the room and he actually asked if I wanted to watch with him.

Now I'm not going to pretend like I've never watched porn before in my life, but I will admit it's never been to the extent that a guy would watch. And I've never watched with a partner before. To be honest it really doesn't do much for me. I'd much rather do my own thing than watch someone else do it. But when he asked I did notice how turned on he was and thought it would be a "fun" experience for both of us.

Well long story short I agreed to watch with him. But as I sat next to him watching I found myself asking him a lot of questions, laughing at certain thiings I saw, and even talking about the actors in the film. After a while he grew tired of my antics and turned off the movie and left out the room. I was hoping we would doing a reenactment of the film ourselves but I could see he wasn't even aroused any more.

Since that episode I've walked in on him watching porn again a couple of times but now he just turns off the movie when I walk in. I don't care that he watches porn without me, but I would also like it to be something we can do together as well and then reap the benefits of it there after. Basically I want him to feel comfortable to invite me to watch with him again, but I don't know how to approach the subject.

What should I do?
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Here is our reply and conversation about the comment done via messenger:

C-Recks: Man this letter here is pretty funny only because I'm sure every man in the world that has watched porn with a woman has experienced this.

Driza Dre: yeah, I would have to agree

CR: And I can just feel my man's pain

DD: See the thing that women don't realize is that porn is a whole different world for men, And for the men that are brave enough to try to bring their woman into that world, well its usually not a positive outcome.

CR: I think instead of the FBI warning at the beginning of the porn movies about bootlegging there should be some other basic rules. Lol

DD: right

CR: Something like The 10 Porn Comandments

DD: Can't tell me nothing bout this porn. My Mr. Marcus Niggaz. Lol

CR: Lmao you a damn fool. (If you have never heard Biggie's "10 Crack Commandments" then you may have missed that symbolism).

CR: But shit since u sparked it hit em wit that #10 rule and we can go back and forth.

DD: Well shit, I say # 10 is number one to me. As a woman, you can't take it personal. I mean, yo man watching porn doesn't mean that he's not into you or that he's into any of those crazy things. Its just different. That's all. So don't hold it against him. I mean, if you watching porn with him, I'm sure he won't be trippin over the guy's packages that you'll be looking at. So don't sweat him.

CR: Well I'll say #9 is STFU! Oh sorry let me be nice please hush during porn time. A man doesn't need u killin his porn high by talking and asking a million questions about what's going on or how she can make her ass can clap like a whole audience on a game show. Or how fake her orgasms are or how nasty this or that is. We know all that but its porn you get what you get.

DD: In the same vane as #9, #8 is, just because he's watching a porn with a white girl in it doesn't necessarily mean that he's in to white women. Again, its a fantasy world. Plus, white porn is just better than black porn. I mean, if you put in a black porn, you have to sit and listen to some niggaz demo tape before the F*CKING starts. Sorry, but that gets old

CR: Lmao! Yeah I can't mix porn and rap! As Kanye said "that's why we watch your porn in fast forward cuz we don't wanna hear that weak shit no mo!" Lol

DD: Exactly. Lol. Also to the porn emcee. The next one of you niggaz to get a deal will be the first one of you niggaz to get a deal. Give it up! Unless you count Lloyd Banks/Brian Pumper. LOL

CR: Lmao I knew the Lloyd Banks was coming. **In my best Lloyd Banks voice**"Nigga what you say!" Lmao

CR: Well #7 plays off of that I say that women can't see their guy's porn stash and see some freak nasty stuff and assume her guy is automatically into all of that shit. Again its fantasy if he likes to watch 5 chicks get it on, trust its pure fantasy because the nigga will neva get that lucky! Eva! Lol

CR: Unless he watches gay porn then that's a totally different ball game and he may be batting someone else's balls. Lol. Or if it's anything else that's just out of the ordinary then "Houston we Have a Problem."

DD: Well, I draw the line at clown porn. If yo dude is watching people with big feet and squeezable red noses having sex, you have a right to ask some questions. LOL

DD: Tell him DrizaDre said so! Cuz hell, I wanna know why?

CR: Lol yeah if its some way off the wall shit then I will say u have the right to think something is wrong and even question it. Cuz some stuff like midget porn, beasteality or sick stuff like that is just weird and disturbing. But then again if he's into some off the wall stuff like that then I'm sure his porn stash isn't the first you've heard of the weird shit he's into.

CR: I'm talkin bout "normal" porn.

DD: Well, here's a serious tip for #6. If you've had enough of the porn, feel free at any time to spark off a session with your man. I've never heard of a man saying "naw baby, we can't have sex til I finish this Booty Talk #147. I mean, I do have to return it to the video store." If the porn has been on for two minutes or more, he's probably ready to throw down. So reach out and touch, or whatever it is that you do to spark it. Its time.

CR: No doubt! Lol

CR: Well #5 has to be take mental notes. Trust if you see something in the porn feel free to see if you can make the same happen in the bed. Your man will be pleasantly surprised and give you plenty of props (or something better) for trying it out without him having to ask or beg you to try it.

DD: Unless its some gay shit, If so, refer back to rule #7

CR: Lmao exactly

DD: #4 may sound redundant..... And it is STFU! But let me add this little tid bit. That doesn't just go for the particular day or night you'r watching the porn, but in the days after as well. There ain't nothing worse than being blindsided with something like "So you don't expect me to do a threesome just because we watched the porn last night?" I mean, that's a crazy comment over the breakfast table!

CR: Man yeah you don't know whether to ask to pass the K-Y or the syrup. lol

DD: LMAO. Better get it right!

CR: Well #3 is this ALL guys watch porn! Period point blank. I would feel like I deserve a no snitching fine if this wasn't a known fact! So please don't act surprised, upset, pissed, confused or whatever else when you catch your man watching porn or happen to "stumble upon" his porn stash! It is what it is and refer back to rule #10 when u find it

DD: Do I have to reiterate rules four and nine? Ok, well rule #2 is enjoy yourself. Its just porn. You haven't committed a cardinal sin or anything. At least I don't think so. But you'll have to take that up with your particular God. I'm not saying that you always need porn to make the sparks fly, but its a definite enhancer. And who knows, maybe that might help him to come to you and ask "What can I do for you to make it special". Just a Thought

CR: Well #1 then just sums them all up to me and I've already stated it. But it's simply It is what it is. Its porn. Its not real its not and never will be a replacement for real sex. Its not anything beyond its title, its porn. Its a billion dollar industry and they all get paid off people's desire to want to watch. As long as you keep it mind that it is what it is it will avoid plenty conflicts that arise that are porn related.

CR: I think the 10 Porn Commandments pretty much answer her question and if she can apply those rules her porn experience with her man will get better results. That's all I got but hit em' with a closing argument if you have one .

DD: Nope, the 10 speak for themselves. Damn if this ain't some of my best work actually. But apply the rules ladies, and you be the judge.
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Well that's our take on it. Any readers that want to give any other tips or helpful advice please leave your comments. And if you have a testimony please leave your anonymous post or e-mail.


--Driza Dre--
--C-Recks--

Bad to the Phone

In the blog Nanny Government my brother mentioned the recent implementation of the hand held cell phone ban in the State of California. Now here in the city of Chicago, Illinois the law has been in place for a couple years already. I'm not one to break many laws but this is one law that I just can't seem to abide by. Recently, someone told me that text messaging while driving is also illegal and you can be ticketed for it just like you can talking on your hand held cell phone.

Now I do have a bluetooth head set. However, I honestly don't talk on the phone that much to even use it. Others that are on the phone a frequent amount of time usually just walk around with their bluetooth in their ear. But I don't. Therefore, if I happen to get a call or need to make a call while driving I will use my hand set. As for text messaging, well that's the purpose of even having the type of phone that I have which is a Side Kick 3. It is designed specifically for text messaging. The qwerty keyboard actually resembles that of a real keyboard. Also, the calling plan I have comes with unlimited text messages. The fact is I'm more likely to send a text message than make a phone call.

According to GSHA.org many of the states have used crash data to back up their reasons for having a ban on handheld cell phones. Therefore, I am not disputing the fact that the laws exist or whether or not driving and talking on a hand held cell phone is dangerous or not. I'm simply stating my case. I'm speaking for myself. This is how I would present my case if I ever got ticketed and had to go to court for using my cell phone and or text messaging.

First of all your honor that's a nice robe you have on. I know it's officially after Labor Day but does that come in white? LoL. I'm just kidding. Well as you know I was ticketed for driving while text messaging. I understand why the law is in place and by no means am I stating that I am above the law. However, I want to let the record show that me text messaging while driving is not at all a distraction to me operating my motor vehicle.

I'm sure you're wondering how is that possible? Well when I use my phone to send a text I don't have to look at the keyboard in order to type. The qwerty keyboard is exactly like a computer keyboard. I sit at a desk all day at work typing on a computer. So I know the location of the keys by memory. If you would like can demonstrate this for you. Now you're probably thinking that's fine that you don't have to look at the phone while you text but how do you drive when your hands are on your phone and not the steering wheel?

Well I'm glad you asked because I also have another unique talent that I can utilize while driving. I have the ability to drive/steer the car with my knee. I used to watch my father do this when I was younger and was fascinated by it. So it was only a matter of time until after years of driving that my brother and I were able to pick up on this nifty trick. Now I know you're probably picturing me driving with my knee and sending a text message and thinking OMG you're going to kill someone or yourself. But actually it's very safe if you know what you're doing. See my left knee steers the vehicle while my right foot covers the brake/gas.

Again, I can only speak for myself when I say I can safely and effectively operate a vehicle in this manner. Simply put I am a multi-tasker by nature and have the ability to do many things at once. Therefore, this ticket that I received stating I was driving while distracted is actually incorrect and should be overturned. In fact, I believe that there are things that distract drivers far more often than a cell phone. Also, those things could potentially cause accidents more frequent than using a cell phone while driving. I'd like to call into evidence a number of these items just to prove my point.

Exhibit A - Watching Porn

Now some may be thinking why would watching porn be a distraction while you're driving? Or you may be thinking that you have to be a damn freak to be watching porn while you're driving. Well when I say porn I'm not referring to watching it in my car. First of all I have no TVs in my car. Second of all it's definitely not that serious. However, those individuals that do think it's that serious should be required to tint their windows. The distraction comes in when you pull up behind them. And of course you're going to automatically be intrigued as to what their watching. Once you find out it's porn the likelihood of you trying to watch is inevitable. So the next thing you know you find yourself tailgating the car in front of you just to watch their TV. But as soon as they hit their brakes BAM!! you plow into their bumper.

Exhibit B - Eating

I remember once my mom told me that she was once riding somewhere with my brother. As he was driving he pulled out a plate of food to eat. Now finger food is one thing but apparently this was a Thanksgiving style plate of food. One that required a fork to eat. She described it as him holding the plate in one hand, the fork in the other, and driving with his knee. The ironic part was he happen to be driving a stick shift. Yet he was able to drive to perfection doing all that. However, there are others that are not as skilled. Therefore even eating a simple hamburger and fries can be a distraction. So, imagine someone driving along eating their lunch and as they take a bite of that burger ketchup squirts out onto their nice suit. The immediate reaction will be to look down and in that split second CRASH!! there is another rear end accident.

Exhibit C - Grooming

When people are running late for work in the morning they're liable to do any and everything thing to save time. Most of the time saving activities involve grooming of some sort. Anything from shaving, to teeth brushing, to hair combing. However, I must fault you ladies for this last distraction. Putting on make up while driving! Now come on. I've seen women take forever to put on make up in the bath room mirror. Not to mention it seems to take the precision of a surgeon to apply some of that stuff. How in the world you put on mascara without poking your damn eye out is beyond me. But the point is that there can be no way you can apply make up in the rear view or visor mirror and drive safely. That's just an accident waiting to happen.

Exhibit D -Pretty Women

Now of course I have no problem with pretty women by any stretch of the imagination. But any guy (straight guys that is) will have to admit that when pretty women will always be a distraction. It doesn't matter if they're driving in the car next to you, walking down the street, or if they happen to be your passenger. The point is that when a guy sees a pretty girl he will look and even stare if it can go unnoticed. I've seen guys (myself included) damn near break they neck to look at a good looking female that they drove past. I've also literally seen guys hang out the car window to look at, whistle at, and holla at a female. So bottom line is that good looking females are definitely a distraction to a male driver.

Exhibit E - Billboards

I know that the purpose of billboards are to grab attention. But most billboards are strategically placed along side highways. However, I will admit some are pretty distracting to drivers. I've seen plenty of billboards that caught my attention. The problem with some is that you have to do some reading to figure out what the billboard is advertising. So imagine traveling 65+ miles per hour and then passing a billboard that caught your eye and trying to figure out what it is says. Exactly!! It will take a lot of concentration. Also, it will divert your eyes from the road for a good amount of time. And if I was driving on this road and saw this billboard of Beyonce in a bikini I'd probably smash into the median trying to look at this sign. LoL.

Exhibit F - Bad Ass Kids

There is probably nothing worse than or more aggravating than a car full of kids. Now if those kids happen to be bad ass kids it's enough do "drive" any one crazy. But when you have 2 kids fighting, another crying, then another throwing stuff at you in the drivers seat I'd say that makes for a distraction. Some skilled/long armed parents have the ability to lay hands on their children (not in the biblical sense) while still being able to drive safely. But other than that you're probably one scream or cry away from slamming on the brakes and taking off your belt.

So, there you have it your honor. If you are going to ticket me for what you consider a distraction to my driving then I would say that you need to start ticketing me and every one else for things that are an even bigger distraction. The things I mentioned are only a few of probably many more that I could name. But you get the gist of what I'm saying. I throw myself on the mercy of the court and ask that this ticket be overturned. I rest my case.

Guilty or Not Guilty? Was my argument convincing enough? You be the judge. LoL

--C-Recks--

A Penny For My Thoughts

Alright. There have been some things on my mind. Topics that might not be able to support a full blog, but definitely worth sharing. So here comes another edition of Pennies for my thoughts.







At this point we should have all heard of the "Nigerian email scam". For those of you who haven't heard of it, here's a quick recap of the scam. A person would receive an email from someone that they have never met in their entire lives. The email has some version of, and I'm paraphrasing here, "I have a lot of money that was left to me by the king/queen of some unheard of African nation. Some kind of government bureaucracy prohibits me from having access to this money. If you send me some money, it will allow me to somehow receive this money, and in turn I will repay you handsomely."

Well as vague as that description was, the emails are probably just about as vague, if not more so. Here's my question. Who the hell are those individuals who fell for this scam? I mean, I might have been born at night, but it wasn't last night. If you have access to a fortune, was it not someone within your inner circle who couldn't lend you the necessary funds to procure this supposed fortune? I mean, if it does exist, why not give your people access to it? Next question. OK, let's say that all your friends are broke as hell, and they can't help you with that at all. Why is your next "logical" act to send an unsolicited email to Grandma Betty in Cheyenne, Wyoming? (A rhetorical question of course).

Last question. Have there been any black people who fell prey to the Nigerian email scam? I'm not saying that blacks are smarter or anything like that, but I will say that black people are more naturally skeptical and suspicious than the average white person. I blame it on slavery! Yes slavery. We fell for that one hook, line and sinker. So I believe its ingrained in us to be naturally suspicious of pretty much everything. Can't get caught slippin again.

A quick update about the Nigerian email scam. I read an article about a politician in Nigeria who believes that the people who fall victim to this scam should be prosecuted for greed just like the perpetrators. I'm normally one who believes in hammering criminals. But damn, I do have a heart. The people may have been snaked out of their life's fortunes in some cases, should they really go to jail in the process? Just a thought.



I wrote a while back about the subject of an inner "bad ass kid". Well along the same lines, I would like to talk about another time in which that inner bad ass kid comes out. When we see midgets. Now I know that midget is an offensive term. So you may call them little people, or vertically challenged. I myself call them midgets! I don't know why it is that after 30 years on this Earth, the sight of a midget still brings out a curiosity factor in me. I don't laugh or anything like that, ok, well not on the outside. But I am still intrigued by the sight. And I doubt if I'm the only person. One more thing on the subject of midgets. If there are any midgets reading this, ya'll have to stop exploiting yourselves. There's already the curiosity factor, you don't need to complicate things by allowing yourselves to be tossed for sport, filmed wrestling, and definitely not doing porn. (Background, my boy set me up, and gave me a flick with a scene with a midget in it. Not my choice, I still hold salt with him to this day for that).



Has anyone ever seen a 7-11 closed? I was out last night, and the young lady I was with asked me to stop at the 7-11. I pulled into the parking lot, and she stated "I don't see anyone in there. I think they're closed." Now mind you, its only about 9:45 at night. But as I replayed her statement in my head, it got me to thinking, have I ever seen a 7-11 closed? I don't believe I ever have. And I believe you'd be hard pressed to come up with a time that you have as well.







Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever. I know that I might not be taking much of a great leap by stating that, but I will prove it with a simple argument. During his tenure, Michael Jordan kept some of the best players ever from winning a championship. From the NBA's 50 greatest players of all time: Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Clyde Drexler, and Patrick Ewing. Other great players from this era not to have championship rings due to Michael include: Reggie Miller, John Stockton, Gary Payton, and Dominique Wilkins. I can state that all of these players would be NBA Champions, if not for playing in "Michael Jordan" era. (Also, I want to state that if it weren't for the retirement of Michael for two years, Hakeem Olajuwon would not have gotten his rings. David Robinson only got his rings once Michael retired the second time. So as far as I'm concerned, they belong on this list as well).


Well that's enough for now. Just 4. Coupled with my last post, you now owe me 9 cents. As usual, you know I'll put it on your tab. (Just know that at some point we will have to settle up. Lol).


-Drizadre-

Man Up!!! Part 6

Yep it's that time again it's time to Man Up!! We've been moving right along and are starting off this week at Rule #25. So, in case you're just tuning in make sure you go back through the previous Man Up Rules to catch up to speed. But just to remind those of you that have been following and any new comers here's how it works: This blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.

Man Up Rule #25:

Watching and or viewing pornography is a solo activity. No groups of men (even as little as 2) should ever be caught viewing or watching porn together. It doesn't matter what form the porn is in whether video (Image 1), magazine (Image 2), or Internet (Image 3).

(1)

(2)

(3)

Man Up Rule #26:
Men should never wave hello or goodbye to another man (Image 1). The only acceptable non-verbal greetings are the brother man head nod, or the single fist pump (Image 2).

(1)

(2)

Man Up Rule #27:

Although for some reason men got away with wearing short shorts back in the day, that is no longer the style. At this point your shorts should never be above the lower thigh level. This rule applies to any occupation whether, Basketball Player (Image 1), Football Player (Image 2), Cop/Actor (Image 3), or Rock Musician (Image 4).

(1 John Stockton)

(2-Chris Cooley)

(3-Reno 911)

(4)

To Be Continued...

Brothers' Perspective

--C-Recks--

--DrizaDre--

Keep It On the DownLoad

As we all know the Internet is also known as the "Information Super Highway." When I was first introduced to the Internet back in the 90's I had no clue that the Internet would become what it has become. The Information Super Highway has surpassed the German Autobahn. In other words, there are absolutely no limits as to where you can go on the Internet nor how fast you can get there. I mean whatever your heart desires you can find it on-line. That's right anything from a piece of food resembling Jesus or the Virgin Mary
http://www.mrbreakfast.com/article.asp?articleid=23 to a wig for your cat http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html. Yes I said a damn cat wig!! Click the link if you don't believe me. Lol.

But one thing that is probably the easiest thing to find on the Internet is pornography. According to statistics adult websites generate over $1 Billion in revenue yearly. There are more than 72,000 sexually explicit websites on the Internet and new sites are being added at a rapid rate of 266 per day. 25% of total search engine requests are porn-related. (Top three searches: sex, mp3 and hotmail). 8% of total emails are porn-related. The average daily pornographic emails are 4.5 per Internet user and 12% of total websites are pornographic. So again, as you can see whatever you want no matter how sick or distasteful you can find it on the Internet.

In fact, I recently came across a statistic that stated one-third of divorce litigation is actually sparked by online affairs. So, my question of the day is this. Is an online/Internet affair still considered cheating? Some people would say absolutely yes, some others would say no, and plenty remain on the fence. I'm just going to explore some aspects of each area and the good people out there can be the judge for themselves. There will be plenty of questions posed and you can answer them to yourselves as you read along.

Let us start by first defining a few terms. First term is adultery. http://www.dictionary.com/ defines adultery as: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Next, they define the word cheat as: Informal. to be sexually unfaithful (often fol. by on): Her husband knew she had been cheating all along. He cheated on his wife. Next, is the word infidelity is defined as 1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 2. unfaithfulness; disloyalty.
3. lack of religious faith, esp. Christian faith. 4. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression. Finally, let's look at the word unfaithful, which is defined as: not sexually faithful to a spouse or lover.

Alright we now know how the dictionary defines the words adultery, cheating, infidelity, and unfaithful. As for the word adultery, the definition strictly addresses the sexual intercourse aspect. So, as we know "cyber-sex" definitely does not involve any physical contact so I would say it doesn't fit into the text book definition of adultery. In fact, when you break it down into it's simplest form, cyber-sex is nothing more than typing. That's right 2 people typing to each other. Now true enough the subject matter is what places cyber-sex into that grey area. But comparing the definition of adultery and the act of having cyber-sex do not equal the same thing by a long shot.

Now please keep in mind I am not in any way stating that it is right for an individual male or female to participate in cyber-sex if they are in a marriage or committed relationship. I'm simply stating that based off the definition I don't think it is adultery. But I'm sure some individuals are thinking yes it is, I don't care what you say or what the hell Webster (Dictionary) or Mr. Papadopoulos say. Lol. So, for those of you with that position let's explore a few examples and see if you consider them adultery as well.

Example 1: Say for instance there is a husband that frequents a local strip club from time to time. Let's Say he goes once every 2 weeks on his pay day. He stops in after work with some co-workers, has some drinks, watches the ladies, tips, and pays for a couple of private dances. He does nothing more than this. So would you consider his actions adultery?

Example 2: There is a husband that tends to watch pornography. It is not an excessive amount but he does buy and rent movies on a semi-regular basis. He doesn't necessarily hide them from his wife but they are of course not in plain view along with the regular dvds. So is him watching pornographic movies adultery? But let's take it a step further what if instead of movies he views the pornography on the Internet? Last question what if he was viewing someone (a stranger) on a web cam would that too fall into the same category of adultery? Are all of these actions one in the same or is perhaps one worse than the rest?

Example 3: An attractive wife tends to be flirtatious by nature. She doesn't try to be but she just comes off flirty in most conversations with men. Not to mention her looks obviously attract a lot of attention when she's out in public, especially from men. So, say for instance while at the grocery store she flirts with one of the stock boys. And let's say that the package they discussed in the conversation wasn't one of the boxes he was unloading. However, their conversation never go beyond the flirting and her time in the store. Is she committing Adultery?

I don't know what your individual answers to the above examples are but personally my answer is no to each of them. Now that doesn't mean that I don't feel that these spouses aren't dabbling in behavior that is suspicious at best, and definitely disrespectful, if their spouses are unaware of what they are doing. Also, in each case there is potential that their actions can eventually lead to adultery taking place. But just the actions themselves I do not consider aldutery, cheating, or being unfaithful, based on our definitions. However, if you recall two of the definitions of infidelity were (1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 4. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression). So by definition I can definitely agree that these are all acts of infidelity because they are showing a level of disrespect to their spouses as well as proving themselves untrustworthy.

So how far is too far when it comes to "Internet Infidelity?" Is simply chatting in a regular chat room too much if you're married or in a committed relationship? Many would argue that if you're in a marriage then you have no reason even be in a chat room to begin with. You should be chatting with your spouse right? Well I play poker online and many of the poker websites have a chat feature. There have been times when females have attempted to chat with me. Usually starting with something like "ASL?" For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym it simply stands for Age, Sex, Location. Basically the other person is asking for your details starting with those 3. So, how far is too far? What about exchanging photo's with the person that you're chatting with? Or chatting while using a web cam? Now Keep in mind that the person on the other end is a total stranger that is probably located in some far away place. Many would say that as long as it's not chatting with someone they know personally that it's alright. For instance, if they were constantly chatting with say a co-worker is much worse than with a total stranger. The reason mainly being that if they know the person there is much more potential for harmless chatting to turn into something more. So what about chatting sexually (having cyber-sex) with that person too far? What if it's simply a cyber-sex thing and you never share anything more? Or contrast that with just chatting in general (no cyber-sex), but in those chats you share bits of your personal life, problems (possibly with your spouse), and emotions with that person? Which is worse? I'm sure anyone that has been cheated on before (I being one of them) would agree that physically being cheated on is bad enough, but when the cheater then develops an emotional attachment it's far worse.

So going further let's try this one. By now everyone and their momma at least has either a myspace, facebook, or blackplanet page. But should married individuals have them? Is that crossing the line? Some would say no it's fine just as long as your relationship status reflects that you're indeed married. Or some would say that as long as they are only using the networking site to stay in touch with current friends and re-connect with past ones there is nothing wrong with that. But my question is this, who really wants guys or girls across the world writing on their husband or wife's wall/message board saying how attractive they are? Or sending them notes or messages trying to holler at them all day long? Not trying to sound like the jealous type but I know if I was married I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Plus wouldn't having access to millions of potential "friends" be sort of a temptation? Or try this what if you met your significant other online would it be wrong for you to want them to terminate their myspace (or any other social networking) account? That's no different than a couple that met in say the club and all of a sudden one spouse says I don't want you to go to the club anymore. Is that not a contradiction?

I think the fact of the matter is that each individual couple has to establish how far is too far? I personally think when the individual is attempting to be sneaky and inconspicuous with it then that's a red flag that the chatting may be something more. I mean if it's all innocent and means nothing then what's there to hide. There should be no need for any of the following behavior if it's simply innocent chatting. For instance, if your spouse walks in the room the screen shouldn't have to be minimized nor should you be turning off the entire computer. Also, constantly chatting while your spouse is sleeping or at work, and having all of your accounts and computers password protected. Lastly, deleting the cookies on your computer after each use. All of these activities are definitely the work of someone that is trying to hide something and it can't be anything innocent.

So in conclusion, if your significant other is spending more time online than they spend with you then there could definitely be an Internet affair going on. More than anything, I think any affair whether Internet based or actually in person points to a much deeper problem. Something is lacking or not being fulfilled within the marriage or relationship. If a person will take the time to form a bond whether sexually based or emotionally based on the Internet when they have a spouse physically there living in the same home as them, then again there's something lacking. Unfortunately, if you are in this position I can't tell you what it is you'll have to do some soul searching yourself to discover the answer. But take it from someone that's been cheated on before (don't worry it was not Internet based) it's not a good feeling at all. But unfortunately, in today's times you not only have to watch out for the other man/woman on the street trying to steal your spouse. Now, you have to worry about the potential of anyone on the entire World Wide Web becoming a "cyber-mistress." Which is indeed a Sad Reality.

--C-Recks--