Randomness

So I haven't done one of these in a long time and figured I'd go ahead and hit you guys with some random things about me. I have no set number of items I'm just going to ramble on until I stop. So here we go:

1.) I want to learn Spanish. As much as it could have come in handy in my old job dealing with a 90% Hispanic customer base my reason is not for career advancement. Although it may benefit in that way, I have another reason. On the real I want to learn so that I can watch the Soap Operas that come on the Spanish Channel. Maybe it's just me but I turned past the channel all the time and sometimes stop. But I swear whatever goes on in those shows is deep as hell. And dramatic as all get out!

2.) I thought about it and I've had a very wide range of best friends going back to grade school. Let's just say no one can ever say that I discriminate. 1st Grade: My best friend was disabled. Yep he had only 3 fingers (or maybe 2) on each hand. But we hung like it wasn't nothing, and I still got play from the girls back then. LoL. 3rd grade my best friend was Indian. I mean for real Indian he wore a Turban and all. Shame that they hated on him though. Someone pulled his Turban off once. Although I was glad my curiosity was finally satisfied as to what was under there I felt bad to see him cry. His hair was long as hell though. From there I went to black, Hispanic, white and now a female. Like I said I don't discriminate. Good friends are hard to come by. LoL. Not to get too deep but isn't it funny how innocent we are as kids and how race, religion, creed, and gender don't matter. All we see is another kid.

3.) My closet as I've been told resembles that of a woman's closet. I admit that I do have a lot of clothes. However, I'm not like a female when it comes to shopping. I actually hate shopping. I blame my grandmother for that. As a shorty we would have to spend hours upon hours waiting in the store for her to finish shopping. And as boys we would play and get into stuff. And as soon as you did she would pinch the HELL out of us!!! But as for my shopping my problem lies with bargain shopping I tend to find great deals. Therefore when I do shop I buy a lot at once but get a great deal for the amount I spend. But yeah there you have it my closet, clothes, shoes, etc. Damn Shame! LoL. Unfortunately I didn't have time to provide a pic of my own closet.

4.) I don't know if it's partly with me being as suspicious as I am or what. However, I've noticed that I can not kiss entirely with my eyes closed. I've even tried to and I can't. Not all crazy staring like some lunatic. LoL. But at some point during the kiss I must take a little peek. Maybe it's me making sure she's enjoying as much as I am. Who knows exactly.

5.) I've done this ever since I was a kid. But I still fall asleep on any car trips over an hour long. If I'm not driving I'm sleeping. Bottom line and people who know me know that. I remember my bro and I being both drunk and sleepy leaving Vegas for L.A. I'm talking big stuff like yeah I'm gone stay up don't worry. Next thing I know I'm waking up and we're in Cali. My brother was like I knew your ass was going to fall asleep. Lol. I'm headed down to Atlanta, GA next week for my cousin's wedding. I'll be riding with my Mom and possibly brother. And I'm sure I'll be sleeping half of the trip at least. lol.

6.) As a black man it's in my DNA to love chicken. However, some would say that I don't eat it properly. You see it is impossible for me to clean a chicken bone. I just can't do it. As good as it tastes I just can't eat it all. My parents would eat after me as a kid. Now my mom just talks about me still. And my son has the same issue so far. Again, I have no clue as to why.

7.) I'm not a big sweater. Unlike the typical man I don't perspire that much. It will take some pretty strenuous activity and extreme heat for my sweat glands to go to work. Even some of the 'hardest' work one could put it may only produce a few drops of sweat from me. LoL. Now you man think I have the top line of anti-perspirant. However, that's not the case. Due to the fact that I don't really sweat I actually tend to purchase the cheapest deodorant there is. It may even say stick on the bottle or just deodorant. Lol. Not that I would ever attempt to go a day without it. But my money would be on if I did forget to use deodorant that no one would ever know I didn't.

8.) In the morning I must have a drink of juice. If there is no juice it must be something equivalent (kool-aid, tea, etc). I think I picked this up somewhere along the way from my father. He would open up anything in the fridge come the morning. He didn't care whose it was, if it was in there come morning it was subject to getting opened and drank. But for me it's almost like the morning just won't start off right without this beverage. Just like some need their morning coffee, I need my juice. Unfortunately, I haven't had any the last few days and it's not a good thing.

9.) Speaking of drinking. I discovered a long while ago that I have the weird ability to be able to drink while laying down. Yep I can lay down on my back and drink a cup of whatever without spilling or choking. People that have seen me do it wonder how I can do so without damn near choking. But I have no clue I have just always been able to do this. Weird I know. LoL.

10.) May 5th of this year I would have officially been married 8 years...if I had not gotten a divorce 4 years ago. LoL. If you are following me on twitter then you would have seen me dub that day my "Non-Iversary." LoL. It was also Cinco De Mayo so my BFF and I celebrated that as well. But I need to remember the date I got divorced and start to celebrate that day. Isn't that public record? I need to do some online searching and confirm that's in the public record before I discover my ass is still married or some garbage. Now wouldn't that be some s**t? LOL.

11.) Speaking of divorce. I have taken the opportunity of having gone through an event such as divorce at a young age and chosen to share my experiences with the world. Yep I have began drafting a book. Don't ask me when it will be done or what will take place once it is done. However, I have some stories (boy do I...) and I feel like they're so great that they must be told. In fact, I tend to tell myself just in everyday life that I must be living a movie cuz some of this stuff is purely cinematic. So stay tuned. Perhaps I'll leak some chapters for you guys feedback as I get the the chance to.

12.) My Birthday is coming up on May 30th. Although I don't look it I will be 29 years old. Hard to believe myself that I am only a year away from 30. But hey I look forward to it. Just another chapter in this book I call my life. Also, speaking of B-days. Shouts out to my best friend's 25th b-day is coming up next week on the 20th. Also, a special birthday shout out to KingsMomma who is also celebrating her 25th on Sunday. She threatened me from afar via twitter to finally post a blog. LoL .

13.) I miss my granny. I know I don't see her since she moved down to ATL and have been a bad grandson and not calling like I should have. But I talked to her on Mother's Day and I look forward to seeing her when I go down there for my cousin's wedding. My grandmother has some of the funniest quotes in the world. For instance. No matter who you're with or how long you've been with or married to that person she will refer to them a certain way. So to my cousin (her oldest granddaughter) your new husband will still always be "The Boy" when it comes to granny. Another great saying of my grandmother's are actually words of wisdom. She would always say. "The one thing I can't stand is a Liar and a Thief, because if you'll steal you'll lie, and if you lie you'll steal." Now I don't know about the latter part of that, because I know liars that don't steal. But the first part is dead on!! To this date I've known thieves that will lie they ass off. So shout out to all the thieves and liar out there. And speaking of, if anyone ever gets their hands on a book called "Purpose through Pain." I doubt if it ever will surface but if on the off chance someone sees it please inform me asap. LOL.

That's it for now lucky 13. Hope everyone has a great weekend and holiday weekend if I don't update the blog by then. Also, I seem to be a little addicted to this twitter thing. So feel free to follow me there twitter.com/crecks. It is probably the easiest way to check in with the latest and greatest of one half of Brothers' Blog. Especially since I've been able to update this so rarely.

--C-Recks--

The Mother Load

A couple of weeks ago I was at work and dealing with an irate customer over the phone. This is probably an every day occurrence in my line of work. So, it's nothing for me to maintain my professionalism while being verbally badgered by customers. This particular customer had his car repossessed and was upset because when he got his car back he had no license plates. So, he was going off about the fact that he couldn't drive his car with no plates. As I'm trying my best to help this customer he starts speaking Spanish in the back ground. Now I'm in no way fluent in the Espanol language. However, I did use to live in California for about 7 years. During those years a lot of my friends in school were Hispanic. So, I picked up on a lot of Spanish words that I still can recall. Fortunately/Unfortunately, those particular words happen to be mainly the curse words.

So as I'm explaining to him the procedure he must go through in order to get his plates, I can hear him saying in Spanish MF this, F**k that, B**ch this, A-Hole that. Now again, I sometimes deal with irate customers on a daily so phone bullies don't bother me because any one can be big and bad over the phone. However, when I over heard him say in Spanish "F**k your Mother" well let's just say at that point a nerve was officially struck. In an attempt to maintain my professionalism I had to hang up on that customer. Although the black in me wanted to serve his ass with a few choice words of my own, I was able to hold back in an effort to keep my job. Brother got child support and bills to pay. LoL.

I honestly had to think about the last time I even had someone say something about my mom. It had been quite a long time. I want to say around 5th grade. But it was only because for some reason other kids would come to me to come up with good "Yo Momma" jokes. I won't front a was pretty good but I'll admit most of my good ones were stolen. The ones I came up with personally were not as funny. LoL. But back then it was fun to joke and talk about someone's mother. At least it wouldn't come to blows in the end. So I'm sure that I had my mother talked about and talked about even more mothers. But I remember I used to get em' with some of the classics like these:



Yo Momma So fat she jumped in the sky and got stuck!
Yo Momma So fat she stepped on a rainbow and made a pack of skittles!
Yo Momma So broke she can't pay attention!
Yo Momma So black she went to night school and was counted absent!
Yo Momma So old her Social Security Number is 1!
Yo Momma So stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

If you sit back and think about the impact of someone saying "Yo Momma!" it would amaze you. But why is that the one of the top things that can set damn near anyone off? Here's another example. My mother was talking with my son recently. Whatever they were discussing she told him something like "you need to ask yo momma and yo daddy." Well he's only 4 and probably has never experienced having his momma talked about. However, his response to my mother was "what you say about my momma?" We couldn't help but to laugh. But that just goes to show you that hearing someone say "Yo Momma" is enough to get a rise out you even at 4 years old.



Unfortunately I can't go into the history of "Yo Momma" jokes and enlighten you on who delivered the first diss to someone's momma. However, remember when people talked about you when you were a kid, what was usually your mom's favorite response? "So what they talked about Jesus!!" Therefore, that leads me to conclude that if they talked about Jesus I'm pretty sure that someone talked about Jesus' mother as well. I'm sure this one was a popular one back then. I could hear them now "Yo Momma aint no virgin." LoL.

Well it really boils down to the connection between mother and children. She carried you for 9 months, gave birth to you, and then raised you. So how can you not be protective of dear old mom? Although it's never funny when someone talks about your momma, I will admit it's pretty damn funny when someone else's mom is talked about. In fact, hearing someone's mother get talked about is so entertaining MTV even came up with a show dedicated to just that, talking about other people's mothers. The subtly titled "Yo Momma" pins contestants against each other to see who can deliver the best punchlines, jokes, and disses toward their opponents.

Even rappers have capitalized on the fascination of talking about people's mothers. Most people remember the rap group Pharcyde for their hit single "Passin' Me By." However, Passin' Me By was their 2nd single. The group's debut single was actually a comical song entitled "Ya Mama." The song title was pretty self explanatory as the group basically went back and forth talking about someone's mother. More recently Chicago rap group Hotstylz did a song entitled "Yo Mama." But I'll take the original Pharcyde version any day of the week over this version. In my opinion this gong sounds just like their other single "Lookin' Boy" except on a different beat. But you can be the judge.

(Pharcyde - Ya Mama)

(Hotsylz - Yo Mama)

So if you ever find yourself playing the dozens like in the clip below from the show In Living Color now you know to go for the jugular like a vampire. In this case, the jugular being their momma. Just make sure you come correct with your punchlines. I don't want to hear anyone using my old 5th grade punchlines trying pretend like you just made them up. LoL. Finally, to that customer don't think that I forgot about you. I may not have gotten to say it to you over the phone but I certainly will now. Yo Momma is so hairy that she uses a riding lawn mower to shave her back. Matter of fact she hires you and your brothers to come by weekly and landscape it for her. To any Hispanic readers please don't take offense because in actuality the customer did work for a lawn service. LoL. (Oh and that wasn't stolen I made it up all by myself).

(In Living Color)

(White Chicks)

--C-Recks--