Confessions of an Auto Finance Company Employee

So last Friday morning we were awakened out of our sleep by somone laying on our buzzer! If you've ever been awoken out of your sleep by any loud sound whether it be a baby crying, smoke alarm or whatever then you know how it leaves you in that sort of panic state. So I stumbled to the living room and politely, asked who was at the buzzer. Naw I'm lying I think I said something like "who the hell is this?"

The respondant stated they were with some auto recovery place and they were looking for the previous tenant. I yelled back they don't live here or something to that affect. They persisted to ask where he lives now and is he in another apartment. I again yelled I don't know, but he doesn't live here. They tried to again aggressively question me through the intercom. Finally, they said well this is unit ___ and we have his car on the tow truck. I was about to say I don't give a.... "wait what kind of car is it?" (I'm good but I was half sleep so you know I had to just make sure. lol) He replied "A Mercedes Benz." I yelled back "oh ok well whatever he don't live here bye!"

After that I looked at the time and it was like 4am. I was left unable to go back to sleep for probably another hour. Mind you I get up at like 6:40am. But in the end I guess I found it kind of funny, just because of what I used to do for a living. So as a treat to all those that may be struggling in this down economy I decided to re-post the blog below. Some tips that may help you out if you're in the same spot as my man with the Benz.
______________________________________________________
To begin, this is an anonymous posting. It is coming from a person that has expertise in this field/industry and felt the need to help out some individuals by giving out inside information. Use the information as you choose and at your own risk. We assume no liability for what happens based on you using or not using the information...

As we all know today's economy is not what it was 8+ years ago. People are really struggling now a days. They're getting laid off from work, they're in debt, and barely able to keep their head above water. In some cases they're unable to afford food to eat let alone keep a roof over their head or a car to get around in.

Well I work in the car finance company and I have witnessed the people struggling to pay high car note payments. It's hard out here for everyone. And when you're put into a situation as to whether you keep a roof over your family's head and food in the fridge versus to pay a car note payment well it's a simple choice as to which is going to fall by the way side. However, business is business and well the Finance Company is in business to make money and if you're not going to pay for whatever the reason may be well they have no choice but to do what they have to do. And ultimately that decision will be to come looking for their collateral which is the car and or truck or motorcyle.


Well I've been in this field for over 5 years and I've seen and done it all when it comes to car financing and repossessions. However, I'm just the low man on the totem pole so I'm just like the average person. Possibly a paycheck or 2 away from being a victim of the same fate. Therefore, I am writing this confession in an attempt to hopefully help some unfortunate individuals avoid the Repo man. Keep in mind I am not advocating or urging anyone to not pay their bills. Paying your bills on time is always the right thing to do. But just in case anyone finds themselves in a rough spot given these tough economic times well here's a guide to hopefully help you out some. If this doesn't apply to you then be happy but anyone can fall on hard times. But if you can't utilize this information you may know someone that can, just pass it on.

First off keep in mind that all Finance Companies are different in the way they operate. Some are more lenient and allow you to go further behind and will work with you more than others. While some are much stricter, especially given that many customers are no longer paying. Therefore, use this only as a loose guide.

Always keep in contact with the Finance company as soon as a problem arises and you can not pay. If you just got laid off make sure that you contact them immediately. Usually most finance companies offer some type of payment deferment for situations like these where you can skip 1 or 2 months payments at least once a year. Therefore, my first bit of advice is even when times are tough and you're not able to pay for whatever the reason to always keep in touch with your finance company. Of course once you get behind they will without a doubt begin to call you. Although no one like to talk to bill collectors, keep in mind that this isn't a credit card, phone bill, or any other unsecured account. Your vehicle is that company's security. So if they feel at any point that their security is is jeopardy they have the right to come and get it. So if they call answer the phone or if they leave a message return the call. The fastest way to end up on the Repo list is to lose all contact with your finance company. They will assume that you've purposely stopped paying. So when they call you let them know you are not neglecting the car note and plan on paying as soon as you have the money to do so. However, do not make false arrangements that you know you can not keep just to get them off of the phone. Breaking arrangements is also another swift way to get put on the repo list. Also, if you're required to have full coverage insurance on your vehicle then a lapse in your insurance will also bring about the red flags and may even cause them to put forced placed insurance on your vehicle at a higher cost than you providing your own insurance.

So let's say you've exhausted all your means of help meaning you've gotten extensions on your payments and you're still unable to make your monthly payment. Well most companies will make a decision on whether to repo once a person is at least 30 days past due. This means that say your due date is the 20th of each month and you've missed last month's payment. Well when the 20th of the present month comes along you're officially 30 days past due and are technically due 2 payments. Most customers feel like I'm only behind on the last month's payment. However, the finance company will look at it as 2 payments behind and based on your previous payment history (how many payments total and made on time), the value of your vehicle vs. the amount you still owe (if your vehicle is almost paid off it's likely to be worth more money), and sometimes even your attitude towards the collectors when they call you will all determine if you go out for repo. So I would use the 30 day mark as a range of when you can start to suspect your vehicle may be out for repo or about to be put out. At that point you should begin to implement the rules I've listed below.

1.) Keep it Garaged!
If you have a home with a garage then whenever you're home always make sure your vehicle is in the garage. Technically by law a repo company can not enter your garage without a court order (we'll discuss that later). However, that doesn't stop some grimy repo companies from attempting to go in your garage depending on what type of garage you have. Therefore, if you have a garage with windows on it you should cover up the windows so that no one will be able to see inside. Just keep in mind that a repo companies are powerless if they can not find your vehicle. The most they can do is try other clever ways (keep reading) to attempt to retrieve the vehicle.

2.) Keep it Fenced or Blocked In
If you do not have a garage but have a gated or fenced in driveway or hard then you're in just as good a shape. Although they can see the car because of your gated driveway they can not remove the vehicle. Just make sure you have a heavy duty lock and or chain because they are not above trying to cut a lock. Also if you don't have a fence but say you have more than one vehicle or live with a group of people then you can essentially block your car in. The idea is to make sure it's blocked in nice and tight though. Although they are able to most likely easily obtain a key for your vehicle, they are not going to be able to tow 4-5 vehicles out of your driveway to get to yours. Nor will they risk trying to drive it out or tow it out for fear of damaging the other vehicles.


3.) Switch Cars
If you are not fortunate enough to live in a house with a garage or if you work at a job that doesn't have secured parking this may be the best option for you. If you have someone that is willing to help you out ask them to switch vehicles with you. They drive your car and you drive theirs. However, please remember that when you applied for this loan you filled out a reference sheet with 3-5 people you put down as a personal reference. You supplied a name, phone number, and address for those individuals. So make sure that the person you switch with is not on that reference list. I would venture to say that switching cars is probably the most effective way to avoid the repo man. Because they essentially have no clue who has the vehicle. They may know exactly where you live and work and how to contact you. But if you are not driving the vehicle they are looking for then that information is useless. However, as you keep reading the person you switch vehicles with will need to keep some things in mind as well.


4.) Cover it Up.
Although this is not as full proof as switching cars or keeping it in a garage it can possibly be a temporary fix for those of you without garages. While standing on the outside of your car if you look in the front windshield on the far right at the bottom there is a little notch inside there are 17 characters (numbers and letters). This is your VIN (Vehicle Identification Number). This is how they can officially identify your vehicle as being the one they have out for repo. Another way to identify is by plate #. Well if you keep that number covered with a paper or something from the inside it makes it difficult to identify if they have the right vehicle. So they may spot a vehicle that fits the description of the one they have out for repo but if they can't verify that VIN then some companies are reluctant to repo the vehicle for fear of repossessing the wrong one. However, keep in mind that if you simply have it covered there's nothing to stop them from popping your lock and removing the paper you have there. Remember they are a towing company and have the tools to do so. You can try to remove that Vin # from the panel but I don't know the difficulty of doing so. Also, another extreme means would be to paint your vehicle a totally different color. I'm not sure what a paint job runs now a days but I guess if you had the money for a paint job you'd pay the note.

Another indicator of whether or not it is the correct vehicle is the plate #. Repo companies utilize license plate numbers all the time. This is why the switcharoo described above is still not full proof. If you're spotted driving your friend's car or if your friends car is always parked in your driveway then there is nothing to stop them from running your friend's plate #. Once they do it will come back to your friends name and they can then retrieve the friends address. So I would recommend keeping the plate # covered up or removed while parked in your own personal drive way. Now if you do that while parking on the street or in a public parking area you will risk getting ticketed which will bring about other problems as you keep reading.

5.) Avoid Tickets
If you or even if you have switched vehicles with someone it is important that you and that friend avoid getting ticketed for any reason. The reason is because there is a way (At least in the City of Chicago) that you can check to see if a vehicle has received a parking ticket or a red light violation ticket. Once that information is obtained there is a way (which I can not disclose) that the finance or repo company can find out the exact location of where that ticket was given. So say you got a ticket for expired plates or no city sticker while you were parked over your girl's crib. Well they can then find from that ticket your girls address and in turn attempt to repo you from there. Also, the red light violation tickets are online as well. Some you can actually view the video of you running the light. It may be harder to indicate where you were going at the time but it can at least pin point a radius of the area you are in. Also, remember that if for whatever reason your vehicle is booted due to excessive tickets it can then be impounded. Once a vehicle is impounded the finance company will receive notice of this. There is usually about a 3-7 day lapse as to when they receive notice though depending on the city you're impounded in. So if you are impounded and know that you are behind on your payments you better get the vehicle out of the pound right away. Because once the finance company receives notice they will immediately go and pick up the vehicle.


6.) Don't Run Your Credit
Unless you're trying to get a loan that will pay your car note up to date I would avoid having your credit report ran or applying for any new credit. The reason being that any new information you give such as a job, address or phone number will most likely appear on your credit report next time it is ran. And keep in mind that you signed a credit application allowing the finance company to run your credit and they can do so in order to find you or find out information about you. Also, say for instance you just opened up a new account with a new creditor there are ways (which I can not disclose) that they can get the information you provided on your account to that new creditor. Including your current address, phone number, and job information.

7.) Home for the Holidays
Remember I mentioned those references? Well unfortunately you may want to avoid visiting them in your vehicle that is out for repo especially on the holidays. That is right finance and repo companies will some times make it a point to check certain addresses on holidays. If they have your mom or grandmom's address they will run it on a holiday hoping to catch you visiting on Thanksgiving, Christmas or 4th of July. Also, speaking of references if you have any bad blood with any of the people you've put as a reference you may want to quickly make amends with them. Because when it boils down to it they will not hesitate to snitch you out to the repo or finance company. I've seen bitter baby mama's and ex-girlfriends do it a lot. And just know that the finance company is not above offering financial restitution [A bribe] in exchange for information on where you or their vehicle is. What's a couple hundred dollars when it will lead to them recovering their vehicle worth thousands of dollars.

8.) Trap Cards
There are plenty of tactics that can be used to get you to call and once you do they will try to fish for information. One of these tactics is called using a trap card. The repo company will leave a card and or letter at the address stating something that will get you to call them. Once a company we utilized left a card indicating that they were trying to deliver a package to the customer. Well the customer called them back stating she's not home during the day and to deliver the package to her work. Well needless to say that information was used to repo the vehicle and there was never a real package. So if something sounds too good to be true it usually is. Also, with this you should avoid answering unknown/blocked calls, or calls from numbers you do not recognize. If you must return a call check the next tip on how to respond.

9.) Use a Payphone
If for any reason you decide to or have to contact the finance company it's best to do so from a payphone. I know they're kind of hard to find now a days but it will keep them off of your trail. Don't try to use your friend's phone or anyone else because they will find out who's phone you're using. And with today's technology even if you call in blocked or (*67) they can still get the number you're calling from. And if you call from a number they don't have already even if it's a friend's phone they will find out the name and address that number goes to. There are ways they can even text message you with hopes that you respond.

10.) Change of Address
If your vehicle is out for repo they will try to find you at any and every address they have associated with your account. Even old addresses you didn't even know they had. So, if you've moved from a previous address you may not want to put in a change of address with the post office. If your finance company sends a letter to your previous address then the post office will send a change of address back to the company. And you know they'll be looking for you at your new address.

11.) Don't Answer the Door
Just as with answering the phone for unknown callers don't answer the door either. Repo agents will come right up to your door and knock to get in touch with you. Some agents may use aggressive or scare tactics in order to reach you or to obtain the vehicle. For instance some agents carry badges but the badges are simply repossesor badges. But obviously they're hoping that you or the person that answers the door will think it's a police badge. I've even heard of agents lying saying that the vehicle was involved in a hit and run accident with hopes someone will give up some information. So if you have a peep hole use it and don't answer the door for any unknown individuals.


12.) Be on the Look out
Most people think of repo and think tow truck. Well now a days repo agents don't drive the traditional tow trucks. Some have high tech vehicles that look like regular pick up trucks. Also, as I mentioned they can get a copy of your key very easily. So some times they will travel in a regular car hoping to spot your vehicle and simple drive off in it. So, if you're on the look out you'll want to look for anything supsicious not just a tow truck driving down your block.

If you follow the above rules and tips you should be able to avoid the repo man for a time being. Again, this is not a guide for someone to rip off the finance companies even though they may have ripped you off (should've read the fine print). But if you're in a bind and need to buy yourself some time in order to get your finances together then these things may indeed help you out. The last thing that I want to discuss is something that can be a consequence of avoiding the repo man too long. Of course you can face adverse credit ratings, and possibly having your wages garnished. But if the vehicle is expensive and worth a lot to the finance company they can obtain what is called a Replevin. Basically a replevin is a court order in which the finance company has obtained which allows them to demand that you give them the vehicle back. Once this court order is obtained and served to you by a sheriff officer you must surrender the vehicle within the specified time or you will basically be arrested. So, again utilize the above info only to buy yourself time don't go into the business of ripping off finance companies.

--Anonymous--

I Got The Hook Up!!

"I got the hook-up, Holla if you hear me. Ugggnnnhhh!!" - Master P

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone mention that they have the hook up on this or that I wouldn't be rich, but let's just say I'd be a little more financially stable than I presently am. I mean I like anyone else, enjoy a deal as opposed to paying the full price. However, if you've ever experienced a "hook up" why does it seem like the savings you're getting are never quite worth the hassle?

While some people live and die by them, honestly I personally don't look for hook-ups. Now every so often they may get presented to me and at that time I weigh out the worth of what I'm saving as far as time/money vs. how much I want what the hook up is. For instance, over a year ago I'm walking home from work and minding my own business. I walked past an Indian market and saw 2 black guys in there. Okay at that point I was no longer minding my own business I was being nosey and also making sure nothing was about to go down. LoL. I mean why were these black guys in this Indian store? So I slowed down and saw they were trying to sell something, which I figured from the start. My eye spied a box that looked like a Playstation 3. So I slowed my walk down to a halt. I waited around for them to come out of the store. As they came out I asked what they were selling. They confirmed it was a brand new PS3 and that the Indian dude wouldn't bite. So, I inquired as to how much they wanted if I could check out the merchandise. They showed it and gave me a price which was substantially below retail value. The box was brand new and they proceeded to open it in front of me.

See this lesson I learned a long time ago from my Uncle Michael. I was maybe 7 or 8 could have been younger. However, all I remember was my father clowning my uncle because the fool bought a VCR from someone on the street. And when he went home and opened it well it was a box of bricks. LMAO.

So, I first inspected the goods and could see they were inside Styrofoam and all. This was legit. I didn't ask where they acquired said merchandise nor did I want to know or care. I made a quick call to my brother and confirmed that the asking price was well below the actual and completed the transaction. My Ps3 worked and has worked fine ever since I purchased it. Now that is a great hook up if you ask me.

Now it is very rare that I take advantage of hook ups because I am probably the biggest skeptic in the world. Think of the saying "believe none of what you hear and half of what you see." Well even if I see it right in front of me and can touch and feel that it's real I'm probably going to still question it. So anyways, over this Christmas season I won't front some situations had me just a bit strapped for cash. A few weeks ago my best friend informed me of a hook up one of her co-workers knew about. Without disclosing exactly what the hook up was, basically you could pay this particular bill to the hook up man and they would double what you pay them on your bill. So if your bill was $80 you pay them $40, they most likely pocket the $40, but somehow the $80 on your bill is paid.

When I was told this I didn't think anything of it and told my BFF that I'm good I'll just continue to pay that bill the regular way. Well that was until an unexpected charge appeared on that bill. I was then faced with a tough decision. Pay the bill entirely and be dead broke over the Holidays or try out this hook up. Damn! Although, I had met my BFF's co-worker once before, I didn't know this 3rd Party person or how this hook up worked. However, I was desperate and went against my better judgement (which I rarely do). So, the co-worker makes the call and I'm to meet up with the 3rd Party at where they work. Now the bill I was getting taken care of was not like a $50-$100 bill. It was a lot more than that or else I would not have even considered this avenue and would have just paid it.

So I meet with the 3rd party at the location and the individual turned out to be Arab (Clue #1-I don't trust Arabs for some reason. No offense to any of them but they just seem shady to me and this one was slick talking as hell). Now for some reason I was expecting this 3rd party to be a brotha name Tyrone, but it just wasn't the case. So I walk up to him confirm he's the guy I'm looking for, but he acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about (Clue #2-I hate secrets and secretive actions. I don't like code names and code words if I can't speak openly about it then I don't like to deal with it). But he quickly says "oh [co-worker's name] sent you right?" I'm like yeah she did. He then rips the corner piece of paper off of a larger sheet and hands it to me. He explains for me to write down my name and account information and give him the money. I proceed to do as I'm told.

He then says "okay give it 24-48 hours and the payment will be posted to your account. I then ask a dumb question, but excuse me I'm just too used to dealing with legit establishments. "Can I get a receipt or something showing this transaction?" The guy laughs (Clue #3 - I know I can often be funny and make others laugh, but don't laugh at me when I'm being serious about something, I hate that) and says "there is no receipt. Your girl [co-worker's name] is your receipt. She knows how this works and if you have any problems just come back and see me." Again the skeptic in me wanted to tell this fool to give me my damn money back and get the hell out of here. Unfortunately, the desperation in me talked me into saying alright give it a chance because if it's a legit hook up you are golden and can continue to come back to utilize it. So I studied this guys face very closely before I left. I figured just in case things went bad I could make sure I was whoopin the right person's ass over my money.

Alright, so this original transaction took place on Monday December 15th. So I'm expecting my bill to be paid by Wednesday evening. But Wednesday comes and when I checked online guess what? It wasn't paid! So I ask my best friend to holla at her girl [co-worker] and see what's the deal. She tells me she texted and called the 3rd Party and he didn't respond. So come Thursday I again ask my best friend to see what's the deal with her girl. Well this time her girl's response is almost on some well I'm not in it type fashion and that's between them. Not to mention she wouldn't give up the 3rd party's phone number. So my skepticism leads me to believe that maybe this chick [the co-worker] is in on this shit and they just stuck me for my paper like Biggie said? Well I knew that the following day was going to be my best friend's graduation; therefore, I didn't want to keep burdening her about this especially given she had other stuff to deal with. So, I let it alone and figured I would just go back up there over the weekend.

All day Friday I had been checking online to see if the payment was posted, but nothing. Same thing Saturday and nothing. So Sunday evening I popped up on the 3rd Party. Now the first time I was more in business mode. This time I was more in "wish a nigga would mode" and it showed. He tries to play as if he didn't know who I was and asked "can I help you?" I tell my man's "look you already helped me on Monday and said 48 hours it's been 5 days why you bullshitting me?" So, he proceeds to thumb through a pile of about 20-30 of these scraps of paper with peoples names and account info written on them (Clue #4 - Not sure if this was a good or bad clue on one hand I'm like he obviously does this all the time if he has all these sheets, but then I'm like it's a scrap of paper this shit can get lost at any point then what?). He gets about midway through the pile and pulls out my name/account info. He then picks up the phone and calls someone and begins speaking his native tongue (Clue #5 - Anyone can pick up a phone and speak something in a different language especially if the other person doesn't understand them). This tactic didn't move me, he could have been calling his girl having phone sex at that moment and I still wouldn't have known what he was saying.

So he gets off the phone and tells me it'll be posted in another 24-48 hours. Now by this time I'm cursing (remember "wish a nigga would mode") "that's the same shit you told me on Monday either make this happen or run my cash back." He says "I assure you it will be posted some times it can take up to a week ask your girl." I say "she ain't tellin me shit so I don't know what the procedure is all I know is my shit ain't paid." He asks "what do you think I'm taking your money?" and proceeds to pull out a wad of cash. Off eyes, glance it was maybe $600 or so. He says "I have money thanks to God (Clue #6 - don't they worship Allah? Could be an ignorant assumption but still suspect all in all) I'm not trying to take your money I'm just trying to help people out get them half of their bill." I tell him "first off if you subtract what I gave you, your pockets ain't all that laced, second of all I don't give a fuck about other people or all that madness you talkin I just want my bill paid." He then says "here take my number if there is any problem you call me, no better yet text me and I'll respond right away." Now I won't front this made me feel a little more at ease, because now I wouldn't have to have my best friend bothering her co-worker on the daily about this. Now I could simply go directly to the source. Also, I figured if shit got any worse I know exactly how to track this cat via his phone number.

So I take his number and dial it and make sure his phone rings. It does and I lock the number in my phone. So I started my vacation the Friday of my best friend's graduation and was going to be off all week. Well guess what? Another 48 hours passes and still no payment posted. Now this shit is messing up my vacation. I'm supposed to be on relax mode and the company I owe this bill for is calling me every hour on the hour. So I call up 3rd party and of course get a voice mail. I was about to text him then I get a text from him saying "what's up?" I'm thinking I know he don't think we just cool like that. So I text him back saying "it's been 48 hours still nothing and they keep calling and probably about to disconnect my services. If you can't make it happen then give my money back." He replies "I'll be there after 5." So, after 5 comes and mind you it's snowing in the Chi on this day. We had a few snow storms back to back and the roads are terrible. Now this drive is probably about a 30 minute drive on the street on a regular day, but over an hour in snow traffic. I hate the snow!

So I get there and walk up and guess what? He's not there! (Clue #7 - This MF out Christmas shopping with my money and had no plans of coming in). At this point I'm fuming, if I was a cartoon you could see the fumes rising from my forehead. I walk up to the guy that was manning his station and ask where 3rd party is. He said "oh he didn't come in, he lives far away and it's snowing so he couldn't make it here." I'm thinking I just traveled in this damn snow and made it but he decides to call off, ain't that some convenient bullshit. So I tell the guy the story and he then hands me a small piece of paper and tells me to write down my info again. He gets on the phone and also begins talking in his native tongue. Of course he gets off the phone and says what? "It's done just give it 48-72 hours." I'm like "the other guy said the same shit it's been over a week." He says he knows but I guess whatever blather he just said in his language some how insured it would be done this time. He promises and gives his word that within 72 hours this would be done. Unfortunately, at this point I can't do shit but take his word, but if it was the other guy I'd demand my cash. Although I can't lie I eyeballed the laptop the guy was on and appraised it to be worth about the same amount as I gave the 3rd party. But I then thought that snatching the laptop and running to my car could get me a felony charge and I didn't want to be in jail on Christmas. So I walk out hoping that his word is bond.

Another 48 hours (Damn I feel like Eddie Murphy) passes and nothing. But well it's Christmas and nothing happens on Christmas right? Plus it's been a good one so I try not to worry about it and proceed to enjoy my day. Next day still nothing. It's been 72 hours. My phone still blowing up, at least they took a break from calling on Christmas though. I'm probably the most patient person there is but everyone has a boiling point. I had my son for the weekend and was enjoying his company so I didn't even bother going up there. I figured I'd make the trek on Sunday. But guess what happens Sunday morning at like 3am? Yep my services are disconnected. WTF? Are you serious? So Sunday I already knew what the mission was going to be. I didn't go up there first thing in the morning I figured the later it got the better chance I catch the 3rd party up there. I didn't text him, I didn't call him.

But as I'm getting ready to go up there my son's first tooth came out! So that made my mood better and I was extremely happy and excited. So after taking some pics and him asking me about the tooth fairy I got ready to go. Prior to leaving I was on the phone with my brother and made the comment to my son "whatever you get from the tooth fairy hold it down because your dad may need bail money." He didn't get what I was saying but my brother laughed.

I actually decided to bring my son with me thinking that if he's there it will lessen the chance of me choking this dude out. Also, it crossed my mind that if nothing else he may be able to collect some more teeth for the tooth fairy and raise this bail money quicker. LoL. So we walk in and I see the 3rd party and also the other guy who promised me. Great! I had to wait in a bit of a line. Now I don't know if it was time for the other guy to leave, but when he spotted me he grabbed his coat and left (Clue #8 - If looks could kill, he caught my stare and dodged a bullet and wasn't sticking around for the next to enter the chamber). So, I walk up to the 3rd party and don't even have to say anything. He grabs the paper with my name on it and gets on the phone immediately. As he's on the phone I tell him "hey don't even worry about it just run my cash." He says "hold on one minute I'm just finishing up with this customer if you wanna have a seat I'll be right with you." I immediately notice that the distance from the seating area would give him enough time to escape like his boy did, and say "naw I'm waiting right here."

So, as he's on the phone I notice him reach in his pocket and count his money. Funny some how his cash flow had mysteriously decreased greatly from the previous time he was flaunting and thanking God. Next, I watch him go into the cash register and start counting money. My eyes are that of an eagle ready to swoop on their prey. I count right along with him, 20, 40, 60, 80, 100, etc. Yep that's enough to cover what I'm owed so I don't wanna hear no BS. So, he finishes with the customer and goes back to the register and takes out the money owed to me and says "here you go, but if you can give me 5 minutes. I can take care of this right away for you." I tell him "man don't even waste your time because if you were gonna do it it would have been done it's been 2 weeks and now my services are disconnected. Just run my change and I'll just go pay the stuff (notice the edit version, my son was with me) like I should have from the beginning messing with y'all and this bull." So I took my cash and left. I went and paid the bill and got my services back on and no one got hurt.

But of course there is a lesson learned from this one for me at least. First, don't trust anyone and they damn hook ups no matter how desperate you are or how great they seem. Next, If it's too good to be true it most likely is. Third, If it's not a tangible product that you can touch, smell and or taste don't even play yourself out. Lastly, always follow your first instinct. In this case mines was telling me to not even try doing this dumb shit. But honestly even if in the end the 3rd party had gotten the bill taken care of, the hassle and headache was not even equal. He would have had to do that plus throw me $50-100 to make it even. So next time I hear those famous words "I got the hook up" you can miss me. Don't holla ya hear me?

--C-Recks--

Voicemail Tales

In my 9-5 job I am required to both answer and make many phone calls throughout the course of a day's work. Well I have a gripe I need to share. (I know you're thinking what else is new. Lol). Over the course of years working where I do presently and other companies doing similar work, I've probably left more than 100,000 voicemail and answering machine messages. In doing so, I've probably heard every type of voicemail greeting that there is to hear. To the point where I know when I know when I can just press pound(#), or 1 to get directly to the voicemail.

So here's my list of personal favorite voicemail greetings. And when I say favorite I mean I can't stand them and get tired of hearing them over and over again. So don't get confused. LoL. If any of you have these types of voicemail greetings this is not directed at you. I could care less about what type of voicemail greeting you have because, well I don't have to call you. LoL.

April Fools!

Phone Rings 4xs:

Hello?

Me: Hi can I speak to Mr./Mrs. So & So

Hello?

Me: (Frustrated at having to repeat myself) Yes I need to speak to Mr/Mrs. So & So Please!

Who's Calling?

Me: This is C-Recks from (My company name)

3 sec Pause...

Me: Hello?

Ha! Ha! I got you leave a message after the beep.

Now I love a good joke like anyone else; however, getting 2-3 of these type of voicemail greetings a day is frustrating and annoying as hell. Usually these leave me wanting to say some obscene things on the voice mail that could get me fired. LoL. Now some of you may be thinking, how do you keep falling for those? Well to be honest I don't too much pay attention to what's going on until I either hear someone say hello or a beep. But most of these are so clever you can't tell that it's a prank until they've gotten you. To those that do this you have absolutely too much time on your hands.

American Idol Auditions

I will admit that the best part of the show American Idol is probably the thousands of auditions from the would be singers that have no talent at all. So yes I like to sit and laugh at those individuals. Someone should have told them they can't sing before they came on TV to make a fool out of themselves. But that's besides the point. Nonetheless, I hate it when non-singing and or non-rapping people try to flex their absent skills on their voice mails. I don't want to hear you doing your best rendition of Keyshia Cole's "Love." Nor do I want to hear a freestyle rap about how you can't answer the phone, that sounds like the Blue Blocker man. As a rapper with some talent this offends me. LoL. If you have talent then you should be recording in the studio not on your voicemail. Although they sometimes make me laugh, I don't have time to listen to that madness.

Stick to the Script

Phone Rings 4xs

Hi I'm Katie, I'm Derek, I'm Catherine and I'm Paul, and (in unison) you've reaches the Stevensons we're not home right now so leave a message at the tone and we'll get back to you. Beep!

I don't want to call them wanna be actors, but these clever individuals choose to plan out a whole script when it comes to their voicemail greeting. They don't mind even getting the kids involved. Everyone can get written into the script. These individuals have a different voicemail depending on the upcoming Holiday. If it's Halloween they may leave a greeting sounding like Dracula. If it's Christmas they'll belt out their jolliest Ho Ho Ho. I know that Christmas is coming up I see the commercials, displays, date on the calendar, and my son is on countdown mode. Therefore, I don't need to be reminded by your voicemail.

User Error

Phone Rings x4

You've reached the sprint pcs voicemail for: "Yeah I don't know what's going on with this thing I'm still waiting on the beep, it's taking forever." At the tone leave a message at the end of your message press # for more options.

No offensive but some people are just not that technologically advanced. But it really doesn't take too much technical savvy to record your name at the beep and press # then follow the rest of the prompts to set up your voicemail. But hey maybe it's just me.

Kids Incorporated

Similar to the script writers previously mentioned, these individuals basically hand the phone over to the kids and let them leave the voicemail greeting. I've heard greetings that are as simple as "Call my momma back!" Then the more complex where you can hear the parent in the background feeding the kid the lines to recite. But it's still a kid so you eventually hear them mess up in the middle and try to whisper "What was I supposed to say?" I will admit these voice mails can be kind of cute, and sometimes funny. However, I just want to get to the point and leave my message, I just don't need all the extra theatrics.

Musical Chairs

I'm probably the biggest music lover that there is, and I love when I call someone's voice mail and they're playing my song. However, I can only take so much. If it's 30 secs of the song then cool I'll listen, bob my head a little bit, tap my foot, and maybe even hum a note or 2. However, once the song gets into the 1-3 minute mark it's just getting ridiculous. If I want to hear the song that bad I'll go to I-Tunes or turn on the radio. I don't need to hear the whole damn song on your voicemail. Now I know you may be thinking why don't I just press # and go directly to leaving a message? Well trust I know that works for most cell phones; however, depending on the carrier pressing # during the greeting will prompt it to ask you for you pin number. Therefore, you have to hang up, call back, and listen to the whole damn song again. Therefore, I don't risk trying that. But wait now they have those Call Tones. So instead of hearing the phone ringing you hear a snippet of a song. If you have a call tone please don't follow it up with a voice mail greeting that is full of a 3 minute song, this is just over kill!

Sunday Service

Now don't get me wrong I love God just as much as the next. Also, I know that as Christian's our job is to spread God's word to the world by any and all means possible. However, does that necessarily include your personal voicemail too? These individuals will begin and end their voice mail with a scripture from the bible. I mean to the point where I'm searching for a bible just so I can follow along. As much as I appreciate the good word for the day, I'm calling Monday - Friday and I'm just trying to work. Hit me with the word on Sunday please. Oh and they will never forget to tell you at the end to "Have a Blessed Day," which I appreciate. I need all the blessings I can get. LoL.

Bottom line is that we all have the right to do whatever we want on our voice mails. These are just my frustrations being expressed. But all I'm saying is why not keep it simple? "Hi this is _____ sorry I missed your call please leave me a message and I'll return your call." Or just don't record a message and let the regular cell phone message say your number and then the beep. Sometimes there is just no need for all the extra stuff. Plus you never know who is going to be calling you. What if you're trying to get a new job and they hear some of this madness I discussed? But again I digress. I'm sure that throughout the course of my day I will hear any and all of these voice mails at some point. But at least via blogger I can share my pain with the world. Maybe someone will feel me. LoL. Oh if I missed any feel free to add to my list.

--C-Recks--

101st Post: Humble Beginnings

Well we made it to our 100th post y'all. Honestly we didn't think we would make it to this mark this soon, but we're here. The funniest thing about this whole blog is that the idea for it just started out from us constantly talking. We probably talk and or communicate in one way or another on a daily basis. Whether it be on the phone, through text messages, Instant messenger, or those few and far between occasions we get to kick it in person. But regardless of how we communicate, we are going to express an opinion on something at some point. And one day the idea was thrown out to start a blog. We were both reluctant because we didn't want to just be talking about our daily and sometimes mundane lives. Not that there is anything wrong with that because many of the blogs about people's daily occurrences that I've read are extremely interesting and addicting enough to keep me coming back. So, as we were talking one day about some subject and expressing our perspective it just dawned on us. "This should be the blog!"

Well with those 5 words, this blog was birthed. We've come a long way; from having barely knowing how to work this blogger, to having no readers and or followers, to where we are today. We appreciate everyone that takes the time to stop by and read and leave comments, especially those that were readers from day one. For those who haven't had a chance to explore our archives, we'll soon be posting some of our older blogs on "Throw Back Thursdays." But we hope to have the privilege of doing 100 more posts in the near future.

So, we were trying to come up with something special for this 101st post. Well we couldn't. LoL. Therefore, we just decided to let you guys have a peak of how some of our conversations tend to go. That way you'll get a general idea of exactly why we chose to write this blog. Here are some back and forth text messages between us. They are not all from the same day, nor in any kind of order. They are simply how we talk. Someone will start a conversation about a subject, then we'll both speak our piece and that'll be it. Most are usually longer and more drawn out than these, but these are a few shorter example. Please pay attention to the randomness and craziness of some of the texts. ____________________________________________________________________

Dre: Man, when I get on Jeopardy, my goal is just to make it to Final Jeopardy. It's gotta be embarrassing as hell when Alex kicks you off the show. LoL

C-R: Hell yeah, even worse than that would be to answer the Final Jeopardy question, get it right, but forgot to write it in question form.

____________________________________________________________________

C-R: I'm watching House of Payne. You know I can't stand this show but when I heard strippers and bachelor party in the opening scene I was pulled in. lol.

Dre: That's all it ever takes.

C-R: Man if I ever get married again don't listen to me when I say I don't want or can't have a bachelor party. Just do the damn thing and don't tell no one. lol

Dre: Man other than not holdin it down, ya boy held you down. lol.

C-R: No doubt that was my first strip club experience. So you definitely held me down.

____________________________________________________________________

Dre: Man I forgot that nigga Scottie Pippen was on the Olympic Team. That nigga was ridin Mike's coat tails worse than Banya was riding Jerry's.

C-R: Lmao. Hell yeah I forgot about that too. The nigga was 4 Real. He was exposed once Mike retired.

Dre: Man he owe everything to Mike. If he getting any P, he need to immediately call Mike and say thank you.

C-R: Lmao. Man hell yeah. You aint neva lied. "If a nickel bag is sold in Harlem I want in." lol

Dre: Exactly. LoL

___________________________________________________________________

C-R: How soon do you think it will be before a rapper uses a metaphor about Plaxico Burress in they lyrics? LoL.

Dre: Shit, I'm gone use it. lol.

C-R: Lol you mean in a blog? I can hear Ludacris now... I fill up like Texaco/ when giving sex to hoes/I'm next to blow/ so shoot ya self like Plaxico... Lmao

Dre: Lmao, Nice. Yeah in a blog.

C-R: Lol. Yeah I gotta hear yo take on this one.

____________________________________________________________________

Brothers' Perspective

--DrizaDre--

--C-Recks--

To Know or Not To Know

"I don't wanna know If you're playin' me, keep it on the low Cause my heart can't take it anymore. And if your creepin, please don't let it show Oh baby, I don't wanna know. " - Mario Winans.

When this song came out in 2004 I didn't know at the time but I was in a similar situation as Mario Winans was speaking of. Yep I was being cheated on. Well I just now heard the song on the radio and started to think. If I could go back to that situation with my ex would I really want to know? Meaning if I could have found out in advance from her as opposed to the way I found out would I rather have known? Or if say a friend would have seen her would I really want them to tell me? Well regardless of what transpired previously my immediate reaction to this question is still hell yes dammit tell me!! Whether it be from her directly of someone else by all means let me know. Not sure what each of your responses are but my response to the question based on a number of reasons as you'll read below.



Respect my health. First off the obvious reason has to do with my own personal health. If you're out there creeping and still coming home doing the thing with me too I should have the right to know. If we're in a committed relationship then most likely we're not using any type of protection. Now I would hope as you creep out doing your dirt that you would use some type of protection to keep yourself clean. However, regardless if you are or not at least give me the opportunity to make the decision of if I want to risk still sleeping with you.




Help me to avoid the confrontation. Tell me now so that there won't be any surprises. Whatever I choose to do with the information well that's just a consequence of telling. But at least telling me in advance lessens the chances of the consequences being violent. Although, it may not make me any less angry at what you did at least hearing it from you as opposed to catching you or hearing it from a 3rd party will ''hopefully'' keep me from reacting on that anger.

True story: When my ex and I were going through whatever some years back I recall going out to pay some bills. We had 2 cars and our son was in the car with me. So as I make a turn I see a car that looks like hers drive past in the opposite lane of traffic and stop at the light. I thought naw it couldn't be there's a guy driving. But my instinct tells me to just make sure. So I make a U-Turn and pull up on the right side of the car. As I'm pulling up I immediately noticed from the plate number that it's definitely her car. As I pull up next to the car I look over and it's none other than my (then) wife. And some negro driving the car I just made a payment on. Now everything in me wanted to crash into the car and then get out and grab the tire iron out the trunk and start smashing the s**t out of her car. Then probably take the same punishment out on the 2 of them. Honestly, I'm really not violent at all but hey I am human. But again those were just my natural instincts and luckily they didn't kick in. I had to remember I had my son who was not even a year old in the back seat. So instead I pulled up next to the car slowly and as she looked to the right saw my face. The look on her face was priceless. Now I have heard the saying "if looks could kill." Well let's just say that if they could that day her ass would have instantly died in that passenger seat. Thank God I didn't do anything crazy, I turned at the light and let them go on there way. But the point of the story is don't put me in the position to have to claim temporary insanity before a judge because I happen to catch you up.



Don't turn me into Sherlock Homeboy. Why make me go through the motions of suspecting you are cheating and trying to find evidence of this. Next thing you know you got me searching through your phone, e-mails, listening on your calls, checking up on whether or not you are where you say you are, etc. Got me out here like that Mya Song "Ridin'." You know the lyrics "I'm ridin', I'm ridin' past your momma's house. You got me ridin', I'm ridin' past your boys house. You got me ridin', I'm ridin', I'm ridin' tryin to find you..." Yeah that's a horrible place to be right there. But then when I don't initially find anything I look like the crazy jealous spouse. You even make me feel bad for suspecting you of cheating and call me insecure.

Don't make me look like a fool. If you know you're out there doing what you doing and there are others (like your girls or family), know then don't have me around them like everything is all good. Because while I'm still thinking we all in love and I'm steady doing all the things that I would normally do, your friends and or family are saying in their head "poor fool if he only knew." Now the worst of the worst would be to actually have me around the the person you're cheating with. This is just plain foul. Because while I'm being all cool and buddy buddy with them, you both knowing damn well I'm playing myself like a game of solitaire the whole time.




Don't waste my time. If you are so unhappy that you must cheat on your spouse then at least come clean and admit what you've done. Why let the relationship drag on for months and years while you're unhappy and still out there cheating? Doing this is nothing but being stingy and inconsiderate. Basically you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. Although you're unhappy you're still staying. Whether it be for financial, emotional, or other reasons you're still leading your spouse on. In those months you've prolonged the inevitable we could have split, gone our separate ways, and I could have possibly been over it by now. Or I could have dealt with the initial infraction of you cheating and we could have either gotten past it or ended things cordially. But instead you chose to waste my time.





Man or Woman Up!! The bottom line is that yes cheating is dead wrong, but unfortunately it happens every day all day. Yep right now someone's man or woman is cheating on them as you read. It's very sad I know. But we all make mistakes in life some bigger than others. But just like any other wrong doing what you do after is what's going to determine your true character. Will you admit your wrong doing and accept whatever the consequences of your actions may be? Or will you hide your cheating and keep stringing your significant other along? My suggestion is to Man or Woman Up!! What's done in the dark will eventually come to light as they say. And Karma always comes back to you harder.





--C-Recks--

Don't Quit Your Date Job

Since I began searching for a new job a few months back I have gone through the entire process from beginning to end. Likewise I have been single for a while and dating off and on for a while as well. I recently just started thinking about the 2 processes and began to notice some similarities between job hunting and searching for a mate. These thoughts led me to me conclude that the 2 are almost one in the same. I know it may sound a bit odd but let me go ahead and break it down for you.





Apply
When you find a job that interests you the first step to obtaining that job is to apply for it. So you submit your application whether it be in person or online. Well when you're looking for that special someone you have to sort of start with an application as well. When you first meet that person it's like applying for a job. You're letting it be known that you're interested in the position (in this case being their man or woman) that is available. So you go up to that person and introduce yourself have a brief conversation and depending on how well it goes one of two things will happen. You will either get that person's phone number or you will leave yours with them. However, if that initial meeting didn't go well your application (phone number) will most likely immediately be trashed.

Therefore, first impressions are always important. Most people think to only dress up for the interview. But even when just submitting a job application the way you dress/look when you drop off or fill out that application is crucial. If you come in looking like you want and deserve the job then you're most likely to reach the next stage in the hiring process. But if you don't dress the part most likely the person that takes your application will discard it and not forward it on. And when you do submit that application you will receive the same response all the time. "We will review your application against those of other qualified applicants and if we find your qualifications meet our needs we will contact you." In dating terms this essentially means don't call me I'll call you.


Phone Interview
Once you've submitted your application you have to await a call back. Now what will be taking place in this time is a brief review of your qualifications. Although it was a short encounter again first impressions are everything. So once it has been determined that you are a potential candidate for employment an initial phone call will be made. Now just like an in person interview you must be prepared for this phone interview. Make sure the call is uninterrupted. You don't want to have your phone blowing up on the other end and constantly be putting the other party on hold.

During this phone interview you will be asked all types of questions regarding your education and present and past dating history and experience. Including the length of those relationship and why your employment was terminated with that previous employer. Also, you will be asked about your best and worst qualities, your good and bad habits, your hopes/aspirations, etc. If it wasn't asked on the initial application the "have you ever been convicted of felony?" question will come up. Basically they want to know what you will bring to the table. What will you do to add to or improve an already successful (single) operation. It is important to answer these questions carefully and honestly as they may come up again if you make it to the next stage in the interview process. The phone interview process may take place over a number of phone calls and conversations as the prospective employer gathers information on you and determines whether to invite you to interview with them personally.


In Person Interview
Once the employer has conducted the telephone interviews they will either determine that you're not qualified enough or that you may have potential and invite you to interview in person aka on a date. When the date and time has been set it is important that you again prepare for this interview. Review your responses to the previous phone interview questions as they may come up again and you want to make sure your answers are the same. Also, you must dress even better than you did when you submitted your initial application. This is your opportunity to show them that you can dress the part. Even if the meeting is informal you still want to make a good impression. So once you arrive and greet your perspective employer your interview will begin. Most of the same questions will come back up but you will be judged more on your ability to answer the questions honestly, correctly and confidently. If you successfully impress the prospective employer in this stage of the interview process then you may be invited for a 2nd interview. As you converse and speak you try to get a feel for the person asking the questions. You get smiles, nods, and even the occasional laugh. However, once the interview is done you're still never quite sure how you did. You may feel as if it was your best ever. But again, you can never predict the thoughts of the person interviewing you. So they leave you with those parting words. "Thank you for interviewing with us today, we have a few other candidates to interview and we'll be making our decision by next week." This again means don't call me I may call you.


2nd Interview
So you breezed through the in person interview and passed with flying colors. Well when you get that call back please don't assume that it is to offer you the position. In fact, you're still quite a ways from the finish line. This call back is most likely going to be an invitation to interview a second time. Now with most employers the second interview is with someone higher up such as a manager or CEO. However, in dating terms you will have to be interviewed by "the friend(s)." So you may be invited out with her and her girls or him and his boys. The purpose of this interview is for the employer to get the approval or disapproval of their friends. This interview is actually harder than the 2 previous ones. The reason being, that you are being evaluated and scrutinized by 2 or more individuals. Not to mention you are not privy to what information has already been told about you to those friends. Therefore, they could have a preconceived notion about you to begin with. However, your goal is to charm the hell out of those friends with hopes that they will give you a good review and their approval of you being able to succeed in this position.


Job Offer
The time has come!! With glee and joy you answer your phone, check your mail box and e-mail awaiting response on the job. But when it comes don't get your hopes up too high. That management position you were seeking you don't yet qualify for. However, there is an internship position that is available. It is non-paid, and there are no "benefits." But if you work very hard in this position you can eventually get promoted to higher positions and reach that desired level. Are you still interested in working for this employer? If not trust there is another ready and willing applicant that will start off doing whatever job they have to just to be employed.


Career Path
Unfortunately you didn't nail the position you were seeking. However, the bright side is you are now employed by a great employer and as stated you do have potential to move up if you do a good enough job. There will be regular review of your performance monthly. Below are the stages of progression you will go through before achieving your desired goal.




Intern - Dating
Entry Level Position - Exclusively Dating
Sr. Associate - Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Supervisor/Manager - Fiance'
Executive - Husband/Wife


Disclaimer
Make sure that you re-read the disclaimer that was on the bottom of the application you originally filled out.


I certify that the information contained in this application is correct to the best of my
knowledge. I understand that to falsify information is grounds for refusing to hire me, or
for discharge should I be hired.

I authorize any person, organization or company listed on this application to furnish
you any and all information concerning my previous employment, education and qualifications
for employment. I also authorize you to request and receive such information.

In consideration for my employment, I agree to abide by the rules and regulations of
the company, which rules may be changed, withdrawn, added or interpreted at any time,
at the company's sole option and without prior notice to me.

I also acknowledge that my employment may be terminated, or any offer or acceptance
of employment withdrawn, at any time, with or without cause, and with or without
prior notice at the option of the company or myself.




So in other words keep in mind that at any point during this process and even after being hired and promoted your ass can and will be kicked to the curb. Or as Donald Trump would say "You're Fired!!!"


--C-Recks--

No I in TEAM

Anyone that has at least one "so called" friend has probably at one time or another been put in this horrible situation before. I would venture to say that guys go through this more frequently than women. But this is a scenario that is played out every night of the week somewhere in the world. And unfortunately, the victim is usually unsuspecting that it is even about to occur. Well that is until he hears those five dreadful words.

Picture this scene. Two guys are out kicking it at a night club/lounge sitting at the bar. Guy #1 spots an attractive female and taps guy #2 and says "look at her she's bad I'm gonna go holla at her." Guy #2 agrees that she is fine, gives his support for his guy to go do his thing, and wishes him luck. Now guy #2 is simply finishing up his drink, scoping the scene at the club, and enjoying the music. He has no clue that he is about to be put into a situation that he was truly not prepared for. So guy #1 walks back over to the bar smiling. When his friend notices the Kool-Aid smile on his grill he says "you must have came up on her number or something." Guy #1 responds "no even better than that her and her girl wanna kick it after we leave the club." Guy #2 exclaims "For Real? What's her girl looking like?"

Okay let's press pause on this little scenario. I just want you to be prepared to hear the 5 words that I was referring to just above because they're about to come up in a second.

So, Guy #1 hesitates when his boy asks that question. He even has the nerve to pretend like he didn't hear what the question was over the loud music. So guy #2 repeats the question louder and moves closer to his friend's ear "WHAT'S HER GIRL LOOKING LIKE?" Again he hesitates. But finally he musters up the courage and says "well that's the thing man you're going to have to..." (For those of you that have been anticipating those five words here they come). "Take One For The Team."

Now coming to terms with a "Take one for the team" request will almost always follow a number of stages before final acceptance of this mission (if you so choose to accept it).

1.) First of all you're likely to yell or say "Come On Man!!", "WTF," or something similar to this as your initial reaction.

2.) Then a couple curse words will for sure follow. The taboo MF word is acceptable in this instance.

3.) Next, you will try to weasel your way out of it by saying something like "I just took one for the team last month." Or "I'm always taking one for the team when will it be your turn." However, since there are no set rules or parameters when it comes to "taking one for the team" none of this is even relevant.

4.) Here you will attempt to hype yourself up. You may think to yourself "maybe she's not that bad looking." Or "as long as she's at least a 4 I'm cool." In the case of the above example you may take a few shots of your favorite intoxicant to prepare yourself.

5.) Finally, you will just accept that this is your boy and you will go along with his hair brain scheme. However, once you say yes you will always close with "you owe me big time!!!"

So going back to our scenario, guy #2 has said yes to his friend's request and committed to entertaining the sidekick while his guy tries to make his move on the "good looking" female. However, once one is put in this position they never quite know what to expect. They can hope for the best all day, but should be prepared for the worse. So, guy #2 tries to probe his friend to tell him how the her buddy looks. Unfortunately, the only response he gets from his guy is "you gotta see it to believe it." At this point guy #2 hangs his head in disbelief thinking "what have I gotten myself into?" He swiftly orders about 3 shots of Patron from the bartender and as he takes the first shot the ladies walk up. He takes one look at his company for the remainder of the evening and downs the other 2 shots before introducing himself to the ladies. Yes that's right the buddy he's just gotten hooked up with is looking like a worse version of Wanda from In Living Color. And she's "Ready to Rock His World!!" LoL.

Now some of you that have been lucky to never be put in this position may be thinking along the lines of "it's just one night, so what's the big deal?" Or perhaps you may be thinking that it can't always be where the female turns out to be ugly right? Well because you've never been in this position is the only reason you'd ask such a question. But if you have been, then you know as well as I do that just like a D.N.A. Paternity Test it's 99.9% certain that taking one for the team = the ugly friend. Unfortunately, I have plenty of examples to pull from when it comes to "taking one for the team."

The problem with taking one for the team is that it's never something that you have the option of declining. That's the nature of the taking one for the team snakemove. It slithers up on you and the next thing you know you've been bitten with venom and have no choice but to suck the poison out. LoL. Do you still need further convincing? Okay I have another example of how you can just be thrown into taking one for the team without even expecting to.

One evening I stopped at my guy's crib and we just chilling and drinking I believe we were watching the game. So, midway through the game he takes a phone call and steps away and comes back to watch the game. I think nothing of him taking the phone call and the whole time continued to watch the game and drink my beer. Well about 45 minutes later another phone call comes in to my guy's phone. He then answers and says "I'm coming to the door now." So, me being the curious individual that I am I ask "you got your girl coming through or something man?" He responds "yeah and she got her cousin with her. I may need you to take one for the team," and laughs then walks downstairs to get the door.

Now this was/is my man 100 grand, but prior to this incident I had already been thrown into this situation with him before and the outcome was I fell into that 99.9% percent. So, I pretty much already knew what the deal was going to be here as well. Therefore, I quickly proceeded through the 5-stages that I previously mentioned. As I sat there I felt like R.Kelly on trapped in the Closet. I first looked out the window and realized I was on the 3rd floor so I couldn't jump. I tried to rack my brain for a way out of this but I was drawing a blank like a pencil with no lead. The next thing I know in walks my guy and behind him are his girl and lastly his girl's cousin. Now if she was attractive then this example would not even be valid. So let's just say my guy's girl got the better of the genes while her cousin got the hand me down genes (jeans) that were flooding with the holes and stains in them. LoL. Or as my brother mentioned (in the blog 100 Dials and Runnin') the proverbial "ugly stick" may have been used on her Rodney King style.

All I could do is laugh and say to myself "damn here we go again!!" So, I said hi to the ladies and went back to drinking my beer and watching the rest of the game. Honestly I happen to have met his girl already, but I didn't even pay attention to what the cousin's name was. When the game ended my guy was hugged up with his girl on one couch, I'm in a chair and her cousin is on the other couch. I proceed to the kitchen to get me another drink this time something stronger so I could hopefully get through the rest of this evening. But as I'm fixing my drink my guy comes up to me and once again says those words. "Man I need you to take one for the team." I quickly advised him that I was already doing that. He continues on stating "Naw I need you to take her somewhere. I immediately exclaimed "I don't care how much you pay or say I'm not taking her ass home!!" He says "No not to your crib just somewhere take her to get something to eat or something." Once again following the stages I said plenty of curse words, tried to get out of it, plotted a way out (which I found), and finally agreed to help him out. But as you'll see I had at least one last trick up my sleeve like a magician.

So, my guy tells the cousin to just follow my car and that her and I are going to kick it. Now I admit I was a little intoxicated and shouldn't have been driving. However, as I stated I had one last trick up my sleeve. So as we bent the corner and hopped on the highway, I quickly turned into Dale Earnhart Jr., Mario Andretti, Jimmie Johnson or any NASCAR driver you want to name. I never knew a 2001 Dodge Stratus couldn't travel so fast. Unfortunately for her, the 86 Buick Skylark she was driving couldn't quite keep up. LoL. Now I don't advocate driving intoxicated to anyone out there; However, under these circumstances you have to do what you have to do.

Although some may be thinking you should be ashamed of yourself leaving that poor girl like that. Well don't blame me. You can either blame the alcohol or blame my guy. LoL. Matter fact, as I stated in the blog (A Penny For My Thoughts) I'd blame the females (dimes) that only hang around with friends that look worse than them. If you would hang out with better looking friends then no would ever have to be put in a position to take one for the team just to get to you. LoL. But as for me ditching the unnamed cousin, well as they say when you're put in an adrenaline based situation your reaction is either fight or flight. And as manly as this chick looked she may have knocked my ass out Mike Tyson style. LoL. Therefore, I chose the latter of the 2 and dipped out.

The moral to that story is the same moral to the whole blog. It simply proves that at any point and time you can be put in a position to "Take One For the Team." If you want to avoid these situations I suggest that you hang around friends that are married and not single. Other than that there is always potential to be put in a "Take One For the Team" position.

Now I know I reported that 99.9% of the time taking one usually turns out bad. However, the other 0.1% of the time it is possible to have different results. The only person that I personally know that can testify to this is my brother. While in Phoenix, a friend of his casually called him and asked him to accompany him to meet a female he met off the Internet along with her friend. When he told me he was going to do this, I had to warn him that he may be in for it. Not only was this the first time his friend was meeting this girl, but he met her off the Internet. So there was already no telling if the female he was going to meet would even turn out to be the same as the one he had been seeing in the pictures online. Then, for my brother to be tagging along and taking one for the team there's really no telling what he was going to encounter as far as her buddy. However, as luck had he happen to fall into that 0.1% and that the girl he was set up with turned out to be Fine. Actually, she was better looking than the girl his friend was meeting. Who knew it was even possible? Imagine that!! But please please do not expect his outcome to be the same as your next take one for the team mission because they most likely will not be.

P.S. To the mystery unnamed cousin my apologies for leaving your Buick Skylark in the dust on the Dan Ryan Highway. However, if I was looking like the guy below you or none of you reading can lie and say you wouldn't have done the same thing if not worse. So, no hard feelings. LoL.

--C-Recks--