Dollars and Sense

I don't know about any of you, but I am no economist. As a matter of fact, I'm not really that great with money. So it makes it somewhat difficult to completely understand the current circumstances that our country's economy finds itself in. I listened to the press conference given by President Obama on Monday, and as much as I root for Obama to succeed as the President, I couldn't really get with his economic stimulus plan. I mean, the last number that I heard about the bill is that it would cost us around 750 billion dollars. Some of that is to jump start the economy, but there's no guarantee that it will work. According to Vice-President Joe Biden, if we do everything right, there's still a 30% chance that all of the money that we're committing to spending will have no positive effect. That's no good. I mean, if you spend 750 billion dollars, you expect that it will drastically improve your current circumstances.

I heard a little bit of math that will show just how much money 750 billion dollars is. If you were to spend one million dollars a day on every day that has existed since Jesus walked the Earth, you still wouldn't have spent 750 billion dollars. Here's the math. Its 2009, but Jesus died at the age of 33. So its been 1,976 years since then. A million dollars spent every day for a years is 365 million. Multiply that times 1,976, and you come up with $721,240,000,000. Tack on another 494 million dollars to compensate for those extra February 29ths, and you have a grand total of 721 billion, 734 million dollars. Almost 30 billion less than what the stimulus plan calls for. I don't know about you, but when you talk about that kind of math, I'm gonna say that it should have better than a 70% chance of success.

Now I know that some of you are gonna say that Bush asked for nearly the same amount for the TARP fund. (Troubled Assets Relief Program). And though I wasn't exactly in favor of handing out that money, it was on a slightly different scale. As I understand it, the TARP money that has been given out is money that at some point and time, when the banks become profitable again, the Government will be repaid that money. Now don't get me wrong, getting money from the Government is like "borrowing" $100 from your mother. Yes you technically owe her, but if you only give her back say $50, and it takes two months for her to get that, its not like she's gonna send Barry Bonds to take out your knees with one swing. (By the way mom, I know I still owe you, just give me a little more time. Lol). Same thing with the government. As all of this was presented to us on Monday, I also was struck by how unsure President Obama seemed about the whole ordeal. I mean, the brotha is usually cool, calm, and well spoken on matters. To me, it seemed like he was just as unsure, and at a loss about the whole mess. That's not a major problem per se, but the President of the United States is like the coach of a football team. Right now the US is down by 30 at halftime, and that speech was supposed to inspire us to come out and take it to the opponent in the second half. Well, what I gathered from his speech is that we're probably gonna lose. Hell, I almost would have appreciated it more if Barack would've just said "Look, things are bad. Bad to a degree that I can't really comprehend. Now I know that you guys elected me to fix the problem. In turn, I have chosen the best in the business. And I believe in these people. I can't tell you everything that they're gonna do, because much of it is beyond my understanding. But I guarantee you that we're gonna take care of this". Now I know that saying something like that is beyond the scope of most politicians, but it would have made me more confident that we could actually erase this 30 point halftime deficit.

So that's just my take on the current economic crisis. A part of me feels that though things are bad, they're no worse than anything we've faced in the past. The difference is that we as a country have made significant improvement in our quality of life since we last found ourselves in similar circumstances. And though we don't want to admit it, we really screwed up by buying $40,000 cars, and $500,000 homes on student loan inflated $35,000 salaries. Its gonna hurt people, but maybe this is exactly what we needed to get back to living the "right" kind of lives.

-DrizaDre-

Elementary My Dear Employee

Objective: Experienced, and educated individual seeking exciting and challenging position within a growing company.

Translation = Please hire me so I can escape this HELL they call a Job.

Like many of you I have been through many years of schooling and now work a 9-5 job. Well maybe it's just me and my job but I swear sometimes I feel like I'm back in school. You name the grade; 1st grade, 6th grade, or 10th Grade. Honestly it tends to vary on a day to day basis. As I have mentioned before I work with mostly women. But I like to consider myself the quiet type employee that basically sticks to himself and does his job for 8 hours a day. I try to mind my own damn business and not get involved in the every day gossip and trivial things that go on in the work place. Basically, I just want to do my time so I can go home at the end of the day.

However, that doesn't stop me from being very observant as to the happenings around our small office. Some things are funny, while others are just down right stupid and a waste of my time and thoughts. You can read examples of what I'm talking about Here. as well as Here. Well recenlty I went throughout the office and taken a few pictures of some things that are just down right ridiculous in nature. They truly make me feel like I'm back in grade school as opposed to at a Job with other adults. As you continue to read you'll see what I mean.

This lovely sign was inspired by the abundant number of individuals that would make their coffee or eat their lunch and leave a damn mess. I don't drink coffee. If I do it's a rare occasion or a very restless couple of nights. Also, I go home for lunch. So there is no chance that I'm the guilty culprit. However, other people think that their mothers work here as well. Therefore, they aren't even considerate enough to clean up after themselves when they make a mess. The sign has slightly deferred some from leaving a mess behind. But then again there are those people that you just wonder to yourself how do they live at home. Like you just know they live nasty as hell.

Here's another sign that's in the kitchen. Now who in today's times doesn't own a microwave oven? Well even if you don't own one I'm sure we've all used a microwave before. Therefore, who doesn't know that when you heat up food in the microwave that food can splatter as it gets hot? Well apparently one or more of the idiots I work with don't know this. Either that or they're just that damn lazy to cover up their food when heating it. Then when they do make a mess once again are so inconsiderate they'll leave the mess for the next person to clean. Well this sign has at least kept the microwave messes to a minimum lately.

Okay here's one last kitchen sign. This sign is posted on the refrigerator just like my [4 year old] son's art work is on my fridge at home. Well anyways this particular sign was inspired for a couple of reasons. First, people would bring their lunch and if they didn't eat it all they would leave it in the fridge. I don't know if they just forgot about it being in there, or if they were just too lazy to take it out and walk the 10 steps to the trash to discard their food. But when the fridge gets full and people try to make room then they notice some old Chinese food or Pizza in the back growing mold. Then someone gets stuck spending 30 minutes cleaning out the fridge. Just ignorant I tell you!!!... Now on to the other part of the sign. So, people put items such as yogurt, soda/pop, juice, and condiments in the fridge for later use. Well some employees feel the need to take other peoples food as if it is community food. We've complained about the problem before. However, after the manager had her yogurt stolen she decided to post this sign on the refrigerator.

Now this sign would be very appropriate and I believe required by law if I were working in a restaurant. However, keep in mind I work in a small office. There are no more than 15-20 people ever in the office at a time. This sign is just appalling to me every time I go to the bathroom. Do you mean to tell me that grown ass people have to be reminded to do something that we were taught to do at 2 years old? Well apparently the answer to that question is a sad yes. This sign was put up after someone pissed all over the toilet seat. Of course that means that a man was the likely culprit. And being one of the few men in the office I was pissed to think that someone may be thinking it was me. Of course that is not the case, given that between my mom and my ex-wife I've spent 25 years living with women. Therefore, I'd say I'm pretty well trained in that department. As for the other part of the sign, another time someone else handled their business and didn't flush. Come on this is just damn ridiculous.



Well these signs can get pretty redundant. I would think that someone would be able to notice that the picture of the man means it's the men's bathroom. Also, the picture of the one in the skirt would mean it's the ladies restroom. Likewise, the one with both the man and woman would be a unisex or co-ed bathroom. Well tell this to the old guy that inspired these signs. The old guy no longer works with us. However, he took it upon himself to bypass the unoccupied men's and unisex restrooms to go into and use the ladies room. Well I don't know why he did this I'd say he must have been an old pervert but who knows. All I know is the women were up in arms about this and stated he even left the toilet seat up. Therefore, the manager was prompted to post these signs on the restrooms just as a reminder. I couldn't get the picture of the men's bathroom but the sign was blue since blue is for boys according to my son. LoL.

Fortunately, that's all that I have for now. But you get the point. I'm sure come next week there will be another stupid violation that will prompt another sign to be posted somewhere. I'm expecting a sign stating "Don't cut in line at the water cooler." Or "Quiet while others are on the phone." Now I know that most of you are thinking how can you even work in an environment like that? Or that I should find a new job fast. Although I'm thankful I even have a job in these tough economic times, trust and believe that I've been trying to escape like Remy Ma. Unfortunately, I've been having the same luck that she did. LoL. But anyone with a job hook up in or around the Chicago Land area by all means holla at ya boy. I'll promptly forward my real resume to you. LoL.

--C-Recks--

Inconvenient Convenience

If you're alive today then there's a 99% chance you have either sent or received a text message before. Now I will admit that I love and enjoy the convenience of being able to text as opposed to making a call. Plus since a young kid I've never been that much of a phone person. I was talking to my son (4yrs. old about to be 5) on the phone the other day and after the usual how are you, how was your day, what are you up to I over hear him whisper to his mom "Mom I don't have anything else to talk about." But I can feel him I'd rather be playing than have a long conversation with my dad too. But I'm sure if his spelling game was a little more advanced he'd probably say just text me daddy. LoL.

Well although a text message can have plenty of advantages and they usually outweigh the disadvantages, there are some things that can still bother you about texting. Maybe it's not necessarily the text message itself but there are certain things associated with text messaging that can be erking to some. Or maybe it has more to do with the person that you're texting on the other end. I've just come up with some things that I'm sure we all have experienced pertaining to the text message and well you can decide how you feel in particular about each item.

Text Forwards

I wrote an entire blog about text forwards you can read it yourself. So no need to elaborate too much more on it. But it's a big pet peeve of mines so it tops this list. Just know that if you forward me a text 9/10 you won't get it back. LoL.

Response Time

Is there a protocol as for how soon one should respond to a text message? Now I normally don't read rules and instructions. I usually just take things out of the box and figure out how they work on my own. So is there something is the manual for the phone that states one must respond to a text message in a certain amount of time? I'm sure we've all gotten that text from whoever stating or asking something. Well perhaps you were busy at the time, sleeping or just didn't want to respond right away. But the next thing you know you're getting a call with someone asking "why didn't you reply back to my text?" Now let's not confuse this person with a serial dialer as my brother mentioned in an earlier blog. To be honest I've done this one myself. Then after I call I tend to ask myself if it was this important shouldn't I have just called in the first place? LoL.

Accidental Texts

I was recently got a text from my son's mother and she was telling me how excited my son was to wear the costume I bought him for Halloween. So, I replied back and then I got another text from her that said "I love you too and have a wonderful day." Well it was obvious that this was clearly not for me. However, once you press send on that text message it's over. As much as you hope and wish you could get it back it's definitely too late. But lucky for her I knew that it was sent to the wrong person. A different kind of ex may have taken that text the wrong way. I've made the mistake of texting the wrong person as well. My mom and brother have similar names; in fact, there is only 1 letter different in their names. Not to mention their phone numbers have the same first 5 numbers. So there have been many of times I've accidently text my mom instead of my brother. Although my mom is really cool, I'm glad those accidental texts [meant for my brother] weren't anything too vulgar like they can be at times. LoL.

Text Assumptions

Have you ever gotten this text? "I'll just hit you later you seem busy." If I'm texting you back and we're texting back and forth how can I seem busy? Now if this other person is your spouse or better half that can just sense things about you I can understand such a response. But to just make such an assumption based on reading a text message is to me without merit. The same goes with this one. "You seem upset or mad." How? Did the words come across your phone screen differently than I texted? The problem with reading words is that the reader gets to intepret (whether out loud or in their head) how the words are spoken. No different than when you're reading a book or even this blog. You [the reader] get to choose the tone of what you're reading. The same goes for a text message. And often the reader can make an assumption which can be so off the mark. And you know what they say about when you assume.

Text Arguments

I know that everyone reading has probably had an argument by text. I personally hate arguing at all, let alone via text. Now it could start from something like mentioned above where a wrong assumption is made based on a text message. The next thing you know someone is typing in all CAPITAL LETTERS. And you know what that means, yep they're now yelling at you. And dont forget the exclamation marks!!!!!!! That's showing them you really mean business. Oh wait what about the little mean smiley faces >:-O Is that the yelling one? Well my problem with text arguing is that when I do it I think to myself what am I doing and why don't I just pick up the phone and say what I need to say? But unfortunately once you've started a text argument it's like a 12 round boxing match and you just don't want to throw in the towel. However, there can be an advantage to arguments by text. For instance, you can think more about what you want to say and strategically choose your words. Whether they be the perfect upper cut, a little jab here and there, or even dancing around the ring like Ali trying to avoid further confrontation. Where as in a face to face or even phone argument at times you speak the first thing that comes to mind which usually adds fuel to the fire of an argument. But don't take too long to respond. As stated with response time either the person you're arguing with will think you're ignoring them or even that they won the argument. You may get a text stating "Nothing to say huh? Thought so!!"

Drunk Texting

Now this is definitely one of those times where you probably wish your phone wasn't so technologically advanced and that had an old school brick cell phone. Drinking and texting is definitely not as dangerous as drinking and driving but the results can also be tragic in nature. Have you ever had a little bit too much to drink then sent a text that said something you shouldn't have said to someone you know damn well you shouldn't have even been texting? Well usually when it happens just like most things you do while intoxicated you don't realize what has taken place until the next morning. As soon as you start to reading those texts from that individual the you scratch your head wondering what they're talking about. That is until you open the sent folder and see exactly what you were texting. In response to your discovery you'll usually let out an "Oh S**t!!" and then try to figure out how you'll clean this one up.

Recently Google unveiled "Mail Goggles" which actually helps to prevent drunk e-mailing. When activated Google will require the e-mailer to solve a series of math questions in order to determine that they're in the right mind state to send that e-mail. Once you complete the questions the e-mail will be sent. However, if you can not solve the simple to complex math questions (as previously determined by the user) the e-mail will not be sent. Hopefully for all of us drunk texters out there they'll eventually install a technology such as this in cell phones.

Text Abbreviations

Now luckily I've been able to keep up with some of the younger generation and their text talk as I like to call it. But sometimes even I'm stumped. I mean I can recognize the basics such as LOL (Laugh Out Loud), TTYL (Talk to you later), LMAO (Laughing My ass off), LMAFO (Laughing my f**king ass off), IDK (I don't know), BF (Boyfriend), GF (Girlfriend), BFF (Best friend forever), OMG (Oh My God), BRB (Be Right Back), JK (Just Kidding), BTW (By the Way), Etc. But then again there are some abbreviations that I would never be able to figure out. For instance, FIIK (F**K If I know), I would have never gotten that one. Or FEITCTAJ (F**k 'em if they can't take a joke), which I should know since my grandfather always says this. Also, GTFO (Get The F**k Out) and SWL (Screaming With Laughter). Basically the list goes on. Whatever happen to regular English? Now you have to be able to speak text talk. If you want to brush up on your text talk skills there's a whole list of abbreviations you can check out here. I just wouldn't try to impress your friends with any of those abbreviations unless they've also studied this list. Or you'll probably get a text response back like "WTF" (What the F**k?)

Well regardless of what I like and don't like about texting I won't lie and say I would want to give it up as a feature on my cell phone. Like I said there are much more benefits than there are negative things associated with the text message. In fact, I just ordered the new G-1 (to the left) phone from T-Mobile last week. It should arrive in another week or so. So basically you know that the text messages won't be stopping anytime soon.

So as Lil' Wayne said "Unless ya Feel a lil desperate send a nigga a text message."

--C-Recks--

The Mother Load

A couple of weeks ago I was at work and dealing with an irate customer over the phone. This is probably an every day occurrence in my line of work. So, it's nothing for me to maintain my professionalism while being verbally badgered by customers. This particular customer had his car repossessed and was upset because when he got his car back he had no license plates. So, he was going off about the fact that he couldn't drive his car with no plates. As I'm trying my best to help this customer he starts speaking Spanish in the back ground. Now I'm in no way fluent in the Espanol language. However, I did use to live in California for about 7 years. During those years a lot of my friends in school were Hispanic. So, I picked up on a lot of Spanish words that I still can recall. Fortunately/Unfortunately, those particular words happen to be mainly the curse words.

So as I'm explaining to him the procedure he must go through in order to get his plates, I can hear him saying in Spanish MF this, F**k that, B**ch this, A-Hole that. Now again, I sometimes deal with irate customers on a daily so phone bullies don't bother me because any one can be big and bad over the phone. However, when I over heard him say in Spanish "F**k your Mother" well let's just say at that point a nerve was officially struck. In an attempt to maintain my professionalism I had to hang up on that customer. Although the black in me wanted to serve his ass with a few choice words of my own, I was able to hold back in an effort to keep my job. Brother got child support and bills to pay. LoL.

I honestly had to think about the last time I even had someone say something about my mom. It had been quite a long time. I want to say around 5th grade. But it was only because for some reason other kids would come to me to come up with good "Yo Momma" jokes. I won't front a was pretty good but I'll admit most of my good ones were stolen. The ones I came up with personally were not as funny. LoL. But back then it was fun to joke and talk about someone's mother. At least it wouldn't come to blows in the end. So I'm sure that I had my mother talked about and talked about even more mothers. But I remember I used to get em' with some of the classics like these:



Yo Momma So fat she jumped in the sky and got stuck!
Yo Momma So fat she stepped on a rainbow and made a pack of skittles!
Yo Momma So broke she can't pay attention!
Yo Momma So black she went to night school and was counted absent!
Yo Momma So old her Social Security Number is 1!
Yo Momma So stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

If you sit back and think about the impact of someone saying "Yo Momma!" it would amaze you. But why is that the one of the top things that can set damn near anyone off? Here's another example. My mother was talking with my son recently. Whatever they were discussing she told him something like "you need to ask yo momma and yo daddy." Well he's only 4 and probably has never experienced having his momma talked about. However, his response to my mother was "what you say about my momma?" We couldn't help but to laugh. But that just goes to show you that hearing someone say "Yo Momma" is enough to get a rise out you even at 4 years old.



Unfortunately I can't go into the history of "Yo Momma" jokes and enlighten you on who delivered the first diss to someone's momma. However, remember when people talked about you when you were a kid, what was usually your mom's favorite response? "So what they talked about Jesus!!" Therefore, that leads me to conclude that if they talked about Jesus I'm pretty sure that someone talked about Jesus' mother as well. I'm sure this one was a popular one back then. I could hear them now "Yo Momma aint no virgin." LoL.

Well it really boils down to the connection between mother and children. She carried you for 9 months, gave birth to you, and then raised you. So how can you not be protective of dear old mom? Although it's never funny when someone talks about your momma, I will admit it's pretty damn funny when someone else's mom is talked about. In fact, hearing someone's mother get talked about is so entertaining MTV even came up with a show dedicated to just that, talking about other people's mothers. The subtly titled "Yo Momma" pins contestants against each other to see who can deliver the best punchlines, jokes, and disses toward their opponents.

Even rappers have capitalized on the fascination of talking about people's mothers. Most people remember the rap group Pharcyde for their hit single "Passin' Me By." However, Passin' Me By was their 2nd single. The group's debut single was actually a comical song entitled "Ya Mama." The song title was pretty self explanatory as the group basically went back and forth talking about someone's mother. More recently Chicago rap group Hotstylz did a song entitled "Yo Mama." But I'll take the original Pharcyde version any day of the week over this version. In my opinion this gong sounds just like their other single "Lookin' Boy" except on a different beat. But you can be the judge.

(Pharcyde - Ya Mama)

(Hotsylz - Yo Mama)

So if you ever find yourself playing the dozens like in the clip below from the show In Living Color now you know to go for the jugular like a vampire. In this case, the jugular being their momma. Just make sure you come correct with your punchlines. I don't want to hear anyone using my old 5th grade punchlines trying pretend like you just made them up. LoL. Finally, to that customer don't think that I forgot about you. I may not have gotten to say it to you over the phone but I certainly will now. Yo Momma is so hairy that she uses a riding lawn mower to shave her back. Matter of fact she hires you and your brothers to come by weekly and landscape it for her. To any Hispanic readers please don't take offense because in actuality the customer did work for a lawn service. LoL. (Oh and that wasn't stolen I made it up all by myself).

(In Living Color)

(White Chicks)

--C-Recks--