Friday, November 28, 2008

Any Given Son Day

November 28, 2008

Dear Son,

It was almost 5 Years ago to the day when your mom and I realized you were indeed on your way. It was November 29th 2003. It was around 1am in the morning. I was up late as always, but I can't recall what I was doing. I believe your mom was sleeping. However, something awoke her. I'm sure it had something to do with you moving around. She said she had to use the bathroom. So I helped her up and as she stood up she said I think I peed on myself. Well she then went to the bathroom to clean up. But she came out and said I don't think this is pee. After making a call to your grandmother and to the doctor she was able to determine that a portion of her water had broken.

So we packed up and drove to the hospital. Your mom did all the hard work I just tried to be supportive and not get on her nerves. But almost 22 hours later at about 10:50pm that night you were born. I remember when your head popped out, the doctor pulled you out, and your eyes were wide open and you looked right at me. In between tears I smiled, as the doctor wrapped you up and handed you to your mom. She quickly called me over to hold you as well.

It was hard to imagine that I had spent almost 9 months talking to you through a barrier of stomach that grew by the day. You used to kick whenever I talked to you. But then and there I was holding and talking to you in the flesh. I had overwhelming feelings of joy, happiness, nervousness and even fear. Yes me the self proclaimed fearless man was scared at that moment. The thought that your life was essentially in my hands had me scared to death. The thoughts of what kind of father I would be to you, and would I be able to do this job forever had me fearful. But I vowed to you even less than hours old that I would do any and everything to take care of you and be there for you.

Well it didn't take too long for me to get the hang of the parenting thing. However, there was trouble on the home front. I can and will explain to you the entire story as you get older and are curious as to what happen. But a long story short your mom and I ended up splitting up and eventually divorcing. I had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life during those rough times, but in the end I feel like I made the best decision when considering you. It was difficult to make such decisions and not want to be selfish. However, I had to take a look at a much bigger picture which went beyond just myself.

You may hear different variations of the story when you get older, but I have no problem being open and honest when you're able to handle it. You weren't old enough to remember your mom and I ever being together. Which in part I find a good thing most times. The way your life is now is how you have always known it to be. So you don't remember some of the back and forth and changes that took place back then. Regardless of what has taken place, just know it had nothing at all to do with you. And in many ways what took place forced me to be the man I needed to be. The man I needed to be for myself and for you.

When I think of you being five years old it is still hard to imagine. Time flies is all that I can say. I mean I can truly recall it all like it was yesterday. From your first words (which were da da don't let anyone tell you different), to your first steps, your first fall (I dropped you), and recently your first dentist trip (I took you, poor thing you shook like a leaf you were so scared). I've made sure that I have been there every step of the way. Not only financially, but also physically and emotionally there as an active father in your life. Besides a hand full of weekends out of town and when for whatever reason your mom had something else planned, I don't/didn't miss a weekend spending quality time with you. The same goes for calling and talking to you on a nightly basis.

Over these five years I've watched us begin a bond as father and son that is undeniable. I wouldn't give it up for anything or anyone in the world. It reminds me of how I was with my father when I was a kid. Unfortunately, that relationship slowly whithered away over the years due to some circumstances that I will reveal to you later as well. But I vow to you that I won't let anything get in between us remaining close and me being a constant in your life. In the next 5-10 years I'm sure you'll be experiencing many more firsts. Including, your first day of school (real school), first crush (Kim Possible doesn't count), first heart break (sad to say but it's going to come), first fight, etc. Just know that you will have me there for you and there to help guide you through each of those events and more.

I love you so much and I am so very proud of you. And even prouder to call myself your Dad. I wish you the happiest 5th birthday ever and so many more to come.

Love,

Your Dad.


--C-Recks--

29 comments:

Miss.Stefanie said...

This made me cry...This was such an honest, thoughtful letter, that maybe you can one day print and let him read it.

Coogie Cruz said...

Aww wow this is genuinely sweet and honest. I got a lil' misty eyed? Are you going to save it for him to read when he gets older?

Happy birthday lil' one.

neema divine said...

aaaw, this made me cry as well. so sweet. you are such a good father. happy birthday to you son.

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

That was beautiful, your son is so lucky to have a father like you :)

B-More BAP said...

This is truly beautiful. The bond between a father and son is unmatched :-) Thanks for sharing this.

Aretha said...

This is a very touching letter. Turning the big 5 is a big deal and as a parent I know you feel great to have experienced with him every step of the way.

It's going to be so moving when the day comes that you can see his face as he reads this letter.

Oh, and he already has good taste if he likes Kim possible...lol. From what I've seen when my daughter used to watch, she is a tough cookie and cute...lol.

Sexxy Luv said...

*tears*

your love is all in your words.

happy birthday lil man!!!!!

p.s-i checked you out on myspace, i like what i hear, keep it up. :)

the 3rd tWin said...

these are the things that i look forward to when i become a dad someday. not just a father or a sperm donor, but a dad. i dont have a close bond w/ my dad because of our differences but i do treasure the idea of a man being there + helping his son grow + learn.

nikki said...

moving letter, luv. it does bring tears to my eyes because i lost my father when i was three. i always wondered what he thought of me then. i'm glad your son will know how you feel about him right now cuz the moments following aren't guaranteed. thanks for sharing this with us.

Angel said...

deeep....

clnmike said...

Aawwwww, lol.

Thats all I can say.

mp1 v.8.0 said...

Experiencing the birth of your child is a sombering, exciting.....hell, just an overly emotional time. Much like what you described.

It's good that you remain involved in your child's life, despite what you and the mother went through. We definitely need more of that out here.

Happy b'day to the lil one, btw

Untouched Jewel said...

Thumbs up C Recks. That's what being a father is all about. I just hope that someday more guys could step up and be the kind of example you are to your son. Wish your son Happy Birthday for me.

P.S. sorry about the divorce.

CurvyGurl said...

Wow, this is so touching. Thank God for fathers like you :-)!

Soulstress said...

beautiful

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

A lovely letter.

What a sweet daddy you are.

Cherish said...

this really touched my heart and had the tears welling up in my eyes. it is so beautiful to see a man truly love his child unconditionally. i cant help but to be jealouse for i wish my son had the same kind of father that you are. But im so happy that there are some men out there who are still willing and able to be the type of role models our black youth really need.

SoulOnIce said...

This is a GREAT letter, homie. It truly is...

Appreciate you stoppin' through recently; honestly, there's a piece of everyone in each book that's picked up. You'd be surprised what you'll find, especially when it wasn't even the primary intention, my brotha.

LadyLee said...

Beautiful heart-felt letter. It really was.

Brothers Blog said...

@ Miss.Stefanie - Thank you I definitely plan on keeping it.

@ Coogie - Thank you for the bday wishes. I definitely plan on letting him read it.

@ neema divine- thank you for the compliment I try my best, and thans for the bday wishes.

@ Tuotierugif - Thank you I'm lucky to have him as well.

@ B-More Bap - I agree that bond is something I always looked forward to.

@ Aretha - Thank you. LOL @ Kim Possible yeah that's his girl I can't even be mad at him.

@ Sexxy Luv - Thank you for the bday wishes.

@ 3RDTwin - Yeah I could/would never be just a father. It takes so much more. I'm sure when you get to that point you'll be the same way.

@ Nikki - So sorry for your loss. Thank you as well.

@ Angel - Good look

@ ClnMike- lol @ your aww.

@ MP1 - Thanks for the bday wishes fam. Yeah being there in his life was the only option despite what happen.

@ Untouched Jewel - Thanks for the bday wishes. And I'm over the divorce aspect. As for the fathering part I'm doing what I'm supposed to be. I wish more would do it as well.

@ Curvy Girl - Thank you so much.

@ Soulstress - Thank you.

@ Sharon - Thank you I appreciate it.

@ Cherish. Thank you much. And I'm sorry to hear that yours son's father isn't in his life like he should. But there are many like us out here. Unfortunately, you only hear about the ones not doing what they're supposed to do so we all get a bad rap.

@ SoulonIce - Good lookin out fam. And I'll definitely keep that in mind.

@ LadyLee - Thank You so much.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

great post - powerful, thats why being a father is the shit

Peggy M. said...

Sooo Sweet...

Make sure you save this and give it to him when he's older.

You also took me back 5 years when my daughter was born during the '03Blackout... memories sure don't fade away.


Father's like you are very much admired!

mrs. mary mack said...

How could I have missed this post! I have an awesome Father, so I know how hard it can be sometimes. I'm glad that there are still men like you left in the world raising their kids.

Mr.Socialight said...

wow!
I am moved. Extremely moved.

Diamond said...

Aww, this was great! I, too, am a divorced and remarried Mom, and understand what a hard decision it is to end a marriage, especially when there are kids involved. I bet you're a GREAT Dad!

T. Michelle Theus said...

Awwww...I love this post :) I wish I had a dad like you =/ Your son is going to thrive from having his hero so close to him and ready to teach him to fly. That's what's up :)

Brothers Blog said...

@ Torrance - You right it definitely is the shit.

@ Peggy - Thank you, I definitely plan on keeping it. And your daughter is 3 too yea you never forget. I recently saw a movie about that black out on BET. lol

@ Mrs. Mary - Thank you so much it's much appreciated.

@ Mr. Socialight - Thanks fam.

@ Diamond - Thank you. But since you've been there you definitely feel me.

@ T. Michelle - Thank you so much. I definitely believe he can fly.
:-))

ToshaRenelle said...

Thanks for making me CRY! *sniffles and wipes away tears with kleenex* Seriously, the best thing ever. Someone who VALUES the gift that parenthood is. You will be blessed!

Jenna Marie Christian said...

oh that is sweet. I hate being so late...but i have to catch up on all of the oder post seeing as though i just found another blog to frequent:-)