Friday, November 21, 2008

It's A One-derful Life

"I been looking for the One but she's so hard to find, so I guess I gotta grind, until the stars align, Don't mind, waiting if it's gone take some time, but I wish someone would just show me a sign..."

Verse 1:
"I searched the ends of the earth and still haven't found, someone to hold me down, and wear my crown, I need a queen is that too much to ask? Someone with class, that's gone erase my past? Cuz I done been through (been through) heartache and pain, and I'm getting too old to be trying to play games, and I done changed (changed), my ways a lot, but my heart kinda empty there's a vacant spot, I'm just looking for the one to fill, and come for real, if I'm broke with bills, or holding a mil, still, she gone be there, it's only fair, and I won't even lie it's getting lonely here, I need love like L, sometimes it might fail, and you gone get used like drugs that hypes sell, it's like hell, so I gotta see heaven quick, the rest irrelevant, I want someone that's heaven sent. I want the one..."

C-Recks - "The One"

The above song lyrics come from a song I wrote and produced entitled "The One" which appears on my upcoming album Ripped from the Headlines (Shameless plug I know). Well I have had this conversation with people in the past. But I still question, is there really a such thing as The One? I mean is there really that one soul mate that God created for each and every one of us somewhere out there in the world? Are they searching just like you and waiting for that opportunity for your paths to cross?

These are questions I often ask myself. If you've read anything on this blog that I've written in the past then you know that I often reference the fact I used to be married. Marrying and then divorcing will often cause one to lose their faith in the love and marriage area. So I often question the existence of "The One." Although I'm very content with my current situation, it doesn't mean that I don't have the same human characteristics as anyone else. You know what I mean. The wanting to be loved, and wanting to give your unconditional love to another.

Now I say that; however, I'm not the type that will just settle for any old relationship. Nor am I the type that yearns to be loved so much that I will accept the first or next person the comes along trying to give me their love. Truth be told if I just wanted any old relationship I could have had that by now. But maybe I'm too specific in what I want. Some may call it high standards I just say I'm waiting on "The One."

I mean there's someone for everyone right? At least that's what the advertisements for the Internet dating sites want us to believe. LoL. I recently saw an on-line article stating that world's heaviest man (700 lbs) just got married. Now I'm in no way trying to talk about him or hate on him. But if this man can find someone to love all 700 pounds of him, then there's got to be someone for my buck and some change frame. LoL. If nothing else, I think this guy getting married illustrates one of the greatest things about real love. It shows the fact that it's truly unconditional. When I love again I want someone that will accept me as I am. Flaws and all. Not someone that says "well I really like this about you, but you can stand to change this or that." As the saying goes if you can't accept me at my worst you don't deserve my best." Well who knows when that time will come when my One comes along. But I found some words I wanted to express to her now. Please continue to read on while Ruben Studdard helps co-sign on the previous point.

Ruben Studdard - "Change me"

Dear "The One, "

Where ever you are and who ever you are there are some things I want to say to you in advance. I have so much love to give to you that it's not even funny. And believe me when the time comes I will love you unconditionally as you are. I won't try to change the person that you are. All I ask is that you do me the same. Below I've listed some of the things that make me, well me. They are in no particular order of course.

1. Please accept the fact that I am slim in stature and no matter how much I eat I have never and probably will never be able to gain any significant weight. I've always been this way. Call it high metabolism, good genes, or whatever you want. But please feel free to cook all you want to try and fatten me up as I love to eat.

2. Accept that I drink. Nothing excessive of course. But I mainly drink beer. After a long hard day of work there is nothing better to come home to than you, a great meal and a nice cold beer (or 2 or 4). LoL. But I promise I would never let beer or alcohol affect me or us in any way. Hell I don't even have a beer belly (review #1).

3. I have a son and he is truly my world. We are a package deal. Therefore, if you accept me then you must in turn accept him. He is a lot like me so you should have no problem getting along with and eventually loving him too. But I warn you he gets attached to people fast. So if you don't get to meet him right away just know that's the parental instinct in me. Also, he's a little flirt too, so don't be surprised if he has a bigger crush on you than me. And don't worry me and his mom have absolutely no drama going on. So rest assured that you'll never be put in a drama type situation when it comes to my son.

4. I have a passion for music. I have been into music since a young boy. I really got deep into it when I started to write and perform. I would love to eventually turn my passion into a career. But at the same time I'm rational and know that the odds of that happening are slim to none. So, I still work my regular 9-5. However, being that this is my passion I will always be doing it regardless of whether a career ever begins. So accept that some nights I may be in the studio doing what you may even consider nothing or even a waste of time. But please don't ever say that. I'm just doing what I love. Don't worry I promise that I will never let it take away from the time we spend together. Besides I'm a little talented I even wrote and produced the song above [The One] about you before I even met you.

5. I tend to be like most men and hide and don't show my emotions too much. Well just know that the only reason for that is because I was probably the opposite a long time ago and was criticized by the person I was with for it. So now I'm this way. I know it may seem as if certain things don't move me emotionally, but know that is probably not the case. I have a heart and once I've allowed you in it I can't control certain emotions and feelings. Therefore, if you hurt I hurt, if you cry I cry even if it's not seen outwardly.

6. I am a man of few words the majority of the time. I know I write these blogs and can say and express so much. But on average I don't say too much. You may tell me about your day and have a million and one things to say about what took place. However, if you ask me how my day was, 9 times out of 10 I'm going to respond in one of a few different ways. "It was OK, aight, cool, or deeso." This doesn't mean that I don't want to let you know how my day was or that I'm hiding something. However, if it's not interesting to me I usually won't speak on it. My daily mundane activities at work don't thrill me and I wouldn't expect them to thrill you or anyone else. Every now and then I have something happen that's interesting, but those days are few and far between. However, I will listen intently to every detail of your day and respond accordingly.

7. I'm hard to read. You may never be able to tell what it is that I'm thinking at a particular time. However, please don't try to speculate or assume. If you want to know all you have to do is ask and I will share. Not much upsets me or gets to me, but I can't stand assumptions especially incorrect ones. I hate arguments and fights and avoid them at all costs, even if I have to apologize knowing I did nothing wrong. Most times I probably have something similar to the patience of Job. But making an incorrect assumption will for sure upset me, possibly prompt an argument and test my patience for sure.

8. I'm not ballin and I may never be. If this music thing never makes it to the majors or mainstream, I may be stuck working a typical 9-5 until retirement. I will always work my ass off for the man just to keep what we have stable and try to get more. I may not make 6 figures; however, I will always be striving to make more to provide for us. Even if that takes me going back to school (which I plan to do hopefully next year), starting my own business, or even working 2 and 3 jobs.

9. I know that after we make hot passionate love for an hour or more that you want me to cuddle with and hold you. However, that's rarely going to happen. I may start off that way but most likely I'll end up on my side with about a foot of space between you and I. Please don't think that I don't like holding you or that the sex we just had wasn't worthy of you being held afterward. Neither is the case. I just have a particular way of sleeping. I get hot in my sleep and my instinct is to move away from the heat source. I may move from you, then remove my blankets all in the middle of my sleep. But then I'll probably get cold, so don't be surprised if you find me snuggled up next to you again at some point in the middle of the night. Just know it still won't last long. LoL.

10. I like to dress a certain way. My clothes do not make me who I am. I am who I am regardless of how I dress. I'm not saying that I walk around in bummy clothes or anything. It's quite the opposite. However, my love of hip hop and music pretty much dictates my wardrobe. I know that I am close to 30 and some may say "you should dress your age." But I say I'm doing me. So if that means wearing a hoodie, a fitted hat, and some Air Force Ones, then that's how you'll find me most of the time. It doesn't mean that I'm a thug or hood, because I'm far from it. It's just how I dress. Now that doesn't mean that I don't know how to switch it up given the occasion. I have plenty of casual clothing that I can wear when I take you out on a date. Also, I have suits I can wear when we're going to so and so's wedding, graduation, etc. But please accept this and don't try to force me to wear what you want me to wear.

P.S. There are plenty more things about me, but I will end it with these 10. Just keep in mind that curse (kind of a lot), I look young (not at all like I'm about to be 30 soon), I may or may not want any more kids (I'm on the fence about this one), my credit is bad (divorce hurts more than your heart), I don't attend church (at this time at least), I'm not that handy, Etc.

If you can accept these things about me and not try to change me, then you will have a man that will love and do almost any and everything to make you happy. A man that will love, honor, respect, and cherish your very being. Because just by accepting me for me you will be making me happy. So I would want to return that type of love to you at almost any cost. And we will truly have a wonderful life.

I love you with all my heart.



Now that I look at it all written out like that I guess those are a lot of things to accept. Perhaps that's why there can only be 1, One. Many are called but One is chosen as they say. Depending on the response to this I may post the second verse of the song which goes into a little more depth and reply to it as I did here. We'll see.



Bombchell said...

that seemed quite honest. looks like you know who you are, limits, faults, good stuff etc. and dont worry the beer gut might catch up.

before i forget @ 9. when you find her, tell her I said she should put the air on 65 degress! lol lets see u escape that.

lol @ rubben studdard as a tag. but it makes sense.

about the one. I think we've been filled with such absurd notions of romantic love, that we fail to see in a relationship its mostly commitment, and work and that and persevering might really be love. lol i still want the movies though. plus i think we have good matches, not just "one" =)

Just Jasmine said...

Awwww this was heartfelt and sweet.

You have renewed my interests in never getting married though. I think marriage lasts forever but damn if i get divorced and have to clean up my credit score.

Your spooning habits remind me of that friends episode. But i'm with you. I sleep a certain way and that isn't necessarily conducive to spooning the entire night.

I know you'll find The ONE. Just have to be open to it. The one is often the one you passed up. I'm in a bitter mood this week so i can't elaborate more but I know true love exists out there somewhere

Humbly Beautiful said...

Wow! It was so interesting that I was thinking about this when I woke up. To many people try to force relationships and try to change the other person to fit the mold they have placed in their mind without accepting them for who they are. Men and women do this all the time. No one is perfect and you have to accept people for who they are, if you can't then you need to move on. Not saying people do not have room to grow and people cannot change, but there are certain aspects of every person that makes them who they it or leave it.

As far is the topic of one person for you...I have mixed feelings on this. I believe there is "the one," but I do believe sometimes life circumstances prevent you from being with "the one," but that does not mean that there is no one out there out there for you. I think alot of people don't realize when they have met "the one," or when they meet just somebody they make them "the one" and when they realize that that person is not "the one" the question so many things.

Your lyrics say you need a queen, but a queen needs a king...It is a two way street and I think a lot of women don't realize they are queens and lot of men do not know they are kings.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

great post acceptance is what many of us fail as a life course. we often condemn and attempt to change, in particular shit we dont understand

have a great weekend folk

Aretha said...

call me naive but I most certainly believe in "the one". Now, I do believe we entire a few people who make us believe they are that one, but until you get to the real one, those people will disappear.

I think the one comes with patience, which I need more of (and I need them So many people want that one right now that they attempt to accept the imitators.

The one is coming, until then keep writing letters to her because I want to read them. That letter was very candid...more people should be in tune with themselves.

Anonymous said...

Im stealin this blog idea and am letting you know ahead of time I go back an forth on whether or not I think the "one" exists... in the perfect world of my idealist mind they do ... and that world often invades my reality ... so I continue to hope ... impatiently at times... I wonder if he wonders as much as I do ... but there an excitement to the fact that maybe someday we might just stumble upon one another...

seSi said...

haaaa!Allow me to bring negativity, I don't believe in the fluff of THE ONE but I believe in SOUL Mates(that person may or may not be you SOLE mate as love is fluid not rigid. You may love one person because their sex is on point, another for their mental attributes and so on. MY theory is that we have bought into such fluffy notions of love and HAVING to HAVE "The One" and when we find that there isn't ANYONE who can fit oh soo perfectly into our lives we sign the walking papers. I believe in love and unions but not marriage because society tells me once you are married tos oemone you can't have a deeper (mental, physical) connectionw ith anyone else- I don't believe in that.

Pajnstl said...

i nodded my head @ a lot of things on your list. fell out laughing at #9. that is SOOOO me. My husband understands it (now) but hmm soo me. lol

Love the quote abt not deserving my best. I believe i've found that in my husband. lawd knows i am a flawed individual :)

i sincerely hope you find The One.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

you make it seem so easy to fall in love and stay that way
on paper it would be a whole lot easy to 'love' someone
but when it comes to the practical bit
hell love sure aint easy
loved the letter
might write one of my own

Soulstress said...

I like the verse u wrote:)

Very honest. At the end of the day if ur truly gonna love & be w. sum1..u've got to accept them for all they are..good and bad. Tryin to change a person is a waste of time & energy.

Idk if I believe in "The One"...bcuz i think that its too risky to say that outta the billions of ppl alive...there's only ONE person who is meant for u. I mean what if "The one" for me lives in Paris lmao! Isnt that possible?! A lot of ppl dont end up w. the one. i dont totally believe if its meant to be it'll be. But...I think that there are Mr/Mrs Good enuff....they aint perfect...but u can still have a happy healthy relationship w/ them...evn if there are bumps along the way.

I guess lol.

T. Michelle Theus said...

Congrats on the upcoming album! That's what's up make sure you keep us posted on that :)

In regards to your letter to "Te One":

1) We have #1 in common: I have curves but I've always been thin so if my dude wants a thickie thick girl he should prolly go on and keep it pushin. lol

2)I don't know if I still believe in "The One" concept, but I do believe there is someone for everyone and that there is an imperfect person out there who is perfect for me =p I like that you've taken an honest look at what you have to offer, because knowing who you are and staying true to that is half the battle. It seems like the trouble always starts when two people meet and then try to make each other fit into certain expecations. The key is to be patient and wait for the one who "fits."

CurvyGurl said...

Hey Cory! I love your perspective. We seem to have the same thought when it comes to the 700 lb. guy getting married, it dawned on me when I heard it that true love does just that...loves.

Your list has sparked me to create one. Have a fab weekend!

Anonymous said...

I read this on my blackberry I will come bck with another comment later hun

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Not handy?
All h*ll naw. . .I got a toilet that needs needs replaced not to mention th bathroom floor I want redone.

Ha-ha ..leave it to me to come along and bring the hate ;)

Are your pants falling off your behind :(
You know being thin and dressing all hippy hip hop.

I feel you on the coming around my child/ren.

Beer is nasty!!!! Enjoy.

I hear a rumor that there is someone for everyone.

Untouched Jewel said...

I gotta agree with #3. If a person can't accept the package deal, then they don't want the package, period. And I couldn't agree more about not introducing your child to your potential s.o. right away. I have two children, and when I meet someone, I mention that I have children, but I don't introduce my children to them until I know things between myself and that person become serious, and they are worthy of meeting my children. Trust, it IS a parental instinct. And a very good one.

Wish you all the best finding your "One".

clnmike said...

I dont believe in the "One" I think you can love more than one person, you just have to be mature enough to pick and keep one.

Ran said...

WOW!!!! Great post!!! I do believe in finding " The One ". Some may think it is a fairytale while others are living proof that it does happen.

My momma always told me that when she found her true love she wasn't looking for him. He actually found her ( literally he delivered her, and here it is 30 yrs later and they're still going strong.

Im not sure if I've found mine yet, but I def pray about it every night that whoever I walk down the aisle with it will be my ONE and ONLY time doing it and it will be FOR LIFE!!!lol

Good luck with finding yours:o)

ToshaRenelle said...

This was a lot to read, but it was good. I think it's a great thing to do and it shows that you are quite self aware.

The thing is I tell people all the time, all I need is one person. Because I am often told that my standards for what I expect in a man/relationship are too high. I say, well I don't need 10 guys or even 5 to live up to my standards. I just need ONE! He's out there for me. And she's out there for you.

By the way, I finally posted my tag!

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I wish you were my age and lived near me lol

Anonymous said...

I think I knew all this about you already. A good woman is not hard to find, you just have to open your eyes and see what is in front of you. Don't take any friendships or chance occurences for granted. But thats life. You'll find what you're looking for when you're ready to!
I love this song though, it makes me believe there is someone out there for all of us. The search continues... lol

the 3rd tWin said...

very interesting man. i can mos.def relate to #1: i was skinny as a child, im skinny now, + i may still be skinny 40yrs from now. but please understand these toothpick arms can keep a heart warm.

but i have tilted back + forward between the belief of that "One" this year, odd in a way because im a hopeless romantic but after reality bites your bum real good... yeah, the faith does starts to wonder a lil. lol but i still hope that one day i will come across someone that will understand that im not perfect but im best at being me, + that will be the reason why they love me.

oh + thanks 4 the tag dude! im about to do it now!

Keli said...

You know...

but when you find "The One", she accepts you, as is...but you should love and appreciate her enough to step outside of your comfort zone at times as well.

Just continue being honest, but remember, we are not mind readers, we won't know it unless we hear it.

crys said...

~shock and awe~ OMG
how very interesting sir

Miss.Stefanie said...

This was written very beautifully. And you can tell it was from the heart. Not too many men here in L.A can A) Speak from the heart and B) know what they want and stand by the fact they will not sacrifice who they are....for that is why you should love them.

Very beautiful :)

Jenna Marie Christian said...

That was so beautiful :-)