Monday, November 17, 2008

A Dog Day Morning

No offense to any animal lovers or anyone that may work for PETA or PAWS or something, but I'm going to start this off by saying something. I hate dogs! Well not exactly hate, I know that's a strong word. But I don't like them and or have a strong disregard for them.

I know that may sound random as hell, but here's what prompted me to say this. I decided to come to work and do some overtime on this past Saturday morning. There were a few of us in the office working. Well for some damn reason my manager chooses to bring her dog to work with her on Saturdays sometimes. Don't ask me why please don't. But anyways I over heard some of the coworkers talking about the manager is coming in and bringing her dog. I say "she must of thought I wasn't coming in because I told her once about that dog."

On a previous Saturday about a year or so ago I'm sitting at my desk working and I hear some damn barking. Next thing you know this 70lb or so canine runs past our office. I'm like WTF? Sounding like the song "Who Let the dogs loose?" *Woof Woof Woof Woof* Then the dog proceeds to come in our office and is sniffing around. Then he comes up to me. I proceeded to say "Can you please get your Dog? I don't do dogs." That was the nicest I could put it considering it was my manager and I was at work. Had I been in the streets I may have said "You better get this MF-ing dog the hell away from me." So I think I was pretty nice about it considering. lol.

Well the manager then says "I will keep him up front with me don't worry." So, I mumbled under my breath oh "I'm not worried." She then does something unthinkable. She picks the dog up and is holding it as if it's a baby. If you could see her with this bag ass 70+ lb. dog in her arms patting it on it's back and rocking it, you would have had the same WTF look on your face. She then proceeds to talk in baby talk to the dog saying, "you have to stay out here because he doesn't like you it's okay girl mommy still wuvs you." Now I never even talked baby talk to my son when he was a baby. Me and his mom both agreed that was a no no! So I couldn't fathom a grown ass woman talking to a dog in baby talk. I guess like Jay-Z said "I'm like a dog I don't speak but I understand, where my dogs at..."

Well when the manager came in this past Saturday there was no dog with her. I guess someone must've got her the message that I was in the office. Now I'm sure some of you are reading and asking yourself what's so wrong with a dog? Why don't you like them? I will say this in their defense. I don't really like any pets. However, if I'm ever ballin' and on MTV Cribs the only pets I will have are some fish. You know those tight ass fish tanks the stars usually have. But I'll have enough money to pay someone to care for it, so I won't be the one changing the water and all that. lol. But just so you know I don't have a fear of dogs or animals, nor am I allergic to them. I simply don't understand what all the hype over them is. Man's best friend? I think not. I already have a best friend. Nevertheless, the main reason I don't care for them is because there are just some things that I will never get when it comes to people and their dogs. Below you will find my list of those things.

Treating dogs like kids
I understand that not everyone has children. In the case of my manager she does not. Therefore, her dog is like her child. Although some treat their dogs as a member of the family, it's not a child. Come on there is a big difference. When it's cold outside I make sure I dress my son warmly so he doesn't get sick. Whenever I see a dog wearing a sweater I just never understand it. I mean I'm not the smartest person in the world, but didn't God give certain animals fur for a reason? And isn't that so that they can withstand extreme temperatures? I mean I never turned past the discovery channel and saw a polar bear rockin a hoodie or a penguin in a scarf. Why? Because God created them to withstand the cold. I know it's more about the dog owner than the dog being cold. They think it's cute. No difference when parents dress their kids up in funny clothes when they're babies. On babies it's cute but on a dog? Come on now.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Why on earth you would let a dog sleep in the bed with you is beyond me. I've known and heard of couples that literally have their dog sleeping in between them. Most dogs are outside at some point in the day, so unless you put shoes on them too they can't be too clean. Also, they s**t and don't wipe. And you mean to tell me you're comfortable with waking up to a dog's ass in your face? Or what about when you and your significant other want turn over in the middle of the night and get a little frisky? You may feel someone licking your face, but it may not be the person you want. LoL.

Kissing the Dog
Speaking of licking your face. I would have to say that a dog licking your face has got to be one of the most disgusting things ever. I don't know if it's just a myth portrayed on TV or not, but don't dogs drink from the toilet? If so why the hell would you want that same tongue licking you in your mouth? I mean really think about it. If you an absolutely fine (wo)man came up to you and asked can they french kiss you right now, most would answer Yes! But what if they said but just so you know I just drank water out of a toilet? I highly doubt most would still want that kiss. So how is a dog any better or cleaner in that respect?

Pick it Up Pick it Up
Now I know that most dog owners adhere to this law and clean up after their pets handle their business. However, those that don't deserve more than a fine if caught. Why should I have to be subjected to possibly stepping in dog s**t if I walk through some grass? I mean when my son was a baby I threw his stinky pampers in the trash not on the ground for someone else to pick up or step in.

Doggy Day Care
I recently overheard a co-worker saying something to another employee about a doggy day care. Apparently one of the amenities of this Doggy Hotel is that they have a streaming web cam available so that you can view your dog on-line at any time. Sounds like a great idea right? Well I went on the site link above to investigate how much such a service would cost. How about the fees are $35 a day or $460 a month. Now as a parent I can only compare this to the cost of day care for children. Which can average from $600 a month or more depending on the facility. I don't know about anyone else but I haven't even heard of a kid's daycare having such a service. I'm sure that many parents would love to be able to view what goes on in their day care facilitiy while their at work. But again that's one of my problems with dogs, some people treat them equal to or better than humans. Some of these doggy hotels even offer traditional spa services such as aroma therapeutic massages and pawdicures. Can a dog really get that stressed out that they need a massage? You have to be kidding me!

Michael Vick
Finally, speaking of Dogs getting treated better than humans... You should have known it was coming when I started talking about the subject of dogs. But we all know the story about Michael Vick and his sentencing to 23 months in Federal prison for his role in the dog fighting conspiracy. I'm not trying to say that what Vick and his co-conspirators did was right. It was definitely illegal and absolutely immoral. And as much as I don't like dogs I definitely wouldn't want to see any animal abused or neglected. However, the problem I have with the Michael Vick situation is that to me it seems that the dogs have been somehow humanized. I mean how many cases have we seen and heard of where a terrible crime has been committed, but the offender(s) are sentenced to little or no time? Take for instance the case of a man that was convicted of only 60 days of jail time in Vermont back in 2006. Believe it or not the man was found guilty of having sexual contact with a 6 year old girl over the course of 4 years. I know that different states have different laws, but 60 damn Days? WTF? You mean to tell me that dog fighting is a worse crime than sexually assaulting a child? That's just a damn shame. It's just a dog!!

Well I could go on and on about expensive Vet bills, dog whisperers, and buying gifts for dogs, but I think you get my point by now. My dislike for dogs isn't from any tragic experience as a kid or anything like that. I just can't for the life of me comprehend why some people go to certain extremes for their dogs. It's fine to have a dog but I say please treat them as a dog not like a human. They're pets and should stay in a pets place.



The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I am a dog person. I keep a dog. My favorite breed is the Chow.
Yes I don't like little dogs I like a dog that will bite you if I say ouch.

However my dogs (past/present) know that I don't like to be lick. Stay off my furniture.
I don't buy clothes for them I got kids that need those things.

I did treat my last dog like a king. He was my third baby and when I had to put him down because of cancer I bawled for days/weeks.

Now I got this little mutt to make the kids happy because I needed time to get myself together before I brought another Chow to replace my baby.
You know what maybe I will go out and buy him a shirt cause it is cold outside . .haha.

Just Jasmine said...


I don't do little dogs b/c they are scare me. I'll get a Big ol Mastiff One day.

Anyone when I get my dog he will not lick me anywhere at all.
I don't get the sleeping in bed thing,nor do I get the dressing up thing. He's a dog. He has fur. Tha's like putting a jacket on top of a jacket.

i don't pick up poop which is probably why I'll never get a dog. I am potty training my son b/c his shit is starting to smell too foul and He's only one. I'm not picking up dog doo under any circumstances.

A Go Bytch said...

awww.. Brother you really don't like dogs huh? Well I happen to love dogs not just animals. Dogs in particular. I love big dogs!!!Probably like what your manager has.

I don't let my dogs sleep with me or enter the kitchen where food is being handled or get on sofa where they leave dead skin aka pet dander. But other than that he goes where ever I go including family events. But not work

I don't have a dog anymore and thats another story that was on my blog a while back...

oh well.. I hope she keeps her dog at home for your sake :)

Go B.

Quick said...

i agree...i don't like dogs...i'd rather have a cat...they are less needy. I'm too selfish to have time to take care of a dog, lol

seSi said...

man oh man!

we have an office dog and it is incredible how people treat this thing. You see them rolling around on the floor and kissing the dog (sharing each others germs) like it's nothing. They have me workign on a marketing plan to get donation for the dog to attend k9 classes. I was told three weeks ago but--i cant find the energy to start THAT particular project.

Dog's definitely get more attention than humans. We have groups like PETA and other animal advocacy groups who shell out millions for animals yet there are schools without books.

Sexxy Luv said...

i was cracking up the whole time i was reading this cause i HATE dogs!!!! they are the most gross and nastiest things i have ever seen! One of the Psychiatrist that i work with brings his dog to work and it pisses me off for the entire day, plus i'm allergic to animal fur so when ever he does that i'm in a bad mood for the day! lol

i co sign everything you said, you said it in a much nicer way then what i would have expressed! lol

ToshaRenelle said...

This post was hilarious! I am not an animal lover, however, I do want a small dog that won't get any larger than 5 lbs. I want it for conpanionship. The upkeep for a pet like a dog is a lot of work, but I guess it's worth it for those who love their pets. I will not be lissing my future dog in the mouth or accepting licks to the face, gross!

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I loved reading this! I'm a dog, cat, fish, gecko, bird, (etc, lol) person but I know alot of people do not feel the same way. Reading all your points made me realize why and it also enlightened me about the fact that I do sometimes talk to my dog which may look crazy to some folks lol. One day I think your gonna walk by a pair of puppy eyes and not be able to resist...? :)

Brothers Blog said...

@ sharon - If I did get a dog I'd want a big one too. But I think the licking thing is a white people thing no offense to anyone of course.

And sorry to hear your dog passed. I'm not that cold about dogs.

But your dog already has a fur coat you don't need a shirt. lol

@ Jasmine - LoL @ a jacket on top of a jacket. And Yeah me and my son's mom said the same when our son was 1.5 we need to train him to use it himself. FYI you will still be doing some wiping for another couple years though. But will save on pampers/pull-ups.

@ Go B - see pet dander/skin that's the stuff that turns me completely off about animals.

@ quick - If I was a pet person I would definitely pick a cat over a dog any day.

@ Sesi - see that's what I mean. Why would a dog need a marketing plan to get donations? That's just crazy. And you're 100% on about the PETA yet schools are underfunded. *SMH*

@ Sexxy Love - I swear we be here *points fingers to eyes* so often. Yeah that's just not cool bringing dogs to work it's inconsiderate of others. But yeah I tried to be nice as not to offend dog owners. lol.

@ Tosha - I don't know what's up with the small dogs either. But I guess for companionship dogs are cool. I'd rather deal with a person though.

@ Tuotierugif - I see you got a zoo in your crib. lol. And see talking to the animals like Dr. dolitle just too much for me. But only way I would get pulled in with a dog is by my son. He had one once his mom tried to push it over to me like can you have dog's at your apartment. I promptly replied NOPE! lol

clnmike said...

LMAO, I dont hate dogs but damn if I treat them like humans. Thats the mess that irks me people who give animals special treatment like the one girl I knew who maturbated her cat.

That irks me.

RunGirl. said...

I feel you on the list. I wonder what it would be like if there were live web cams in day care centers? Now thats money well spent. And don't get me started on the Michael Vick scandal... He did not deserve all of that time.

Soulstress said...

Hilarious..I'm a cat person myself:)

mrs. mary mack said...

LMAO!!! This is funny because I know people like this! And you're killing me with the PETA and Micheal Vick references I have a blog sitting in my draft box about this that I was going to post. LOL

Anonymous said...

I'm allergic to dogs and wish that people would keep thier dogs away from, me! I'm scared of them too, i think. long story.....

Brothers Blog said...

@ Mike - Please tell me you're playing about the cat masturbation. Tell me that you're using cat as a metaphor for P. lol.

@ Rungirl - I honestly think it would be a lot of ass whoopins handed out if there were cams in daycares. It's no tellin what some of these places do when parents aren't around.

@ Soulstress - Cat people seem to be leading.

@ Miss Mary - Sorry I beat you to the punch. But I'm sure you probably have some personal stories that are quite funny on the subject look forward to reading in the near future.

@ Dsp - See you have reason not to like them allergies and fear. I just plain old don't like them.

Pajnstl said...

I like dogs... as long as they aren't in my house or space. :)

Cat said...

I have a cat but am thinking of getting a small dog in the future. I am guilty of the baby talk with my cat and she sleeps on my bed but I draw the damn line at kissing that cat or any pet. Hell I'm picky about the people I kiss forget animals! I still have nightmares about the lady kissing the dog in Something About Mary1

dejanae said...

i dont get dressing up animals either
meh to the rest

ima pray that clnmike was joking

Diamond said...

i reaallly see your point! I wasn't really sold, until you broke it down with the pictures and all lol. Hey, I don't hate dogs, but I'm not crazy about them, either. And anyone who treats a dog like a kid probably doesn't have any.
I enjoyed reading that :-D.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

dont hate. I own a store for dogs in atlanta, #2 disposable income indistry in America behind porn - yep put my PhD in statistics to use to discern such and select a spot in Number one dog area in atlanta - and i got the dog for obama shirts

Brothers Blog said...

@ pajnstl - yes I agree with that there are dog houses so why can't they stay in their own house?

@ cat - yes that was too disgusting in that movie. That and that Turner and Hooch movie. But cats are cleaner than dogs by far.

@ dejanae - yeah it looks ridiculous. And I'm gonna have to send mike an e-mail to see exactly what he meant. lol

@ diamond - all I can do is present the evidence and let the people decide. lol. Glad you enjoyed.

@ Torrance - never hating fam. Get your money on. I already know it's money in the industry and people will always have dogs and animals so do your thing. Just my personal preference. LOL @ the Obama shirts for dogs.

A Go Bytch said... have been tagged

Go b.

Ran said...

Thanks for checking out my blog. Yea I'm not a big dog person either!!lol If i do ever get one it can NOT grow above my knees!! Im 5'6, so you do the math!!!lol

Nice blog you have here also!!;o)

Brothers Blog said...

@ ran - Thanks for stopping through. And I get the math. But that's still a pretty big dog. lol.

T. Michelle Theus said...

I hate when their dog is sniffing all over you and they say, "Oh, it's ok he doesn't bite." I want to scream "It's NOT ok! I feel violated, get your damn dog!!!!" lol