Man Up!!! Part 4

TGIF, it's Friday so you know what that means. Yes the end of the week of course but it also means that we're coming back at you with more Man Ups. Nothing has changed except a few more Man Ups to add to the list. As usual the same rules still apply. Remember this blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.



Man Up Rule #19: When 2 or more men are listening to the radio or a CD (with no females present) and a slow song or love song comes on you're only left with 3 options: 1.) Either immediately turn the station or switch to the next song on the CD. 2.) Turn down volume completely until the song has gone off. 3.) Begin to speak about a manly subject such as sports, while making sure you're loud enough to drown out the music. However, anyone caught singing the song in this instance is in total violation!!

Man Up Rule #20: We're not dog owners, but if you're a man that owns a dog you should make sure that the dog isn't a poodle or anything similar. We're not saying it has to be a Pitbull, Rottweiler or Doberman, but a poodle or anything equivalent is definitely a violation.




Man Up Rule #21: If you're going to use an umbrella to shield yourself from the rain or sun please be observant of the color(s) of the umbrella (Image 1). If this is the only umbrella available then you are to either seek shelter until the rain stops or risk getting drenched by going without an umbrella. Also when it comes to umbrellas we're still disturbed at having another man hold your umbrella for you (Image 2). So until further notice please hold your own umbrella or if you must have someone hold it make sure it's a female.

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To Be Continued...

Brothers' Perspective


--C-Recks--

--DrizaDre--

New World Water

So I'm sitting in my room last night, about to go to sleep when I hear an unmistakable sound. It couldn't be! Not possible! I get up, and look out the window. No F-ing way! I quickly try and throw some clothes. Get my shorts on. (No shirt still). Is it done? I look back outside, damn, its still there. Throw a shirt on, throw my shoes on. Now its been at least 45 seconds. Is it over? Gotta look one more time. Damn, its still there. I race downstairs, go to the back porch. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I make it just in time to enjoy sweet raindrops.

Now some of you may be thinking, this fool is trippin. Well, just to let those of you know, I recently moved to Phoenix, Arizona. And what I experienced was a little slice of heaven sent down from God himself. See, I've lived in Los Angeles probably half my life. I know that some of you may have heard the Tony! Toni! Tone! song "It Never Rains (in Southern California)", but that's not entirely the truth. See it rarely rains in Southern California. Well, if 3T ever decides to make a comeback, I personally give them permission to use the title "It Never Rains (in Phoenix, Arizona). (They really don't have to change any of the words, it still sounds about right).

What do we all know about Phoenix? Yes, its 100 degrees consistently out here. But one of the little discussed aspects of being in a place like this is the lack of rainfall. And I don't know if you're like me or not, but Summers include just a tad bit of precipitation. Growing up in Chicago, you'd get at minimum, during the summers, a few days in which it would rain for maybe an hour or so. Just long enough to cool things off, give you time to grab a sandwich, and make your way back outside to finish playing. Not in Phoenix! From about 7am until the sun begins to fade around 7pm, all you get is blistering heat. Soul agonizing, make you wanna personally peel your own skin off heat. Or to piggyback what my brother has previously mentioned, "make you wanna slap somebody" heat.

Inevitably, I had to do some research on Phoenix's climate, and the facts were astounding. Trust me, it doesn't make me feel good knowing that I'll be here for the foreseeable future. The all-time record high temperature in Phoenix is 122 degrees set back in 1990. (The all-time high recorded in Baghdad,Iraq is also 122 degrees). The temperature reaches or exceeds 100 degrees on average 89 days per year. That's basically 1/4 of the calendar. The average annual rainfall is a scant 8.3 inches per year.

So now that you have the background information about Phoenix's climate, let me ask you a question. How does the weather affect you where you live? Do you complain about it being too hot? Do you feel like it rains too much? Well, trust me, the grass is definitely greener where you are. (Partly because its so hot out here that grass really doesn't grow). Hopefully reading this will make appreciate where you are just a little bit more. And for that rainfall that I experienced last night, I made it to the porch just in time to sit down, and the rainfall came to an end. So 3 minutes of rain. I'm gonna guess that was maybe .1 of our yearly total. (Hell, maybe more than that. Kinda scary actually). And of course, I wake up this morning to 90 degrees and sunshine. (85% of Phoenix's days in a year are sunny). Its alright though, come December, I'll appreciate that sunshine and lack of precipitation! But if its 100 degrees on Jesus' birthday, God is just gonna have to forgive me because I will be using some obscenities to describe how I feel.

This has been your weather update, I'm Dallas Rains, or Amy Freeze (or whatever corny Weather person name) signing off!

--DrizaDre--

Hand Solo

We've all thought it at some point, Hell some of you bold individuals have even done it before. But this thought can be directed at a number of people, whether it is at your kids, your boss (or Stupidvisor as my Grandfather commonly referred to them), your friend, your significant other, the grocery clerk, your co-worker, the waiter/waitress, or the cashier at the fast food restaurant. Regardless of who it may have been, the fact that you thought this means that the person must have really done something ignorant, stupid, or upsetting. Or perhaps they did nothing at all and you simply don't like this person; therefore, you thought this way.

Well I'm sure you're probably in suspense thinking what is this thing that we have all thought at one point. Well that thought Ladies and Gentlemen, can be described in one word the "SLAP." Also, referred to as the "SMACK" or even the "Bitch Slap" and or "Pimp Slap." However, they all mean the same thing basically someone has or is about to catch a mouth shot.

Now if anyone knows me personally then they know I have a certain ring tone on my phone it's the song "Slap" by Ludacris. I'm not really a big ring tone person but I do keep this one on my phone. I particularly use this ring tone for my alarm in the morning. Why? Well the answer is simple I know that waking up each morning at some point in the day I'm going to just as the song says "Feel like slapping somebody today!!"

Ludacris "Slap"

Now you're probably thinking to yourself and scratching your head, wondering "have I ever wanted to smack or slap someone?" Without knowing anything about you I can easily answer the question. It's an overwhelming YES! In the opening I described some people you may have thought about slapping at one point. Now let me expand a little and describe a few incidents involving some of those individuals and then you tell me if you too wouldn't be thinking about slapping someone.




Incident 1: You get to work this morning and realize your co-worker has called off sick but you know damn well they weren't sick yesterday. So your boss calls you in the office and assigns all of your co-worker's work to you on top of your regular work load. Now tell me what would be going through your mind? Me, I'll keep it real I'd be thinking I could slap the hell out of my boss right now and I owe a slap to my co-worker when they get back to work tomorrow!!

Adam Sandler and David Hasselhoff in "Click"

Incident 2: It's your lunch break and you're starving so can't wait to eat the juicy burger you've had a taste for. You stop at your local fast food restaurant and order your # whatever off the drive through menu. You pull up to window 1 and pay for your food, then proceed to window 2 grab your bag of food and drink and rush back to work to eat. However, when you get to work and open your bag not only are your french fries cold but to add insult to injury there is a chicken sandwich instead of a burger in the bag. Now tell me what you would be thinking? It's okay you don't have to admit it yet. I'll keep it Real, I'd be thinking I should drive back up there and slap the drive through attendant with this damn chicken sandwich!!


Incident 3: You're having trouble with your cell phone, so you decide to call your cell phone provider with hopes that they can assist you with the problem. So you make the call, the automated menu alerts you that there will be a 10 minute wait for a representative. So your 10 minute wait actually turns into 30 minutes and you're frustrated and on edge already. However, when your call is finally connected with a live representative you get a foreigner and you can't understand a word they're saying. (No offense to any foreigners of course). So you spend another 30 minutes explaining and re-explaining your problem to this individual who even if they spoke perfect English still couldn't help you because they're incompetent to begin with. So finally, my question is what would you be thinking? Well maybe it's just me, but once again I'll keep it Real. I'd be thinking I wish I could reach through the phone and slap the hell out of the person on the other end!!

Now please keep in mind I'm in no way promoting or supporting violence towards your fellow man or woman. I'm simply stating what we all are thinking at times. I would hope that random slapping assaults don't rise due to this blog because that is truly not its purpose. The above incidents are just a few of probably hundreds that can occur within a given day. So we have to some how find a way to whooo sahhh!! and attempt to refrain from just hauling off and slapping the hell out of someone. Trust me I'm just a few hours into my morning and I've already refrained at least 2 times so far. Not to mention, I'm expecting to be up to at least 5 times before 5pm. Therefore, if someone did decide to slap someone today for any incidents such as above or worse I guess I would understand. However, the disclaimer above retracts any and all responsibility from myself or my brother. Also, I'm sure that somewhere in it's Terms of Use Google has also done the same thing. LoL.

So what is the fascination with the slap? What does it do for the person doing the slapping? Does it relieve some kind of stress? Or could it be the sound that the slap makes? I think although a slap is less painful than a punch, it still lets the person receiving the slap know you mean business. So if you want to still inflict some type of pain but not necessarily injury you'll use the slap. For instance, when a pimp wants to reprimand one of his hoes he'll use the "pimp slap." Why? I'm sure a punch to the face would get the point across just as easily. But let us not forget that punches usually leave bruises and that could hurt business I mean who wants a "date" with a bruised up prostitute. However, a slap will usually just sting a bit and perhaps leave the face red depending on the amount of melanin you have.

I personally think that the slap is more for the audience. I mean if you're about to get into an altercation with someone the last thing you will be trying to do is line up the perfect slap. No, instead you're trying to knock they ass out like Deebo on "Friday." So, basically if someone gets slapped in the midst they will usually feel some sort of humiliation. Usually, if a slap is or was involved it's the very first hit because no one is going to just stand by and take multiple slaps to the face. That's like well no pun intended but a "slap in the face." Now the main reason I really say the slap is for the audience is because more than anything the slap gets the most reaction out of crowd. Think about it, any fight I can remember witnessing back in school days started with a big circle and 2 individuals in the middle. Of course the shit talking takes up more time than the actual fight itself but what would a fight be without a little shit talking? But if you ever take the time to listen to the instigators in the crowd you'll hear this from at least one person. "Slap his ass!" or "Slap her ass!" And whenever the first slap comes its usually the last because the next hit will definitely be a punch. But trust me with that slap you'll hear "Lots of oooohs and Dayums." Think about any episode of Jerry Springer and you'll get the visual I'm depicting. However, even if the fight is lost or in cases of a draw the initial slapper could still be deemed as the winner of the fight just because of the slap he or she got in.

Now I don't claim to be a slap expert in anyway. In fact, I can't really recall ever slapping some one before. Although I do remember as a kid reciting lyrics to an Eric B. & Rakim song "I aint no Joke" where he states "you could get a smack for this." Well me, my brother, and cousin would say that then smack each other but beyond that I've never slapped anyone. But I would tend to think that more women use the slap than men. I guess a man slapping another man just isn't a manly thing to do. In fact, in the Dave Chappelle skit with Rick James Charlie Murphy stated this about Rick James slapping him (As depicted towards the beginning of this blog). "First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!" But keep in mind that slapping is not always for violent purposes. For instance, if someone is being hysterical it is okay to slap that person to bring them back to their senses. Don't worry that's the only other example of a non-violent slap I could find too.

But I did find out that there are such things as slap contests. Yes that's right 2 people slap it out to see who is the winner. I'm not sure why people would engage in such an activity nor what the official rules are for such a competition. But I did find a description of the different types of slaps online. So for those of you that may find yourself in a slap fest, or slap contest here is a bit of information that may help you.

http://www.wikihow.com/Win-at-Slapfest

Types of slaps:

Forehand - a slap across the cheek executed with the palm and fingers of one hand. Use this if you see an opening or if it is the easiest slap possible.



Backhand - a slap across the cheek executed with the back of one hand. Not a good idea if you are going for pain infliction.



Double forehand - a slap on both cheeks executed with the palm and fingers of both hands. Make the slap hard and loud for effect. All the opponent's friends will laugh. This slap is TOTALLY embarrassing.

Double backhand- a slap on both cheeks with the back of the hand. Slightly better than a backhand.

Tap on the shoulder reverse - when you tap your opponent on one shoulder, then when he turns his head, you slap him on his opposite cheek. Only available at master level


Ninja slap - pretend not to slap the victim, but instead lightly punch his cheek. He will think it is a punch, but the judge KNOWS.

Now speaking of slapping contests. I even found that a popular radio station in New York Hot 97 apparently holds an annual Smackfest where the winner receives a $500 prize and continues on to compete for the $5000 grand prize. Below are a few examples of that smack contest. However, if you Google Hot 97 Smackfest or search it on youtube you will be taken to numerous Hot97 Smackfest videos.

So in closing, unfortunately I can't give you full the history of the slap as I was unable to find information on who committed the very first slap. However, I'm sure the slap goes back even to biblical days. Although he was non-violent, I'm sure that even Jesus at least had the thought of slapping Judas for selling him out. LoL. But in parting I will leave you with a collection of videos showing some classic and modern slaps. So enjoy.

"Tastes so good, Make you wanna slap Yo Momma"

Friday After Next

"Baby Powder"

How High

The 3 Stooges

A collection of classic Movie Slaps

This one is just for you Mom.

C-Recks

Clowning Around

I write this as an honor to someone who helped to make a major impact in my childhood. This person helped to provide entertainment and enjoyment for me on many cold Chicago mornings. That man is Bozo the Clown. Larry Harmon became Bozo the clown in 1956. He remained Bozo until 1996. Despite not being the actual Bozo the clown that I watched on television, it was through this man's efforts that my beloved Bozo was brought to WGN. My heart was actually crushed to hear that he passed away on July 3, 2008. In the interest of full disclosure, I figured he might already be dead, but to have to heard about his death actually did have an impact on me. For those of you who are unaware of who Bozo the Clown is, let me take you to back to my childhood for a minute. This is not an actual 100% recollection. Yet, a splicing of things that I do remember, coupled with some things as I imagine that they could have been.

Its a cold December Chicago morning. I myself have never been the best morning person, and this morning is no different. My father comes in the room to wake myself and my brother up around 7:30. I couldn't be more than 7 years old. (Making my brother 5). Like a zombie, I trudge my way into my grandmother's dining room. I turn on the television and find a place on the radiator that doesn't burn my bottom. After a brief battle with my brother for what we termed "the black spoon", my father brings in our oatmeal. The oatmeal is fine, but what really turns the day great is Bozo the clown on the television. (The black spoon was a spoon with a black handle. I can't really justify the battles I had with my brother over this spoon back in the day, but trust me, it was the shit back in 1985).


Bozo and Cooky (pictured left), his side kick, clowning around, and giving away plenty of prizes encapsulated my childhood mornings. And every day, Bozo made it a little easier to face the day. I never got a chance to go to a taping of the show, but it would have been better than having the chance to go to Disney World. They had what was called the Grand Prize game. Basically, its a game in which buckets were placed in intervals of maybe 3 feet. You needed to throw what appeared to be a ping-pong ball into each bucket. And based on how many buckets you were able to successfully get the ping-pong ball into, your prize would increase. Making it into the final bucket was similar to the Showcase Showdown on one of my other favorite TV shows, The Price is Right. But instead of a new car, you received a new bicycle. (The chosen mode of transportation for children).



In writing this, I guess I take a minute to acknowledge a simpler time in my life. The second part is to say thank you to Mr. Larry Harmon. From my generation, I want to thank you for the years of enjoyment and entertainment that you provided to millions of youths just like myself. Thank you for following your vision. May God always provide you shoes that never fit, never ending handkerchiefs, and flowers with water sprays instead of fragrances.

God Bless You Bozo!

Man Up!!! Part 3

We're back with another edition of the World Famous Man Up Rules. I hope you all have been paying attention and avoiding any violations. As usual the same rules still apply. Remember this blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.


Man Up Rule #14: Stand alone tattoos are not allowed in places such as the ankle (Image 1). Also, the lower back tattoo is never allowed on a man (Image 2). Exceptions will be made for full leg or back tattoos. Or really cool or manly looking ones like the last one below (Image 3).

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(2 This is David Beckham btw)

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Man Up Rule #15: Regardless of how swole or muscular you are and how many females you have visiting your page you should never post shirtless pictures or videos of yourself on any social networking site (myspace, black planet, facebook, youtube, etc.) where other men can access your page.

Man Up Rule #16: Men should not take bubble baths unless there is a woman about to enter or already in the tub (Image 1). Tony Montana gets a pass though (Image 2).

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Man Up Rule #17: It is never appropriate to tickle another man. It doesn't matter if he just lost his house to foreclosure, car to repossession, wife to divorce, job to downsizing and his dog ran away all in the same day. No man ever needs this much cheering up!!

Man Up Rule #18: Jewelery such as anklets (Image 1) and toe rings (Image 2) shall not be worn. The only acceptable ankle bracelet is a "House Arrest" monitoring bracelet (Image 3). Also if you are "blinged" out from head to toe and that is also acceptable (Image 4).

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To Be Continued....




Brothers' Perspective



---C-Recks---
---DrizaDre---

Casualties of War

As we approach this Independence Day weekend, our minds are normally focused on time off from work, barbecues, and fireworks. (Thank God for the extra day this year). And as we all know, the fourth of July is to commemorate America declaring its independence from Great Britain. Well considering how successful the American experiment has been, I believe it prudent to celebrate a person who paid the ultimate price for freedom. Yes, there have been many who have given their lives for the cause of America's freedom over the past two hundred and thirty-two years, however, this man is universally considered the first. That man's name is Crispus Attucks. For those of you who are aware of who Crispus Attucks is, I applaud you. And those of you who do not, this is who the man was, and what he did.




Crispus Attucks was born a slave in 1723. It is believed that he was born to an African father and an Indian mother. As Crispus got older, he became an expert in the trading of livestock. He would receive some small commissions from the trades he made for his master, William Brown. Crispus saved those commissions, and tried to buy his freedom. However, Mr. Brown viewed Crispus as far too valuable, and refused to sell him his freedom. (Please reread that last sentence, and try to understand the true injustice of the institution of slavery). Well in 1750 at the age of 27, Crispus escaped. A fugitive slave warrant was issued, but Crispus eluded capture. Little is known of Crispus' true whereabouts for 20 years. It is believed that Crispus may have become a harpoonist on a whaling ship.

Fast forward twenty years. Tensions between the Red Coats, the British soldiers, and the colonists were at an all-time high. On March 5, 1770, a mob of colonists confronted a group of red coats whom they believed had struck a young boy earlier in the day over an unpaid barber tab. As things escalated, more and more individuals joined the mob. One of those individuals was Crispus. There does not seem to be a consensus on the true events of the Boston Massacre, but it is assumed that as the mob confronted the soldiers, they began to throw snowballs and other debris. One soldier was struck with a thrown piece of wood. Some say it was Crispus that threw the piece of wood, and others say that Crispus was leaning on a stick. (In a fashion I imagine like a man leaning on a cane).




The soldiers in response fired on the crowd. Crispus was shot twice in the chest. Both he and two other people were killed at the scene. Two others died later from their wounds. The soldiers who opened fire on the crowd were tried for murder and were defended by John Adams, the eventual second President of the United States. Two of the soldiers were convicted of manslaughter, and given the option of either hanging or being branded on their thumb. Needless to say, they chose the brand. All of the other soldiers were acquitted.

While that is the story of the Boston Massacre, here is where I want to go with this blog entry. How important is it that the first casualty in America's struggle for independence was an escaped slave? Personally, I believe it is one of the most underrated pieces of information when it comes to the story of the American Revolution. A man, who at that time, essentially had no vested interest in America's prosperity, wound up losing his life for the eventual cause of freedom.

Now I'm sure some of you may be thinking, "well that may be giving him too much credit for the activities that took place. Sounds like to me that he may have either just been an innocent bystander, or even worse, an unruly jackass." While I respect that point of view, I ask you this, how many times in history have we seen people affect massive change by doing what some people may have classified at the time as being unruly or disruptive?

Whether you believe in God or not, Jesus was considered by some to have been nothing more than an agitator who challenged the conventional wisdom of the day. Today he believed by billions to have laid down his life for the salvation of the world. Now I'm not saying that Crispus Attucks should be compared to Jesus, all I'm saying is that nothing has ever changed in this world without someone challenging what would be considered conventional wisdom.

The Boston Massacre motivated the colonists to eventually declare their independence from English tyranny. As colonies, we formed a nation. The United States of America. For helping to lead us down that path, I want to say thank you to Crispus Attucks. To the men and women, whom to this very second, continue to defend the freedoms of this country, I thank you. Happy fourth of July all. Safe travels to all.


--DrizaDre--

A Rose By Any Other Name

On June 26th, a life long dream of Derrick Rose was realized. He was drafted into the NBA. And while that alone may have made some of us the happiest people ever to have walked the earth, Rose was blessed with an added bonus: He was drafted by his hometown Chicago Bulls. Born and raised on the southside of Chicago, Rose, just 19, grew up during the heyday of Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and the 6 championships of the 1990's.

For those of you who are not from Chicago, let me tell you a little bit of what those championships meant to my hometown. See, we hadn't won anything since the Bears took it all in 1985. And prior to that, well lets just say that there were large segments of the population that were born, got married, had children, fought in wars, had grandchildren, and had gone to glory without ever seeing a championship celebrated within Chicago's city limits. And also, the Bears were a great team. Not just in 1985, but a few years following. However 1985 remained the only championship my city would see.

Now fast forward to 1991. The Bulls thumped their long time nemesis in the Detroit Pistons. (The team that eliminated them in the previous three straight playoff appearances. F-U Bad Boys!). Bring on Magic Johnson. Well, in a hard fought series, Michael Jordan led us to the promise land. And again in 1992. And so on and so on. Michael and his cohorts made Chicago into title town. No longer were we the second city.(Hell, with so many people moving to L.A., we actually became the third city. Thanks Curtis).

Then came that fateful time in 1998. Mike, and the rest of the squad was broken up, and traded for little or nothing. (As fans, it felt like we were children watching our parents go through a painful and bitter divorce). This is where the real purpose of this blog comes in. Though the magic of the Bulls getting the number one pick this year draft was great, (they only had a 1.7% chance in the lottery) I have little confidence in the Bulls having chosen the best player for the team.

In 1987, the Bulls drafted Horace Grant, and Olden Polynice. They then traded Olden Polynice for the rights to Scottie Pippen. Those two players contributed immeasurably to the Bulls success. Since then, here's a rundown of the players they've drafted. After reading this, you will understand why I am very apprehensive about Mr. Rose. (No offense to him of course).

1988 - Will Perdue (11th pick) - Perdue made contributions to the Bulls championship run of 91-93, but with career stats of 4.7 points per game (PPG) and 4.9 rebounds per game (RPG), no one would say that we struck gold with this pick.

Notable players drafted after Perdue included Dan Majerle, Rod Strickland, Steve Kerr and current Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro.

1989 - Stacey King (6th) - King too made contributions to the Bulls championship run of 91-93. King was a little bit better than Perdue, however his 6.4 PPG and 3.3 RPG left much to be desired from a number 6 pick.

B.J. Armstrong (18th) - BJ was an integral part of the Bulls 91-93 run. This selection is acceptable to me. His career 9.8 PPG fit for the role in which he was asked to perform. (Plus my granny Alverta loved him, so he's cool in my book).

Jeff Sanders (20th) - With this one, you can only say "swing and a miss". Or as some of you may have said "Jeff Who"? Jeff scored a grand total of 112 points in 55 NBA games. Now for a frame of reference, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 in 1 NBA game. And that game stopped with about 45 seconds on the clock after the crowd rushed the court. Who knows, he might have been able to outscore Jeff in one game if it went to completion.

Notable players selected in this draft include Tim Hardaway (14th), Shawn Kemp (17th), Vlade Divac (26th), and Cliff Robinson (36th).

1990 - The Bulls had no first round draft pick this year. What they did with it, I really don't know. We may have traded it for a useful player, or a ham sandwich. (Hope the sandwich was great. Wish we had made the sandwich trade instead of drafting Jeff Sanders. As a matter of fact, I probably ate a sandwich in 1990 that made more of an impact in my life than Jeff Sanders made in the NBA).

1991 - Mark Randall (26th) - This was the first of the championship picks. Basically due to the
Bulls success, they were drafting at the bottom of the first round. Mark played one season, got a ring, and was on his way to journeyman status. Career 2.6 PPG and 1.3 RPG. Luckily, the only player of note selected after him was Bobby Phills.

1992 - Byron Houston (27th) - Houston never even played a minute for the Bulls. He was traded to Golden St. Maybe we got another ham sandwich in return. (Both Jerry Reinsdorf, Bulls majority owner, and Jerry Krause, Bulls then General Manager, are big boys). With his career 3.9 PPG and 3.0 RPG, sounds like we came up. P.J. Brown was taken two picks after Houston.

1993 - Corie Blount (25th) - Corie made no significant contribution to the Bulls. Career 3.6 PPG and 4.2 RPG. Nick Van Exel was picked 37th, and the player who tried to defend Michael Jordan's final shot as a Bull, Bryon Russell was drafted 45th.

1994 - Dickey Simpkens (21st) - Simpkins made minor contributions to the Bulls championship runs in 96 and 97. Career 4.2 PPG and 3.6 RPG. I'll give the Bulls a pass on this year because there were no players of note selected after him.

1995 - Jason Caffey (20th) - Caffey contributed to the Bulls runs of 96 and 97. Caffey actually represented some actual draft success, something missing for a while at this point in time. Career 7.3 PPG and 4.4 RPG. However, selected right after Caffey was Michael Finley.

1996 - Travis Knight (29th) - Knight never played for the Bulls. Not to sound racist at all, but we had enough tall white boys on the team at that point. (Bill Wennington, Luc Longley, and Joe Kleine that next season). Career 3.7 PPG and 3.1 RPG. In that very same season, future Bull and NBA defensive player of the year Ben Wallace went undrafted.

1997 - Keith Booth (28th) - Talk about timing. Keith Booth made it on to the Bulls for the final championship run. His 130 points in 45 NBA games reflects that the only other way he would've gotten a championship ring is with a gun and a ski mask. To his credit, no one else of note was selected after him.

1998 - Corey Benjamin (28th) - Well Mr. Benjamin, I have good news and bad news. Bad news, you get to play for, what was called at the time, the Baby Bulls. Good news, your 3.8 PPG contribution to the team will be completely ignored due to the departure of Michael Jordan. (You just became what we can call insult to injury). Current Magic star Rashard Lewis was taken 4 selections after you. Also selected after Benjamin was Cuttino Mobley, and undrafted was Brad Miller.

1999 - Elton Brand (1st) - The Baby Bulls record of 13-37 in the lockout shortened season was enough to secure the Bulls the number one pick. Elton Brand was a decent selection that year. He was not given the opportunity to fully blossom into the player that he has become. Instead he was traded for Tyson Chandler. Who also was traded before he had the opportunity to blossom. Many great players like Baron Davis and Manu Ginobili were drafted after Brand, but I don't hold this selection against the Bulls. Just the fact that they traded him too soon.

Ron Artest (16th) - We all know Ron from the melee in Detroit with previously mentioned Ben Wallace. But Ron started his career with the Bulls. And after two successful season with the Bulls, he made a quick exit to Indiana. At the time I wondered why they traded him. But his antics have proven that obviously someone in the Bulls front office knew he was headed for destruction.

2000 - Marcus Fizer (4th) - Fizer really did not do a whole lot for the Bulls in his four seasons there. With career stats of 9.6 PPG and 4.6 RPG, he obviously did not live up to his selection at number 4.

Chris Mihm (7th) - Technically he was drafted by the Bulls, but he was traded on draft day for Jamal Crawford who was drafted number 8. Crawford struggled to truly find a position with the Bulls. He was always stuck in between point and shooting guard. The Bulls traded him to New York where he has since discovered his talent at shooting guard.

Dalibor Bagaric (20th) - I don't ever recall actually seeing this man play for the Bulls. However checking his career statistics, I discovered he did play 95 games for the Bulls. Considering he averaged 2.6 PPG, he must have been playing long after the Bulls were losing, and I changed the channel. Now the Bulls whiffed three times in this draft. (Considering Crawford developed for another team). But what holds them down is the fact that despite Michael Redd being drafted 43rd, no other players of real note were taken in this draft.

Do you need a break? I understand. Its been hard to write about the level of mediocrity that had befallen my once proud hometown team.

2001 - Eddy Curry (4th) - Another hometown product. The Bulls expected that Curry would develop into a Shaquille O'Neal type. Well due to a heart problem, the Bulls asked Curry to take a DNA test. When Curry refused, he too was traded. Like a flight from O'Hare to JFK, Curry was New York bound. This trade however benefited the Bulls immensely. The Bulls were able to swap picks with the Knicks during two straight years. Other people drafted in 2001 included Jason Richardson (5th), Joe Johnson (10th), Richard Jefferson (13th), Tony Parker (28th), and Gilbert Arenas (31st).

2002 - Jay Williams (2nd) - This story is very tragic, and in some ways made me start to believe that the Bulls may be suffering from a "Curse of the MJ". After a promising rookie season, Jay hit a pole on his motorcycle. He suffered serious injuries, and since then has struggled to regain any of his former glory. The Bulls, in a true gesture of good will, bought out his contract for what is believed to be 3 million dollars. (By rights, the Bulls could have terminated his contract and given him nothing). Taken in that same draft were Amare Stoudamire (9th), NBA champ Tayshaun Prince (23rd), and Carlos Boozer (34th). However due to the circumstances, we can't hold this selection against the Bulls.

2003 - Kirk Hinrich (7th) - For this selection, we will again give the Bulls a pass. Hinrich was selected to replace Jay Williams. Hinrich has developed into a nice point guard, but with the selection of Derrick Rose, his time in Chicago may be coming to an end. David West (18th) and Josh Howard (29th) were also selected in the 2003 draft.

2004 - Ben Gordon (3rd) - Ben has been a spark in the revitalization of the Bulls. He won the NBA's Sixth Man Award as a rookie, and has shown himself to be a very valuable asset. Much like Hinrich, Rose's selection could signal the end of Gordon's time in Chicago.

Loul Deng (7th) - Though he was technically drafted by Phoenix, Chicago acquired Deng on draft day. Deng has developed into a strong presence at small forward. Add to that his contribution to bringing awareness to the struggles in the Sudan, and Deng has been an excellent addition to the Bulls roster. This crop of players selected by the Bulls reminds you of 1987. Hopefully it will bring the same success soon.

2005 - As a condition of getting Luol Deng, the Bulls traded their 2005 draft pick to Phoenix.

2006 - LaMarcus Aldridge (2nd) - This was the first time the Bulls swapped picks with the New York Knicks. (As a part of the earlier discussed Eddy Curry trade). The Bulls wound up trading Aldridge for Tyrus Thomas. So far, it is too early to say what the ultimate outcome of either of these deals will be.

2007 - Joakim Noah (9th) - In this year, the Bulls again swapped picks with the Knicks. (Great trade I say. Thanks Isiah Thomas, Knicks then General Manager). Noah was a driving force for his back to back NCAA champion Florida Gators. He had a nice rookie season, and the Bulls expect big things from him in the future.

With recent selections like Gordon and Deng, you hope that the Bulls have progressed past the draft selections of Mark Randall, Keith Booth and the incomparable Jeff Sanders. But as any sports fan knows, once you've been burned by your favorite team, its hard to forget all that they've done to you. Ask any Cubs fan, and they can recount to you every time in their lives that they believed the Cubs would win it that year. Only to once again have to rely on "wait til next year".

For Rose, I'm very impressed with his start. When asked what his goal was for his rookie season he answered "I want to win the MVP award". Considering that it has never been won by a rookie, I like the kid's spunk. Hell, if he plays that well, he'll blow by Jeff Sanders and Dalibor Bagaric on the Bulls all-time scoring list sometime in game three. Derrick, welcome home baby! Now let's remind them how 23 does it.

--DrizaDre--

Marriage Confidential

Well the weather is nice, the sun is shining, and love is in the air. So that means it's that time of year again. Yes it is summer time but actually that is not what I was referring to. I'm referring to the coveted wedding season. But before you love birds jump that broom, stomp that glass, light your unity candle or whatever your tradition is, there is one piece of business you may want to have in order prior to saying your "I Dos."

Now I'm sure you may think you know where I'm going with this, but please keep reading before you assume and dismiss what I'm saying. I know you're probably thinking along the lines of what Kanye West said in his song "Gold Digger." "Shoulda' got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey(your money) If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup WE WANT PRE-NUP!, (yeah) It's something that you need to have Cause when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half." Okay well you partially got me, yes prenuptial agreements are vital in some marriages. But that's actually not what I'm speaking of. I personally think even more crucial than a prenup would be a Confidentiality Agreement (Or as I'll refer to it in this blog CA).

Now you're probably thinking as I did when I got married that hey I'm just a regular Joe or Jane. I work my 9-5 for a minuscule salary just to pay my bills and do a little extra, so why would I need a prenup or a CA? Well I agree that for us regular folk a prenup or a CA aren't really things we think about when we decide to get married. That is unless you think those lucky numbers in the fortune cookies may have a chance at showing up in tonight's lotto drawing. So yes pending luck the average person may not require a prenup or a CA. However, you must admit that the idea of a CA is sort of intriguing. So you may as well continue reading to find out why. Lol

Okay so unless you're working a 6 figure job, or have a position of prestige the CA may not be for you. But for people such as celebrities, athletes, and politicians well it should be mandatory. Why, do you ask? Well I'm glad you asked that question. You see we all know that in a marriage you're joined together with a person that you're supposed to be able to tell your inner most thoughts, fears, and secrets to. Well God forbid you and that person split up or divorce for any circumstances. But if by any chance you do, let's just say that the other person has no obligation or incentive to keep the things they know about you to themselves. So, what's to stop them from spreading your personal and intimate business? The answer is nothing, that is unless you have a nifty Confidentiality Agreement.

So what can the CA really do for you? Actually it's not about what it can do for you but it's about what it can prevent from happening to you. Let's look at some examples. You've probably all seen or heard of Tricia Walsh-Smith aka the Youtube Divorcee'. Well in the midst of a bitter divorce she decided that she was going to air out her soon to be ex-husband's dirty laundry and discuss their divorce. But instead of just telling his friends, family, and or co-workers she took it a little more extreme. In this technological age there is no better way to put someone on blast than by using the Internet. And not just any old Internet site, but with a video on http://www.youtube.com/.

Now I personally feel like she was totally wrong for doing this regardless of how wrong she felt he was being in the divorce. I mean yes he may have told her he can't have sex due to high blood pressure and she may have found condoms, porn magazines, and Viagra but should that be told to the world? That's obviously something personal he didn't even want her to know, let alone the millions of Youtube subscribers. But somehow the media took a liking to this particular video and the next thing you know the video is being played on the news and shows like The Insider. So, what she may have done thinking it was seemingly harmless, has become a huge ordeal. And information that should have remained private has now been exposed on a worldwide level. She's even gone on to do 2 other videos updating the status of the divorce. I even found that she has her own website now http://www.triciawalshsmith.com/ where she is also discussing information about the divorce. So I'm sure some of you are thinking, well doesn't she have the First Amendment right to express herself as she chooses just as long as she's not saying anything that is false and defaming his character. Well based off the episodes of Judge Mathis I've seen in the past you would be correct. Although her husband was smart enough to protect his money by having her to sign a prenup, he did nothing to protect his character from being assassinated. However, if he was really smart he would have had a CA and then he wouldn't be going through what he is now. As soon as this video surfaced on Youtube the judge would have slapped her with a Gag Order quicker than a pimp slaps a hoe that's come up short with his money. Unfortunately, he did not and I'm sure his soon to be ex-wife will continue broadcasting his business and information regarding their divorce until her number of hits drastically decreases and no one cares anymore. Also, I'm sure that with her being an actress and writer that this whole exercise of free speech will land her some type of book, movie, or reality show deal in the end. So kudos to Tricia way to get around the air tight prenup her husband's lawyer drew up. I'm sure she read it and didn't see any CA in there and there we have it.

Now speaking of Book Deals our next example comes from the book "Confessions of a Video Vixen" by none other than Karrine "Superhead" Steffans. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Superhead and her book so I won't get into who all she screwed and what she said about them. I personally never read the book, however; I do recall being in a book store one day and reading an excerpt. Well what I read was pretty shocking to me. She was describing an incident that took place with her then (now ex) husband rapper Kool G. Rap. So if you haven't read the book, basically G.Rap suffered from some sort of seizures and took medication for this condition. However, as she stated he was too masculine to even take the pills and as a result on this particular occasion had a seizure while on the toilet. She then went on to explain how she had to wipe his ass so that when the paramedics came he wouldn't be embarrassed. Now as I'm reading this I'm thinking come on now of all the things to tell you had to go and tell this. I'm sure I am not the only one that had a lot of respect for Kool G. Rap. But I have to be honest that after reading this, it's sort of tainted my view of G.Rap especially his hard core rap image. So again, in the case of Kool G. Rap he could have spared himself some embarrassment had he had a CA when he married Superhead.

Other notable "tales from the ex" as I like to call them include rapper/actor Mos Def's ex-wife Alana Wyatt Smith and her tell-all book "Breaking the Code of Silence." Also, former New Jersey Governor (The Gay Governor) Jim McGreevey's ex-wife Dina Matos McGreevey has a tell-all book called "Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage." Actually, come to find out that her book was only a response to Jim McGreevey's previously released book entitled "The Confession." Likewise, famous Oscar winning actor Marlon Brando's ex-wife Tarita Teriipaia released "Marlon, My Love, My Suffering." Next, there is Marc Anthony's ex-wife Dayanara Torres' book "Married to Me: How Committing to Myself Led to Triumph After Divorce." I doubt if Hollywood actor/director Clint Eastwood felt "lucky" when his ex-wife Sondra Locke wrote her book "The Good, The Bad & The Very Ugly." Former baseball slugger turned Steroid snitch Jose Canseco's ex-wife Jessica Canseco is doing some snitching of her own in her book "Juicy: Confessions of a Former Baseball Wife." R&B superstar Whitney Houston's ex-husband the infamous Bad Boy Bobby Brown is releasing "Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But." Let Bobby tell it Whitney is the one that turned him on to cocaine. Also, there is a book in the works by crooner Tony Bennett's ex-wife Sandra Grant Bennett that may destroy Bennett's good guy image. Lastly, Britney Spears first ex-husband Jason Alexander is even trying to write a book about their 55 hour marriage. This one I don't understand. How many pages can you even fill up surrounding a 2 day marriage? But as you can see if someone will buy it they will write it.

Nevertheless, there are those not fortunate enough to get a book deal. Therefore, they don't hesitate to accept magazine and television interview offers. For instance Tori Spelling's ex-husband Charlie Shanian spilled it all in an issue of Men's Monthly. Also, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's ex-wife Debra Marshall verbally body slammed Stone Cold on Fox News with allegations of physical and steroid abuse. Finally, we can't forget about the unmarried individuals that never even stood a chance when it came to being outed by their exes. Such as, rapper Nas whose ex-girlfriend/baby mama Carmen Bryan wrote a tell all book entitled “Sex, Drugs and Hip-Hop – Oh, and Did I Mention Love?” Also, P.Diddy's ex-girlfriend/baby mama Kim Porter did an interview in Essence Magazine giving details of their relationship and break up.

Now I haven't had the chance to read any of the material listed above, however; I can bet they all have a central theme. One being long ass titles, what's up with that? Lol. But beyond that I can guess the pages are filled with bitter exes telling how their relationship with (enter celebrity name here) was abusive, how they were cheated on, and how they have been caused such distress and or depression because of the past relationship. Oh and I'm sure there will be tales of alcohol and drug abuse and sexcapades mixed in there as well (You have to sell the book don't you?). Now the rest of the book, I'm sure, will be filled with boring background on the person writing it and their childhood. However, in an effort to get to the good parts about that celebrity they married you'll read the whole book as not to miss anything. If anyone has read any of the above material please let me know if I am on point or not with my assumptions. Now I'm not the one to say whether any of the allegations are true or not. But even if they are true, telling the world won't change what happened to you in the relationship. Perhaps it will give you some satisfaction by getting revenge but that's about it. If you really want to get it all off your chest so that you will feel better, wouldn't a therapist be the best person to seek? But wait oh wait! I forgot to mention the Money! Duh! Of course, silly me they're getting paid to write and publish these books. Well at least be man or woman enough to admit that is why you're doing it. So in the continued theme of exes writing tell-all books I predict that we should soon be seeing books by notable exes such as: Juanita Jordan (Michael Jordan), Shaunie Nelson (Shaquille O'Neal), Al Reynolds (Star Jones), Mary Lee Harvey (Steve Harvey), Malaak Compton-Rock (Chris Rock), and Kevin Federline (Britney Spears). That is unless a CA was signed at some point.

Believe it or not, of all these celebrities, I was only able to find one that was smart enough to get themselves a CA. I'm sure there are plenty others that have CAs and we never hear anything about it (which is the point). But this particular celebrity made news because of her CA. So the award goes to none other than Jennifer Lopez aka J-Lo (I'll accept it on her behalf. Lol). Apparently after ending her 11 month marriage with first ex-husband Ojani Noa, Noa attempted to write a tell-all book entitled “The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrait of a Serial Thriller.” I guess what Noa failed to remember or attempted to get around was that he and Lopez had signed a nondisclosure, “non-disparagement” agreement during an earlier legal settlement. So, Noa attempted to black mail or extort (which ever term you want to use) J-LO into paying him $5 million in hush money for not spilling her secrets. Well J-Lo sued him for "violating a confidentiality agreement they had by circulating a manuscript that contained private information about their lives together, report news sources. It was the violation of that agreement that won Lopez the $545,000 - $200,000 in damages for breach of contract, and $348,000 in attorneys’ fees and arbitration costs - along with a permanent injunction against Noa which prohibits him from disclosing any intimate details from their relationship." http://www.celebitchy.com/5120/j-lo_awarded_her_ex-husbands_dough/ You see the CA works like a charm every time. Not only were J-Lo's ex-husband's efforts to write a book telling all her secrets thwarted, but he ended up having to pay her and her legal fees in the end.


So in conclusion, let us take a lesson from all of these celebrities that have been burned by their exes. Unfortunately in today's times divorce rates are steadily increasing. Therefore, I do can easily turn into I don't, I love you can turn into I hate you, and I take this man/woman can turn to get this MF the hell outta my face. LOL. So all I'm saying is we all know car/house insurance is a rip off because on average you won't use it and you're usually paying premiums for nothing but the possibility of something happening. But just in case a natural disaster strikes your home, your brakes go out on your car, you want to be prepared and protected right? Well I say the same goes for marriage. Yes I know with being just the average Joe or Jane that having your reputation ruined may not affect you financially like those celebrities. But hell since Tricia Walsh-Smith started it, who really wants to be on the receiving end of the next Youtube divorce video? I know I wouldn't!! I'd want my skeletons to remain in the damn closet like R. Kelly. Although I've been told by my brother that I could talk Jesus out of getting married, that is not the intention of this blog. If you're confident that your future wife/husband will always keep any intimate details of you a secret, then I say do your thing. No CA needed or required, congrats and my best wishes on a lifetime of marital bliss. However, if you're even a little suspect whether or not the person you're about to walk down the aisle with will sell you out quicker than the new I-Phone then the Confidentiality Agreement may be an option for you. I'll leave you with a quote from one last celebrity that was put on blast in a movie after his divorce, Ike Turner in "What's Love got to do with it."

"Eat the cake Anna Mae"

C-Recks

Man Up!!! Part 2

Okay so here we go Part 2 of our weekly Man Ups, we're picking up right where we left off before and of course the same rules still apply. Remember this blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.



Man Up Rule #9: If there are open seats available never choose to sit in the seat that is right next to another man. Come on now you see all these open damn seats why would you choose to sit right next to me?

Man Up Rule #10: Pink is rarely a fashionable color on a man, even on this "hardcore" rapper. Now spots of pink can be played off with other colors. But sorry we have to say no to solid pink ensembles such as this. However, exceptions will be made during breast cancer awareness month. Also, Pimps earn an automatic exemption from this rule.

Man Up Rule #11: I am not sure who invented these "Skinny Jeans" but I'm sorry they couldn't have been invented with a man in mind. I understand they've somehow become the desired apparel of a lot of skate boarders but please adhere to the age 13 and up rules.

Man Up Rule #12: I don't care how horrible of a freestyle rapper you are, this line should never slip into your freestyle diss when it is directed towards another man. "Tell me how my ass taste." And if you are that bad of a freestyler and slip and say it please don't continue to repeat it. So, Kobe take my advice don't even respond and you'll still have won this round. LoL.



Man Up Rule #13: When referencing another man's looks, you must always preface that statement by saying, "I ain't gay, but." This can apply whether the statement is good or bad, but must be used when it is a good statement. However, a statement such as "I aint gay, but Tyson Beckford is fine" does not qualify and is a direct violation.




To Be Continued...




Brothers' Perspective



--DrizaDre--

--C-Recks--

Black Ice

We've all done it. Tripped, and immediately looked around to see if anyone saw us. As a guy, you pray that you won't turn around and see the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life.


(And to the Man that has, I feel terrible for you. Holla at me, the next round is on me).


Well, I saw the most extreme example of that today. And it got me to thinking, why do we all fall victim to what I will call:

"Idon'twantanyonetoseemefallitis."

Now surprisingly, its not contagious. Either you have it or you're immune. But I must say that finding someone without it is as rare as a gay Man with a Playboy subscription. (I guess in his case, it really is for the articles. Lol).

Here's why so many of us suffer from

"idontwantanyonetoseemefallitis."

(Or as I will call it for the remainder of the blog, IDWATSMFI). BAD ASS KIDS!!!!!!!!!! (Think Nelson from the Simpsons. "HaHa"). Now you may ask yourself, how do Bad ass kids factor into this? I didn't see any Bad ass kids around the last time I tripped, and I still felt my IDWATSMFI flaring up. Well those Bad ass kids that we worry about are not actual adolescents, they are a part of what exists within most of us. And they just need the right moment to emerge from within all us. Well, my inner Bad ass kid emerged yesterday.

In the interest of not snitching, some elements of the story have been changed to protect the DUMBASS!

I was driving down a freeway here in the United States that has a couple 1s in the number. Now, there may or may not have been construction going at the time. (Stop Snitchin ya'll, this is how you do it). Well, I'm on this unnamed freeway, when I happened to look to my right, and noticed a mode of transportation coming up at a high rate of speed. (Could've been a car, or a horse with a full head of steam. Again in the spirit of not snitchin, you use your imagination). Now, this mode of transportation disappeared in front of the vehicle in front of me. Next thing I know, the vehicle in front of me slams on the brakes. I too slam on the brakes. Suddenly, the unnamed mode of transportation hit what could have been a construction barrier or fence for horses to jump. (Are ya'll understanding how to not snitch yet? Vagueness). It comes back into traffic and rests on the on ramp. As we are all sitting there waiting to see if the person is alright, the mode of transportation takes off. (I guess that's why they call it horsepower).

Now this mode of transportation is showing definite signs of trauma from this impact, but this individual is going full steam ahead. I'm traveling at a reduced rate of speed, stunned by the fact that this person is still moving. And it wasn't just me, I could see the faces of many people in their vehicles. Some laughing, others with looks of settled anxiety. Well intelligent people, needless to say, that person didn't make it far. A couple miles down, there he was on the side of the road. (Either the car stopped working, or the horse needed a drink of water. You be the judge).

Well, as I passed him, my inner Bad ass kid came out. I looked at him, and had to smile. Instantly, I understood why the guy took off. He was trying to avoid having to expose himself to the very same people who saw his calamity.

So why the extreme? Why do we as grown ass adults care so much? Well, I believe that as children, we all probably fell into one of two categories. Either you were the kid who got teased, or you were the kid doing the teasing. And no matter what side of it you were on, that experience has inevitably put you on guard. Every time you trip, slip, have food that falls out of your mouth, drool, you are just hoping to not have to suffer the torment of someone's inner Bad ass kid.

I don't believe there will ever be a cure to IDWATSMFI. I'm sure that as you were reading this, your inner bad ass kid had a laugh or two. Lets just say that we just had a discussion of one of life's dirty secrets. And to the guy who I saw on that unnamed freeway, that shit was funny as
hell Man. I saw it all!


--drizadre--