Voicemail Tales

In my 9-5 job I am required to both answer and make many phone calls throughout the course of a day's work. Well I have a gripe I need to share. (I know you're thinking what else is new. Lol). Over the course of years working where I do presently and other companies doing similar work, I've probably left more than 100,000 voicemail and answering machine messages. In doing so, I've probably heard every type of voicemail greeting that there is to hear. To the point where I know when I know when I can just press pound(#), or 1 to get directly to the voicemail.

So here's my list of personal favorite voicemail greetings. And when I say favorite I mean I can't stand them and get tired of hearing them over and over again. So don't get confused. LoL. If any of you have these types of voicemail greetings this is not directed at you. I could care less about what type of voicemail greeting you have because, well I don't have to call you. LoL.

April Fools!

Phone Rings 4xs:

Hello?

Me: Hi can I speak to Mr./Mrs. So & So

Hello?

Me: (Frustrated at having to repeat myself) Yes I need to speak to Mr/Mrs. So & So Please!

Who's Calling?

Me: This is C-Recks from (My company name)

3 sec Pause...

Me: Hello?

Ha! Ha! I got you leave a message after the beep.

Now I love a good joke like anyone else; however, getting 2-3 of these type of voicemail greetings a day is frustrating and annoying as hell. Usually these leave me wanting to say some obscene things on the voice mail that could get me fired. LoL. Now some of you may be thinking, how do you keep falling for those? Well to be honest I don't too much pay attention to what's going on until I either hear someone say hello or a beep. But most of these are so clever you can't tell that it's a prank until they've gotten you. To those that do this you have absolutely too much time on your hands.

American Idol Auditions

I will admit that the best part of the show American Idol is probably the thousands of auditions from the would be singers that have no talent at all. So yes I like to sit and laugh at those individuals. Someone should have told them they can't sing before they came on TV to make a fool out of themselves. But that's besides the point. Nonetheless, I hate it when non-singing and or non-rapping people try to flex their absent skills on their voice mails. I don't want to hear you doing your best rendition of Keyshia Cole's "Love." Nor do I want to hear a freestyle rap about how you can't answer the phone, that sounds like the Blue Blocker man. As a rapper with some talent this offends me. LoL. If you have talent then you should be recording in the studio not on your voicemail. Although they sometimes make me laugh, I don't have time to listen to that madness.

Stick to the Script

Phone Rings 4xs

Hi I'm Katie, I'm Derek, I'm Catherine and I'm Paul, and (in unison) you've reaches the Stevensons we're not home right now so leave a message at the tone and we'll get back to you. Beep!

I don't want to call them wanna be actors, but these clever individuals choose to plan out a whole script when it comes to their voicemail greeting. They don't mind even getting the kids involved. Everyone can get written into the script. These individuals have a different voicemail depending on the upcoming Holiday. If it's Halloween they may leave a greeting sounding like Dracula. If it's Christmas they'll belt out their jolliest Ho Ho Ho. I know that Christmas is coming up I see the commercials, displays, date on the calendar, and my son is on countdown mode. Therefore, I don't need to be reminded by your voicemail.

User Error

Phone Rings x4

You've reached the sprint pcs voicemail for: "Yeah I don't know what's going on with this thing I'm still waiting on the beep, it's taking forever." At the tone leave a message at the end of your message press # for more options.

No offensive but some people are just not that technologically advanced. But it really doesn't take too much technical savvy to record your name at the beep and press # then follow the rest of the prompts to set up your voicemail. But hey maybe it's just me.

Kids Incorporated

Similar to the script writers previously mentioned, these individuals basically hand the phone over to the kids and let them leave the voicemail greeting. I've heard greetings that are as simple as "Call my momma back!" Then the more complex where you can hear the parent in the background feeding the kid the lines to recite. But it's still a kid so you eventually hear them mess up in the middle and try to whisper "What was I supposed to say?" I will admit these voice mails can be kind of cute, and sometimes funny. However, I just want to get to the point and leave my message, I just don't need all the extra theatrics.

Musical Chairs

I'm probably the biggest music lover that there is, and I love when I call someone's voice mail and they're playing my song. However, I can only take so much. If it's 30 secs of the song then cool I'll listen, bob my head a little bit, tap my foot, and maybe even hum a note or 2. However, once the song gets into the 1-3 minute mark it's just getting ridiculous. If I want to hear the song that bad I'll go to I-Tunes or turn on the radio. I don't need to hear the whole damn song on your voicemail. Now I know you may be thinking why don't I just press # and go directly to leaving a message? Well trust I know that works for most cell phones; however, depending on the carrier pressing # during the greeting will prompt it to ask you for you pin number. Therefore, you have to hang up, call back, and listen to the whole damn song again. Therefore, I don't risk trying that. But wait now they have those Call Tones. So instead of hearing the phone ringing you hear a snippet of a song. If you have a call tone please don't follow it up with a voice mail greeting that is full of a 3 minute song, this is just over kill!

Sunday Service

Now don't get me wrong I love God just as much as the next. Also, I know that as Christian's our job is to spread God's word to the world by any and all means possible. However, does that necessarily include your personal voicemail too? These individuals will begin and end their voice mail with a scripture from the bible. I mean to the point where I'm searching for a bible just so I can follow along. As much as I appreciate the good word for the day, I'm calling Monday - Friday and I'm just trying to work. Hit me with the word on Sunday please. Oh and they will never forget to tell you at the end to "Have a Blessed Day," which I appreciate. I need all the blessings I can get. LoL.

Bottom line is that we all have the right to do whatever we want on our voice mails. These are just my frustrations being expressed. But all I'm saying is why not keep it simple? "Hi this is _____ sorry I missed your call please leave me a message and I'll return your call." Or just don't record a message and let the regular cell phone message say your number and then the beep. Sometimes there is just no need for all the extra stuff. Plus you never know who is going to be calling you. What if you're trying to get a new job and they hear some of this madness I discussed? But again I digress. I'm sure that throughout the course of my day I will hear any and all of these voice mails at some point. But at least via blogger I can share my pain with the world. Maybe someone will feel me. LoL. Oh if I missed any feel free to add to my list.

--C-Recks--

If the Shoe Fits...

What this guy did just epitomizes what the vast majority of us feel about our current President.
You really F*CKED up Bush!



-DrizaDre-

Politics As Usual !!!

So I was in the San Francisco Bay area this past October. I happened to be with a "friend" of mine, and we swung by her mother's house for a quick visit. Inevitably while I was there, the conversation turned to politics. Her mother knows that I am well versed when it comes to talking politics, and she asked my opinion of the, then, upcoming election. As I stated in the past, I voted for President Bush in the 2004 election, and her mother asked me, quite sarcastically I might add, "so are you voting for John McCain this time"? This question lead us to talk about a book that I was reading at the time called "The case against Barack Obama". She had heard of the book, and asked what was the gist of the argument against him. At that point, I had only made it through the first few chapters, so I explained to her that they were questioning some of his associations with local Chicago politicians. I said "I've heard of many of the people that they linked him with, and I must admit that I too have a problem with those associations. Chicago politics is a very dirty game, and I wonder just how down and dirty Obama got". It is with the backdrop of that conversation that I officially start this blog.

When you heard that O.J. Simpson had gotten himself in trouble again back in 2007, I'm sure that many of you asked yourselves a similar question to mine: Who could be so stupid? Well, on Tuesday, I got my answer. His name is Rod Blagojevich, the Governor of Illinois. (Or as I will call him from here on in this blog, Inmate number 11042008). On Tuesday, Inmate number 11042008 and his chief of staff John Harris were arrested on charges of wire and mail fraud, and solicitation of bribes. The charges themselves were not terribly surprising. What was surprising was that he was arrested for trying to sell the soon to be vacated Senate seat of Barack Obama. So I said to myself "they've had this fool under investigation for a while. Why would he be so stupid as to try and get bribes while the Feds were listening? I mean, he had to know that he wouldn't get away with it".

The Governor's actions were appalling and took a set of balls that would weigh down Paul Bunyan. But as usual, Inmate 11042008 has denied all charges. And with that denial, comes the inevitable refusal on his part to resign from his post. That to me is the biggest crime of all. I'm tired of government officials screwing up, and then refusing to, metaphorically, "fall on their sword".

The city of Detroit dealt with a huge scandal involving their then mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. The video below is a synopsis of the charges lobbed against Kilpatrick.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLQ02-pbRB0

I'd been hearing about the mayor and his troubles for a while. And I will be completely honest, I gave the brotha the benefit of the doubt. But as more and more information came to light, it became readily apparent that my man really needed to step down. Unfortunately, like many politicians in similar positions, he allowed his ego to get in the way, and he remained in office for far too long. Eventually Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to the charges, and was sentenced to 120 days in jail. However, according to wikipedia, there were a laundry list of charges lobbed against Kilpatrick. Personally, I believe this brotha got off incredibly lucky.

Then there was Larry Craig. He was the Idaho senator who was busted in the Minneapolis Airport soliciting sex from an undercover (male) police officer in June of 2007. He originally pleaded guilty to a charge of disorderly conduct. But when the charges came to light, Craig tried to withdraw his guilty plea, something he is still contesting to this day. He also has denied being gay, however there have been many people who have come forward and refuted that claim. As usual, there were calls for Craig to step down as Senator. He initially refused to step down, but relented on September 1, 2007. Separate from the whole gay issue, which is none of my business, Craig was wrong for getting caught soliciting sex. He should have immediately given up his Senate seat.

My belief is that we as Americans made a huge mistake back in 1998-99. See, when the whole Monica Lewinsky scandal came to light, too many of us, me included, rallied to Bill Clinton's defense. What my man did was wrong. Yes cheating on his wife, but even worse than that, lying under oath. I liked Bill. Unofficially, he was the first black President. But my man had a greater responsibility to the American people. When it came to light that he had been fooling around in the White House, he should have resigned from office, and preserved the dignity of the office of the Presidency. By him fighting the charges, narrowly avoiding impeachment, and then finishing his term as President, he has given rise to other politicians across the country. Now they feel as though "Well, I'm not the President. And if he can get away with what he did, what I did is no big deal." Well what they do is a big deal! We elect these people to represent us, not themselves. I don't know about you, but I'd NEVER cheat on my wife. I'd NEVER solicit sex from a male police officer. And I'd NEVER try and sell a Senate seat! So why should I be represented by anyone who would?

In closing, I'd just like to say this about Inmate 11042008. I know that Chicago politics has always been a crooked game. Pay for play has been going on as long as the Championship drought for my beloved Cubs. But given the fact that you took over for a previously disgraced Governor, George Ryan, wouldn't it have been wise for you to try and restore some of the public trust? But I guess you just couldn't escape what "Chicago Way."

-DrizaDre-

The U-G-L-Y Truth

"Beauty is only Skin Deep... But ugly is to the bone." (From the movie Bebe's Kids)

"It's What's on the inside that counts...Well someone needs to flip her ugly ass inside out then." (Wanda Blind date Sketch - In living Color).

Let me start by saying that we are all beautiful people in some way shape or form. So I don't want anyone to take offense to what I have to say, this is just my opinion here. But with that said can we please keep it real for a moment? When I say real I don't mean that pretend real that some put up and take down later like it's a Christmas Tree. I mean keep it all the way 100% real at least until you finish reading this. Now that we all are in REAL mode let's begin. By a show of hands how many of you that are single would prefer a mate that had a lot of wonderful traits yet they were ugly as hell? And if you're already married or taken how many would have still married or gotten with your current significant other if they were absolutely unappealing to the eye? And by that I mean that you can barely stand to look at them ugly. Meaning that the ugly stick took one swing and ran away type of ugly. I mean O.J. Simpson no alibi type of U-G-L-Y. I mean... well you get the point by now.

I can't see your hands, but I can't imagine too many were raised if any at all. However, you will be asked to participate in a short poll at the end of this blog. Okay now that we have that out of the way I just want to address the 2 statements that began this entry. I just can't for the life of me understand how people try to say that looks don't matter at all. Now I will agree that they are not the most important factor in choosing a mate or what attracts you to a person. I totally agree that there are many other factors to consider, including: personality, intelligence, drive, compassion, attitude, confidence, etc. However, you have to be lying to yourself and others if you flat out say that looks do not matter at all. (See image to the left). I mean how many people do you see walking down the street in passing and can honestly say "Hey they have a beautiful personality?" It Just doesn't happen and if so it's rare. As humans we are first attracted by physical traits, and then the other unseen traits are what usually keep or reduce our attraction.

Now keep in mind that gold diggers don't factor into this equation. We all know they are only concerned with what's in your wallet like Capital One. They could careless what your face looks like as long as the faces on your currency are those of dead presidents. So take them out of the equation. I'm actually talking about genuine relationships here. But maybe I'm the only one that prefers to have someone that is easy on the eyes. I'm not saying that I'm the most attractive person in the world because I'm far from it. Therefore, I would understand that if I'm unattractive to someone that they would choose not to be with me or give me the time of day. All I'm saying is that if you're going to potentially be with this person either for the rest of your life why not have someone you enjoy looking at. Not to mention someone that can even strike up a little jealousy or hateration when you bring them around other guys or girls. Better yet even turn a head or two when you walk down the street with them. I mean who really aspires to find a mate where you don't even want to bring them in public because you never know what reaction you'll get today? Maybe pointing and laughing, shock, disgust, or shame (smh) you just never know.

I was watching an episode of Seinfeld last night and a question was posed. They asked what percentage of people in the world are attractive? They concluded about 5% and made a joke about the other 95%. Now I can't for sure confirm their percentage of unattractive vs attractive people in the world, but I can say that there are for damn sure a good percentage of unattractive people in the world. I'm sure the even the most unattractive person if given a choice would choose someone that was attractive for a mate. As if they can be choosy.

So since we're still keeping it real I want to conduct a short survey and see if my theory holds true or not. Below I've put up some images of attractive vs unattractive people. Below the images is a poll. I want you to select which of the 2 you would personally date. Base your vote solely on the face that is in the picture. Don't consider who the person is, how much money they have, and their celebrity status. Just keep it real if you saw picture one or picture 2 who would you be most likely to date. Voting is of course anonymous and you can vote on one or all 6 of the polls. I've tried to choose from a variety of different celebrity types including: actors, musicians, sports stars, blacks, whites, men and women. So find which ever category best suits you and make your selection. I will report on the results in a future blog post.

--C-Recks--

_________________________________________

Grace Jones

OR

Beyonce Knowles

Which Would you prefer to Date?
	Grace Jones
	Beyonce Knowles
Free polls from Pollhost.com

_______________________________________

Morris Chestnut

OR

Shabba Ranks

Which would you prefer to date?
	Morris Chestnut
	Shabba Ranks
Free polls from Pollhost.com

____________________________________
Angelina Jolie

OR

Amy Winehouse

Which would you prefer to date?
	Amy Winehouse
	Angelina Jolie
Free polls from Pollhost.com

_____________________________________

George Clooney

OR

Carrot Top

Which would you prefer to date?
	George Clooney
	Carrot Top
Free polls from Pollhost.com

___________________________________

T.I.

OR

Craig Mack

Which would you prefer to date?
	T.I.
	Craig Mack
Free polls from Pollhost.com

_________________________________________

Allen Iverson

OR

Anthony Mason

Which would you prefer to date?
	Anthony Mason
	Allen Iverson
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Thank you for your participation.

Today's Forecast

Images such as the one to my left are very beautiful and display some of Mother Nature's finest work. However, that may be where it stops for me when it comes to snow.

Someone that's use to tropical temparatures asked me the other day if it was snowing by me. I replied "not yet, but I really don't care for the snow anyways." They then replied "you may be the first American I know that dislikes snow." Well one would think that having lived in Chicago for all these years, I would be used to the snow by now and prepared to deal with it year by year. However, I must admit that I am never quite prepared for it. I can deal with the cold all day long but the snow just changes up the game.

There was once up a time when I lived in Southern, California. And as we all know Tony, Toni, Tone said, it never rains there, so you know for damn sure it's not snowing. So back then especially being that I was younger I did miss the snow. But since I've been old enough to drive (which is basically how long I've consecutively lived in Chicago a little over 10 years), I've disliked and sometimes hated the snow. Now I'm sure some of you, especially those in climates that don't get much snow, are wondering what is so bad about the snow? Well I'm glad you've asked and I'm sure if you've read any of my blogs you know that a list is coming so here it is:

Cleaning off the car

Yes when it's winter time, so I'm used to having to go down and warm/start up my car before I leave out for work in the morning. However, I hate having to spend an extra 10-20 minutes to brush snow and scrape ice off my car windows. Then I can't forget about the lovely Chicago winds. So as I brush tthe snow off it blows right back in my face. Uggh!!

Black Ice

Better watch where you step. The ground may look like sidwalk, but you can easily end up flat on your ass if you step in the wrong place. I've never personally hit the ground when slipping on black ice. However, as my brother described I've had many Idon'twantanyonetoseemefallitis moments. In fact, just yesterday I got out of the car and slipped as I was walking up to the office. Luckily no one saw me so I was cool. Too cool to be embarrassed. lol.

Can't Drive in the snow

Most people can barely drive with no type of adverse weather; therefore, you find yourself driving defensively the majority of the time. However, when it snows (at least in Chicago) people just can't drive at all. They either go way too slow or way too fast. Also, I'm guilty of this one. Some don't clean all the snow off the top of their cars. So, as they speed past you get a windshield full of snow.

No plowed streets

Of course they only plow/salt the major streets when the snow first falls. Therefore, if you live on a side street don't expect a plowed street for a couple of days. Then when they finally do plow the side streets they bury your car under 1-2 feet of snow. Therefore, you not only have to clean the snow of your car again, but you now have to dig your car out from under the snow.

Secured Parking Spots

Speaking of Cars burried in snow. How about having to dig your car out of the snow and then having someone potentially steal your parking spot. As a security measure [here in Chicago] people will place different objects in the parking spot to claim it as their own. I remember one year even our Mayor Daley was on TV telling people that they can't do this. Think it stopped them? Hell No! You dig out a parking spot then it's your spot at least until the snow melts.

Slush

Speaking of melting snow. I absolutely hate when the snow and ice begins to melt, whether from the salt or the sun and rising temperatures. The streets become all slushy and it's a mess to walk through. By then it's so dirty that as you drive through it and it splashes on your car that it leaves your car filthy. Then you have to get your car washed again. But you probably just got it washed because you didn't want the salt to start eating away at the paint on your car.

Clumps of snow

I don't even know why or have a reasonable explanation for this one. But I absolutely hate when the snow clumps up behind my tire. I guess it just looks dirty or something to me. But I usually find myself kicking this until it breaks up. Even though it always seems to reappear after I drive again.

So there you have it. Although snow usually means building snowmen, making snow angels, sledding, etc. I say that stuff is for kids. I'm sure its great for them especially if they have a chance to miss a day of school. But as an adult snow doesn't mean I don't have to go to work. So, it's more of a burden to me. Side note: I just checked today's weather forecast and they say are calling for snow today and most of this week. (Oh Joy lucky me!).

Now I'm sure most of you may be wondering if I hate the snow so much why I don't move to a warmer climate? Well unfortunately, that's not an option for me at this time. However, I'll be on vacation in 2 weeks, but sadly can't afford to go any where. LoL. But if anyone wants to contribute to my vacation fund. Hit me up. LoL

--C-Recks--

101st Post: Humble Beginnings

Well we made it to our 100th post y'all. Honestly we didn't think we would make it to this mark this soon, but we're here. The funniest thing about this whole blog is that the idea for it just started out from us constantly talking. We probably talk and or communicate in one way or another on a daily basis. Whether it be on the phone, through text messages, Instant messenger, or those few and far between occasions we get to kick it in person. But regardless of how we communicate, we are going to express an opinion on something at some point. And one day the idea was thrown out to start a blog. We were both reluctant because we didn't want to just be talking about our daily and sometimes mundane lives. Not that there is anything wrong with that because many of the blogs about people's daily occurrences that I've read are extremely interesting and addicting enough to keep me coming back. So, as we were talking one day about some subject and expressing our perspective it just dawned on us. "This should be the blog!"

Well with those 5 words, this blog was birthed. We've come a long way; from having barely knowing how to work this blogger, to having no readers and or followers, to where we are today. We appreciate everyone that takes the time to stop by and read and leave comments, especially those that were readers from day one. For those who haven't had a chance to explore our archives, we'll soon be posting some of our older blogs on "Throw Back Thursdays." But we hope to have the privilege of doing 100 more posts in the near future.

So, we were trying to come up with something special for this 101st post. Well we couldn't. LoL. Therefore, we just decided to let you guys have a peak of how some of our conversations tend to go. That way you'll get a general idea of exactly why we chose to write this blog. Here are some back and forth text messages between us. They are not all from the same day, nor in any kind of order. They are simply how we talk. Someone will start a conversation about a subject, then we'll both speak our piece and that'll be it. Most are usually longer and more drawn out than these, but these are a few shorter example. Please pay attention to the randomness and craziness of some of the texts. ____________________________________________________________________

Dre: Man, when I get on Jeopardy, my goal is just to make it to Final Jeopardy. It's gotta be embarrassing as hell when Alex kicks you off the show. LoL

C-R: Hell yeah, even worse than that would be to answer the Final Jeopardy question, get it right, but forgot to write it in question form.

____________________________________________________________________

C-R: I'm watching House of Payne. You know I can't stand this show but when I heard strippers and bachelor party in the opening scene I was pulled in. lol.

Dre: That's all it ever takes.

C-R: Man if I ever get married again don't listen to me when I say I don't want or can't have a bachelor party. Just do the damn thing and don't tell no one. lol

Dre: Man other than not holdin it down, ya boy held you down. lol.

C-R: No doubt that was my first strip club experience. So you definitely held me down.

____________________________________________________________________

Dre: Man I forgot that nigga Scottie Pippen was on the Olympic Team. That nigga was ridin Mike's coat tails worse than Banya was riding Jerry's.

C-R: Lmao. Hell yeah I forgot about that too. The nigga was 4 Real. He was exposed once Mike retired.

Dre: Man he owe everything to Mike. If he getting any P, he need to immediately call Mike and say thank you.

C-R: Lmao. Man hell yeah. You aint neva lied. "If a nickel bag is sold in Harlem I want in." lol

Dre: Exactly. LoL

___________________________________________________________________

C-R: How soon do you think it will be before a rapper uses a metaphor about Plaxico Burress in they lyrics? LoL.

Dre: Shit, I'm gone use it. lol.

C-R: Lol you mean in a blog? I can hear Ludacris now... I fill up like Texaco/ when giving sex to hoes/I'm next to blow/ so shoot ya self like Plaxico... Lmao

Dre: Lmao, Nice. Yeah in a blog.

C-R: Lol. Yeah I gotta hear yo take on this one.

____________________________________________________________________

Brothers' Perspective

--DrizaDre--

--C-Recks--

The First Should Be Last?!?! Part 1

Alcohol is a part of the Williams way of life. I grew up with a Grandfather who was a serious alcoholic. I mean, the absolute worst. My Grandfather was known for actually staying drunk for 2 weeks at a time, sometimes longer. (And when I say 2 weeks, I mean 24 hours a day for two weeks straight). Growing up watching this, it was more a spectacle than anything. My Grandfather was a gentle drunk. Well, that is to everyone other than my Grandmother. So my impression of alcohol wasn't terribly jaded.

So it didn't take me long before I became curious of alcohol and its effects.


Date: Fall 1993


Location: Canoga Park, California


The first part of this story that you have to understand is that in my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I missed a lot of school. Probably at least a third of the time. This day was no exception. My guy Edwin and I did our usual that day. Leave for school around 7:30. Hit the local donut shop for several games of Streetfighter II. After wandering around the west valley, we found out that there was a ditch party at the house of one of Edwin's friends. We didn't have anywhere else to go, so we walked the couple of miles to dude's crib.

When we got there, it turned out to be a bunch of white people there. Now the school that we went to was mostly white and latino, so it really didn't bother me the crowd that we would be hanging out with. About an hour after our arrival, someone started going around and asking people what they wanted from the liquor store. At this point, I had only drank the occasional wine cooler, and one time I drank some of my Aunt's brandy. (With orange juice no less, yuck). But people kept placing their orders, so when it came my turn to order, all I could get out was "Get me a 40". Pay attention to the year this occured. At that time, all I knew was that they drank 40s in Boyz N The Hood, so I said screw it. Well, that elicited this response from the Beer Man "What kind of 40"? Damn, I'm stuck now. I thought that 40 was the brand name. Goes to show what I knew then. Just so I didn't blow my cover, I replied "it doesn't matter". I hit my man with a $5, and he was gone.

About, oh, 30 minutes later he returned with a box holding everyone's drink orders. He passes everyone their drinks, and when he gets to me, he hands me a 40. of MICKEY'S! (Goddamn white boys). So I open it, and start to drinking. It couldn't have taken me but about 20 minutes to drink that whole 40. And back then, I was relatively skinny. (15 years old, 5'9" 130lbs.). So all the liquor rushed to my head. As I now know, I was buzzed at that point. In my mind though, I needed more alcohol.


There were some people who were doing shots of KAHLUA! (Again, Goddamn white boys). I decided to join them. I had probably 3 shots. It didn't taste like much to me. By this point, some of the black people from our school showed up. And that's when the fun really began. They brought, wait for it......... 40 ounces of, wait for it.......... OLD ENGLISH 800! Ah yes, what I now know is the real deal. One of the brothas handed me a half a 40 of Old E, and dared me to take it to the head. Again not wanting to be considered a punk, I downed it.

Well, that was more than enough for me. I had reached my limit. Feeling good at that point, I was ready to get back to school. (I needed to get back for 5th period because if I was absent, the teacher was under specific instructions from my father to call him). Edwin was able to secure a ride from one of the brothas for us back to school. This was a serious mistake. My man couldn't drive. We took all back streets to the school, and I swear dude was taking turns like a Nascar driver. 5 minutes later we arrived at the school. At this time, I'm really feeling the alcohol. Dude tossed me around something awful. So we walk to our cafeteria, and meet up with these two girls Julie and Cindy. (I had a serious thing for Julie at the time, which is ironic because Edwin wound up marrying her. Ain't life funny?).



Not two minutes into the conversation, I had to excue myself. I began to stumble to the restroom. I didn't make it. I got into the restroom, but I couldn't get to the stall. I threw up all over the restroom floor. The nerd kids used to hang out in there, so luckily for me my reputation wasn't harmed by me losing my cookies in public. I went back to the cafeteria and finished hanging out with Edwin, Julie, and Cindy. Even though Edwin wasn't in the restroom, he knew I had called Earl. (Or called for short). And he put me on blast like NASA. I was the joke for the rest of the day. I don't know how I made it through the rest of the day. I went to 5th and 6th period, and took my ass straight home after school. I had a serious hangover.

I swear after that day, I said what everyone always says: "I'm never drinking again"! And to be honest, I didn't really drink much until I was 23. That's when I moved in with a bartender, and I've been good friends with alcohol ever since. But not Mickey. 15 years later, I'm still holding a grudge!

-DrizaDre-

Disclaimer: When I say "Goddamn White Boys", I don't say it to be offensive. The video explains how I mean it.

The First Should Be Last?!?! Part 2

Date: Summer 2005

Location: Chicago (Westside)

"Here you go sip on that."

"What is it?" I replied as I sniffed the strong scent of something that definitely didn't smell appealing.

"It's called a Hennessy Sno-Cone!"

I'll never forget those words. Let me first back track and give some slight background information before I finish that story. I was never really a drinker. For whatever reason... Well I won't lie I know the reason. It wasn't that I couldn't tolerate alcohol, or didn't like the taste of it, or had a bad experience. However, I was in a relationship from age 16 that turned to marriage and the person I was with didn't drink. Therefore, that meant I didn't drink. Oh wait we would get wild and crazy every now and then and drink a wine cooler or 2. Sad I know. My cousin won't let me live the Bartels and James days down. LoL.

Well that summer of 2005, I found myself 25 years young, separated from my wife (soon to be divorced), and feeling like a man that just got out of jail doing a 10 year bid. Free at last, Free at last, Thank God oh mighty!! Well my brother was in town and didn't hesitate to take advantage of my new found freedom and introduce me to some things I had missed out on while "locked down." He started this process the weeks leading up to this particular day in question. You know a beer here, a shot there, and a mixed drink over there. But nothing excessive as he knew that I was still a lightweight.

Well that summer day in the Chi my brother and his boy E came and scooped me up. In the hatch area of the truck they were driving they had a strategically placed cooler full of beer and some other alcohol. Our destination was going to be the West Side of Chicago. A location called the Circle. Which was nothing but a big park that went in a circle and where people went to stunt hang out, etc. As we arrived I noticed my brother's guy E had 2 girls follow us up there. Now this brought a lot of attention to us. Reason being they were both white girls and 1 of them had the Starbucks behind. LoL. Anyways, as we parked, the drinks started flowing. First some pre-mixed Bacardi Long Island Ice Tea. Then some beer, then more Long Island. It was enough to start feeling lovely. It was a hot summer evening. The park was packed; every where you looked there was a hustle man or woman selling something.

That's when someone walked up selling something. I couldn't tell what it was from my angle. But I saw E go over and purchase something for $5. He then walked back over. And That's where the story begins from up top.

"Here you go sip on that."

"What is it?" I replied as I sniffed the strong scent of something that definitely didn't smell appealing.

"It's called a Hennessy Sno-Cone!"

Yes I said it a Hennessy Sno-Cone (See image below).

+

Don't let the name fool you into thinking it was some fruity concontion with a bit of alcohol in it. No. Hennessy Sno-Cone = Straight Henn poured on top of shaved ice. However, it did resemble the sno-cones that we used to drink as kids. Now I had heard a lot about Hennessy mainly through rap lyrics, but I had never tasted it before. Well I go ahead and wrap my lips around the straw and take a first sip.

Stomach meet Hennessy. Hennessy, Stomach.

I must admit that this was not a very happy meeting at all. Inside my stomach it felt more like a KKK member meeting a Black Panther for the first time. It was summer time but it felt like someone had immediately turned the temperature up to HELL as I began to sweat from the forehead profusely. How is it that the drink is making me hot yet it's on ice? Shaved ice no less. Yeah I couldn't quite fathom the reason for that back then.

So not to look like a punk, especially in front of the ladies and big bro and his boy, I kept sipping this drink (peer preasure is a mutha). I remember getting about half way through the drink and then passing it back off to E. I began feeling a little funny and just a bit dizzy. So I remember having a seat in the truck and passing out at some point. I can't recall how much time passed but the next thing you know, someone made a decision to go to Dave and Busters. Well I wish I would've had a vote in this decision because that was the longest and worst car ride I'd ever had in my life. To me it felt like a 30 minute roller coaster ride (loops and all) that just wouldn't end. My head was spinning out of control like some sort of twister and I'm quite sure I was moaning and groaning the whole ride. My brother later explained he thought I was dying. LoL.

So we finally stop and arrive at the place. I contemplated staying in the car and trying to recover from this horrible feeling. But go figure I remembered about the girls and asked their whereabouts. E says "they followed us, we bout to go in now." So I get out of the car. My brother asks if I'm straight. I figured if I could walk, then I was straight. We walked in the place and I remember them going to shoot basketball. I followed and stood there for a second watching them. Well apparently I was now doing way too much moving around because there was a horrible feeling in my stomach.

I look around and spot the men's room. I rush to it as quickly as I can. I found the closest stall and next thing you know I'm puking my guts out. I remember my brother or E coming in and asking was I alright. I couldn't tell who it was as I had my head damn near inside the bowl of the toilet. After that terrible ordeal of praying to the porcelain God, as I had heard it called so many times before making my very own trip to the alter, I walked out feeling 10xs better. I sat somewhere and ended up falling asleep. Not sure how much time passed but my brother came and found me and woke me up to leave. I said bye to the ladies and climbed back in the truck and fell back asleep on the way home.

As horrible as it felt that first time getting drunk one would think that I would have left alcohol alone. However, that was definitely not the case. I still drink to this day. Although my tolerance is much higher than it was that dreadful summer day, it hasn't stopped me from making more than a few collect calls to Earl. In fact, this past weekend as the Jamie Foxx song goes "I had one too many drinks." And believe it or not, once again, Hennessy was one of the drinks that caused my downfall.

--C-Recks--