Ready or Not, Here He Comes!

Well people, we did. We finally got the first black President. And yes, it does feel good. 3 weeks later, I'm still on a high that's pretty amazing. The saddening aspect of this historic feat has been the reaction that I've seen and heard by others. I mean, for as much as this election has shown that we've come a long way, the reaction has reminded us of just how far we have to go.

As I've said in previous blogs, I travel across the country for a living. I have been to all of the lower 48 states, and one of the states that, to me, is very underrated is Wyoming. Very beautiful scenery. No, there's not much to do there, and of course there are very few black people there. (1.15% black as of 2005). In spite of that, I have found the people of Wyoming to be very engaging and hospitable. Well that all changed a couple of weeks ago. I don't want to disparage all the people of Wyoming because of one particular incident, but I must admit that it definitely put me on guard.

I was coming inside a truck stop. As I was heading to the bathroom, I happened to walk past a trucker who looked at me somewhat menacingly. I wouldn't have thought much of it, except for the fact that the man was wearing a shirt that had a confederate flag on it and said "Dixie Trucker". Now I'm not from the south. I was born in Chicago, and I've split my life between there and L.A. So most of my exposure to southern culture has been on the road, from television, and my country ass cousins. But like most black people, the confederate flag represents the absolute worst of American culture. So the fact that this man was eyeballing me, and rockin this on his shirt, I was absolutely on guard. Yes, I could have just been misreading this experience. However, some of these are unmistakable.

Speaking of T-Shirts, there are almost no words to describe what this fool is wearing. (For those who can't read it, it says "Nigger Please! Its called a White House!). I mean, I understand that your candidate lost, but have some respect. Its unfortunate that nearly 150 years after slavery was abolished, there are still people with attitudes like this. I guess the last remaining segregated club has just been infiltrated. Can't call it.

I caught this little article the other day. Apparently after the election, while a large percentage of us were celebrating Barack's victory, someone got the bright idea to start an assassination pool. Yes, in Portland, Maine, a General Store had a sign outside that read "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool." The saddest part about this is that it plays to Blacks biggest fears, someone will assassinate Obama. Yes its in the back of all of our minds, but I think its very ridiculous for white people to joke around, and take such a subject so lightly.

The last example is one that hit me very hard. Last week, I turned on Fox News, and across the screen it said something to the effect of "Al-Qaeda uses racial slur to describe Obama". Instantly I was pissed. I mean, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? They called Barack a nigga. Well if only it could have been so simple. Of course I just needed to know. I couldn't wait for Bill O'Reilly to eventually get to the story. So I hit the Internet. Damn, it was so much worse. Essentially, Al-Qaeda's second in command, Ayman Al Zawahiri called Barack a "House Nigger", and also said that he was a disgrace to Malcolm X. I was livid. I can't front, if I was in the military, I would have asked to be shipped to Iraq or Afghanistan just to fight these fools. I mean, how the hell can you not even be from this country, and have the audacity to go there? You're gonna call someone a "House Nigger" and essentially you're lower than dog shit on the evolutionary scale. Please. Don't worry, you'll pay for that one bruh.

My friend and I have been having a long running discussion: Were we really ready for a Black President? I want so badly to say that we were. Examples such as these, I do believe, expose that we truly were not. Yeah well, its here, and its real. And some people obviously need to wake up, and get their act together. Because going forward, everything has changed. And I think that's exactly what Barack wanted.


--DrizaDre--

A Thin Line Between Love and Inmate

With the emergence of the Internet as a tool to find love, there is no wonder why online dating services are thriving even in this recession bound economy. You can find any type of online dating website for whatever your dating preference may be. If you don't believe me just Google what you like along with the word dating and I bet that you find some online dating website that offers it. I have seen advertisements for BBW (Big Beautiful Women), Interracial, Gay/Homosexual, Christian, Ebony, etc. all over the Internet. Well there is a blog soon to come about online dating but I wanted to focus this blog on a specific area of online dating. I recently I saw a disturbing advertisement in a magazine. It was an advertisement for a Prison Internet Dating website.

Now this disturbed me for a number of reasons. First, I started to think that to me the Internet, much like cable television is really a luxury item. So, I began to wonder why on earth are my tax dollars going to anything more than the basic essentials for prisoners? For instance, food, water, bed, and some books. At the time I didn't even have Internet access and was sort of appalled that someone doing time in jail could access the Internet. I was not for sure if this was true or if this ad was some sort of scam so I decided do some research and find out if prison inmates do indeed have Internet access.

Well much to my surprise the articles I came across actually did prove the advertisement to be legit. There really are some states and some prisons that allow for prison inmates to have limited access to the Internet. Apparently those prisons that do have Internet but have strict guidelines and security measures and inmates are monitored while using the Internet. But most prisons choose not to allow inmates access to the Internet. There are many reasons why prisons choose to restrict or eliminate Internet use amongst prisoners. One major reason is pretty simple let us not forget these are criminals. So, there is a greater potential for inmates to use the Internet for criminal activity. The biggest fear is probably the possibility of inmates using the Internet to threaten or harass witnesses/victims and their families.

So what do these Jail Dating websites really do? Well at http://www.writeaprisoner.com/ inmates seek pen pals to write them. So the inmates place an ad on the site that includes details about them (some including the crime they were convicted of) and an optional picture. You can click on the inmate that interests you and there you have it their prison address. Send off your letter and then there you have it you have now made your connection with an inmate. Also, you have the option to e-mail a message and they will download and mail it directly to the prisoner. Seems like a pretty simple process. Also, http://www.prisonpenpals.com/ and http://www.inmate.com/ offer a very similar service. However, there are sites such as http://www.ladiesofthepen.com/ and http://www.cellblockmail.com/ that actually charge you a nominal fee ($5 and up) to receive the prisoners mailing address. The theory behind these websites is simply that prisoners are lonely and communication with the outside world is beneficial in the rehabilitation of the inmate. Also, we all know there isn't much to do in prison and as the old saying goes"an idle mind is the devil's playground."

The problem with some of these pay sites is that some of them are total scams. To be honest if you're really looking for a prison inmate to connect with and write most local and state corrections facilities have websites. For instance, you can search for prisoners inside any Illinois Corrections Facility simply by logging on their website. They list along with the inmate's picture, their full name, age, height, weight, types of tattoos, and the crime they are convicted of and the expected release date. Of course it also lists their inmate # and you can obtain the mailing address if you really wanted to write them. In fact, I would go as far to say that if dating inmates is your thing then this would be a better and safer route than using any of the aforementioned websites. The reason being, that on those websites you have no way to verify if the information listed is accurate. So if John Doe lists on inmate.com that he is in jail for robbery serving 5 years how are you to even know if this is true? It could be that John is really serving 25 to life for murder. I would say verifying the information about the prisoner would be the way to avoid possibly being scammed.

Snail mail or mail sent through the U.S. Postal Service has dramatically decreased over the years. With the ability to E-Mail, instant message, text, and pay bills online, most don't really find a need for postage stamps anymore. Hence, the constant rate hikes on postage stamps. Also, e-mail has become the most preferred method of contact when it comes to mail. To demonstrate this fact I have 2 key examples.

First, my 4 year old son was recently talking to my aunt on the phone. And some how she mentioned she wanted him to mail her some money. Well he agreed and said I will and asked her what's your E-Mail address? No he didn't ask her physical address. At 4 years old he's up to date on technology and has no concept of postal mail.

The next example deals directly with the topic at hand. My brother was recently requested by a female friend of his that was incarcerated to write her in jail. Well he asked me if I had ever written anyone in jail and what should they even say to the person incarcerated. Well I first had to even think when was the last time I even sat down and wrote a hand written letter. To my recollection it had been probably at least 5-7 years. But much like my son was thinking, I said if the letter can't be e-mailed there's a good chance you're not getting it from me jail or no jail. LoL. Well to make a long story short he never sat down and wrote the letter. She wrote him a few times pleading him to write back but he just couldn't do it. Well when she got out of jail the first thing she asked was "Why didn't you write me?" Sadly to avoid hurting her feelings he lied and said he did write and it must have been somehow lost between the mailbox and the prison.

But I think it's safe to say that many people are like me and rarely take the time to write a letter to someone in prison. I'm sure it somewhat has to do with not knowing what to really say to them. This is probably a good reason why some inmates receive little to no mail while incarcerated. But of course when they get out of jail just like my brother's friend did they will ask "Why didn't you write me?"

However, the Federal Bureau of Prisons (The Fed) has come up with a way that can maybe combat this problem. They have introduced a program called TRULINCS short for (Trust Fund Limited Inmate Computer System). This system allows for inmates to have limited computer access where they send and receive e-mails without having to access the Internet. The system is in a limited number of BOP facilities but is expected to be in all facilities by 2011. Basically the way the system works is this. The inmate must request to have a person added to their [prison] approved list of contacts. The system generates a request to that person advising them that the inmate wishes to communicate with them through e-mail. Once the recipient approves they can then begin sending e-mails. All correspondence is monitored, the e-mails can not exceed 13,000 characters (approximately 2 pages), and no attachments can be included. And I'm happy to report that funding for TRULINCS is not provided by tax payers. In fact, funding is provided entirely by the Inmate Trust Fund, which is maintained by profits from inmate purchases of commissary products, telephone services, and the fees inmates pay for TRULINCS.

So, one of my main questions is what is the draw to dating someone in prison? I mean it's a little bit different if you're already with that person and they happen to go to jail then and you just want to stand by your man or woman. However, I'm curious to know, has the dating pool been so depleted that we are now resorting to searching for available bachelors and bachelorettes in jail? Or is it a deeper reason why individuals will search for convicted felons to date? I recall on an episode of the sitcom "Seinfeld" the character George was dating a woman in prison. He stated that it was the perfect relationship because "he knows where she is, doesn't have to worry about the pop in, and has little competition." LoL. Regardless of the reasoning behind searching for a companion in jail I guess the main point is there is someone for everyone. This includes prison inmates. I mean everyone needs love right?

--C-Recks--

No I in TEAM

Anyone that has at least one "so called" friend has probably at one time or another been put in this horrible situation before. I would venture to say that guys go through this more frequently than women. But this is a scenario that is played out every night of the week somewhere in the world. And unfortunately, the victim is usually unsuspecting that it is even about to occur. Well that is until he hears those five dreadful words.

Picture this scene. Two guys are out kicking it at a night club/lounge sitting at the bar. Guy #1 spots an attractive female and taps guy #2 and says "look at her she's bad I'm gonna go holla at her." Guy #2 agrees that she is fine, gives his support for his guy to go do his thing, and wishes him luck. Now guy #2 is simply finishing up his drink, scoping the scene at the club, and enjoying the music. He has no clue that he is about to be put into a situation that he was truly not prepared for. So guy #1 walks back over to the bar smiling. When his friend notices the Kool-Aid smile on his grill he says "you must have came up on her number or something." Guy #1 responds "no even better than that her and her girl wanna kick it after we leave the club." Guy #2 exclaims "For Real? What's her girl looking like?"

Okay let's press pause on this little scenario. I just want you to be prepared to hear the 5 words that I was referring to just above because they're about to come up in a second.

So, Guy #1 hesitates when his boy asks that question. He even has the nerve to pretend like he didn't hear what the question was over the loud music. So guy #2 repeats the question louder and moves closer to his friend's ear "WHAT'S HER GIRL LOOKING LIKE?" Again he hesitates. But finally he musters up the courage and says "well that's the thing man you're going to have to..." (For those of you that have been anticipating those five words here they come). "Take One For The Team."

Now coming to terms with a "Take one for the team" request will almost always follow a number of stages before final acceptance of this mission (if you so choose to accept it).

1.) First of all you're likely to yell or say "Come On Man!!", "WTF," or something similar to this as your initial reaction.

2.) Then a couple curse words will for sure follow. The taboo MF word is acceptable in this instance.

3.) Next, you will try to weasel your way out of it by saying something like "I just took one for the team last month." Or "I'm always taking one for the team when will it be your turn." However, since there are no set rules or parameters when it comes to "taking one for the team" none of this is even relevant.

4.) Here you will attempt to hype yourself up. You may think to yourself "maybe she's not that bad looking." Or "as long as she's at least a 4 I'm cool." In the case of the above example you may take a few shots of your favorite intoxicant to prepare yourself.

5.) Finally, you will just accept that this is your boy and you will go along with his hair brain scheme. However, once you say yes you will always close with "you owe me big time!!!"

So going back to our scenario, guy #2 has said yes to his friend's request and committed to entertaining the sidekick while his guy tries to make his move on the "good looking" female. However, once one is put in this position they never quite know what to expect. They can hope for the best all day, but should be prepared for the worse. So, guy #2 tries to probe his friend to tell him how the her buddy looks. Unfortunately, the only response he gets from his guy is "you gotta see it to believe it." At this point guy #2 hangs his head in disbelief thinking "what have I gotten myself into?" He swiftly orders about 3 shots of Patron from the bartender and as he takes the first shot the ladies walk up. He takes one look at his company for the remainder of the evening and downs the other 2 shots before introducing himself to the ladies. Yes that's right the buddy he's just gotten hooked up with is looking like a worse version of Wanda from In Living Color. And she's "Ready to Rock His World!!" LoL.

Now some of you that have been lucky to never be put in this position may be thinking along the lines of "it's just one night, so what's the big deal?" Or perhaps you may be thinking that it can't always be where the female turns out to be ugly right? Well because you've never been in this position is the only reason you'd ask such a question. But if you have been, then you know as well as I do that just like a D.N.A. Paternity Test it's 99.9% certain that taking one for the team = the ugly friend. Unfortunately, I have plenty of examples to pull from when it comes to "taking one for the team."

The problem with taking one for the team is that it's never something that you have the option of declining. That's the nature of the taking one for the team snakemove. It slithers up on you and the next thing you know you've been bitten with venom and have no choice but to suck the poison out. LoL. Do you still need further convincing? Okay I have another example of how you can just be thrown into taking one for the team without even expecting to.

One evening I stopped at my guy's crib and we just chilling and drinking I believe we were watching the game. So, midway through the game he takes a phone call and steps away and comes back to watch the game. I think nothing of him taking the phone call and the whole time continued to watch the game and drink my beer. Well about 45 minutes later another phone call comes in to my guy's phone. He then answers and says "I'm coming to the door now." So, me being the curious individual that I am I ask "you got your girl coming through or something man?" He responds "yeah and she got her cousin with her. I may need you to take one for the team," and laughs then walks downstairs to get the door.

Now this was/is my man 100 grand, but prior to this incident I had already been thrown into this situation with him before and the outcome was I fell into that 99.9% percent. So, I pretty much already knew what the deal was going to be here as well. Therefore, I quickly proceeded through the 5-stages that I previously mentioned. As I sat there I felt like R.Kelly on trapped in the Closet. I first looked out the window and realized I was on the 3rd floor so I couldn't jump. I tried to rack my brain for a way out of this but I was drawing a blank like a pencil with no lead. The next thing I know in walks my guy and behind him are his girl and lastly his girl's cousin. Now if she was attractive then this example would not even be valid. So let's just say my guy's girl got the better of the genes while her cousin got the hand me down genes (jeans) that were flooding with the holes and stains in them. LoL. Or as my brother mentioned (in the blog 100 Dials and Runnin') the proverbial "ugly stick" may have been used on her Rodney King style.

All I could do is laugh and say to myself "damn here we go again!!" So, I said hi to the ladies and went back to drinking my beer and watching the rest of the game. Honestly I happen to have met his girl already, but I didn't even pay attention to what the cousin's name was. When the game ended my guy was hugged up with his girl on one couch, I'm in a chair and her cousin is on the other couch. I proceed to the kitchen to get me another drink this time something stronger so I could hopefully get through the rest of this evening. But as I'm fixing my drink my guy comes up to me and once again says those words. "Man I need you to take one for the team." I quickly advised him that I was already doing that. He continues on stating "Naw I need you to take her somewhere. I immediately exclaimed "I don't care how much you pay or say I'm not taking her ass home!!" He says "No not to your crib just somewhere take her to get something to eat or something." Once again following the stages I said plenty of curse words, tried to get out of it, plotted a way out (which I found), and finally agreed to help him out. But as you'll see I had at least one last trick up my sleeve like a magician.

So, my guy tells the cousin to just follow my car and that her and I are going to kick it. Now I admit I was a little intoxicated and shouldn't have been driving. However, as I stated I had one last trick up my sleeve. So as we bent the corner and hopped on the highway, I quickly turned into Dale Earnhart Jr., Mario Andretti, Jimmie Johnson or any NASCAR driver you want to name. I never knew a 2001 Dodge Stratus couldn't travel so fast. Unfortunately for her, the 86 Buick Skylark she was driving couldn't quite keep up. LoL. Now I don't advocate driving intoxicated to anyone out there; However, under these circumstances you have to do what you have to do.

Although some may be thinking you should be ashamed of yourself leaving that poor girl like that. Well don't blame me. You can either blame the alcohol or blame my guy. LoL. Matter fact, as I stated in the blog (A Penny For My Thoughts) I'd blame the females (dimes) that only hang around with friends that look worse than them. If you would hang out with better looking friends then no would ever have to be put in a position to take one for the team just to get to you. LoL. But as for me ditching the unnamed cousin, well as they say when you're put in an adrenaline based situation your reaction is either fight or flight. And as manly as this chick looked she may have knocked my ass out Mike Tyson style. LoL. Therefore, I chose the latter of the 2 and dipped out.

The moral to that story is the same moral to the whole blog. It simply proves that at any point and time you can be put in a position to "Take One For the Team." If you want to avoid these situations I suggest that you hang around friends that are married and not single. Other than that there is always potential to be put in a "Take One For the Team" position.

Now I know I reported that 99.9% of the time taking one usually turns out bad. However, the other 0.1% of the time it is possible to have different results. The only person that I personally know that can testify to this is my brother. While in Phoenix, a friend of his casually called him and asked him to accompany him to meet a female he met off the Internet along with her friend. When he told me he was going to do this, I had to warn him that he may be in for it. Not only was this the first time his friend was meeting this girl, but he met her off the Internet. So there was already no telling if the female he was going to meet would even turn out to be the same as the one he had been seeing in the pictures online. Then, for my brother to be tagging along and taking one for the team there's really no telling what he was going to encounter as far as her buddy. However, as luck had he happen to fall into that 0.1% and that the girl he was set up with turned out to be Fine. Actually, she was better looking than the girl his friend was meeting. Who knew it was even possible? Imagine that!! But please please do not expect his outcome to be the same as your next take one for the team mission because they most likely will not be.

P.S. To the mystery unnamed cousin my apologies for leaving your Buick Skylark in the dust on the Dan Ryan Highway. However, if I was looking like the guy below you or none of you reading can lie and say you wouldn't have done the same thing if not worse. So, no hard feelings. LoL.

--C-Recks--

Man Up!!! Part 6

Yep it's that time again it's time to Man Up!! We've been moving right along and are starting off this week at Rule #25. So, in case you're just tuning in make sure you go back through the previous Man Up Rules to catch up to speed. But just to remind those of you that have been following and any new comers here's how it works: This blog represents what we consider to be Man Up Rules. So, each week we'll add to the list just based off of our observations and perspectives. So be sure to check back weekly. Note: Most rules apply to men/boys age 13 and older (except where noted). Also, the rules are in no particular order.

Man Up Rule #25:

Watching and or viewing pornography is a solo activity. No groups of men (even as little as 2) should ever be caught viewing or watching porn together. It doesn't matter what form the porn is in whether video (Image 1), magazine (Image 2), or Internet (Image 3).

(1)

(2)

(3)

Man Up Rule #26:
Men should never wave hello or goodbye to another man (Image 1). The only acceptable non-verbal greetings are the brother man head nod, or the single fist pump (Image 2).

(1)

(2)

Man Up Rule #27:

Although for some reason men got away with wearing short shorts back in the day, that is no longer the style. At this point your shorts should never be above the lower thigh level. This rule applies to any occupation whether, Basketball Player (Image 1), Football Player (Image 2), Cop/Actor (Image 3), or Rock Musician (Image 4).

(1 John Stockton)

(2-Chris Cooley)

(3-Reno 911)

(4)

To Be Continued...

Brothers' Perspective

--C-Recks--

--DrizaDre--

Keep It On the DownLoad

As we all know the Internet is also known as the "Information Super Highway." When I was first introduced to the Internet back in the 90's I had no clue that the Internet would become what it has become. The Information Super Highway has surpassed the German Autobahn. In other words, there are absolutely no limits as to where you can go on the Internet nor how fast you can get there. I mean whatever your heart desires you can find it on-line. That's right anything from a piece of food resembling Jesus or the Virgin Mary
http://www.mrbreakfast.com/article.asp?articleid=23 to a wig for your cat http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html. Yes I said a damn cat wig!! Click the link if you don't believe me. Lol.

But one thing that is probably the easiest thing to find on the Internet is pornography. According to statistics adult websites generate over $1 Billion in revenue yearly. There are more than 72,000 sexually explicit websites on the Internet and new sites are being added at a rapid rate of 266 per day. 25% of total search engine requests are porn-related. (Top three searches: sex, mp3 and hotmail). 8% of total emails are porn-related. The average daily pornographic emails are 4.5 per Internet user and 12% of total websites are pornographic. So again, as you can see whatever you want no matter how sick or distasteful you can find it on the Internet.

In fact, I recently came across a statistic that stated one-third of divorce litigation is actually sparked by online affairs. So, my question of the day is this. Is an online/Internet affair still considered cheating? Some people would say absolutely yes, some others would say no, and plenty remain on the fence. I'm just going to explore some aspects of each area and the good people out there can be the judge for themselves. There will be plenty of questions posed and you can answer them to yourselves as you read along.

Let us start by first defining a few terms. First term is adultery. http://www.dictionary.com/ defines adultery as: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Next, they define the word cheat as: Informal. to be sexually unfaithful (often fol. by on): Her husband knew she had been cheating all along. He cheated on his wife. Next, is the word infidelity is defined as 1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 2. unfaithfulness; disloyalty.
3. lack of religious faith, esp. Christian faith. 4. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression. Finally, let's look at the word unfaithful, which is defined as: not sexually faithful to a spouse or lover.

Alright we now know how the dictionary defines the words adultery, cheating, infidelity, and unfaithful. As for the word adultery, the definition strictly addresses the sexual intercourse aspect. So, as we know "cyber-sex" definitely does not involve any physical contact so I would say it doesn't fit into the text book definition of adultery. In fact, when you break it down into it's simplest form, cyber-sex is nothing more than typing. That's right 2 people typing to each other. Now true enough the subject matter is what places cyber-sex into that grey area. But comparing the definition of adultery and the act of having cyber-sex do not equal the same thing by a long shot.

Now please keep in mind I am not in any way stating that it is right for an individual male or female to participate in cyber-sex if they are in a marriage or committed relationship. I'm simply stating that based off the definition I don't think it is adultery. But I'm sure some individuals are thinking yes it is, I don't care what you say or what the hell Webster (Dictionary) or Mr. Papadopoulos say. Lol. So, for those of you with that position let's explore a few examples and see if you consider them adultery as well.

Example 1: Say for instance there is a husband that frequents a local strip club from time to time. Let's Say he goes once every 2 weeks on his pay day. He stops in after work with some co-workers, has some drinks, watches the ladies, tips, and pays for a couple of private dances. He does nothing more than this. So would you consider his actions adultery?

Example 2: There is a husband that tends to watch pornography. It is not an excessive amount but he does buy and rent movies on a semi-regular basis. He doesn't necessarily hide them from his wife but they are of course not in plain view along with the regular dvds. So is him watching pornographic movies adultery? But let's take it a step further what if instead of movies he views the pornography on the Internet? Last question what if he was viewing someone (a stranger) on a web cam would that too fall into the same category of adultery? Are all of these actions one in the same or is perhaps one worse than the rest?

Example 3: An attractive wife tends to be flirtatious by nature. She doesn't try to be but she just comes off flirty in most conversations with men. Not to mention her looks obviously attract a lot of attention when she's out in public, especially from men. So, say for instance while at the grocery store she flirts with one of the stock boys. And let's say that the package they discussed in the conversation wasn't one of the boxes he was unloading. However, their conversation never go beyond the flirting and her time in the store. Is she committing Adultery?

I don't know what your individual answers to the above examples are but personally my answer is no to each of them. Now that doesn't mean that I don't feel that these spouses aren't dabbling in behavior that is suspicious at best, and definitely disrespectful, if their spouses are unaware of what they are doing. Also, in each case there is potential that their actions can eventually lead to adultery taking place. But just the actions themselves I do not consider aldutery, cheating, or being unfaithful, based on our definitions. However, if you recall two of the definitions of infidelity were (1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 4. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression). So by definition I can definitely agree that these are all acts of infidelity because they are showing a level of disrespect to their spouses as well as proving themselves untrustworthy.

So how far is too far when it comes to "Internet Infidelity?" Is simply chatting in a regular chat room too much if you're married or in a committed relationship? Many would argue that if you're in a marriage then you have no reason even be in a chat room to begin with. You should be chatting with your spouse right? Well I play poker online and many of the poker websites have a chat feature. There have been times when females have attempted to chat with me. Usually starting with something like "ASL?" For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym it simply stands for Age, Sex, Location. Basically the other person is asking for your details starting with those 3. So, how far is too far? What about exchanging photo's with the person that you're chatting with? Or chatting while using a web cam? Now Keep in mind that the person on the other end is a total stranger that is probably located in some far away place. Many would say that as long as it's not chatting with someone they know personally that it's alright. For instance, if they were constantly chatting with say a co-worker is much worse than with a total stranger. The reason mainly being that if they know the person there is much more potential for harmless chatting to turn into something more. So what about chatting sexually (having cyber-sex) with that person too far? What if it's simply a cyber-sex thing and you never share anything more? Or contrast that with just chatting in general (no cyber-sex), but in those chats you share bits of your personal life, problems (possibly with your spouse), and emotions with that person? Which is worse? I'm sure anyone that has been cheated on before (I being one of them) would agree that physically being cheated on is bad enough, but when the cheater then develops an emotional attachment it's far worse.

So going further let's try this one. By now everyone and their momma at least has either a myspace, facebook, or blackplanet page. But should married individuals have them? Is that crossing the line? Some would say no it's fine just as long as your relationship status reflects that you're indeed married. Or some would say that as long as they are only using the networking site to stay in touch with current friends and re-connect with past ones there is nothing wrong with that. But my question is this, who really wants guys or girls across the world writing on their husband or wife's wall/message board saying how attractive they are? Or sending them notes or messages trying to holler at them all day long? Not trying to sound like the jealous type but I know if I was married I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Plus wouldn't having access to millions of potential "friends" be sort of a temptation? Or try this what if you met your significant other online would it be wrong for you to want them to terminate their myspace (or any other social networking) account? That's no different than a couple that met in say the club and all of a sudden one spouse says I don't want you to go to the club anymore. Is that not a contradiction?

I think the fact of the matter is that each individual couple has to establish how far is too far? I personally think when the individual is attempting to be sneaky and inconspicuous with it then that's a red flag that the chatting may be something more. I mean if it's all innocent and means nothing then what's there to hide. There should be no need for any of the following behavior if it's simply innocent chatting. For instance, if your spouse walks in the room the screen shouldn't have to be minimized nor should you be turning off the entire computer. Also, constantly chatting while your spouse is sleeping or at work, and having all of your accounts and computers password protected. Lastly, deleting the cookies on your computer after each use. All of these activities are definitely the work of someone that is trying to hide something and it can't be anything innocent.

So in conclusion, if your significant other is spending more time online than they spend with you then there could definitely be an Internet affair going on. More than anything, I think any affair whether Internet based or actually in person points to a much deeper problem. Something is lacking or not being fulfilled within the marriage or relationship. If a person will take the time to form a bond whether sexually based or emotionally based on the Internet when they have a spouse physically there living in the same home as them, then again there's something lacking. Unfortunately, if you are in this position I can't tell you what it is you'll have to do some soul searching yourself to discover the answer. But take it from someone that's been cheated on before (don't worry it was not Internet based) it's not a good feeling at all. But unfortunately, in today's times you not only have to watch out for the other man/woman on the street trying to steal your spouse. Now, you have to worry about the potential of anyone on the entire World Wide Web becoming a "cyber-mistress." Which is indeed a Sad Reality.

--C-Recks--